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May 25, 2005 13:15:14 GMT -5
Post by i. on May 25, 2005 13:15:14 GMT -5
Ah, very good, though I was hoping for the Queen to be someone more obscure and menacing then the image that we all have of CCV in our minds. But still, very good, I enjoyed when we were all lolling around them treasure and the battle with Les Paul.
Also, for a point when CCV was speaking I thought it would turn out that she was actually a 40 year old in the guise of a young girl
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Divided
May 25, 2005 13:37:34 GMT -5
Post by Ennui on May 25, 2005 13:37:34 GMT -5
Finis indeed. Well, well. Didn't see that coming...I liked your inappropriate burst of laughter...and the various arguments we lent you...although I think I may have been labelled "socially inept". Lucky I'm a forgiving sort...
I liked the convenient death of all the n00bs as well. Traditional...
The best aspect throughout, though, was the endlessly amusing satire of the universal "Quest" storyline...
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Divided
May 25, 2005 14:00:18 GMT -5
Post by Dismay on May 25, 2005 14:00:18 GMT -5
AWESOME!!!! Need I say more? I was leaning over toward it the entire time. This really should be published.
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Divided
May 25, 2005 14:38:12 GMT -5
Post by Celinra on May 25, 2005 14:38:12 GMT -5
*applauds* Wonderful ending, Dante. I especially like the part where you were all sitting around in the treasure room, it was amusing.
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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May 25, 2005 15:41:42 GMT -5
Post by Antenora on May 25, 2005 15:41:42 GMT -5
*applauds*
I loved the description of the Chaos virus, and the battle scene. The arguments we lend to give you power are absolutely wonderful.
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May 25, 2005 17:18:08 GMT -5
Post by PJ on May 25, 2005 17:18:08 GMT -5
Excellent work, old chap. Even if it was a tad short. But yeah, the argument-flaming thing was a briliant idea. I think the Les Paul Spammer battle could have been better, though. But still, excellent! Will the next story feature a battle for power? Will we try and revive Tragedy so that we can finally settle on a leader without killing each other? Will some random, other, problem appear, like Viruses? Brilliantly done.
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May 25, 2005 18:34:40 GMT -5
Post by Charles Vane on May 25, 2005 18:34:40 GMT -5
Yay, I liked this. (I just now caught up). Um.. yay.. I know most people say they're bad at complementing but I think I have special skills that allows me to be the worst complementer in the world.
Anyway good story. I like Cel's story and mine. Lots of bittersweet goodness.
Good ending too..yay.
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Divided
May 26, 2005 2:09:36 GMT -5
Post by A. the Returned on May 26, 2005 2:09:36 GMT -5
I saw the last part this morning but didn't have time to read it before I went to school and then the school server is down and I had to wait until now to read it. I thouroughly enjoyed this. I have too many favourite parts to list, so I simply liked it all.
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Divided
May 26, 2005 4:46:31 GMT -5
Post by Dante on May 26, 2005 4:46:31 GMT -5
Viruses
Viruses, in their meanest form, resemble snake-sized strands of DNA, made from two coils of silvery metal containing chaos within. The chaos is the true form of the virus; the coils are, in effect, its skin. If a virus is able to penetrate the skin of a person, then they immediately transform into a copy of the virus, which is identical in every way, although it is slightly weaker and does not have chaos within its body. Aspects create other aspects in the same way that a virus does. An aspect’s form always mirrors that of its virus creator, unless its form has been specifically altered (as with Chaos Code Virus aspects). When a virus grows more powerful (related to its age and the number of aspects it has created), then it can take a false form. These false forms grow larger and more fearsome as the virus grows in power. Viruses cannot write new viruses or programs.
Viruses desire only the complete destruction of the Internet, but they each also desire to do this alone. As such, viruses are a divided force, and thus do not generally present a threat to the existence of the Internet (although powerful viruses are a danger to any who come across them). Viruses respect only one being – a program known as the Mother Virus, or Virus Prime, which dwells in World’s End Mountain and periodically spawns large numbers of viruses. The Virus Prime is the source of all viruses, and if it were destroyed, then viruses would soon become extinct (unless another virus-creating program was to be written).
