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Post by champ103 on Aug 22, 2005 3:57:16 GMT -5
After a long time of planning, writing snippets, and placing things together, my 667 Dark Avenue/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory story is ready to show. I may be able to fit a few cameo appearences if you like, but all the major characters have been chosen.
I've written up the first few chapters, but as time goes on, there'll be more waits between each chapter, but hopefully not very long ones. I'm quite eager to write this, so let's see how it goes.
I'm also sorry if you applied for a role but didn't get chosen-I had to balance out the sexes, choose the best variety of habits-and the easier ones to turn into a horrible child and so forth.
And also, ages have been messed around with, and so have you behaviors, because if you WERE chosen then you'll most likely end up being very vile and horrible. Your countries have stayed the same, as far as I'm aware, anyway. Oh, and Pandora, I changed your habit again, sorry.
The prologue is really short, but later today I'll post chapter one. The prologue just sort of works as it is really, and fits better at the start then maybe Chapter One would.
And the title 'Factory' is sort of a working title-any suggestions would be great. Okay, onwards:
Factory, prologue
Prologue ‘In which things are a bit unclear’
Midnight was approaching, as many children slept quietly in bed, overlooked by a shining full moon. Five of them were already winners-they just hadn’t won yet. But unknown to anyone alive-or dead, as it had it-was the identity of these five children, or the way that fate would work around them. Or who maybe would find in their copies of the latest of Mister Snicket’s novel, not just pages and illustrations and recollections of the Baudelaires tale, but a golden page, on page thirteen. Any children from any country could find it, but fate had already chosen it’s five, before the clock stuck twelve. The clock stuck twelve, and beyond the high and heavy gates of Mister Snicket’s factory, the quiet and buzzing stretch of engines flew across the streets as identical vans took identical routes from the factory, but before long, all took different paths, all had different places to go, to deliver these five very, special books. Each of the fans was chock full of boxes upon boxes containing books upon books, and in five of those books, any five in any boxes in any vans, were the shining golden pages. And these five winners, and these five winners alone-and of course one guest, a parent or guardian-would enter the factory that nobody had entered for years and years, the factory that was lost and forgotten. It wouldn’t be forgotten for much longer.
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Post by mysteriouscreep on Aug 22, 2005 7:50:16 GMT -5
George, wouldn't it be easy to see if you have a golden page by just checking the side opposite to the spine? You just pick it up, and put it down, without even having to purchase it!
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Post by Akbar Le Grey on Aug 22, 2005 8:47:53 GMT -5
This is great, George. I'd forgotten how good your wrting was. Post more.
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Post by champ103 on Aug 22, 2005 10:21:05 GMT -5
Thanks everyone, more coming this evening. The chapter's written up, but I'm a bit busy-or not on the computer.
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on Aug 22, 2005 10:39:12 GMT -5
Maybe the golden pages are a bit smaller, so you can't see their edges by looking at the page edges.
This story is good so far, Dupin. Do continue it.
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Post by champ103 on Aug 22, 2005 13:00:13 GMT -5
First off, thanks for everyone's great comments! I wasn't expecting as much for the prologue. (:
About the page thing-I think Celinra is right, although it won't be properly stressed during the story. It's sort of something that you can think about yourselves.
Now, sort of untrue to the title of this chapter, we in fact meet three rather pleasant characters in what follows, but ignore that, I like the title as it is.
Finally, enjoy, I rather like the direction of this chapter.
Factory, chapter one
1 ‘In which we are acquainted with one of few pleasant characters.'
