Post by Cafe SalMONAlla on Jan 16, 2010 21:12:44 GMT -5
Snicket and Handler: A Coward and a Gentleman; a collection of disturbing correspondence.
Fan fic by lemona[/b]
Installment the first:
Author’s note –
Why ever did you open this thread? Why would you want to read the distressing information contained within it? It will only cause you despair, but if you feel you must read on, here is my explanation of how the information contained in this thread came into my possession: the home of a close associate of mine was recently destroyed by arson, and in the few ashes that the Official Fire Department allowed me to examine, I found what appeared to be a small series of letters. Further examination revealed that it was correspondence that took place at the time of Lemony Snicket’s investigation into the Baudelaire case – correspondence between Mr. Snicket himself, and his official representative in all legal, literary and social matters, Mr. Daniel Handler. I feel obliged to copy out these letters, and have decided that this website is probably the safest place to do so. You however, dear reader, are not obliged to read on. Indeed, for your emotional health, I strongly urge you not to.
With all due respect.
Dear Mr. Handler,
I have just arrived in Paltryville to continue my investigation. Since leaving the shores of Lake Lachrymose I have been grieving more than ever. Seeing the lake, and picturing how it must have looked during Hurricane Herman, has sent a chill though my already highly distraught blood. I am now writing to you, my kind representative, not merely to exchange words with you, but to inform you that I require your help in passing the distressing manuscript I have just completed, on to my kind editor.
Next Friday night, there will be a navy blue jeep parked in the southwest corner of the parking lot at the Orion Observatory. There shall also be a black vehicle of similar sorts in the northwest corner. The latter jeep contains my manuscript, and I shall instruct my editor to break into it. I require you, however, to break into the first jeep mentioned. When inside, your instructions are as follows: under no circumstances whatsoever should you look in the glove compartment…
Author’s note –
Here the page burns away, and so I must simply put down the next letter I found, undoubtedly a response to this first one. But if I were you, whoever you are, I would not read this next piece of correspondence.
With all due respect.
Dear Mr. Snicket,
I received your instructions, as you may or may not be aware of, and, as you instructed me, kept a close eye on “jeep the second” from “jeep the first”. I was dedicated in this task, and spied until I fell asleep; an act that I very much hope you will forgive me for, as it was late Friday night. Despite this minor issue, however, I must inform you that I fear I was seen breaking into my assigned jeep. A mysterious figure was most certainly watching my actions from the other side of the parking lot. Actually, the figure was probably no more mysterious than the average figure seen lurking in dark carparks on Friday nights, but nevertheless, I thought I should inform you of this possible threat.
I wish you luck for your continued investigation, Mr. Snicket. If there is anything else I can do to assist you, please write me again.
Your faithful representative,
Daniel Handler.
Author’s note –
I was sadly able to make out all of this letter, as the page was hardly burnt. However, it was found in a pile of ashes. These ashes were probably many other pieces of correspondence between these two business partners. They are now completely unreadable, and so I must now copy out the words from the next legible page I could find.
With all due respect.
Fan fic by lemona[/b]
Installment the first:
Author’s note –
Why ever did you open this thread? Why would you want to read the distressing information contained within it? It will only cause you despair, but if you feel you must read on, here is my explanation of how the information contained in this thread came into my possession: the home of a close associate of mine was recently destroyed by arson, and in the few ashes that the Official Fire Department allowed me to examine, I found what appeared to be a small series of letters. Further examination revealed that it was correspondence that took place at the time of Lemony Snicket’s investigation into the Baudelaire case – correspondence between Mr. Snicket himself, and his official representative in all legal, literary and social matters, Mr. Daniel Handler. I feel obliged to copy out these letters, and have decided that this website is probably the safest place to do so. You however, dear reader, are not obliged to read on. Indeed, for your emotional health, I strongly urge you not to.
With all due respect.
Dear Mr. Handler,
I have just arrived in Paltryville to continue my investigation. Since leaving the shores of Lake Lachrymose I have been grieving more than ever. Seeing the lake, and picturing how it must have looked during Hurricane Herman, has sent a chill though my already highly distraught blood. I am now writing to you, my kind representative, not merely to exchange words with you, but to inform you that I require your help in passing the distressing manuscript I have just completed, on to my kind editor.
Next Friday night, there will be a navy blue jeep parked in the southwest corner of the parking lot at the Orion Observatory. There shall also be a black vehicle of similar sorts in the northwest corner. The latter jeep contains my manuscript, and I shall instruct my editor to break into it. I require you, however, to break into the first jeep mentioned. When inside, your instructions are as follows: under no circumstances whatsoever should you look in the glove compartment…
Author’s note –
Here the page burns away, and so I must simply put down the next letter I found, undoubtedly a response to this first one. But if I were you, whoever you are, I would not read this next piece of correspondence.
With all due respect.
Dear Mr. Snicket,
I received your instructions, as you may or may not be aware of, and, as you instructed me, kept a close eye on “jeep the second” from “jeep the first”. I was dedicated in this task, and spied until I fell asleep; an act that I very much hope you will forgive me for, as it was late Friday night. Despite this minor issue, however, I must inform you that I fear I was seen breaking into my assigned jeep. A mysterious figure was most certainly watching my actions from the other side of the parking lot. Actually, the figure was probably no more mysterious than the average figure seen lurking in dark carparks on Friday nights, but nevertheless, I thought I should inform you of this possible threat.
I wish you luck for your continued investigation, Mr. Snicket. If there is anything else I can do to assist you, please write me again.
Your faithful representative,
Daniel Handler.
Author’s note –
I was sadly able to make out all of this letter, as the page was hardly burnt. However, it was found in a pile of ashes. These ashes were probably many other pieces of correspondence between these two business partners. They are now completely unreadable, and so I must now copy out the words from the next legible page I could find.
With all due respect.