Post by champ103 on Dec 1, 2005 13:53:41 GMT -5
ONE IMPALED CARMELITA or ‘Murphy’s Law’
‘Teach me to spit!’
‘Oh shut the potato up!’ Count Olaf cried, and pushed her back, so that she fell down to the floor, her legs shaking, and her face shocked as she landed against the bottom of the Hotel Denouement’s lobby.
‘You can’t push me!’ she insisted angrily. ‘I’m a super wonderful girl!’
You’re no such thing!’ Count Olaf growled. ‘You’re a spoiled little brat-now hand me the potato ing harpoon gun!’
‘Olaf!’ Esme cried, in an irritated tone. ‘Don’t say such things to Carmy-you’ll make her ears bleed!’
‘Good!’ Olaf cried, pushing Esme back, and leaning down to snatch the harpoon gun away from Carmelita, using both hands to pull it away from her, his face resembling one of a child having a tantrum.
‘Esme! Esme!’ Carmelita cried. ‘Count Olaf stole my gun!’
‘How irresponsible of you!’ Esme shrieked at her boyfriend. ‘Taking guns away from children! Now give it back to her at once!’
‘Maybe we should go,’ Count Olaf heard the eldest Baudelaire whisper from the other side of the lobby. He spun around away from his girlfriend and aimed it at the Baudelaires, who were standing with the legendary figure Dewey Denouement.
‘Hold it!’ he cried viciously. The Baudelaires froze.
‘Let ME hold it!’ Esme snapped, and pulled the gun away from Count Olaf. The Baudelaires breathed out.
‘Still hold it!’ Count Olaf said, pointing a figure at the Baudelaires, Dewey, Justice Strauss and Jerome Squalor. ‘Esme will shoot you if you don’t!’
‘It’s not up to me,’ Esme said sweetly, and Olaf turned around to see that she was kindly giving it back to Carmelita Spats, who was now standing up and staring at Count Olaf in an angry, evil expression.
‘Carmelita!’ Olaf screamed, forcing a smile. ‘She’ll shoot you!’ she warned the orphans and their adult friends.
‘I’m not doing anything you say!’ Carmelita cried, and then froze. ‘In fact!’ she began, and turned and pointed the harpoon gun at Count Olaf.
‘Teach me to spit,’ she said darkly. Count Olaf’s shiny eyes widened and he held up his hands defensively.
‘Well…suck all the saliva to the roof of your…’ he said, and gulped. ‘mouth, and then push it out, your lips like this…’ he demonstrated the lip movement, and then spat down onto the floor. ‘That’s how you spit,’ he said nervously with a forced smile. ‘Now hand me the harpoon gun, you little-‘
‘I can’t do it!’ Carmelita cried out, using her mouth to blow just air out. ‘Olaf, why can’t I do it?’ Olaf frowned, his knuckled tightened, and he launched forward.
‘Because you’re a useless little magee!’ he cried out, and snatched the harpoon gun away from her hands. The Baudelaires were watching quietly, and still, eyes wide. Esme gasped, and rushed to the scene as well, but before she could do anything, Olaf had the gun, holding it up high, as Carmelita jumped to try and reach it.
‘Ha!’ he cried. ‘You’re too short to reach it! Times like these make me want to resort back to my theatrical laughter! In fact, I think I-‘ Instead of continuing, Count Olaf let out a cry, and fell to the ground as the ball playing Carmelita took out both his legs in a swift tackle, before jumping up from her clutch on Olaf, and grabbed the harpoon gun from the floor.
‘That was close,’ Dewey Denouement said to the Baudelaires. ‘I thought that when it hit the ground, it might have triggered and killed someone!’
‘Oh don’t be silly,’ Justice Strauss said. ‘When does such a silly thing like that happen?’
‘La Forza Del Destino,’ the youngest Baudelaire cried out, and by this time, Carmelita was standing by Olaf, the gun aimed at his chest.
‘Don’t move!’ she cried dramatically.
‘Ha!’ Olaf cried, and stepped forward. With a swift hand gesture, Carmelita Spats pulled the trigger, before realizing she was holding the harpoon gun the wrong way round, and therefore sending a harpoon gun flying into her own chest.
She gave a groan, and everyone in the room gasped, except for Olaf, who cried out a loud ‘ha!’
‘Count Olaf!’ Esme cried, kneeling down by the heavily bleeding Carmelita. ‘You are officially fired from being my boyfriend!’
‘Oh yeah?’ Olaf asked. ‘Well I quit!’
‘We’ll break up on mutual agreement,’ Esme said, her eyes filling with tears. ‘But…’ she stopped talking to Olaf, and leaned down to Carmelita. The harpoon was shot through her chest, and came out of her back, and she was whimpering and shaking furiously.
‘It’s okay Carmelita,’ Esme said, and looked up to everyone in the lobby. ‘These people will go and fetch some paper towels, and I’m sure that everything will be fine.’
‘Ha!’ Olaf cried. ‘Nothing will be fine! If anything can go wrong, it will! That’s known as the force of destiny!’ No one pointed out that the force of destiny wasn’t the correct definition of the law he had just stated, for Carmelita muttered one word before she closer her eyes, and stopped shaking, collapsed in a pool of her own blood.
