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Post by cwm3 on May 2, 2003 12:48:45 GMT -5
This is a fan-fic. How surprising. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 1: Another day at the Verne Invention Museum, nearby 667 Dark Avenue. Nothing new. Just the standard dusting of exhibits before opening at six in the morning. Nobody knew why the owner did this. Alarm clocks were out and sleeping in until afternoon was in at the moment, but all the same, he insisted on opening at six. He was unaware that the museum workers were lacking sleep. He was unaware of the fact that three miserable, tired orphans were hobbling in his direction, on the run from one Count Olaf that the world thought dead.
Violet trudged forward, through the blackened avenue. Having escaped their last encounter with Olaf just about in one piece, they now faced a shut-looking Dark Avenue. "Look!" screamed Sunny, and the two elders glanced where their younger sister's finger was pointing. "A museum." frowned Klaus. "Verne Invention Museum, and it's open. Seeing as the world still thinks we're criminals, it wouldn't be very wise to ask for shelter." he added. "But we've been walking for hours, and that looks like the only open building here." pointed out Violet. "I don't know...say one of the workers reads the newspapers?" muttered Klaus. "Look--that old crate seems to be full of new brooms, and it's ajar. It's big enough for all three of us, and doesn't look too airtight--" "But if they look inside on the way, we'd be in big trouble." mentioned Klaus. "So, our only options of getting in without being seen is to either dig in and risk destroying the place's foundations, thus making our criminal reputation even bigger, or getting in through the window, and risking setting off plenty alarm bells." Sunny was pointing at her mouth, then to the wall, then to her legs, then to her siblings, and finally, to the chimmney. "No, Sunny--you couldn't hold all of us--" Violet started. "Well, you'd better think of a way to hide," Klaus said, "because Olaf and his minions are coming this way now." He pointed at a long, sleek, jet black Rolls Royce that was heading for them. Nobody in this stunning automobile had seen them yet, but Olaf's troupe and the Count himself were all shadowed by the car's dark windows, plus one person they didn't know at the wheel. In a second, Violet squeezed them all into a shadowy niche. She got out a long-range hearing device she had invented while in the village of V.F.D, and had always seemed to know they would need, when the car had stopped some metres ahead of them. "Stop here, chaffeaur." Olaf hissed. "Very good, sir." came an English voice. "How did he win a Rolls-Royce?" whispered Klaus. "Or a chaffeaur?" Violet whispered back, stunned. "Won!" squealed Sunny, as loudly as she dared, and showed them a scrap of paper on the floor. It said" "WIN A HIRABLE AT ANY TIME ROLLS-ROYCE AND DRIVER." the type boasted. "GUESS HOW MANY ROLLS-ROYCES HAVE EVER BEEN PRODUCED." "But Olaf couldn't answer a question like that!" Klaus was right. Olaf's senses had been blinded by the thought of their fortune. Sunny scrabbled around some more, and produced another piece of dirty paper. It was a newspaper advert, from "Roald's Royces, Making Fine Cars For Years", and it said that a Rolls-Royce meant to be given to a lucky winner had been stolen, and the driver that came with. "Now, get down that alley!" Olaf had taken a gun out, and they were all heading towards the children. But they went down a nearby one instead. The three siblings all waited a second, then dashed out of the alleyway, followed Sunny's plan, and were soon inside the museum. The last thing Violet heard was, "Pass me the Town Inspector disguise, I will need it here."
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Post by cwm3 on May 2, 2003 15:02:28 GMT -5
Chapter 2: The museum was dark, dank and musty. It had fallen into disrepair since the children had visited it nearly a year ago, and only some exhibits survived. There was a smashing sound. Violet and Klaus whipped around. Sunny whipped around a little slower. A window had smashed! Violet signalled to run, and they followed her, into a opening. Violet closed the safe door, since it was a safe. A moment later, she heard it being pushed closed, and there was the click of a lock. "No!" Violet could have wailed if she wasn't nearing her 16th birthday. "We're locked in a safe!" "What do you see?" said Klaus, straining his eyes. " Lots of batteries and electric wires." Violet replied! "Trap!" screamed Sunny, and the other two orphans nodded. This was Olaf's work. He had smashed the window to get them to run, and made sure that they would run into the safe. All the other ways were sealed, it was too early. Nine minutes past six... "They'll check at ten past," said Violet. "Be ready to run past the checker." The orphans waited, trapped, crouching, in the nearly totally airtight safe. Fifteen past. Nobody had come. Twenty past. Violet couldn't bear it any longer. She grabbed a battery, some wires, threw them at the lock, and a moment later, the metal door clicked open. The electricity had burnt the lock into submission. "Somebody-must-have-heard-" Klaus struggled to make himself heard over the noise of the alarm that had just gone off. "RUN!" Violet screamed. They ran and ran--into a man wearing the uniform of an offical, barring their way. Olaf. "Welcome." Count Olaf said. "I am Chief Town Inspector Dupin. I used to be a dectivite. Dectivite Dupin.." He let his mind wander for a second, and all three leapt past him. There was a roar of rage from Dupin.