Programs
Programs are immensely powerful and rare beings which roam the Internet. They are written for a specific purpose, and will tailor their actions to suit that purpose unreservedly. Some programs are helpful, but the most well-known are the malicious ones, such as the Microsoft Office Assistant (Clipit), now deceased, and the Proboards Version 4 Update Program (v4 program), also deceased. Programs can be written by humans, hackers or other programs, and can be used to create more programs or viruses.
Hackers
Hackers resemble large, hovering spheres made up of many lines of code, wrapped together like a ball of string. Hackers have the ability to possess others and write programs or viruses, although many simply use the first of these powers, as the other two require great skill and require so much energy that it can kill the hacker. When a hacker possesses an individual, it uses that host body as a means of spreading chaos, causing destruction and gaining power as a means of spreading chaos and causing destruction. Good hackers do exist, but they are rare.
In the distant past of the Internet, then the eight most powerful hackers – four good, and four wicked – united in the Circle of Eight, which ruled and attempted to unite their race. They succeeded, to an extent, for a while, until one of the four good hackers caused a schism by acting against the four wicked hackers. This schism was then exploited by the Internet Maintenance Security, which mounted an attack on the Circle of Eight and attempted to destroy them, regardless of their alignment. Five of the Circle of Eight were destroyed; the remaining three fled, and the hacker race became divided between individuals again. One of the surviving three of the Circle Eight was called Geoffrey; the whereabouts of the second are unknown. The third was and remains a member of 667 Dark Avenue.
N00bs
The name given to the non-aspect creations of the Chaos Code Virus. Initially, the Chaos Code Virus visited 667 Dark Avenue, hoping to make friends, but her attitude led to her demonisation and eventual expulsion. She then created up to ten aspects, one of which, the surg30n, created a machine called the really cool member Overmind that could spread the Chaos Code Virus onto others without turning them into virus aspects. The machine was first tested by the surg30n upon his former apprentice. The experiment was a success, and the apprentice was renamed the d0ct0r. Consequently, all of the Chaos Code Virus aspects, with the exception of the surg30n, were then transformed into really cool member Overminds. These creations were called n00bs. They were completely loyal to the Chaos Code Virus, although they had the flaws of forgetting any weapons training they had had, and becoming extremely stupid.
With the destruction of the Chaos Code Virus, all n00bs in the vicinity of her fortress were immediately destroyed. The n00bs elsewhere, and the remaining really cool member Overminds, are still alive.
Spammers
Spammers are children found washed up on the shores of the Spam River, and are thought to be a bodily incarnation of excess solid spam in the river. They grow, without exception, into immensely powerful beings, with an innate lust for destruction. Spammers cannot be turned into virus aspects, nor can they be hacked.
Internet Maintenance Security
A vigilante group which seeks to purge the Internet of all races save for humans. Its true motives are not known to any outside its leaders, though. The majority of its members are minor field agents who are manipulated into executing the plans of its leaders. Internet Maintenance Security has a large army, and used to have a large navy stationed on the Spam River, but it was wiped out save for a single vessel in an attack on the Spam River bridge. Internet Maintenance Security is thought by some to be developing flying machines and infinilinks which only function for its own members. The headquarters of Internet Maintenance Security is at the end of the flow of the Spam River.
The Monster Spam
A terrible beast which lived in the Spam River, it was made up of a large amount of solid spam from the river (smaller amounts form spammers), and is essentially spam incarnate (hence its name). It took the form of a giant squid, or kraken, but with liquid spam converters in place of eyes, six lobster-like legs beneath its main body, two lobster-like claws, two poison stingers resembling those possessed by scorpions, and a single eye mounted on a tentacle atop its head. It was greatly weakened by a party of thirteen members of 667 Dark Avenue, and was then eaten by an even greater beast formed from the mutated excess data of the programs and spammers that had formerly resided on the Spam River’s only bridge. This new creature then became the monster Spam. Spam’s new form is thought to resemble a monstrous angler fish.
