Post by Mary on Nov 13, 2003 10:05:36 GMT -5
I am sending Daniel Handler a letter and an absinthe spoon. The letter makes references to the traditional way absinthe is served, sugar cubes on the absinthe spoon, pouring ice water over the sugar cubes into the absinthe. I put a tag on the spoon saying "Vermicious frouctose Dissolver" Here is a picture of the spoon:
Here is the letter:
Dear Mr. Handler,
Several months ago, I wrote to you inviting you to a private club in Illinois. Since I have not seen you come to the club, although I watch vigilantly for your arrival, nor have I received a note of regret, I can only assume that something terrible has happened. Either you are unable to come to Illinois due to being imprisoned or without reliable transportation, or you do not want to come to Illinois due to having more important things to do concerning your career and family. I hope that the latter is the cause for your absence. I hope that you are alive and felt I had to write to you once again to describe an alarming set of circumstances that you may want to be aware of and to deliver to you this strange and dangerous looking item that you may wish to use or dispose of.
I was invited to a masquerade ball by a gentleman of my acquaintance that was being held at a home of a gentleman not of my acquaintance. The gentleman of my acquaintance and I attended the ball together. I dressed as a Veiled Female Dragonfly and he dressed as an entomologist. After dancing for several songs, I became slightly overheated and stepped out onto the balcony to cool off. While I was outside listening to the crickets, another person not of my acquaintance and of an unknown gender who was dressed as a bullfighter approached me and said, “Count Olaf is”. He or she was interrupted by the gentleman not of my acquaintance who was hosting the party. This gentleman not of my acquaintance asked for my assistance in the kitchen and the lady or gentleman dressed as a bullfighter disappeared over the edge of the balcony.
It was at this time that I became suspicious that there was perhaps more going on here than a simple party. I wondered if this party was actually some sort of secret meeting. I followed the gentleman not of my acquaintance to the kitchen, where he asked me if I would take some items to the living room. He asked me if I would distribute some coasters to the guests with drinks because he was worried that their glasses would leaves water rings on the furniture.
I panicked. I knew he was beginning to deliver a coded message to me, but I also knew I could not figure it out without writing it down because I am a visual, rather than, verbal learner. I realized the shortsightedness of my costume design because I did not have on my person any writing utensils or even a piece of charcoal. I stood there listening and attempting to count words, as he asked me to also take with me to the living room a sugar bowl. He handed me a sugar bowl and this silver utensil marked with an eye as he said he would bring the drink, the ice, and the glasses, and the water.
I wanted to scream, “Wait. I did not get the message”, but just then the bull fighter returned and said, “Did you know Count Olaf is running for governor of California? Here let me take that pitcher of ice water, before you spill it.” He or she and the gentleman not of my acquaintance left the kitchen and headed toward the living room, where I was supposed to follow, bringing the coasters, the sugar bowl, and this strange utensil. I did not know what to do and feared that something terrible was about to happen. I mustered enough courage to look inside the sugar bowl, but it was merely filled with sugar cubes.
I needed an excuse to leave, so I took a page from the Baudelaire’s book, and quickly opened the refrigerator and grabbed a piece of rhubarb and ate it on my way to the living room. By the time I sat down the coasters and the sugar bowl, the gentleman of my acquaintance noticed my rash and my swollen tongue and asked if I would like for him to take me home. I said, “Thes, fleeth. I blub not feeling fell.” So as my date got the car I slipped the strange utensil into my costume and we left immediately.
I know it is wrong to steal, but it seemed like this would be for the greater good. I can only imagine the horrors that would ensue if this item were to fall into the wrong hands so I thought I would send it to you, Mr. Handler. Perhaps you will know what it is and if it can be used for anything noble or if should be cast into the Stricken Stream. I am so sorry that I failed at receiving the coded message and was not brave enough to stay any longer to figure out what they were going to do with the ice water and the bottle labeled “Verdant Fairy Drink”. I wish you the best in handling this situation. (You are still welcome to come visit me at ...
Well, what do you think? Have you seen the Olaf for Governor flyers?
Here is the letter:
Dear Mr. Handler,
Several months ago, I wrote to you inviting you to a private club in Illinois. Since I have not seen you come to the club, although I watch vigilantly for your arrival, nor have I received a note of regret, I can only assume that something terrible has happened. Either you are unable to come to Illinois due to being imprisoned or without reliable transportation, or you do not want to come to Illinois due to having more important things to do concerning your career and family. I hope that the latter is the cause for your absence. I hope that you are alive and felt I had to write to you once again to describe an alarming set of circumstances that you may want to be aware of and to deliver to you this strange and dangerous looking item that you may wish to use or dispose of.
I was invited to a masquerade ball by a gentleman of my acquaintance that was being held at a home of a gentleman not of my acquaintance. The gentleman of my acquaintance and I attended the ball together. I dressed as a Veiled Female Dragonfly and he dressed as an entomologist. After dancing for several songs, I became slightly overheated and stepped out onto the balcony to cool off. While I was outside listening to the crickets, another person not of my acquaintance and of an unknown gender who was dressed as a bullfighter approached me and said, “Count Olaf is”. He or she was interrupted by the gentleman not of my acquaintance who was hosting the party. This gentleman not of my acquaintance asked for my assistance in the kitchen and the lady or gentleman dressed as a bullfighter disappeared over the edge of the balcony.
It was at this time that I became suspicious that there was perhaps more going on here than a simple party. I wondered if this party was actually some sort of secret meeting. I followed the gentleman not of my acquaintance to the kitchen, where he asked me if I would take some items to the living room. He asked me if I would distribute some coasters to the guests with drinks because he was worried that their glasses would leaves water rings on the furniture.
I panicked. I knew he was beginning to deliver a coded message to me, but I also knew I could not figure it out without writing it down because I am a visual, rather than, verbal learner. I realized the shortsightedness of my costume design because I did not have on my person any writing utensils or even a piece of charcoal. I stood there listening and attempting to count words, as he asked me to also take with me to the living room a sugar bowl. He handed me a sugar bowl and this silver utensil marked with an eye as he said he would bring the drink, the ice, and the glasses, and the water.
I wanted to scream, “Wait. I did not get the message”, but just then the bull fighter returned and said, “Did you know Count Olaf is running for governor of California? Here let me take that pitcher of ice water, before you spill it.” He or she and the gentleman not of my acquaintance left the kitchen and headed toward the living room, where I was supposed to follow, bringing the coasters, the sugar bowl, and this strange utensil. I did not know what to do and feared that something terrible was about to happen. I mustered enough courage to look inside the sugar bowl, but it was merely filled with sugar cubes.
I needed an excuse to leave, so I took a page from the Baudelaire’s book, and quickly opened the refrigerator and grabbed a piece of rhubarb and ate it on my way to the living room. By the time I sat down the coasters and the sugar bowl, the gentleman of my acquaintance noticed my rash and my swollen tongue and asked if I would like for him to take me home. I said, “Thes, fleeth. I blub not feeling fell.” So as my date got the car I slipped the strange utensil into my costume and we left immediately.
I know it is wrong to steal, but it seemed like this would be for the greater good. I can only imagine the horrors that would ensue if this item were to fall into the wrong hands so I thought I would send it to you, Mr. Handler. Perhaps you will know what it is and if it can be used for anything noble or if should be cast into the Stricken Stream. I am so sorry that I failed at receiving the coded message and was not brave enough to stay any longer to figure out what they were going to do with the ice water and the bottle labeled “Verdant Fairy Drink”. I wish you the best in handling this situation. (You are still welcome to come visit me at ...
Well, what do you think? Have you seen the Olaf for Governor flyers?