Post by lemonysinlaw on Oct 5, 2003 6:48:10 GMT -5
To The Squalors
To: vicechancellor@vfd.org
Fr: carefree@unsureofhouse.org
Subject: Penthouse
Hey! I was wondering if you think I should buy a house. I've saved up the money and I think it's about time. What about 667 Dark Avenue? Nice place, eh? Jerome
----
To: carefree@unsureofhouse.org
Fr: vicechancellor@vfd.org
Subject: Re: Penthouse
YES. YES. YES. YES. You must buy that penthouse.IMMEDIATELY. ASAP. NOW. HURRY. And, Jerome, good thinking. And, Jerome, never ever sell it. EVER. I want you to live there until the day of your death. Please. As always,
Jacques
"The World is Quiet Here"
----
To: cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@unsureofhouse.org
Fr: nosy_reporter@dailypunctilio.com
Subject: Squalor
Information you requested:
Currently at 667 Dark Avenue, there lives a man named Jerome Squalor. He isn't married and he lives in the penthouse apartment.
Reporter Geraldine Julienne
----
Fr: obsessedwithB@vfd.org
To: themagnificentK@vfd.org, greedylookineye@vfd.org, cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@unsureofhouse.org, vicechancellor@vfd.org, grammarobsessed@vfd.org, RandRthetwins@vfd.org, imtherealcreatorofthebaudelaires@authors.com, TheSebaldSis@vfd.org, thewaiter@vfd.org, snakeobsesseddoubledname@vfd.org, hotairballoon@vfd.org
Subject: VFD next meeting
Next meeting: Where should it be?
-Library
-My house
VOTE!
L
"The World is Quiet Here" ----
To: obsessedwithB@vfd.org
Fr: imtherealcreatorofthebaudelaires@authors.com
Subject: Re: VFD next meeting
Met with some of VFD and here are the results:
LIBRARY-11 YOUR HOUSE-0
Just thought of something. Maybe it's because your house.is burned to the ground.just a thought.
D
"The World is Quiet Here"
----
To: imtherealcreatorofthebaudelaires@authors.com
Fr: themagnificentK@vfd.org, vicechancellor@vfd.org, grammarobsessed@vfd.org, RandRthetwins@vfd.org, TheSebaldSis@vfd.org, thewaiter@vfd.org, snakeobsesseddoubledname@vfd.org, hotairballoon@vfd.org, obsessedwithB@vfd.org
Subject: Meeting
Hey everyone! Good meeting yesterday. I have found information that will upset you. O has joined the other side, and presumably, a word which here means, "we are guessing" E is with him. After all, they are boyfriend and girlfriend, are they not?
D
"The World is Quiet Here"
----
To: grammarobsessed@vfd.org
Fr: thedirector@nickmovies.com
Subject: No Subject Given
DIRECTIONS: pretend like you have nothing else to do....read this and copy email paste it into a new email that you will send. Change all the answers so they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know including the person who sent this to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends.
WHAT'S THE DATE?: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?: FULL NAME: AGE: WHERE WERE YOU BORN: WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?: YOUR PERFECT MAN/WOMAN: DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?: EMBARRASING MOMENT: YOUR GOOD FRIENDS: PERSONS IN YOUR FAMILY? WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE... BEVERAGE? MOVIE? ACTRESS? ACTOR? AUTHOR? BANDS/SINGER? SPORTS? CAREER/AMBITION? HAVE YOU EVER... LOVED SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT MADE YOU CRY? DRANK? SMOKED? BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT? COME CLOSE TO DYING? ARE YOU A... GOOD STUDENT? DO YOU... WET THE BED? COLLECT ANYTHING? BEEN IN TROUBLE A LOT? EAT A LIVE HAMSTER FOR A MILLION $ ? KILL SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW FOR 15 MILLION DOLLARS?: ANYONE OFFERED YOU A SMALL PART IN A MOVIE WOULD YOU ACCEPT? WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? WHO DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON?
----
To: themagnificentK@vfd.org, greedylookineye@vfd.org, cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@unsureofhouse.org, vicechancellor@vfd.org, RandRthetwins@vfd.org, imtherealcreatorofthebaudelaires@authors.com, TheSebaldSis@vfd.org, thewaiter@vfd.org, snakeobsessed@vfd.org, hotairballoon@vfd.org, obsessedwithB@vfd.org Fr: grammarobsessed@vfd.org Subject: survey
J
"The World is Quiet Here"
----
To: greedylookineye@vfd.org Fr: WhiteSheDevil@fanfiction.net Subject: No Subject Given
I know who you are, Olaf.
I know what organization you belong to, Olaf.
I know that if you do not respond to the survey I will tell Ombrietta that you are cheating on her with Esmé.
WSD
I control your future. Forever.