Worms
Worms resemble, in essence, gargantuan worms several terabytes in length and a number of megabytes in width, with a single toothy maw at one end of their bodies. Their only desire is to satisfy their massive hunger, which they do by devouring anything in sight, including the land beneath them. They are extremely difficult to slay, but this is not impossible. The first Worm, known only as “the Worm,” terrorised the Internet in its early days, gouging out the path of the Spam River and consequently creating the Border Mountains, before burrowing a giant hole in the Border Mountains. It was vanquished in this chasm by a member of the Circle of Eight and five humans (all but one of whom died in the battle). The Worm melted into lava which filled the hole, creating Morris Peak.
Morris Peak
Named for the writer of the Worm, this is a lava-filled mountain which erupts periodically due to shifts in the lower plates of the Internet. All flames are drawn from this point (for the purpose of powering certain rare weapons, and for use by certain individuals who are able to control flames).
Contrary to the belief of Dante Rubens, the 667 Dark Avenue member known as the Swan did not die when she fell into the crater of Morris Peak.
The Spam River
The path of the Spam River was carved out by the Worm, which also raised the Border Mountains. The Spam River flows from World’s End Mountain in the far west, along the around the south-western border of the Internet before flowing into the Chasm of the Deleted.
World’s End Mountain
An enormous mountain perched at the very edge of the Chasm of the Deleted, spam flows from within it and forms the Spam River. The source of this spam is underground, but more is unknown. The mountain is hollow, and the Virus Prime lives in a large chamber above a lake of spam.
The Chasm of the Deleted
The Internet is, in effect, a hugely wide landmass raised up in the middle of an immense chasm which stretches away into infinity. The sentient intelligence of all deleted creatures dwells in the Chasm after its form is deleted. Depending on the character of the intelligence, it may slumber forever or whirl wildly through the chasm in an endless rage. The Chasm can only be seen by travelling to the very edge of the Internet, a journey which is too long to have even been undertaken by any save those who dwell in the south-western Internet, where all major civilisation is situated.
The Chasm is thought to be expanding, eating away at the edge of the Internet.
Bannium
Bannium metal has the innate property of deleting anything it comes into contact with, if the wielder wishes it. Most website administrators are able to forge Banning Wands – wands containing Bannium metal which consequently have the ability to delete any troublemakers. Some individuals, especially spammers, are immune to the properties of Bannium metal, although Bannium weapons can still harm them.
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Divided
May 26, 2005 4:48:54 GMT -5
Post by Dante on May 26, 2005 4:48:54 GMT -5
The Origin of Dante Rubens
Dante, currently a member of 667 Dark Avenue, was discovered encased in the solidified remains of a lava flow from Morris Peak. He possesses the ability to summon and manipulate flames, and is immune to any form of fire or heat.
The AlphabetSams
A long time ago, a group of respected scientists, led by renowned genius Professor Samuel Samson, attempted to engineer raw data to create the ultimate poster. Unfortunately, the project was beset by error and incompetence, and it took twenty-six attempts to succeed. The products of these twenty-six attempts were each named Sam, in honour of their creator, with a letter prefixing their name indicating their particular merit or flaw. ASam, the first attempt, was fully known as AnomalySam, due to his frequent tendency to glitch. The second attempt was ruined when beer was accidentally spilt upon the experimental data, causing the created being to become dependent on beer for survival. This was BeerSam, or BSam. The third attempt was known as CalamariSam, due to the fact that instead of limbs, he had eight tentacles. Professor Sam actually believed that BSam was his most successful creation, and spent many happy nights drinking with him at the research facility where they all lived.
The project ended when the perfect being, ZenSam, was murdered by EdutainSam, NorthSam, VelocitySam and YellowSam, who were jealous of his special status. After this, the Internet Maintenance Security took over the project and took away every one of the remaining Sams, although Professor Sam managed to smuggle BeerSam out the research facility before he was executed. BSam is currently a member of 667 Dark Avenue.
