Post by the panopticountolaf on Nov 4, 2022 9:57:45 GMT -5
You’re in your dormitory, and even though you should be packing your things up, you’re reading the newspaper. Normally you wouldn’t do such a beastly thing — only the poor read newspapers — but it’s certainly preferable to packing and leaving finishing school to see your boring parents with their enormous mansion house and full staff of servants. You flip mindlessly through the pages, hoping to find an exciting article about a railway bridge collapsing or something like that, but you find no such thing, and soon you’ve made it to the dense forest of Classified Advertisements that makes up the back of the paper. Most of the advertisements are made up of solid blocks of inky text, but your eyes are drawn to one that features an illustration of a dirty-faced child in rags that appears to be in the throes of death. Your interest caught, you dive into the solid block of inky text below this illustration and read:
WHAT IS THE CHILD OF VERY WEALTHY PARENTS TO DO THIS CHRISTMAS? Why, pretend to be poor, of course. It’s the latest fashion. Haven’t you heard? But you can’t go mixing in with actual poor people — heaven forbid! So what do you do? Why, I’ll tell you what you do! You come to Saint Jerome’s Home for the Parented, the only orphanage for children with parents! You can languish under the neglect of drunkard nurses, wait in line for tiny scraps of food that are then stolen by a mad dog, and tell a tarnished silver locket containing the last memory you have of your parents that I love you, Mummy and Daddy — all without actually being poor! So what are you waiting for? You don’t want to be seen doing boring wintertime activities like going ice skating or singing “Angels we Have Heard on High”, do you? Send us a letter today with your personal information and ten thousand pounds (fees do not include extra charges for dialect lessons, dirty and ill-fitting clothing, or exposure to a deadly and easily preventable disease). Space is limited, so sign up by November 20th to claim your spot today!
Sincerely,
Jerome Codswallope
Head of Saint Jerome’s
WHAT IS THE CHILD OF VERY WEALTHY PARENTS TO DO THIS CHRISTMAS? Why, pretend to be poor, of course. It’s the latest fashion. Haven’t you heard? But you can’t go mixing in with actual poor people — heaven forbid! So what do you do? Why, I’ll tell you what you do! You come to Saint Jerome’s Home for the Parented, the only orphanage for children with parents! You can languish under the neglect of drunkard nurses, wait in line for tiny scraps of food that are then stolen by a mad dog, and tell a tarnished silver locket containing the last memory you have of your parents that I love you, Mummy and Daddy — all without actually being poor! So what are you waiting for? You don’t want to be seen doing boring wintertime activities like going ice skating or singing “Angels we Have Heard on High”, do you? Send us a letter today with your personal information and ten thousand pounds (fees do not include extra charges for dialect lessons, dirty and ill-fitting clothing, or exposure to a deadly and easily preventable disease). Space is limited, so sign up by November 20th to claim your spot today!
Sincerely,
Jerome Codswallope
Head of Saint Jerome’s
You mull over what you have just read. Turning to the Trends and Fashions section of the paper, you find that being poor is indeed “the exciting new activity that absolutely everyone is doing these days.” It certainly seems better than going back home — and it’s definitely better than reading the paper like some pauper. No, no, no. You must stop thinking like that if you’re going to enjoy yourself at this Saint Jerome’s place. Forgetting all about your packing, you race to find a bit of stationery, an envelope, ink, and a pen. This Christmas, you are going to be poor, and you’re going to enjoy every minute of it.
—————
Greetings, 667er!
In this story, you will assume the role of a young and spoiled child at Christmastime.
To do so, you need to tell me:
Your character's name
Their age
Their gender
A paragraph or so about their family, how wealthy they are, and where their wealth comes from
Saint Jerome's opens for the season on November 20th.
See you there.