----
To: themagnificentK@vfd.org, cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@vfd.org, vicechancellor@vfd.org, RandRthetwins@vfd.org, imtherealcreatorofthebaudelaires@authors.com, TheSebaldSis@vfd.org, thewaiter@vfd.org, snakeobsessed@vfd.org, hotairballoon@vfd.org, obsessedwithB@vfd.org, grammarobsessed@vfd.org Fr: greedylookineye@vfd.org Subject: Re: Survey
DIRECTIONS: pretend like you have nothing else to do....read this and copy email paste it into a new email that you will send. Change all the answers so they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know including the person who sent this to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends.
What's the date?: 5 March
What are you doing?: Checking e-mail, what else?
Full name: Omar Gelderberg Crotchkiss
Age: 55
Where were you born: Wiped off VFD records.
What are you afraid of?: Nothing!
Your perfect man/woman: Esmé.
Good friends: Esmé, Ombrietta, Smith, Mann, Err, Kallvatore, Shawn (A/N: These are the last names of his assistants starting from Smith: H-HM, creature of unknown gender and great girth, Powder-faced woman 1, powder-faced woman 2, bald man with long nose)
Do you like yourself? No.
Embarrassing moment: None.
Persons in family: None. All deceased.
Favorite beverage: Wine.
Favorite movie: I loved the Matrix.
Favorite actress: Esmé Squalor
Favorite actor: Myself
Favorite author: Myself
FavoriteBands/singer: None. No time.
Favorite Sport: None. No time.
Career/Ambition: Just work in VFD. Or destroy it. Same diff.
Have you ever.
Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Yes. Esmé.
Drank? OF COURSE.
Smoked? No.
Been in a physical fight? Yes.
Come close to dying? Of course not.
Are you a.
good student? No.
Do you.
wet the bed? NO!!!!
collect anything? No.
Eat a live hamster for a million dollars? YES!
Kill someone you don't know for 15 million dollars? Of course.
Anyone offered you a small part in a movie would you accept? OF COURSE!!
What are your nicknames? O
Who do you have a crush on? Esmé, of course!
O
"The World is Quiet Here"
----
To: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire Fr: White She Devil
SINCE YOU ARE IN A SAFE PLACE THAT HAS A COMPUTER I HAVE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU EMAIL -- STOP -- I KNOW YOU HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHO I AM -- STOP -- BUT VIOLET YOUR EMAIL IS I_KNOW_WHAT_YOU_DID_LAST_SUMMER AT MOVIES DOT COM -- STOP -- I'M SORRY I COULDN'T GIVE YOU EMAIL ADDRESSES ABOUT STUFF YOU LIKED, BUT OLAF WILL FIND YOU VERY EASILY THAT WAY -- STOP -- KLAUS YOUR EMAIL IS RAT_RACE AT MOVIES DOT COM -- STOP -- SUNNY YOUR EMAIL IS DADDY_DAY_CARE AT MOVIES DOT COM -- STOP -- GOODBYE BAUDELAIRES -- STOP -- AND DON'T WORRY -- STOP -- THE QUAGMIRES ARE ALIVE AND WELL -- STOP -- I CANNOT TELL YOU THEIR LOCATION FOR FEAR OF BEING FOUND OUT BUT I CAN TELL YOU THIS: ALL IS NOT LOST -- STOP -- I AND MANY OTHERS WILL BE WATCHING OVER YOU -- STOP --
WHITE SHE DEVIL "THE WORLD IS QUIET HERE"
P.S. PLEASE NOT THAT WHILE I AM WHITE AND I AM A SHE, I'M NOT A DEVIL -- STOP -- THAT IS SIMPLY A CHARACTER FROM A MOVIE I HAVE SEEN CALLED UNDERCOVER BROTHER -- STOP
----
To: cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@vfd.org Fr: carefree@darkavenue.net Subject: No Subject Given
Esmé. I love you. Will you marry me? Your darling, Jerome
----
To: Carefree@darkavenue.net Fr: cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@vfd.org Bcc: greedylookineye@vfd.org Subject: YES
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
I LOVE YOU DARLING
ESMÉ
----
To: greedylookineye@vfd.org Fr: cityssixthmostimprtantfinancialadvisor@vfd.org Subject: beautiful
Wasn't my letter to Jerome convincing?
BTW I adore you. Not Jerome. He's an ugly freak who can't tell his head from a bowling ball.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Esmé
----
To: I_know_what_you_did_last_summer@movies.com, daddy_day_care@movies.com
Fr: rat_race@movies.com
Subject: White She Devil
Hi. I hope this works. Who do you think White She Devil is? She's from fanfiction.net. Fanfiction is writing that has the same characters as a book or movie or TV show but a different plot. Interesting, no?