The Walter
The Walter was a program created to be an ultimate weapon for an Internet warlord, which would be able to fight for itself and destroy all enemies of the warlord. Unfortunately for the warlord, the Walter program, in its development stage, was swept into a Recycle Bin program. The program deleted many of the Walter’s main features, such as the ability to communicate and much of its ability for independent movement, before Walter absorbed the program, proving itself a success. However, absorbing the Recycle Bin program had tainted the code of the Walter program, and it was now only attuned to fight and delete the unintelligent. The Walter was still able to move independently, but only when such movement could be taken as a perfectly innocent, if unlikely, accident, and it promptly slew the warlord and all of its servants. The Walter remained in the stronghold of the warlord until it was discovered by J. and her daemon Captiosus, members of 667 Dark Avenue.
Colin Towel
Colin Towel was a program written in the earliest moments of the Internet. Much like the Walter, it can only move independently when such movement could be interpreted as accidental, and its whispering voice can only be heard by its rightful possessor. The Colin program was written to mark out the most able candidate for leadership of the Internet. However, this property became ignored as the Internet grew bigger and its groups split apart. Colin’s master, at the time, was slain, and he was owned by a number of warrior kings, rich merchants, and carpet salesman, before being bought at a junk sale by Derik, a member of 667 Dark Avenue. Derik is unaware of Colin’s history, as Colin believes that he is not yet ready to accept the responsibilities of his position.
The Great Moat
A plan implemented by the Swan at 667 Dark Avenue, which encased 667 in a globe of water. This was intended to prevent flames, but also barred Dante Rubens from accessing 667. Dante was forced to use a massive explosion of heat to evaporate part of the globe, but this resulted in part of the Menacing Miscellaneous garden burning down.
The Black Swan
The Black Swan was a second account created by the Swan, which she had neglected and later forgotten. After only just surviving an attack by a program, the Black Swan lay injured in the wastelands before being discovered by Dante Rubens. Dante believed that the Black Swan had legitimate grievances against the Swan, and, hoping to defeat the Swan, managed to engineer a situation where the Swan was left alone atop the tallest tower of 667, and then directed the Black Swan to the top of the tower to fight her. Dante believed that the two were equally matched, but he failed to take into account the Swan’s global moderator powers, which gave her the extra strength she needed to win the battle and defeat the Black Swan.
Character Interviews: Captiousus, Endymion, Colin Towel and Walter
*Captiosus, Endymion (cat form), Colin and Walter are slumped on a sofa.*
E: I personally was very satisfied with the story. I particularly liked my – I mean, our – leading roles in the final Fragment.
Ca: That’s as may be, Endy, but have you noticed that we didn’t appear in Fragment Eight at all?
E: What? That can’t be right. Wait, let me check… Good grief, we’re not!
Ca: It’s an outrage. I blame Dante.
E: I’m going to go and talk to him about this now.
Ca: Shush, you idiot! If you do that, he might write us out altogether.
E: That’s a good point. I don’t know what to do now… Colin, Walter, any ideas?
Co:
E: Hm… You have a good point there, but I think it’s a bit risk –
W:
Co:
W:
Ca: Yes, you’re right. Maybe we should just be glad that we were so big in the last Fragment.
E: I know that I don’t want to be written out.
Ca: Just rub in the fact that you got more lines than me.
Character Interviews: Char, Pandora
*Char and Pandora are sitting on chairs made of glass.*
Ch: I resent the way I was portrayed in this story. I was depicted as whiny, bratty, doubting, and obsessed with appearing pseudo-culture. I am so totally not like that.
P: I’m just wondering why my backstory was so convoluted. I mean, it’s almost as if Dante just randomly threw me in, and then realised that it would actually be very difficult to explain what I was doing there, and so all this stuff about the Internet Maintenance Security was solely to explain my presence on the Unsinkable… Whatever number it was.
Ch: He let you keep the katana, though, didn’t he?
P: This? It’s a prop. It’s made of cardboard.
Ch: Really? Because he gave me a box of truffles that he said were an unused prop and I ate – uh-oh.