‘Teach me to spit!’
‘Oh shut the potato up!’ Count Olaf cried, and pushed her back, so that she fell down to the floor, her legs shaking, and her face shocked as she landed against the bottom of the Hotel Denouement’s lobby.
‘You can’t push me!’ she insisted angrily. ‘I’m a super wonderful girl!’
You’re no such thing!’ Count Olaf growled. ‘You’re a spoiled little brat-now hand me the potato ing harpoon gun!’
‘Olaf!’ Esme cried, in an irritated tone. ‘Don’t say such things to Carmy-you’ll make her ears bleed!’
‘Good!’ Olaf cried, pushing Esme back, and leaning down to snatch the harpoon gun away from Carmelita, using both hands to pull it away from her, his face resembling one of a child having a tantrum.
‘Esme! Esme!’ Carmelita cried. ‘Count Olaf stole my gun!’
‘How irresponsible of you!’ Esme shrieked at her boyfriend. ‘Taking guns away from children! Now give it back to her at once!’
‘Maybe we should go,’ Count Olaf heard the eldest Baudelaire whisper from the other side of the lobby. He spun around away from his girlfriend and aimed it at the Baudelaires, who were standing with the legendary figure Dewey Denouement.
‘Hold it!’ he cried viciously. The Baudelaires froze.
‘Let ME hold it!’ Esme snapped, and pulled the gun away from Count Olaf. The Baudelaires breathed out.
‘Still hold it!’ Count Olaf said, pointing a figure at the Baudelaires, Dewey, Justice Strauss and Jerome Squalor. ‘Esme will shoot you if you don’t!’
‘It’s not up to me,’ Esme said sweetly, and Olaf turned around to see that she was kindly giving it back to Carmelita Spats, who was now standing up and staring at Count Olaf in an angry, evil expression.
‘Carmelita!’ Olaf screamed, forcing a smile. ‘She’ll shoot you!’ she warned the orphans and their adult friends.
‘I’m not doing anything you say!’ Carmelita cried, and then froze. ‘In fact!’ she began, and turned and pointed the harpoon gun at Count Olaf.
‘Teach me to spit,’ she said darkly. Count Olaf’s shiny eyes widened and he held up his hands defensively.
‘Well…suck all the saliva to the roof of your…’ he said, and gulped. ‘mouth, and then push it out, your lips like this…’ he demonstrated the lip movement, and then spat down onto the floor. ‘That’s how you spit,’ he said nervously with a forced smile. ‘Now hand me the harpoon gun, you little-‘
‘I can’t do it!’ Carmelita cried out, using her mouth to blow just air out. ‘Olaf, why can’t I do it?’ Olaf frowned, his knuckled tightened, and he launched forward.
‘Because you’re a useless little magee!’ he cried out, and snatched the harpoon gun away from her hands. The Baudelaires were watching quietly, and still, eyes wide. Esme gasped, and rushed to the scene as well, but before she could do anything, Olaf had the gun, holding it up high, as Carmelita jumped to try and reach it.
‘Ha!’ he cried. ‘You’re too short to reach it! Times like these make me want to resort back to my theatrical laughter! In fact, I think I-‘ Instead of continuing, Count Olaf let out a cry, and fell to the ground as the ball playing Carmelita took out both his legs in a swift tackle, before jumping up from her clutch on Olaf, and grabbed the harpoon gun from the floor.
‘That was close,’ Dewey Denouement said to the Baudelaires. ‘I thought that when it hit the ground, it might have triggered and killed someone!’
‘Oh don’t be silly,’ Justice Strauss said. ‘When does such a silly thing like that happen?’
‘La Forza Del Destino,’ the youngest Baudelaire cried out, and by this time, Carmelita was standing by Olaf, the gun aimed at his chest.
‘Don’t move!’ she cried dramatically.
‘Ha!’ Olaf cried, and stepped forward. With a swift hand gesture, Carmelita Spats pulled the trigger, before realizing she was holding the harpoon gun the wrong way round, and therefore sending a harpoon gun flying into her own chest.
She gave a groan, and everyone in the room gasped, except for Olaf, who cried out a loud ‘ha!’
‘Count Olaf!’ Esme cried, kneeling down by the heavily bleeding Carmelita. ‘You are officially fired from being my boyfriend!’
‘Oh yeah?’ Olaf asked. ‘Well I quit!’
‘We’ll break up on mutual agreement,’ Esme said, her eyes filling with tears. ‘But…’ she stopped talking to Olaf, and leaned down to Carmelita. The harpoon was shot through her chest, and came out of her back, and she was whimpering and shaking furiously.
‘It’s okay Carmelita,’ Esme said, and looked up to everyone in the lobby. ‘These people will go and fetch some paper towels, and I’m sure that everything will be fine.’
‘Ha!’ Olaf cried. ‘Nothing will be fine! If anything can go wrong, it will! That’s known as the force of destiny!’ No one pointed out that the force of destiny wasn’t the correct definition of the law he had just stated, for Carmelita muttered one word before she closer her eyes, and stopped shaking, collapsed in a pool of her own blood.