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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Sept 5, 2009 16:15:41 GMT -5
This was wonderful! And we finally know what the "H" stands for - or, at least, I think it's the same H who was mentioned in the previous chapter. I am also wondering what relation Hypatia is to the Baudelaires.
The note about how Bertrand and Beatrice weren't actually responsible for the deaths of Count Olaf's parents was also very interesting.
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Oct 7, 2009 19:24:11 GMT -5
Jacques,
I am currently hiding within a compactly spacious cabinet inside the residence of one of our enemies. I write this in haste and foreboding as it would not be good at all if our enemies grabbed hold of me and snatch the paper and pen from my trembling grasp as I worry and wonder what nefarious purposes or devices they might have in store for me in the coming minutes. But, I am not in the hands of our enemies, nor are my hands trembling at an exceedingly high level. I have noticed that you once had in your green mansion, to which I traveled frequently seeing as I have long been deprived of a verdant household of my own, a conspicuously covert stack of old wilting newspapers yellowed from the ravage of time. I do believe I took a quick peek, a phrase which here means "looked at the topmost newspaper and saw the date of publication," after which I bolted from your mansion while screaming inane nonsense pertaining to cowshed fires and a certain piece of prose composed by a man who went by the eponym Poexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It appears that the poet, mentioned in this messily and distressingly unfinished letter, has been vacationing around the far north edge of the Sargasso Sea, waiting day after day to receive a coded message from a volunteer whose chief interests are seafood cuisine and the elementary joys of right triangles. - E.R.
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THE DAILEY PUNKTILIO "All.. Th.e Ne.w.s.p.e.a.k. .In/. .Fi....t.s .,Of ....Pri/.nts"
A VILLAGER OF FOW.L...I...S..H .D..EVOT.I.O.N..... .HA.S. PARISHED!!!! By: Al Funcoot
Later this yesterday evening afternoon at 3:74 a.p., a secret crow lover was flamed to death after walking headlong into t he chy ro practoris office and tasting a kind of nut-seed that is saiwd to increyay the burning of the eyes and formulae. To consult tjhe medical doctors most trustworthy, to collect answers most satisfactoti is the raason whu the City polace departmnt has augmented to aide in the thing-hunt tp shoot and kill the pathogemic hygeine responsibklel foir this outragesos — Baudelaires, your fortune will be mineXXXXXXxx xxxxxXXxxxxxxxxxXxxxXxxXxxXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
For some time Count Olaf did manage to gain control of the printing presses of The Daily Punctilio by having Eleanora Poe locked into storage (for the second time). His monopoly over The Daily Punctilio, while memorable for its clever proclamation of Interuniversal Fire-Day (as a literate volunteer would write it), its rancid employment of the use of dastardly financial schemes to ensure that each person who attended his new play were thrust the paper by anonymous and cackling associates, dreary doormen and overall undertakers, the fact cannot remain in the dark that his spelling and grammar are absolutely atrocious. One wonders how Olaf and the Baudelaires ever escaped from that doomed hotel. – E.R.
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R.,
It is urgent that we meet soon. Currently I am under grievous circumstances shared by an overbearing lobster-vendor, a Portuguese veterinarian, a British pardoner, and a French mystic. Though those are but the disguises they choose to wear as volunteers, I am growing horridly concerned by the blatant foolishness exhibited by these otherwise diligent comrades.
With all due respect,
K.S.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Oct 8, 2009 14:29:03 GMT -5
Brilliant! It was a very creative idea to write Olaf's part in a way that he makes so many spelling and grammar mistakes.
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Post by Hermes on Oct 13, 2009 6:08:15 GMT -5
OH gosh, I didn't notice that this had been updated! I found Olaff's artical in the Dealiey Punktillio partucalry amusing.
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Nov 3, 2009 19:02:07 GMT -5
Sorry about my absence, I'll be continuing this soon. Glad you like it, Hermes.
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Post by bookworm on Dec 25, 2009 3:29:31 GMT -5
Nice job on this, it's really interesting and confusing as all Snicket works should be. Keep up the good work!
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Post by MyKindEditor on Jan 18, 2010 17:18:20 GMT -5
Have you thought about creating the actual commonplace notebook? With the papers and things stuck and stapled in? Brilliant.