Kimia Etemadi crossed the road carefully, as she did every morning on her way to school, and every evening on her route back. Her school bag-a big heavy satchel was flung over her shoulder, filled with stationary, and schoolbooks. In her gloved hands, grabbed by her tight clutch, Kimia was holding another book-a more exciting book then anything she’d find in her bag. It was the new Lemony Snicket book, with a fine design of cover, and an excitement of aura around it: Kimia could hardly wait through the day whilst she attended classes for hours and hours, until school was over, and the bookstore was only just along the road. Now she was back on her way home, and approaching a small cottage towards the outskirts of the city, she gave a smile-she wanted to show her family the new book, for she knew that they would all be interested very much to see what was inside. Kimia decided at this point that she would stop herself on the pavement and have a little look into the book, just a glance at the first few pages, a sneak preview that she’d been waiting for all day. Kimia lived with her mother, a kind and sensible woman, who had given Kimia the money to buy the new book, and who would be waiting inside the small cottage, along with Kimia’s elder brother, James, who was in his early twenties and was too a Lemony Snicket enthusiast, almost as much of a fan as Kimia was herself. There was no doubt of the chance that he may have already bought himself a copy of the new novel, since the drawl of school no longer accompanied him in his older years. He spent most of his time helping around the house, but he had an unreliable job in a store that seemed to have too much staff. Nevertheless, it raised some money: the Etemadi family weren’t rich, but they were stable, with a nice home and enough money to buy Kimia a copy of the book, which she now opened to the first page. The first page was unusual: it was different from the format of the other books, and as Kimia read on, it shocked her. ‘WIN A CHANCE TO VISIT MISTER SNICKET’S FACTORY’ read the thick, bold print at the top of the page. Kimia gave a small gasp: Lemony Snicket had not been seen for a decade, and yet here he was, giving away his secrecy and privacy, and a chance of a lifetime. Kimia decided to read on. ‘Five lucky children will win the exciting chance to take a tour of Lemony Snicket’s factory. Meet the man himself, who will be taking you on the tour, and see what other people outside the factory have never seen before.’ Kimia smiled after reading the first paragraph and quickly scanned the page for more information on how to win the competition. She could write great fanfiction, and doodle some decent artwork-she might be in with a chance. She read the next paragraph enthusiastically. ‘In this very copy, in this book, may be the golden page that awaits you, and will be your ticket of entry, the golden page that wins you the prize. There are five golden pages, anywhere, in any of the copies of this book. The five children that find the golden pages will be the five winners, and the five people to visit the factory. Check page thirteen to see if you’re a winner.’ At this, Kimia frowned, annoyed that the prize could only be won by luck, which as far as she was aware, the Etemadi family didn’t have much of. She sighed, and dreading what might be on page thirteen, she slammed her book shut and held it tightly before starting to run the rest of the journey home. Just a few minutes later, Kimia was at her front gate, shutting the wood tightly behind her. The front path-just like the rest of the city-was covered in a thin layer of frosty snow, and Kimia felt it against her shoes as she rushed towards the front door. Approaching her house, she felt butterflies tight and fluttering in her stomach. She desperately hoped that in page thirteen would be a golden page, a chance for something she knew thousands and thousands of children would be hoping for. She took a deep breathe, before pushing down the door handle, and walking inside quickly, shutting the rickety and volatile front door behind her. Much expected to Kimia as she entered the front room, her mother and James were sitting at the small beige sofa, half watching the small blaring television just feet away from them, and half indulged in a quiet conversation as they sipped tea from steaming mugs. The small cottage was cold, as it usually was during the long winters, and Kimia did not think of taking off her heavy, soft coat as she approached them, but let her satchel drop quickly off her shoulder and land on the floor, underneath the coat rack and surrounded by the family’s neatly stacked pair of shoes. Kimia ran over to the sofa, the book clenched in her hands, as her mother spied that she had joined them, and turned to her with a smile. ‘So you managed to get a copy?’ she asked, even though the answer was right in front of her eyes. Kimia nodded. ‘But, on the first page, it says…it says that you can win a trip to-‘ Her mother nodded knowledgably, and gestured that Kimia could finish talking. ‘We know,’ she explained with a subtle nod. At this, James turned his head from the television. ‘Everyone does,’ he added, and pointed with his free hand to the set in front of him. ‘It’s been all over the news constantly all day.’ Kimia mouthed an ‘oh’ as her mother picked herself up from the sofa. ‘Take a seat, Kimia, I think we have some spare tea left in the kettle,’ she said as she strode off into the kitchen. ‘Thanks,’ Kimia replied, and sat down beside James, with the book still in her hands. She turned to her brother. ‘Have any of these golden pages been found yet?’ she asked, and looked at the television. James shook his head. ‘No,’ he replied, and raised his eyebrows. ‘I don’t think so, anyway-it’d be all over the telly by now if one had been found.’ Kimia nodded in agreement. ‘Are you getting a copy?’ she asked, raising the book slightly. James sighed. ‘Tomorrow morning,’ he explained quietly. ‘The shops are closing at the moment, and well, it was my shift at the shop.’ ‘I’m sure none will have been found by then,’ Kimia replied, but she wasn’t so sure. ‘Of course not,’ their mother said as she re-entered the room with another mug of tea in her hands. As she reached her children, she handed on quickly to Kimia, before finding a seat in the armrest. She looked around in the few seconds of silence that followed, before pointing at Kimia’s copy. ‘Any luck with that page?’ she asked, and Kimia realized she’d quite forgotten about checking her volume of the new Snicket book. ‘I haven’t checked yet,’ she admitted, gazing up at her mother. ‘I was waiting until I got home,’ she added. There was a pause. ‘Well, you’re here now,’ James reminded her. Kimia nodded, but somehow dreaded opening the book, wanting to withdraw the truth in case it was an ordinary page on page thirteen. ‘Yes, go on,’ her mother encouraged. Kimia nodded, and looked at the book before taking a sudden deep breathe She said nothing, but she clutched the book tightly, one hand on the front, and one on the back, before closing her eyes, and pulling it open to page thirteen as James and her mother leaned in quietly. Kimia opened her eyes. Her face fell. The page was blank, bare, normal, just text and script, like any other copy. Kimia shut the book, as her mother put a sympathetic hand across her shoulder. ‘No worries,’ her mother said with a smile, and Kimia nodded. ‘Hey, maybe I’ll get one in my copy?’ James suggested, and Kimia shrugged, with a slight smile that there was a bit more hope. ‘I’ll let you go if I win.’ Kimia’s eyes widened. ‘But what about you?’ she asked. James grinned. ‘You can take a guest,’ he explained, and looked up at their mother. ‘I’m sure mum doesn’t mind.’ ‘Oh, no, not at all,’ she replied. ‘I never really…got into Lemony Snicket anyway.’ And with that, she hopped up from the arm of the sofa, and walked away into the kitchen with an empty mug. In the cold evening that followed, in the small cottage in South England, Kimia was careful not to get her hopes up about James’s copy of the new book. After all, he had as much chance as anyone, and a very small chance at that. Kimia thought about all the copies there were, and all the buyers, all the readers, and then five winners. It was no surprise she didn’t win the golden page: as she thought about it, maybe even a million children were in her place, as well. With her copy of the book, she had convinced herself in her mind that she was going to win, and she really suspected that a golden page would be held within the book, and so when she turned out to be wrong, that was why it was so disappointing. Well, not this time, she decided. Expect the worst. And with that, Kimia decided to relax, as she scooped up her volume of Lemony Snicket, and began to start reading the first chapter. When Kimia finally fell asleep in bed, she was just three chapters away from the end, lying in bed with one arm dangling out, barely holding onto her copy. She breathed heavily in her sleep, but there was no one to complain, and so she continued through the night, until she felt something talking in her ear, and she was shaken slightly. She opened her eyes wearily, still tired from sleep, and a little scared to face who it was, before she realized it was just James, grinning down as he focused on waking her up. ‘Kimia!’ he cried in a loud whisper. ‘James…’ Kimia muttered quietly, and turned over, pulling the duvet over her head. ‘What do you want?’ Suddenly, her eyes snapped open as ideas entered her brain. As far as she could tell-although she currently had no knowledge of the time-it was late at night. What other reason would James have for waking her up? He’d bought a copy of the new book, and there was a golden page! He was looking so excited, that must be it. Kimia quickly pulled the duvet away from her head, and sat up. ‘Have you found a golden page?’ she asked loudly, before freezing, and realizing that morning couldn’t have arrived yet, and so her idea was futile. In any case, Kimia still smiled eagerly to hear James’s news as he took a seat at the end of her bed. ‘No,’ James replied with a chuckle, and his eyes brightened. ‘But someone has!’ Kimia frowned. ‘What?’ she asked, still dreary. James smiled before speaking. ‘The first golden page has been found.’
COMING SOON: 'In which arrogance is rewarded, and tantrums are acceptable.'
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on Aug 22, 2005 13:59:45 GMT -5
This first chapter was quite good; I look forward to more.
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Post by mysteriouscreep on Aug 22, 2005 14:26:14 GMT -5
Wonderful, George, wonderful! And I would actually wake someone up in the middle of the night just to tell them that the ticket had been found. XDDDD
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