bumblebee
Catastrophic Captain
The world is quiet here
Posts: 52
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Post by bumblebee on Apr 20, 2010 2:34:14 GMT -5
Violet: Well, well, well, if it isn't my dearest *points a finger to Olaf and gasps dramatically* Olaf. It has been years *swings left arm to the side* and years *swings right arm to the side* since we last saw each other! *clasps hands together and spreads them open, nearing Olaf* And now we shall get back the lost time... *grabs Olaf's hands and puts one of them on the small of her back and captures the other in her hand, while her left hand goes on Olaf's shoulder* Dance with me, Olaf! Dance the dance of life!
LOL xD
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Post by thedoctororwell on Apr 20, 2010 3:04:44 GMT -5
Olaf: How are you orphans? All your wealth are belong to us. Klaus (facepalm): What you say?? Continuation : Inside the Queequeg :Fiona: What happen ? Violet : Somebody set up us the tentacle. Klaus: ( points at the "?" on the radar) We get signal. Fiona: What ! Klaus: ( the tentacle opens a porthole) Main porthole turn on. Fiona: It's you !! Olaf: ( emerging through the porthole) How are you gentlemen !! All your sub are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. Fiona: What you say !! Olaf: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha Ha Ha Ha ... Klaus: Captain !! Fiona: Take off every 'Wasabi' !! You know what you doing. Move 'Wasabi'. For great justice. »
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Post by Dante on Apr 20, 2010 7:57:48 GMT -5
Finally, a post in this thread that I can respect.
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Post by Very Funky Disco on May 11, 2010 22:32:17 GMT -5
What are some things that you think the ASOUE characters should've said? Freebird can probably explain more about what "rejected lines" are, since we post together on other forums.
It looks like, according the rules here, these should be kept clean - so we probably shouldn't post any jokes about bodily functions, or the like.
Anyway, to get started...
*At Prufrock Preparatory Academy*
Klaus: I can't believe this! "Coach Genghis" is actually making us run laps all night.
Violet: Yeah, how does he expect for us to stay energetic?
Isadora: Maybe you could try humming to yourself.
Duncan: I have a better idea. Why don't I give each of you a Sony Walkman?
Klaus and Violet: *glances at each other* That sounds good!
*At Village of Fowl Devotees*
Klaus: *horrified* Violet, is that a Walkman?
Violet: Yeah, sure! It'll make our day not be so bad.
Klaus: We could get in trouble for this, Violet! Somehow, I don't think they allow rock and roll to be played in this village!
Violet: I'll keep it turned down, so that nobody hears.
*At some point after The Austere Academy*
Violet: So, Klaus, how are we guaranteed to win every argument?
Klaus: Hm, well-research our arguments?
Violet: Well, that's always good. However, if you ever get stuck in an argument - you know what the best way to get unstuck is?
Klaus: Perhaps, agree to disagree?
Violet: I'll give you a hint. We learned it at Prufrock Prep.
Klaus: I'm sorry, I don't get it.
Violet: Repeat what they just said back at them, but in a high-pitched mocking voice. That's guaranteed to get them, every single time!
Klaus: Actually, that really doesn't work. Have you ever heard of Godwin's Law?
Violet: I think so. It's when someone invokes Hitler or Nazis. But what does that have to do with...
Klaus: Consensus seems to have it that the first person to invoke Godwin's Law loses the argument. Well, I think the same rule would... or should... apply to the first person to resort to using that immature tactic.
Violet: Crikey! I didn't even think about that. You've got a good point, though.
*The Quagmires are in the living room, watching TV*
TV Announcer: Featuring nothing but the classic films of Gustav Sebald all the time, you're tuned in to The Sebald Channel.
Quigley: Ah, screw that! (grabs remote and switches the channel) Ah, MTV! Now, that's more like it!
*The Quagmire triplets, the elder Baudelaires, and Fiona are all fighting over the remote control.*
Klaus: I want to watch The Discovery Channel!
Isadora: Oh, pu-leeze! I heard that there's going to be a good movie on HBO!
Fiona: Oh, Klausy, I'll watch The Discovery Channel with you. They're going to show a presentation on mushrooms!
Isadora: *sighs, as she shoots Fiona a dirty look*
Duncan: I'd rather watch The History Channel! It's a little more informational.
Quigley: Why don't we all just watch MTV? C'mon, everyone! Rock and roll?
Violet: I have an idea! Let's watch The Sebald Channel! It's all Gustav Sebald, all the time!