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Post by pixie ears on Jul 6, 2003 11:24:44 GMT -5
Dear CWM3,
That was amazing! Truly outstanding! Best Fanfic I have ever read-no joke. Write more. I MUST read more. That was as addictive as the true ASoUE! ;D
With All Due Respect, Kitrina D. Dessvon
"The World Is Quiet Here"
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Post by cwm3 on Jul 14, 2003 13:25:13 GMT -5
Chapter 3: Wistful, Water and Worse for Wear -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7 weeks later, the sun came up on 667 Dark Avenue, apart from one small section--a small compartment, at the bottom of the ersatz elevator shaft. The orphans had been caught, because they had miscalcuated the day; it was Sunday, and the muesem was closed. The door was locked tight, but Olaf's skeleton key* gigantic crow-bar kindly escorted them. Now, they awaited their fates in the dingy little place, and seeing Olaf climb back up with climbing spikes after dropping them in the dirt was just too much to bear.
Meanwhile, miles upon miles overhead...
The Quagmires were worse for wear after nearly two months alone, with only Hector for comfort. Now, as they apporached the heated outdoor swimming pool behind 667 Dark Avenue, they'd never felt worse in their entire lives.
Back to the Bauds, who had discovered that the way to their charred home was jammed by a huge, glaring, menacing-looking stone head of Olaf ('No wonder it's jammed', noted Klaus, 'His head gets stuck whenever he gets through a door,'.) but there was a tiny shred of hope. They had discovered a semi-circle, thick-set-in-the wall barred window at the end of another secret passage, and besides it was too small for Sunny even if there was a hacksaw, which there was not. And the sound of the ever-nearing climbing spikes hardly made things better.
We'll leave the trio to their dillema just now, and continue with Isadora and Duncan...
"How far do you think we are from the ground now, Hector?" moaned Isadora. "8 miles at last count. That swimming pool looks good, we can land there. There'll be a bit of impact, seeing as we'll probably use the last of Supply 7-G getting there." said Hector, hunched over some controls.
The fuel was now numbered, from 0-A to 9-Z. They didn't know what they were going to do when they were out, thought Duncan...
"LOOK!" Isadora suddenly screamed. Duncan gave a yell and nearly fell out. Hector pushed a lever that sent them about 1/2 a mile down. "What?" said Duncan weakly. "Violet--Klaus--Sunny--I'm sure--look--"
But now nobody on the deus ex machina had any doubt that Olaf had finally captured the ever-unfortuante siblings, and was holding them...
After an awkward bend-over, human ladder, and numerous problems with hacksaws, chainsaws, nail-files, glue and just plain nails, Olaf was 5 metres from the bottom of the shaft and had heard everything, and knew what he was going to find. But when he came down, just before Sunny had made it, it was seen that this was Esme Squalor. She reached out--and gently took a nail, and punctured the supply. Next second, she was loading the drops of petrol onto a handkerchief, reached for an arrow and bow she just so happened to have, and the petrol tank was alight. Sunny was grabbed by two brown-and-black netted hands**, and plucked clean out of the air.
"SUNNY!" everybody yelled. But the petrol was burning away, so they veered off to the swimming pool, and the result?
It would be talked about for many years. A splash, a sizzle, and Dark Avenue was drenched, with smoke everywhere. And everybody swore they could hear a scream like somebody being bitten somewhere...
Sunny was still imprisoned, and Olaf ruled it would stay that way. He vowed to trap the five left (Yes, including Hector!)***
****
*Note that a skeleton key is an entirely fictional thing, and it would take Olaf a million years to get one besides.