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Jun 20, 2010 13:06:23 GMT -5
Sorry about my absence, again. As I had been busy working (i.e. studying) to pass my last year of highschool. I graduated on the 6th. I don't know when I'll post a new entry, but I will certainly post one. Very probably tomorrow. MyKindEditor: That's not a bad idea…I could do something with Photoshop to make the pages as you suggested. Again, sorry for my long(er) absence.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Jun 20, 2010 14:01:18 GMT -5
Don't worry about it, and take your time with the chapter. Looking around, we're all a patient bunch here. Besides, it's perfectly understandable how busy life can get when it comes to school.
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Post by Hermes on Jun 20, 2010 14:20:12 GMT -5
Congratulations! And welcome back - this was one of my favourite fics, so I'm looking forward to seeing more of it.
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Post by Tiago James Squalor on Jun 22, 2010 11:03:45 GMT -5
Oh cool, I'm glad that you've resumed this fic. I like document fics, keep'em coming. I lol'd with Olaf's bad grammar and spelling. Josephine Anwhistle would just die. lol
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Jun 22, 2010 13:10:43 GMT -5
FROM: J.S. TO: HAL
ATTENTION STOP. THREE CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BE IN THE VICINITY OF THE HOSPITAL IN WHICH YOU WORK STOP. THEIR NAMES ARE VIOLET, KLAUS, AND SUNNY BAUDELAIRE STOP. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO INFORM THEM THAT YOU BELIEVE THEM TO BE INNOCENT FOR THE MURDER OF JACQUES SNICKET STOP. YOU MUST NOT REACH OUT TO THEM IN ANY WAY STOP. THE WORLD IS QUIET HERE STOP.
P.S.: IT WOULD BE NICE OF YOU TO GIVE ME THE LAST REMAINING PAGES OF THE SNICKET FILE STOP.
I had sent a telegram to Hal in order for the above one from J.S. to be disregarded, but the lines were inconveniently down at a really inconvenient time. It appears that the person who sent this telegram was not looking out for the Baudelaires' best interests, nor those of our organization. — E.R.
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Dear Dairy,
It seems that my suspicions are now confirmed. My brother is indeed dead in the Village of Fowl Devotees after arriving there to help the three Baudelaire orphans. I am sitting, or rather swaying, in my canoe upon a tiny inlet of the Sargasso Sea weeping greatly, a phrase which here means "crying my eyes out in lamentation for Jacques's death and the heaps of misfortune foisted upon Beatrice's three confused, haunted, and distressed children." They've gone through more than enough of the tribulations of this world. What my dear sister once spoke to me is true, that xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
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To Whomever It May Concern,
I am writing this letter in order to inform you that he is coming. I refer not to Count Olaf but to another, far more sinister person. He is going to arrive at your mansion sometime in the afternoon and burn it to the ground. I have this from a very good friend of mine who is currently a reporter for The Daily Punctilio, one Geraldine Julienne. The world is quiet here.
Signed,
E.R.
It was not I who sent that letter to Bertrand Baudelaire the day of the fire, as I had been enclosed within a room, the surface area of which was shrinking by the second. I was fortunate to have escaped alive. I suspect Ernest Denouement to have been the aforementioned sender who cleverly postured as me so as to keep Dewey off his trail. Also, I did witness someone handle a bundle of papers all done up with rope as if it had been carted this way and that through many locales and bookstores. This is the file mentioned in the telegram to Hal and from which the Baudelaires managed to save the thirteenth page from the Heimlich Hospital fire. — E.R.
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Post by Hermes on Jun 22, 2010 16:30:49 GMT -5
So that's why Hal didn't identify himself to the Baudelaires as a member of VFD! Good to see this fic return - excellent as ever.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Jun 22, 2010 18:09:38 GMT -5
Very interesting, and thanks for updating. I enjoyed the mention of 'the lines were inconveniently down at a really inconvenient time'. I'm wondering who E.R. could possibly be - that is definitely something to consider.
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Jun 22, 2010 19:51:36 GMT -5
Very interesting, and thanks for updating. I enjoyed the mention of 'the lines were inconveniently down at a really inconvenient time'. I'm wondering who E.R. could possibly be - that is definitely something to consider. E.R. is Eltaan Renefeso, i.e. the "narrator" if you will. The last letter was forged by Ernest Denouement and therefore not written by our "narrator", as you most likely have read my annotations concerning it. Thanks for asking.
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