Klaus, Isadora, Quigley, Duncan, and Fiona: *LOUD GROAN!!*
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Post by Tiago James Squalor on May 11, 2010 23:00:29 GMT -5
That was GREAT! I had so much fun reading this! lol ^^
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Post by Very Funky Disco on May 11, 2010 23:01:21 GMT -5
Hey, thank you! BTW, they can range anything from missing scenes to the books to events that occur before or after. They can be scenes that actually occur in your ficverse, to scenes that are quite wild. Is anyone here familiar with "valley girl" speak? Just for the sake of humour, I'm going to attempt a "valley girl" Violet's interpretation of what went on in the series. You can feel free to contribute. And then, of course, you can also contribute your own completely unrelated scenes. Anyway, I'll start: Violet: So we were, like, chilling out at Briny Beach - when this way out-of-it dude, named Mr. Poe, comes up to us. He is like, "Dude, I've got some way bad news for you. Your parents have, like, totally perished in a mansion fire." So we were, like, totally speechless. Then Mr. Poe, being the way clueless dude as he is, goes, "'Perished' means 'died'." Then Klaus is like, "Dude, we totally know what 'perished' means." Then Mr. Poe is like, "Yeah, whatever! By request of your parents' will, I'm totally gonna take you to your closest relative, Count Olaf - who, like, lives just a few blocks away." As we totally had no clue as to who this Count Olaf dude is, Klaus is like, "Dude, are you totally sure that's what was meant by 'closest'?" Mr. Poe, being a way dense geek, is like, "Yeah, sure, of course." Then Klaus is like, "Get a clue, Mr. Poe." As soon as Mr. Poe drives us to our new home, we see this totally awesome house - complete with the most radical garden. Then this totally cool and hip lady, named Justice Strauss, goes out to meet us - only to reveal that this Count Olaf dude actually lives next door. As we look at the house next door - and, oh my God, it was like the most revolting sight we've ever laid eyes on. So much so - that I was, like, gag me with a spoon! Then we, finally, meet this Count Olaf dude - who is, like, totally the biggest creep we've ever met. How's that, so far? Anything that should be changed?
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Post by Seymour Glass on May 12, 2010 9:20:48 GMT -5
That was awesome.
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Post by Seymour Glass on May 12, 2010 11:54:51 GMT -5
*The Baudelaires and Kit walk in on the Denouement triplets making out with each other*
Frank: We're not gay, if that's what you're thinking. Ernest: Yeah, I mean, we all look the same so it's really like kissing a mirror. Kit: Dewey, how could you? We're having a baby. Dewey: Hey, I can't help it if I'm good looking.
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Post by Very Funky Disco on May 12, 2010 13:09:19 GMT -5
Yours was good. I hope some others will join us, as well. Other than the "valley girl" stuff, I'm copying and pasting scenes from the other board.
I hope this isn't too inappropriate.
*Violet calls The Daily Punctilio*
Geraldine: Hello, The Daily Punctilio. This is Geraldine speaking.
Violet: Hello, my name is Emily. I would like to report that the vice principal of Prufrock Preparatory Academy, Nero, is having sexual relations with a minor. The minor's name is Carmelita Spats.
Geraldine: Thank you, Emily. I'll be certain to type that up for tomorrow's newspaper.
Violet: Thank you, Geraldine.
Geraldine: You're welcome. Good bye! *click*
Now, a Lemony description:
*In The Ersatz Elevator, regarding Klaus' bedroom*
Lemony Snicket: It's about the same feeling you would have, if you were a huge music lover, and you were happy with the idea of being surrounded by music. However, if you only liked music that included an accordion, and the only music that was available included an electric guitar and synthesizers, it would be worse than if you had no music at all.
Another on The Sebald Channel
Quigley: What's the worst movie you've ever scene, Violet?
Violet: Anything that was directed by Gustav Sebald.
Quigley: Yeah, imagine if The Gustav Sebald Channel was a paid cable channel - like HBO or Showtime. I wonder how many would subscribe to that!
Violet: Probably not many are willing to blow their money on quality like that.
A previously posted (on another forum) "valley girl":
Carmelita: Hello, cakesniffers. Today, I have two messages for you - so I should really get two tips, instead of one.
Violet: *tosses long hair over her shoulder* Yeah, like, what-e-ver!!
And this:
Esme: Dude! This is, like, totally smashing!
On Mr. Strickland:
Mr. Strickland: You've got a real attitude problem, Duncan. You're a slacker.
Duncan: Fine, whatever.
*later on*
Duncan: Well, Isadora, this Mr. Strickland might be rather strict - but, at least, he's better than Vice Principal Nero ever was.
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Post by heartshapedballoon on May 12, 2010 13:35:13 GMT -5
These are great!
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Post by Seymour Glass on May 12, 2010 16:30:24 GMT -5
Mr. Poe: I think George W. Bush was the greatest president of all time. I also think Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia are extremely funny. My favorite YouTube celebrity is Fred. I also believe that High School Musical is a great film and totally original.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on May 12, 2010 17:23:47 GMT -5
I second heartshapedballoons comment. Quags: Your Valley Girl speak is spot-on, as is your take on Lemony's style. Also, I actually wrote a scene in The Return very similar to the one you wrote where Violet calls up The Daily Punctilio to report Nero's affair with Carmelita. XD LOL. Something tells me she would be a Valley Girl during her middle and high school days. And no, nothing you wrote was inappropriate, so don't worry. freebird: I loved how Ernest said that making out with his brother was like kissing a mirror, and Mr. Poe's obliviousless was a riot. XD
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Post by Tiago James Squalor on May 12, 2010 18:21:08 GMT -5
I loved the valley girl lines! ^^ These are so good, can't wait to read more. Yo'ure very creative to come up with these.