**See, if you were a fashion critic, and you told Esme Squalor the latest craze was lime-green solid-metal boots with red soles and yellow shoelaces on the left shoe and scarlet vecro on the right, she'd buy it, then ignore the laughter and claim, very snootily, that it was the latest fashion.
***He is, you see, still the Bauldelaire's technical guardian, so he has to, er...
****Nothing here, is there? Well, don't miss next time.
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Post by cwm3 on Jul 15, 2003 10:19:59 GMT -5
Chapter 4: Glitch In Esme's Fashionmatrix, Glitch in FBI's Matrix -------------------------------------------------------------------------- You will doubtless not be surprised that the FBI had got involved in the case of the 'escaped murderers Sunny, Klaus and Violet'. Of course, they still only had a rough idea, and all that 'they always return to the scene of the crime' stuff? Esme Squalor had.
Meanwhile, in a top secret plane...
"Green to Serpent. Green to Serpent. Over." "Transmission accepted. Over." "Murderers seen with possible informants in some kind...of...uh...balloon...I can't say...it looks like a house..." "OK, Green, time for your medication. Over and out." "Over and out. (Thud)" "Green? Green? Are you there, Green?" "Red to Serpent. Red to Serpent. Over." "Transmission accepted. Now, what happened to Green? Over." "Can't really say. Over." "Whaddya mean?" "Uh, sergeant, you didn't say 'Over'. Over." "Fine, fine, over. Now...uh-oh, you called me 'sergeant'."
Flip to Hector + Bauds + Quags.
It turned out that the fivesome had crossed wires with the FBI, and they were in fact, over the phone, listening to the whole thing. "We need to get out of here, and fast." said Klaus. "What about Sunny?" said Violet. "How about this?" said Isadora. "We rescue Sunny, get out quick, and head off to...goodness knows where."
Back to Serpent and Red. (By the way, they're not really bad, and after they nearly land Olaf and the children and Hector in the same cell of a federal prison, they'll help them.) "...so, you see, Serpent, he turned a shade of green, his eyes bugged out, and he fainted. Over." "But why? Over." "He was muttering 'Olaf' under his breath, or something that sounded like 'Olaf', at least. Over and out."* "But wait--the--Olaf--who's Olaf? Is that the same guy is Count Omar? Uh--" "(Static)" "Ah, well, it's my teabreak." "Get back to work!" "Aaahhh! Yes, Mr. Boss, sir."
So, the children finished off with static. Meanwhile, what's happening to Sunny?
"So, you have the kid, eh?" "Yes, Douglas." "Shut up! If anyone were to know--" You see, Olaf wasn't a count. His name wasn't even Olaf. Deep down inside, he had emotions. And one of those emotions was anger. In a fit of rage when he learnt that, despite being a family friend of Violet and Klaus and Sunny's parents, he wouldn't get one penny of the fortune, he killed the real cousin, Count Olaf, and had kept his place for many years. And now, he realized, at the utterance of his real name, that he had nearly forgotten who he really was. He became gloomy. "Very well." he sighed. "Get the plane out. It's time to fly Olaf Airways. His--er--my private plane."
Next Time: The children learn the truth about Olaf, Esme forgets which button starts the plane, and Serpent gets a foot-long sandwich for lunch.
*Yes, he had seen Olaf dashing down an alley. This will be, needless to say, important to the later plot.
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Post by pixie ears on Jul 16, 2003 11:29:44 GMT -5
still...amazing! If possible, it is even more amazing! How do you do it??? I'm telling you, i have no idea how old you are, but by your writing, i wouldn't be surprised if you were twenty!
With All Due Respect, Kitrina D. Dessvon
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Post by cwm3 on Jul 16, 2003 12:51:44 GMT -5
Chapter 5: Dawn of the Plane -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, in an FBI Cafeteria somewhere... "Umm, a foot-long, please." Serpent chewed over a very big sandwich, and his problem. In case all the other posts from this thread magically vanish, here's a quick re-cap on the conversation: "Green to Serpent. Green to Serpent. Over." "Transmission accepted. Over." "Murderers seen with possible informants in some kind...of...uh...balloon...I can't say...it looks like a house..." "OK, Green, time for your medication. Over and out." "Over and out. (Thud)" "Green? Green? Are you there, Green?" "Red to Serpent. Red to Serpent. Over." "Transmission accepted. Now, what happened to Green? Over." "Can't really say. Over." "Whaddya mean?" "Uh, sergeant, you didn't say 'Over'. Over." "Fine, fine, over. Now...uh-oh, you called me 'sergeant'."
