Post by Dante on May 24, 2005 4:18:09 GMT -5
Dante blasted the spam with flames, driving it back. This also had the effect of burning the creature’s underbelly, causing it to writhe and flail once more.
“This has gone on for too long!” cried Antenora, and struck one of the tentacles as hard as she could with the Blade of Banning. It was instantly removed – two others had fallen shortly before. Slowly, the 667ers were winning their battle.
The creature, too, could see this – although it could not actually see anything, its entire eye being a mass of blades and pain now – and it wrapped its remaining four tentacles around the ship and began to squeeze. This gave the 667ers the opportunity to finally remove the other claw and destroy the creature’s legs, but they realised that the entire ship was slowly being crushed like a tin can.
“We have to throw it off the side!” cried the captain. “Hack at one side of it, drive it off!”
Walter, now being wielded by Colin, began the offensive on the creature’s left side, driving deep into the spam gland there. Dante focused an unrelenting flame upon one of the tentacles; the rest of his group worked on another tentacle or at wounding the creature in general.
The creature roared loudly. It had lost its legs, claws, stingers, and half of its tentacles; it was close to losing two more. What little brain it had, its instinct, told it to slide away and rest in the cooling spam of the river; heal and regenerate, wait for another day. As another of its tentacles came free, it roared once again, and then slipped off the ship’s starboard side. A great cheer rose up from the bruised and blood-soaked 667ers.
“We’ve won!” cried PJ, waving his lightsaber spoon around in celebration.
“I’m afraid not,” replied the captain, who was looking over the side of the ship. “The ship’s been badly damaged. We are sinking as we speak. I fully expect that we will all die.”
This declaration sent many of the 667ers into a panic. PJ curled up in a corner, and BSam started draining all his remaining cans of beer.
“Is there nothing we can do?” asked Antenora.
“Nothing,” replied the captain. “Well… unless… The engines are still going. We might just reach the other side of the river.”
“How long is it until we can reach the other side of the river?” asked Derik.
“Let me check…” said the captain, rushing into the navigation room. When she returned a minute later, she explained, “I estimate that we’re around twelve minutes away, roughly. I think that the ship will sink between ten and fifteen minutes, so we may just survive.”
“Can the engines go any faster?” asked a desperate Amber, who had noticed that the ship seemed a little lower in the water than before.
“No, they’re running on full power,” answered the captain. “They aren’t designed to burn any more fuel than they are currently – there isn’t space in the tank.”
“I could go and contribute some heat,” said Dante, flames crackling from the palms of his hands.
“Yes… that might work,” replied the captain. “Alright, go, go now! The engines are at the rear of the ship. Run!”
Dante ran. Ahead of the ship, a mist-shrouded land was looming into sight.
“Is that it?” asked Akbar.
“I presume so,” replied the captain, “although I’ve never seen the other side with my own eyes. In fact, nobody has.”
The ship started to speed up. A few minutes later, the land seemed far closer, but the ship was slowly sinking beneath the waves.
“I think that we’ll make it!” cried the captain. “In fact, we will make it! We’re going at a perfect speed! We should make it there with minutes to spare!”
“Shouldn’t we slow down, though?” asked Char. “We don’t want to crash.”
“No, naturally, we don’t –” the captain started, but then the colour drained from her face once again. “Good point. I need to slow down the engines.”
“I think it’s too late for that,” said Ennui, as the rocky coastline loomed ever-closer. “I advise that we all grab onto something, and brace ourselves.”
“i love you guys,” said BSam.
A moment later, the Unsinkable XXVI slammed into the rocky coastline with a deafening crash, grinding its way onshore, and all the 667ers either hit their heads on things and were knocked out, or were merely thrown to the floor and stunned.
---
“Somebody should have told me if you wanted to slow down,” said an irritated Dante, striding onto the deck rubbing his head. “Now what’s this…?”
The captain was slumped against a mast, completely unconscious. Her wig was slipping off, revealing shoulder-length red-brown hair underneath.
“Ah-ha!” cried Dante, to nobody in particular. “I knew that it was only a matter of time before her wig came off!”
“What’s that about a wig?” asked Derik, who was coming around.
“The captain is wearing one,” explained Dante.
“Yeah, I thought she was,” replied Derik. “It always looked like a wig, even when she was a link driver.”
The other 667ers had roused themselves by this time, and gathered around the drowsy captain.
“Wake up, captain,” said PJ, prodding her with his rapier, “and tell us who you really are.”
The captain, now fully conscious, sighed once again in her tiresome manner, and pulled off her wig, revealing her full face. The 667ers gasped.
“It’s Pandora!” exclaimed Derik.
“Panny!” exclaimed Char. “I thought you were dead.”
“Let’s not celebrate yet,” said Dante. “She’s been lying to us repeatedly, for some reason. Time to start confessing, Pandora.”
