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Post by cwm3 on Oct 3, 2003 15:11:58 GMT -5
Chapter the first
"Boss...you really think you can get away with this?" the white-faced woman muttered.
"I told you," said Olaf from somewhere inside the diving suit, "the Myriac, sailed by the brats' ancestors, was sunk here, 345 years ago, and the treasure has never been found since! But I will find it!"
With that, he dived.
Two hours later...
"An old sword handle, flaked with rust, and two bottles of rum nearly four milleniums (Olaf really isn't the sharpest pencil, is he?) old. A really great start." he muttered sarcastically.
He downed the first bottle of rum in a gulp, moss, seawater and bacteria entering his mouth.
Will Olaf find the treasure? Find out next time!
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Post by cwm3 on Oct 4, 2003 3:01:13 GMT -5
Chapter two
"What a brillant day," said Olaf. "A whole fishing fleet sunk and two hostages taken."
Suddenly, somebody whacked him on the head. He crumpled, unable to see the figure who had hit him with an iron bar. "Aha, my friend! You never guessed that Colonel Surien would come as far as the middle of the ocean for revenge, did you?"
To be continued...
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Post by DetectiveDupin on Oct 4, 2003 9:07:49 GMT -5
This is cool. But maybe you want to make the chapter a bit longer. Just a thought.
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Post by Lady Michelina on Oct 4, 2003 9:45:04 GMT -5
very good! *claps* BUMP, please continue!
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Post by cwm3 on Oct 4, 2003 9:50:55 GMT -5
Chapter three
Colonel Surien had been in contact with Olaf for 3 years before coming over, and had started a row with him almost right away. Olaf had left him with his foot stuck in a mantrap. Now, Surien had to get rid of the temporairly knocked-out Olaf and hide in a lifeboat, then escape. Hearing footsteps coming, he swung into a lifeboat, and set sail.
Two hours later, Olaf opened his eyes to the face of Surien and wished he hadn't. Brown, uncrumpled suit, with shining zip, tough 'camofluage' trousers, monocle in the right eye, broad, toad-like grinning smile, and parted black hair that looked like it belonged on a ventroquilist's dummy. Not at all like Olaf had left him for dead many years ago. Then, he had been wearing a well-ruffled green suit, had been slightly thinner, no monocle and certainly no trousers.
" Oh no...You!" Olaf groaned.
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Post by cwm3 on Oct 7, 2003 13:48:07 GMT -5
I'm not going to continue until I get a reply post!
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Post by DetectiveDupin on Oct 7, 2003 13:54:16 GMT -5
Who is Cornel Sudion? BUMP! Carry on!!!!!!!!
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Doorman
Catastrophic Captain
Doormen are Nice!
Posts: 50
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Post by Doorman on Oct 7, 2003 13:56:24 GMT -5
Mainlythe same as Dupin. BUMP! This is a good story! It has a lot of potential. Longer chapters and more vivid descriptions plz!
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Post by DetectiveDupin on Oct 7, 2003 14:26:41 GMT -5
Yeah, Chapter 2 was a bit short. But still BUMP!!!
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Post by cwm3 on Oct 8, 2003 13:07:51 GMT -5
Chapter Four
Before we continue, I feel that we should have a little history about Colonel Surien. (This story is set after the Bauldelaires have won the fortune, i.e. it is 1990.)
Full Name: Mark Surien Status At This Story's Time: Disgraced colonel to the In Army of the King of Arizona. Born: 4 December, 1963, 349 Dark Avenue, in a bucket of water Died: technically 9 July, 2002 for that day his trial occured. Bribery and pleading didn't work, and he died at the hands of the electric chair nine days later. Criminal Record: On the 28th of March, 1968, the young Mark stole a pear from the grocer's store. He evaded capture.
Six months later, he stole one of his father's golden rings, embossed with the Surien family crest. He allowed the maid, Catherine, to take the blame, and allowed his father to kick her into the gutter.
Five years later, 1973, although the precise date is uncertain, at the early age of nine, he managed to prise a diamond free from the crown of the King of Arizona. He escaped because, when he heard people coming, he dropped the precious gem into a sleeping guard's rucksack and hid in a large urn before slipping out at midnight.
In between 1983 and the first half of 1984, he stole minor things from stores. The most was a packet of cereal, hidden in a cardboard box marked 'The All-New 'IN' King of Arizona Action Figure'. Finally, he seriously injured somebody with a crowbar, leaving no fingerprints. He was suspected, but nobody could pin the blame.
When his private education tutor (he fell incredibly behind in schoolwork until that went out) went insane in 1984, he snuck over to penpal Olaf's, whereupon they started a row...and you know the rest.
In 2002, less than a year ago, only six court officals and a judge saw his death, watching from a monitor as he was electrocuted in the chair. He died in darkness. He had tried to commit suicide before the trial, knowing that his fingerprints had been found on a bank's crippled safe, and thousands of pounds had been found in his attic, by jumping off a cliff, but failed.
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Post by DetectiveDupin on Oct 8, 2003 13:14:49 GMT -5
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Post by sheepdogg plankton on Oct 11, 2003 16:46:13 GMT -5
this is good, but what about the whole 1990 thing? lemony never mentions when the books take place. Or does he?
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