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Post by Jacques Snicket on Jul 3, 2007 9:24:49 GMT -5
This is where you make up things that any ASOUE characters would never say or do, there was one other thread that had this, but it was locked when Dante But one word of caution to you all: if any of you post anything concerning adult topics and if you extremely disobey the ProBoards ToS decree (which was, to all intents and purposes, almost rampant in the old thread), this thread will be locked by a mod when they notice the high ratio of profanity. So please, please, don't have this thread locked by your own doing and think before you post (if the joke contains adult content). I'm not saying we should just all cease posting what makes us laugh, just be careful with the heavy stuff (sexual situations, etc…).
This thread will have the same rules as the last one and will be watched by Dante with great interest.
So, I will thus commence.
Lemony: *cracks a huge smile*
Mr. Poe: Don't worry Baudelaires, we'll capture Olaf in a giffy! *puts on cape and runs around proclaiming he is Money Man*
Palpatine: We will be watching young Beatrice Baudelaire with great interest… Klaus: But aren't you evil? Palpatine: No, I became a volunteer when Qui-Gon Jinn's ethereal spirit form threatened me to join V.F.D. or suffer a terrible death by immolation. Klaus: You mean Olaf is going to set you on fire? Palpatine: I don't know…*shrugs*
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Post by Tigerclaw can drive a car :B on Jul 3, 2007 15:25:42 GMT -5
Klaus: Olaf is a madman! Olaf: Madness? ... This....Is.... SPARTAAAAAA!!!
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Post by Spymaster E on Jul 3, 2007 20:41:07 GMT -5
I've read the whole original thread. This just won't be the same anymore.... I wish the old posters in there would come back, they were so much more creative than I Violet: *to Klaus* I HATE YOU! *kills him* See:
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Jul 4, 2007 18:56:09 GMT -5
I'm sure they'll all return. *hopeful*
Lemony: This is a story about three children who lost their parents in a fire. They were sent to a distant relative on the word of one trustworthy Mr. Poe, whom V.F.D. trusts absulotely. Now the three Baudelaires adored their guardian Count Olaf so much, they decided to join his troupe…
Klaus: I'm a chef's salad! *sprinkles Italian salad dressing on self, throws himself into a bowl, and his siblings cover him with lettuce leaves* Fernald: Hey, wait! What about me? I can be the second course!
Reason for Editing: Volunteers…………
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Post by Spymaster E on Jul 5, 2007 13:01:31 GMT -5
Violet: *donning a pink outfit* CARMY! Carmelita: VIOLET! *they dance around and jump like crazy people* Carmelita: We both wearing pink! Violet: let's be friends! Carmelita: Best friends.
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Post by orphansrgreat on Jul 5, 2007 15:56:19 GMT -5
Violet: Which Quagmire shall I choose? Duncan: *Jumps up and down* Quigley: *Jumps up and down* Violet: Both? Klaus: I don't know. Violet: Eeenie meenie miinie mo..... Q&D: .................
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Jul 6, 2007 11:08:53 GMT -5
One day Olaf and his troupe went into the Hotel Denouement. Olaf lifted the harpoon gun and aimed it for the concierge, but was soon being aimed at by the porter, who was being aimed at by the bald man, and so on and so forth.
Olaf: How did this happen?
Bald man: I have no idea, but—
Lemony Snicket: Okay. This is all wrong, wrong, wrong! *freezes time so only he can move* Olaf is supposed to be burning down the place, baldy is supposed to be dead, the powder-faced women are supposed to be missing, the big fat whatever is supposed to be dead, Fernald is supposed to be with Fiona, and Esmé, Carmelita, Hugo, Kevin, and Colette are supposed to be here! Dewey, come out! *unfreezes time*
All things wrong with the scene correct themselves.
Dewey: …And so all of the elephants came up to me and said “Why do you die old man?”
Lemony Snicket: WHAT?? That's not what I said for you to tell them! My plan is ruined. They ruined me!
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Post by Tigerclaw can drive a car :B on Jul 8, 2007 8:00:41 GMT -5
Violet: eat the food. Klaus: Blaaaaarrg Violet: *throes bagel at Klaus* Eat The Food!!!!
Violet: *storms into room* You son of a biscuit eating bulldog!! Quigley: *stops making out with fiona* What the French, Toast? Violet: I knew you where going out with that Tater-Tot!! Fiona: Who you calling Tater-tot you lip licker! Violet: Pickle you kumquat!! Quigley: Your overreacting Violet: overreacting? Let's see what you do when i put your SUV through a blender!! *drops smooshed car parts on floor* *attacks Fiona* Sunny: *pops out of nowhere* Dirty mouth? use Listerine gum to clean any mess Violet, Quigley, Fiona: *bling their teeth* Sunny: Fabulous!
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Post by Spymaster E on Jul 8, 2007 12:29:54 GMT -5
LEmony: And they all lived happily ever after and bought a pony, the end.