I also LOVE the Lemony Snicket TEE line. ^^
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Post by Very Funky Disco on May 12, 2010 21:04:15 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback, guys! You really wouldn't have to go far at all to make Esme a valley girl. In my ficverse, the events occur in the early '80s - when the "valley girl" movement was still in its infancy. I don't think the valley girl teens would have much appreciated someone Esme's age trying to mimic them.
Anyway, here are some more:
On Kevin's condition
Kevin: Well, you can just go kiss my ambidextrous butt!*
Carmelita gets a bitter dose of her own medicine.
*Carmelita Spats is in the hospital, being treated for third degree burns*
Mrs. Spats: *walks into hospital room*
Carmelita: *gasps* Mommy!
Mrs. Spats: *shouts* Don't you "mommy" me, you brat! I didn't come to exchange pleasantries with you!
Carmelita: *stares shocked*
Mrs. Spats: *still shouting* I came here to tell you that you can forget about coming home. You're not my daughter, anymore!
Carmelita: But you... you gave birth to me!
Mrs. Spats: *sarcastically* Oh, gee, really? I never would've known, if you didn't point that out!
Carmelita: So, therefore, I am still your daughter!
Mrs. Spats: *slaps Carmelita* Oh, don't even pretend that you don't know what I meant! If you attempt to contact my husband and I in any fashion, we'll file a restraining order against you!
Carmelita: *shouts* Then you're no longer my mother, cakesniffer!
Mrs. Spats: *shouts* Too late! I disowned you, first! *storms out of the room*
Carmelita: *begins to sob*
Did Violet get Carmelita? You decide.
Violet: Say, Carmelita, you don't hate us just because we're orphans - do you?
Carmelita: *scornfully* What do you think, cakesniffer?
Violet: Well, no, of course not! After all, that would just be plain silly!
Klaus: Right, of course you wouldn't be silly enough to hate us for a circumstance that we wish we weren't in!
On a Cafe Salmonella sign
We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone who is: * not wearing fashionable clothing. * overweight/obese. * planning to eat alone.
Doing That '70s Song
Quigley: Hangin' out!
Violet: Down the street!
Quigley: The same old thing!
Violet: We did last week!
Both: Not a thing to do! But talk to you! WE'RE ALL ALL RIGHT! WE'RE ALL ALL RIGHT!
Quigley: Hello, Wisconsin!
Justice Strauss makes a discovery
Kathy (Justice Strauss): Folks, you never never believe what I discovered - as I was going through all of Count Olaf's written documents.
Violet: Well, what is it?
Klaus: Yeah, what's so shocking about... what you found?
Kathy: It appears that, at about even as early as 1977, Olaf had been plotting to get his hands on the Baudelaire fortune.
Violet: *gasps* Since 1977!? Gee, this is so scary! I wonder what took him about four years to... to... Well, you know.
Klaus: Well, I know he's been after this Lemony Snicket guy since about the mid-'60s - so, perhaps, this really shouldn't be too shocking.
Violet: Yeah, I guess this Lemony Snicket guy and our mom were quite close... when they were both young.
The Baudelaires do Beavis and Butthead
*Klaus and Violet are watching the music video for Led Zeppelin's Over the Hills and Far Away*
Klaus: This is folk music. Change it.
Violet: No way. It gets cooler later.
Klaus: Well, let's watch something else and change it back when it gets cool.
Violet: Damn it, Klaus. It's going to get cool. Let go of your hang-ups.
*gets to the first "dunna-dunna"*
Violet: YES!! I told you, dude.
Violet and Klaus: *imitate the riffs*
Klaus: I like it when it goes "Dunna Dunna" Dunna dunna! Dunna dunna!
Violet: Shut up, Klaus. I like it too, but you don't have to slobber all over me.
If Bill and Ted took place of the Baudelaires
Bill and Ted: *to Mr. Poe* What's up, banker dude?
Bill and Ted: *to Fernald* How's it going, hook dude?
Bill and Ted: *running away from Count Olaf* Catch you later, evil count dude!
Finally, fast food is "in".
Esme: Fast food is in. How would you kids like to go to McDonald's?
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny: Yeah!
Esme: Only burgers and fries, though. No chicken or fish.
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny: Aw, shucks!
* That' be it for now. For the Kevin one, I actually wanted to use the synonym for "butt" that starts with "a" - but I figured the censors wouldn't like it. Are they, at least, okay with "butt"?
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Post by Seymour Glass on May 12, 2010 21:04:35 GMT -5
Esme: Guess what, Jerome? Arguing is in!!! *Jerome picks up a shot gun and holds it to his head, pulling the trigger*
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