Character Interviews: Amber, Robert, BSam
*Amber, Robert and BSam are sitting in deckchairs.*
A: …So Dante explained to me that, when he put me into a party with you two, it was actually for an unused plotline which he never expanded on in which our differences, and lack of common ground, would split us up and lead up to BSam’s possession by Geoffrey.
R: Are you sure that he didn’t just throw us all together for the sake of it? Laziness, y’know? I’m pretty sure that he said something about having struggled for ages over who should be in the party with you two, which implies to me that I at least was pretty much picked at random. I might as well be Dupin, or James.
B: i didn’t get many lines )’:
A: I’m not complaining. At least I got to be in the story with Ennui.
R: I heard that Ennui said he would quit unless Dante put you in.
A: See, our differences and lack of common ground are splitting us up as we speak.
R: …Darn.
B: i got beer at the end (: it was made of bannium tho
R: Was it actually made of Bannium? I thought that was just a joke. Speaking of which, does anyone else think that “Bannium” is a really lame name?
A: I think I just heard someone saying that this interview was over.
Deleted Scenes: Snicket Messes Up His Lines
*From Fragment Four.*
“Anyway, as I said, I need your help,” Snicket said, seeming completely unaware of the astonishment of Derik, PJ and Char. “I want to perform a rescue mission, but I need… I need… line?”
“It looks like Snicket hasn’t learnt the script!” exclaimed Char.
There was much laughter from the cast and crew.
“But this isn’t a movie…” said a confused Derik, “isn’t it?”
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Divided
May 26, 2005 4:49:46 GMT -5
Post by Dante on May 26, 2005 4:49:46 GMT -5
Deleted Scenes: PJ’s Battle
They came from every direction, from every nook and cranny in the basement. PJ was trapped, faced by one hundred n00bs.
“What do you hope to achieve, feeble n00bs?” cried PJ, in his stirring voice.
“To defeat you, PJ,” said a really cool member, “and claim for ourselves the mantle of greatest warrior in the Internet!”
“Never!” cried PJ. “We do battle now!”
And so battle commenced. The n00bs rushed forward. PJ slew a dozen of them with a single bolt from his crossbow arm, and then, putting the point of his rapier to the floor, did a running kick in a circle at the oncoming n00bs, in a move straight from The Matrix.
“He is very strong!” cried another really cool member. “We must change our tactics – by attacking him in greater numbers!”
But PJ was on a roll. With his greatcoat flapping behind him in an indescribably cool way, PJ catapulted himself acrobatically across the room, slashing at n00bs from the air as he did so, before landing behind the main really cool member onslaught, where he shot a line of n00bs in the back with several bolts in succession. He then cut down another row with his sword, before stabbing one which had jumped at him from above. Then, he drew his knives from his boots and coat, and threw them across the room, stabbing many n00bs, before withdrawing his scissors and decapitating a really cool member with them.
“Don’t let him use the lightsaber spoon!” yelled one of the n00bs. “That is our only hope!”
But PJ had heard, using his super-keen senses. Drawing out the spoon, to a gasp from the n00bs, he did another flying jump over the crowd, and cut a swathe through them from the air using the spoon. When he landed, he did a forward roll and then stabbed upward, piercing a really cool member right through the heart.
“He is winning!” shouted a really cool member. “We must flee!”
The n00bs turned to the basement door and began to pour up the stairs – but PJ threw his lightsaber spoon at the crowd. It exploded, shaking the room and deleting all the remaining n00bs instantly.
“Now, to rescue my love,” he cried, before rushing to a cage at the back of the basement. Unlocking it using only a thimble, he released the girl within, who collapsed into his arms.
“Oh, PJ,” said Char, “you’re amazing.”
“Yes,” said PJ, in his clear, fear-striking voice, “yes I am.”
Deleted Scenes: The Queen’s Unmasking
*From Fragment Nine.*
The Queen sat in her golden throne at the far end of the room, blood pooling beneath her, her blank mask looking at them, depriving them of an enemy. Dante stormed up the room, the rest of the 667ers following close behind.