Klaus
To: vicechancellor@vfd.org
Fr: carefree@unsureofhouse.org
Subject: Penthouse
Hey! I was wondering if you think I should buy a house. I've saved up the money and I think it's about time. What about 667 Dark Avenue? Nice place, eh? Jerome
----
To: carefree@unsureofhouse.org
Fr: vicechancellor@vfd.org
Subject: Re: Penthouse
YES. YES. YES. YES. You must buy that penthouse.IMMEDIATELY. ASAP. NOW. HURRY. And, Jerome, good thinking. And, Jerome, never ever sell it. EVER. I want you to live there until the day of your death. Please. As always,
Jacques
"The World is Quiet Here"
----
To: cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@unsureofhouse.org
Fr: nosy_reporter@dailypunctilio.com
Subject: Squalor
Information you requested:
Currently at 667 Dark Avenue, there lives a man named Jerome Squalor. He isn't married and he lives in the penthouse apartment.
Reporter Geraldine Julienne
----
Fr: obsessedwithB@vfd.org
To: themagnificentK@vfd.org, greedylookineye@vfd.org, cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@unsureofhouse.org, vicechancellor@vfd.org, grammarobsessed@vfd.org, RandRthetwins@vfd.org, imtherealcreatorofthebaudelaires@authors.com, TheSebaldSis@vfd.org, thewaiter@vfd.org, snakeobsesseddoubledname@vfd.org, hotairballoon@vfd.org
Subject: VFD next meeting
Next meeting: Where should it be?
-Library
-My house
VOTE!
L
"The World is Quiet Here" ----
To: obsessedwithB@vfd.org
Fr: imtherealcreatorofthebaudelaires@authors.com
Subject: Re: VFD next meeting
Met with some of VFD and here are the results:
LIBRARY-11 YOUR HOUSE-0
Just thought of something. Maybe it's because your house.is burned to the ground.just a thought.
D
"The World is Quiet Here"
----
To: imtherealcreatorofthebaudelaires@authors.com
Fr: themagnificentK@vfd.org, vicechancellor@vfd.org, grammarobsessed@vfd.org, RandRthetwins@vfd.org, TheSebaldSis@vfd.org, thewaiter@vfd.org, snakeobsesseddoubledname@vfd.org, hotairballoon@vfd.org, obsessedwithB@vfd.org
Subject: Meeting
Hey everyone! Good meeting yesterday. I have found information that will upset you. O has joined the other side, and presumably, a word which here means, "we are guessing" E is with him. After all, they are boyfriend and girlfriend, are they not?
D
"The World is Quiet Here"
----
To: grammarobsessed@vfd.org
Fr: thedirector@nickmovies.com
Subject: No Subject Given
DIRECTIONS: pretend like you have nothing else to do....read this and copy email paste it into a new email that you will send. Change all the answers so they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know including the person who sent this to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends.
WHAT'S THE DATE?: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?: FULL NAME: AGE: WHERE WERE YOU BORN: WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?: YOUR PERFECT MAN/WOMAN: DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?: EMBARRASING MOMENT: YOUR GOOD FRIENDS: PERSONS IN YOUR FAMILY? WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE... BEVERAGE? MOVIE? ACTRESS? ACTOR? AUTHOR? BANDS/SINGER? SPORTS? CAREER/AMBITION? HAVE YOU EVER... LOVED SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT MADE YOU CRY? DRANK? SMOKED? BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT? COME CLOSE TO DYING? ARE YOU A... GOOD STUDENT? DO YOU... WET THE BED? COLLECT ANYTHING? BEEN IN TROUBLE A LOT? EAT A LIVE HAMSTER FOR A MILLION $ ? KILL SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW FOR 15 MILLION DOLLARS?: ANYONE OFFERED YOU A SMALL PART IN A MOVIE WOULD YOU ACCEPT? WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? WHO DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON?
----
To: themagnificentK@vfd.org, greedylookineye@vfd.org, cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@unsureofhouse.org, vicechancellor@vfd.org, RandRthetwins@vfd.org, imtherealcreatorofthebaudelaires@authors.com, TheSebaldSis@vfd.org, thewaiter@vfd.org, snakeobsessed@vfd.org, hotairballoon@vfd.org, obsessedwithB@vfd.org Fr: grammarobsessed@vfd.org Subject: survey
J
"The World is Quiet Here"
----
To: greedylookineye@vfd.org Fr: WhiteSheDevil@fanfiction.net Subject: No Subject Given
I know who you are, Olaf.
I know what organization you belong to, Olaf.
I know that if you do not respond to the survey I will tell Ombrietta that you are cheating on her with Esmé.
WSD
I control your future. Forever.