A little later...
"...so, you see, Serpent, he turned a shade of green, his eyes bugged out, and he fainted. Over." "But why? Over." "He was muttering 'Olaf' under his breath, or something that sounded like 'Olaf', at least. Over and out."* "But wait--the--Olaf--who's Olaf? Is that the same guy is Count Omar? Uh--" "(Static)" "Ah, well, it's my teabreak." "(More static, followed by yet more static, and a side-helping of static) "Get back to work!" "Aaahhh! Yes, Mr. Boss, sir."
And that was the entire conversation. Recently, though, there had been a few crossed wires, which had picked up onto the wrong plane...
"(Various screams and wails)" "Shut the baby brat up, Esme." "My pleasure." "Now, if you look to your left, you will see my house coming up ahead. (Girlish giggling)" "(Lot of static, then crash)" "Sorry about the landing, Esme, but there is a lot of fog." "What fog?" "Ohh...er...i'll be with you in a minute." "(Sound of door opening, fast footsteps, click, slam, tires squealing)" "(Sigh)"
Looking at the computer files, he discovered that Esme Squalor was the woman kidnapped by Count Omar. Never before had he doubted this. Now, he wasn't so sure. Walking away, he got a lot of laughs. He had, without noticing, got his foot stuck in the dropped sandwich walking away.
"Which button starts the plane?" Another conversation snippet taken from Olaf's plane. This time, the children and Hector were listening in on their radio. "Now, now, Douglas..." "It's the green button, not the red button, you..." Douglas. Olaf's real name. Revealed at last.
Sunny was in the tall tower as before; only this time, she had to grip a bit of coarse, thick rope to hang on to her own life. Back on the plane, Ola--er, Douglas was still helping Esme start the plane up.
So, let's sum things up at the end of this chapter; Bauds + Quags + Hector are listening into the plane, Sunny is almost certainly doomed, Olaf and Esme are starting up, and the FBI is slowly putting things togother. (At least, Serpent is.)
Next Time: Olaf attempts to kill Hector with an axe, Serpent gets fired, and a radio has a meltdown. Note: The next part is on hold. Please stand by. In the meantime, my other fanfics will get plenty updates.
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Post by cwm3 on Jul 20, 2003 3:59:20 GMT -5
Chapter 6: Silence In The Court! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Silence In The Court!" yelled the judge. "Now, Mr. er, Serpent, your information on the trial of the Bauldelaires...?"
Serpent stood up. A few minutes later, it looked certaint that the docked-at-last Bauldelaires were heading for prison.
"Then I sentence you to..."
"Wait! There's something else...!"
Serpent had held up a tape recorder. Connecting his finger with the button marked, clearly and boldly, 'PLAY'...
"Great idea of yours, Olaf, framing those Bauldelaire brats to get the fortune..."
Maybe I should describe things. Bauds, Quags, Hector, Esme, Olaf (Now in the 'Town Inspector' disguise) and the troupe were in the dock, along with the three FBI men we've already met. And now, one tape recorder was turning the tables. Olaf/Douglas looked scared. Esme was about to scream. The rest of the troupe was leering at everybody in plain sight. But the tape droned on...
"I told you to call me Dupin until we were out of this dimwitted village!...Pass me the town inspector disguise, I will need it here...Take take this this, Montgomery Montgomery!"
You see, Olaf had stolen a special FBI tape, the kind that could record months at a time, so he could play back his favourite moments. What everybody had just heard was him killing the childrens' Uncle Monty.
The tape wouldn't stop. "They may even find her the sweetest meal they had ever had...For now i've got a nice pair of captives with a nice little fortune of their own!...I'm going to kill you!..." Finally, it stopped at something that sounded very much like somebody wedging three orphans into a safe with merely a thumbtack and a screwdriver.
"In that case, I sentence you, Count Olaf, to life!"
Many years later, Olaf was still in prison. That's the end of this admitddly short fan-fic, but read its sequel, 'Quagmire + Bauldelaire Inc.: In Letters!'
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Post by Sheepdogg Plankton on Nov 27, 2003 12:08:38 GMT -5
uh, this is okay... i'll read the sequel...
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