“Enough hiding!” Dante cried. “Show yourself!”
And he marched up to the Queen and wrenched off her mask with both hands.
The 667ers gasped at the face which was revealed.
“It’s a forty-year-old man!” exclaimed Derik.
“No, I’m a teenager really,” explained the sweaty man. “I just… Look old for my age! Yeah!”
“This isn’t the real Queen,” said Dante, scowling, and peeled off the mask of the forty-year-old man.
The 667ers gasped.
“It’s Alan from the Web Archive!” exclaimed Char.
“You won’t kill me this time!” growled Alan.
“No, it can’t be him,” Derik said. “He’s dead.”
And he reached forward and peeled off yet another mask.
The 667ers gasped.
“It’s… somebody I don’t know!” exclaimed Amber.
“Hi,” said the normal-looking person.
“I’m not buying this either,” said Ennui, and he tugged off the mask.
The 667ers gasped.
“It’s the crazy old man from the link-bus in Fragment One!” exclaimed Pandora.
“And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!” growled the old man.
“I’m pretty sure that that’s breaking some kind of copyright,” said Dante, and reaching forward, he removed yet another mask.
The 667ers gasped.
“It’s PJ!” exclaimed Akbar.
“I knew I couldn’t trust him!” said Char.
“I did it because I was jealous of you all, making fun of me in your fanfics!” PJ said, defiantly.
“Uh, guys?” said the other PJ. “It can’t be me. I’m right here.”
And using his good hand, PJ wrenched off the mask of the false PJ.
The 667ers gasped.
“It’s a forty-year-old man!” exclaimed Derik.
“We’ve done this one,” sighed Robert, and pulled off the mask again.
The 667ers gasped.
“it’s zsam,” said BSam. “but it thought my backstory hadn’t been written yet.”
“It hasn’t,” said Dante, who pulled off ZSam’s mask.
The 667ers gasped.
“It’s Les Paul!” cried Dante. “He’s more talented than I thought!”
“I still harboured a deep grudge,” said Les Paul, “so I plotted to destroy all of you, by posing as the Queen.”
“Let’s end this silliness,” said Antenora, and she reached forward and pulled off Les Paul’s helmet.
The 667ers gasped.
“It’s every minor character, deceased and not, who’s appeared in the story so far!” exclaimed Ennui.
“How do they all fit inside that one costume?” asked a stunned M., goggling at the mass of heads protruding from the neck of the Queen’s costume.
“This can only mean one thing,” said J., grimly. “Random wackiness!”
And then the Universe EXPLODED!!!
END
OR IS IT???
THE ANSWER IS YES
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Divided
May 26, 2005 5:14:56 GMT -5
Post by Antenora on May 26, 2005 5:14:56 GMT -5
The final deleted scene was absolutely hilarious, and the backstory was great.
I love the world you've created.
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May 26, 2005 5:18:45 GMT -5
Post by A. the Returned on May 26, 2005 5:18:45 GMT -5
Brilliant. I liked PJ's Battle and the unveiling of the queen when PJ is complaining about being mocked in fics.
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May 26, 2005 5:27:02 GMT -5
Post by Ennui on May 26, 2005 5:27:02 GMT -5
My favourite was PJ's battle. And the Sam backstory...
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May 26, 2005 7:20:40 GMT -5
Post by PJ on May 26, 2005 7:20:40 GMT -5
My favourite was PJ's battle. And the Sam backstory... Curse Dante. I was praising him very highly for my battle scene, and then I saw the PChar: PJ: this is great! FFWF: I need to save this conversation. PJ: why? It's priceless! PJ: "But PJ had heard, using his super-keen senses" PJ: Brilliance! PJ: NO! PJ: NOOOOOOOO! PJ: THATS NOT GOOD AT ALL PJ: NOOOOO! FFWF: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FFWF: Ha ha ha ha! FFWF: I'm laughing so much. What a *************. But yeah, everything aside from the PChar was great. Really, really great.
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