“In my defence,” began Pandora, “I did make a pledge of secrecy long ago, and have been lying to you since before 667 burnt down.”
“You have?” Char asked. “But why?”
“Let me start from the beginning – and I’ll be completely truthful, as there’s no point in lying now,” Pandora said. “I – well, me and Celinra – worked for an organisation called Internet Maintenance Security. We were never very high up, and the organisation is very secret, but the basic point of field operatives like ourselves was to watch out for any signs of disruption in the Internet, and report it to our superiors.”
“I bet you’ve had plenty to go on recently,” muttered PJ.
“Precisely,” replied Pandora. “When 667 was destroyed, my superiors immediately re-assigned me to undercover work, to protect my identity. So I worked on a link-bus for a while. I was quite surprised to see that you two were alive, Derik, PJ.”
“Why couldn’t you tell us who you were?” asked Derik. “We may not have been close friends, but we should have worked together.”
“Code of secrecy,” Pandora sighed, “although I did regret not saying anything, afterwards. But I had to keep completely in-character.”
“Where’s Celinra?” asked Antenora. “You said that you were partners.”
“Celinra…” Pandora stuttered, looking deeply dejected, “Celinra was killed in the really cool member attack. It took ten of them to take her down – she kept on slashing at them until the end.”
The 667ers were silent for a moment, in mourning.
“I suppose that explains why you have the katana,” pointed out J.
“Yeah,” Pandora replied. “She always said that if she died, it would belong to me…”
Pandora shook her head, as if to shake away the bad memories.
“Anyway,” she continued, “not long after I’d left Derik and PJ, I received new orders from my superiors – the ones that told me to come here and captain the last remaining ship of the fleet, again in disguise. I got here by hyperlink. Some captain I’ve been – this ship will never sail again.”
It was true. The ship was crumpled and broken, a heap of useless metal stranded on this shore of the Spam River.
“It’s not your fault,” Antenora said. “The ship was damaged anyway, and I doubt that many other vessels in the fleet could have survived an attack by that monster.”
“That’s true,” said Pandora, “but as a ship, it’s finished. We’re stranded.”
“Well, you’ll have to join us then,” said Dante. “We’ll explain the mission on the way.”
“On the way where?” asked Pandora, as M. and Akbar began to lower the gangplank.
“On the way to the Queen of Chaos’s castle, of course,” replied Dante. “Now let’s waste no more time, and see for ourselves what the far side of the Spam River is like.”
And so, with some apprehension, but some excitement, the thirteen 667ers began to descend the gangplank from the ruined Unsinkable XXVI, and stood in a gale on the grey sand below.
“This has gone on for too long!” cried Antenora, and struck one of the tentacles as hard as she could with the Blade of Banning. It was instantly removed – two others had fallen shortly before. Slowly, the 667ers were winning their battle.
The creature, too, could see this – although it could not actually see anything, its entire eye being a mass of blades and pain now – and it wrapped its remaining four tentacles around the ship and began to squeeze. This gave the 667ers the opportunity to finally remove the other claw and destroy the creature’s legs, but they realised that the entire ship was slowly being crushed like a tin can.
“We have to throw it off the side!” cried the captain. “Hack at one side of it, drive it off!”
Walter, now being wielded by Colin, began the offensive on the creature’s left side, driving deep into the spam gland there. Dante focused an unrelenting flame upon one of the tentacles; the rest of his group worked on another tentacle or at wounding the creature in general.
The creature roared loudly. It had lost its legs, claws, stingers, and half of its tentacles; it was close to losing two more. What little brain it had, its instinct, told it to slide away and rest in the cooling spam of the river; heal and regenerate, wait for another day. As another of its tentacles came free, it roared once again, and then slipped off the ship’s starboard side. A great cheer rose up from the bruised and blood-soaked 667ers.
“We’ve won!” cried PJ, waving his lightsaber spoon around in celebration.
“I’m afraid not,” replied the captain, who was looking over the side of the ship. “The ship’s been badly damaged. We are sinking as we speak. I fully expect that we will all die.”
This declaration sent many of the 667ers into a panic. PJ curled up in a corner, and BSam started draining all his remaining cans of beer.
“Is there nothing we can do?” asked Antenora.
“Nothing,” replied the captain. “Well… unless… The engines are still going. We might just reach the other side of the river.”
“How long is it until we can reach the other side of the river?” asked Derik.
“Let me check…” said the captain, rushing into the navigation room. When she returned a minute later, she explained, “I estimate that we’re around twelve minutes away, roughly. I think that the ship will sink between ten and fifteen minutes, so we may just survive.”
“Can the engines go any faster?” asked a desperate Amber, who had noticed that the ship seemed a little lower in the water than before.
“No, they’re running on full power,” answered the captain. “They aren’t designed to burn any more fuel than they are currently – there isn’t space in the tank.”
“I could go and contribute some heat,” said Dante, flames crackling from the palms of his hands.