Esme: Come, children. I'd like to feed you to my ponies! Violet: Ew! Ponies suck! Esme: DO NOT INSULT THE PONIES! THEY WILL KICK YOUR @$$! Klaus: I killed a pony with a peanut once. Ponies are wimpy wusses! Esme: HOW DARE YOUMINIMIZE THE BRAVERYOF THY PONY, YOU BLASPHEME! THE GOD OF THE PONIES WOULD NEVER STAND FOR THIS! Sunny: My god, this lady is off her rocker! ESME: PONARIOUS WILL DESTORY YOU ALL!
*OLaf is torturing a VFD party* (I hope the song quoted is considered acceptable here) VFD: We will never tell! Olaf: PRepare for pain! *VFD braces itself* *starts up Baby Got Back* Record: "I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny- *Olaf dances lamely* VFD: *is confused* Record: -when a girl walks in with an itty bitty wai- *crash* *Record stops* Olaf: *stops dancing* What the-- *A huge army of ponies were there glaring at Olaf menacingly*\ OLaf: Eh...nice ponies? *Ponies charge* *Olaf screams* Olaf: I! HATE! PONIES!
LEmony: So, I wanted to write a book about ponies...
Ponies: *appear in the books*
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Jul 8, 2007 19:11:03 GMT -5
Klaus Baudelaire: Lemony Snicket, write a book.
LS: But I don't wanna!
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All of V.F.D.: Hey, let's just forget about keeping the world quiet, how about we just burn the whole world down? Then it'll be quiet.
Count Olaf: Oh, sure it'll be, lousy volunteers…just wait 'till I invite Esmé over for my birthday party! You'll be all jealous.
LS: And fortunately for them……
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Post by Spymaster E on Jul 9, 2007 17:37:07 GMT -5
random VFD member: Where are those matches...
Esme: It doesn't matter what you wear. Olaf: Or how much money you have. Esme and Olaf:W hat matters is who your are! Violet: *blink**blink* You guys are SO Stupid! *puts a bullet in Klaus' head**steals his wallet*
SUnny: *bites Jacques SNicket to death*
Lemony Snicket: WHen you wish upon a star, all your dreams come true.
Lemony: I wonder where I put my happy tabs.
Mr. POe: I care about you kids. That's why I'm adopting you.
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Jul 15, 2007 10:43:03 GMT -5
Count Olaf, Olaf's theatre troupe, Lemony Snicket, Jacques Snicket, Bertrand Baudelaire, the Denouement triplets, Uncle Monty, Kit Snicket, Aunt Josephine, Justice Strauss, Esmé and Jerome Squalor, Beatrice Baudelaire the First, Beatrice Baudelaire the Second, the Baudelaire children, the Quagmire triplets, Ike and Gregor Anwhistle, and Captain Widdershins all do a harmony of "Give Peace A Chance."
Olaf: All we are saying…
All: …is give peace a chance!
Bertrand: Are you listening Arthur Poe?
Uncle Monty: All we are saying…
All …is give peace a chance!
———————————————————————————————————
They all go on tour in The City, Tedia, the Village of Fowl Devotees, the Hotel Denouement, the Hotel Preludio, Ophelia, Heimlich Hospital, Caligari Carnival, and Wembley Stadium.
Lemony Snicket: If you wish to read about the musical group V.F.D., which stands for Vivacious Festivus Dilletantes, of which I am a part of, than you would do better to listen to some other music, preferrably the Gothic Archies.
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Post by Spymaster E on Jul 15, 2007 14:51:43 GMT -5
Violet: Which boy do you think is the hotest, Sunny. Klaus: Duncan! *Violet and Sunny give Klaus weird looks* Klaus: .........*thinks "oops "*
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Post by Dante on Jul 18, 2007 8:11:04 GMT -5
I will remind everyone that this thread is not for random spam and nonsense. Try and put some energy in; what would Mr. Snicket think?
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Post by Tigerclaw can drive a car :B on Jul 23, 2007 13:56:28 GMT -5
Duncan: please tell me u speak english large guy female or male: .... Duncan: i'm detective duncan. Do speaky english! large guy: .... Duncan: DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMIN' OUT OF MY MOUTH?!?
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Quigley: in local new we have more on the aproach of Hurricane Ruepaul which is making his or her way along the east coast. Let's go live to Klaus Buadelaire with Blindbat weather report Klaus: IT'S RAINING SIDEWAYS!! Quigley: sounds ruff Klaus. Do you have an umbrella? Klaus: HAD ONE! Quigley: where is it? Klaus: INSIDE OUT TWO MILES AWAY! Quigley: is there anything we can do for you, Klaus? Klaus: GET ME SOME SOUP!! Quigley: what kind? Klaus: CHUNKY!! Quigley: we'll get right on that
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx *at resturaunt* Violet: I didn't get any bread Sunny: just forget it. let it go Violet *to Olaf*: um... excuse me sir. I think you forgot my bread? Olaf: bread two dollars extra Violet: two dollars? but everyone infront of me got free bread. Olaf: you want bread? Violet: yes please.... Olaf: Three dollars!!! Violet: umm... Olaf: NO SOUP FOR YOU!!
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