----
To: themagnificentK@vfd.org, cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@vfd.org, vicechancellor@vfd.org, RandRthetwins@vfd.org, imtherealcreatorofthebaudelaires@authors.com, TheSebaldSis@vfd.org, thewaiter@vfd.org, snakeobsessed@vfd.org, hotairballoon@vfd.org, obsessedwithB@vfd.org, grammarobsessed@vfd.org Fr: greedylookineye@vfd.org Subject: Re: Survey
DIRECTIONS: pretend like you have nothing else to do....read this and copy email paste it into a new email that you will send. Change all the answers so they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know including the person who sent this to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends.
What's the date?: 5 March
What are you doing?: Checking e-mail, what else?
Full name: Omar Gelderberg Crotchkiss
Age: 55
Where were you born: Wiped off VFD records.
What are you afraid of?: Nothing!
Your perfect man/woman: Esmé.
Good friends: Esmé, Ombrietta, Smith, Mann, Err, Kallvatore, Shawn (A/N: These are the last names of his assistants starting from Smith: H-HM, creature of unknown gender and great girth, Powder-faced woman 1, powder-faced woman 2, bald man with long nose)
Do you like yourself? No.
Embarrassing moment: None.
Persons in family: None. All deceased.
Favorite beverage: Wine.
Favorite movie: I loved the Matrix.
Favorite actress: Esmé Squalor
Favorite actor: Myself
Favorite author: Myself
FavoriteBands/singer: None. No time.
Favorite Sport: None. No time.
Career/Ambition: Just work in VFD. Or destroy it. Same diff.
Have you ever.
Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Yes. Esmé.
Drank? OF COURSE.
Smoked? No.
Been in a physical fight? Yes.
Come close to dying? Of course not.
Are you a.
good student? No.
Do you.
wet the bed? NO!!!!
collect anything? No.
Eat a live hamster for a million dollars? YES!
Kill someone you don't know for 15 million dollars? Of course.
Anyone offered you a small part in a movie would you accept? OF COURSE!!
What are your nicknames? O
Who do you have a crush on? Esmé, of course!
O
"The World is Quiet Here"
----
To: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire Fr: White She Devil
SINCE YOU ARE IN A SAFE PLACE THAT HAS A COMPUTER I HAVE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU EMAIL -- STOP -- I KNOW YOU HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHO I AM -- STOP -- BUT VIOLET YOUR EMAIL IS I_KNOW_WHAT_YOU_DID_LAST_SUMMER AT MOVIES DOT COM -- STOP -- I'M SORRY I COULDN'T GIVE YOU EMAIL ADDRESSES ABOUT STUFF YOU LIKED, BUT OLAF WILL FIND YOU VERY EASILY THAT WAY -- STOP -- KLAUS YOUR EMAIL IS RAT_RACE AT MOVIES DOT COM -- STOP -- SUNNY YOUR EMAIL IS DADDY_DAY_CARE AT MOVIES DOT COM -- STOP -- GOODBYE BAUDELAIRES -- STOP -- AND DON'T WORRY -- STOP -- THE QUAGMIRES ARE ALIVE AND WELL -- STOP -- I CANNOT TELL YOU THEIR LOCATION FOR FEAR OF BEING FOUND OUT BUT I CAN TELL YOU THIS: ALL IS NOT LOST -- STOP -- I AND MANY OTHERS WILL BE WATCHING OVER YOU -- STOP --
WHITE SHE DEVIL "THE WORLD IS QUIET HERE"
P.S. PLEASE NOT THAT WHILE I AM WHITE AND I AM A SHE, I'M NOT A DEVIL -- STOP -- THAT IS SIMPLY A CHARACTER FROM A MOVIE I HAVE SEEN CALLED UNDERCOVER BROTHER -- STOP
----
To: cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@vfd.org Fr: carefree@darkavenue.net Subject: No Subject Given
Esmé. I love you. Will you marry me? Your darling, Jerome
----
To: Carefree@darkavenue.net Fr: cityssixthmostimportantfinancialadvisor@vfd.org Bcc: greedylookineye@vfd.org Subject: YES
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
I LOVE YOU DARLING
ESMÉ
----
To: greedylookineye@vfd.org Fr: cityssixthmostimprtantfinancialadvisor@vfd.org Subject: beautiful
Wasn't my letter to Jerome convincing?
BTW I adore you. Not Jerome. He's an ugly freak who can't tell his head from a bowling ball.
LOVE ALWAYS,
Esmé
----
To: I_know_what_you_did_last_summer@movies.com, daddy_day_care@movies.com
Fr: rat_race@movies.com
Subject: White She Devil
Hi. I hope this works. Who do you think White She Devil is? She's from fanfiction.net. Fanfiction is writing that has the same characters as a book or movie or TV show but a different plot. Interesting, no?
Klaus