“Yes… that might work,” replied the captain. “Alright, go, go now! The engines are at the rear of the ship. Run!”
Dante ran. Ahead of the ship, a mist-shrouded land was looming into sight.
“Is that it?” asked Akbar.
“I presume so,” replied the captain, “although I’ve never seen the other side with my own eyes. In fact, nobody has.”
The ship started to speed up. A few minutes later, the land seemed far closer, but the ship was slowly sinking beneath the waves.
“I think that we’ll make it!” cried the captain. “In fact, we will make it! We’re going at a perfect speed! We should make it there with minutes to spare!”
“Shouldn’t we slow down, though?” asked Char. “We don’t want to crash.”
“No, naturally, we don’t –” the captain started, but then the colour drained from her face once again. “Good point. I need to slow down the engines.”
“I think it’s too late for that,” said Ennui, as the rocky coastline loomed ever-closer. “I advise that we all grab onto something, and brace ourselves.”
“i love you guys,” said BSam.
A moment later, the Unsinkable XXVI slammed into the rocky coastline with a deafening crash, grinding its way onshore, and all the 667ers either hit their heads on things and were knocked out, or were merely thrown to the floor and stunned.
---
“Somebody should have told me if you wanted to slow down,” said an irritated Dante, striding onto the deck rubbing his head. “Now what’s this…?”
The captain was slumped against a mast, completely unconscious. Her wig was slipping off, revealing shoulder-length red-brown hair underneath.
“Ah-ha!” cried Dante, to nobody in particular. “I knew that it was only a matter of time before her wig came off!”
“What’s that about a wig?” asked Derik, who was coming around.
“The captain is wearing one,” explained Dante.
“Yeah, I thought she was,” replied Derik. “It always looked like a wig, even when she was a link driver.”
The other 667ers had roused themselves by this time, and gathered around the drowsy captain.
“Wake up, captain,” said PJ, prodding her with his rapier, “and tell us who you really are.”
The captain, now fully conscious, sighed once again in her tiresome manner, and pulled off her wig, revealing her full face. The 667ers gasped.
“It’s Pandora!” exclaimed Derik.
“Panny!” exclaimed Char. “I thought you were dead.”
“Let’s not celebrate yet,” said Dante. “She’s been lying to us repeatedly, for some reason. Time to start confessing, Pandora.”
“In my defence,” began Pandora, “I did make a pledge of secrecy long ago, and have been lying to you since before 667 burnt down.”
“You have?” Char asked. “But why?”
“Let me start from the beginning – and I’ll be completely truthful, as there’s no point in lying now,” Pandora said. “I – well, me and Celinra – worked for an organisation called Internet Maintenance Security. We were never very high up, and the organisation is very secret, but the basic point of field operatives like ourselves was to watch out for any signs of disruption in the Internet, and report it to our superiors.”
“I bet you’ve had plenty to go on recently,” muttered PJ.
“Precisely,” replied Pandora. “When 667 was destroyed, my superiors immediately re-assigned me to undercover work, to protect my identity. So I worked on a link-bus for a while. I was quite surprised to see that you two were alive, Derik, PJ.”
“Why couldn’t you tell us who you were?” asked Derik. “We may not have been close friends, but we should have worked together.”
“Code of secrecy,” Pandora sighed, “although I did regret not saying anything, afterwards. But I had to keep completely in-character.”
“Where’s Celinra?” asked Antenora. “You said that you were partners.”
“Celinra…” Pandora stuttered, looking deeply dejected, “Celinra was killed in the really cool member attack. It took ten of them to take her down – she kept on slashing at them until the end.”
The 667ers were silent for a moment, in mourning.
“I suppose that explains why you have the katana,” pointed out J.
“Yeah,” Pandora replied. “She always said that if she died, it would belong to me…”
Pandora shook her head, as if to shake away the bad memories.
“Anyway,” she continued, “not long after I’d left Derik and PJ, I received new orders from my superiors – the ones that told me to come here and captain the last remaining ship of the fleet, again in disguise. I got here by hyperlink. Some captain I’ve been – this ship will never sail again.”
It was true. The ship was crumpled and broken, a heap of useless metal stranded on this shore of the Spam River.
“It’s not your fault,” Antenora said. “The ship was damaged anyway, and I doubt that many other vessels in the fleet could have survived an attack by that monster.”
“That’s true,” said Pandora, “but as a ship, it’s finished. We’re stranded.”
“Well, you’ll have to join us then,” said Dante. “We’ll explain the mission on the way.”
“On the way where?” asked Pandora, as M. and Akbar began to lower the gangplank.
“On the way to the Queen of Chaos’s castle, of course,” replied Dante. “Now let’s waste no more time, and see for ourselves what the far side of the Spam River is like.”
And so, with some apprehension, but some excitement, the thirteen 667ers began to descend the gangplank from the ruined Unsinkable XXVI, and stood in a gale on the grey sand below.