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Post by PJ on May 29, 2005 6:08:29 GMT -5
Interesting. So Dante's being good now? And I like how Akbar finds out. Nice story
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on May 30, 2005 4:52:38 GMT -5
This is a cool story indeed. I think my character is accurate.
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Post by s on May 30, 2005 5:51:49 GMT -5
Thanks, PJ and Antenora. That was one of my biggest worries - trying to make everyone stay true to their character, considering I don't know any of you particularly well. I've written more, but I'm sort of in the middle of a section, so I'll post it once I've finished. This internet is driving me crazy; it is extremely slow and tends to perform "illegal operations" extremely frequently. Oh well. It's better than nothing, I suppose. Anyway, more to come. Later.
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Post by PJ on May 30, 2005 6:06:12 GMT -5
Yeah, this story rox. I even bookmarked. Which is high praise. For me. So yeah, write more. Political stories are cool. Throw in a bastard heir who is oldest and we have a great story!
not a rip-off of Magician, by Raymon E Feist
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Post by s on May 31, 2005 4:16:12 GMT -5
The mob had come to a halt. Akbar stood at the front, his face masked wih worry. This had not been part of his plan. Opposite Akbar stood Haloman, his few but strong followers standing around him, guns at the ready. A determined look in his eyes, Haloman beganto speak - not very eloquently, but that was only to be expected.
"So, you thought you was gonna free Antenora and take all the glory for yourself, didja?" he asked a shaking Akbar. "Well, think again. You ain't good enough to do that...it takes a real man, not some weakling like you! I'm'na 'free' Antenora, and when I do, everyone'll respect me. I'll be dictator. You just wait and see. And don't you worry, Akbar. The first thing I'll do, is kill you." With that, Haloman reached out a hand and shoved Akbar intothe large mob behind him. What he hadn't anticipated was that the mob would retaliate. With a roar, the hundreds of people ran forward toward Haloman and his posse. Haloman was knocked down, but as he was falling, he had enough energy to say one word. And with that one word, all hell broke loose.
"Fire!"
The sound of the fifty or so guns being fired simultaneously was not a pleasant one. Many people were killed instantaneously. They were the lucky ones. One of Haloman's followers mistakenly killed another. He gulped. After all, nobody wanted to face Haloman's wrath. Nobody except Akbar. At that moment, he had moved away from the blindly fighting mob. There was only one person he wanted to kill - nay, incapacitate (never sink to the enemy's level). Haloman. Akbar searched through the mob, looking for Haloman. Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder, and Akbar quickly spun around.
"Lookin' for me?" It was Haloman, of course. "Fine, you want it that way, you got it. One on one, you 'n me." "Fine." came Akbar's decisive reply.
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Post by PJ on May 31, 2005 4:41:44 GMT -5
Excellent. And what of Dante? What will he do, once Antenora is free?
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Post by s on May 31, 2005 5:44:07 GMT -5
Oh, you'll find out about Dante. Don't worry Yeah, this story rox. I even bookmarked. wow. Thanks.
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Post by Akbar Le Grey on May 31, 2005 10:07:42 GMT -5
I am awestruck. Brilliant, SetnicK. Possibly the best fanfic I have read during my return. Have fun in India, if you get any internet access and are confused about something, don't hesitate to contact me. Pakistani and Indian culture is quite alike.
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on May 31, 2005 12:36:41 GMT -5
Very good, Setnick. Do write more when you get the chance.
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Post by s on Jun 4, 2005 3:44:09 GMT -5
Terribly sorry this took so long. Nobody left me alone long enough for me to take some time and write. Hope this lives up to all your compliments; honestly, I didn't think it was as good as you guys are making it out to be. But anyway...
The door to Antenora's cell creaked open once more. Antenora gasped. she hadn't expected that to hapen so soon. "Please let it be Akbar," she silently pleaded. Then, slowly, she turned around. A dark, cloaked figure stood in the shadows of the doorway.
"You!" she exclaimed. "Yes," replied Dante, "me." "But why...I thought..." stammered a confused Antenora. "You thought what?" Dante inquired wryly, a suspicious look in his eyes. "Were you expecting someone else?" "No, of course not," replied Antenora, a little too quickly. "It's just that..." She struggled to come up with a reasonable explanation for her surprise. "Weren't you at a meeting?"
Dante decided not to pursue it any farther. Antenora was obviously hiding something, but at the moment he didn't particularly care what. He was too relieved that she was okay. He didn't show it, though.
"Oh, yes. Of course," he replied coolly. Suddenly, several gunshots rang out. Dante ran to the window, afraid of what he might see. These days, crimes were becoming all too common on 667. But what he saw was far worse than anything Dante had imagined. It was the mob, of course. And Haloman's cronies had started firing once more.
"Stay here," Dante commanded Antenora, frenzied by the chaos occuring outside. Then, as an afterthought, he added, "Or rather, don't. You're free. I can't imprison you like this any more...it's like imprisoning a piece of myself. But...we can talk later. If you'll let me, that is." "Anyway," he finished, casting a meaningful glance toward te window, "I really must go." With that, Dante swept out of the room and ran toward the stairs, looking only slightly less dignified than usual.
Antenora sat down on the cot in shock. Had Dante just freed her? Yes, he had. He really had. It took Antenora several moments to take it all in. There were still so many unanswered questions! The main one, of course, was "Why?". Why had Dante suddenly changed his mind about keeping her imprisoned? Glancing towards the window, Antenora realized that she did not really have time to ponder these things. For the past several minutes, since Dante had left, she had been steadily regaining power, becoming more and more like the capable moderator she used to be. Now, seeing the battle raging outside, her instincts kicked in. Antenora realized that she had to take action. Scarcely knowing what she was doing, she raced down the stairs - for the first time in months - and made her way toward the mob.
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Post by PJ on Jun 4, 2005 4:09:33 GMT -5
Spot on. Please do more. Heh, I just had an idea; This mob thing reminded me of the Montagues and the Capulets. What if such a story was made of 667, two warring factions, and a love interest? Sounds like something Ennui will do. I'll just wait for him to stumble across this then.
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Post by Dante on Jun 5, 2005 5:50:24 GMT -5
I agree; it's great. Do write more, when you get the opportunity.
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Post by s on Jun 12, 2005 3:28:46 GMT -5
Akbar looked down and gulped. Haloman's gun poking into his chest was not a pleasant sight. Of course Haloman wouldn't have played by the rules...when had he ever? And now the one-on-one "fist fight" had become decidedly one-sided, in spite of Akbar's complex strategies. If only someone from the crowd would step in! They could all see perfectly well what was happening, considering the fact that as soon as the fight had started, they had all formed a large circle around Akbar and Haloman. So why wasn't anybody doing anything? Akbar sighed. If only Haloman had agreed to an intellectual debate, as he had suggested. But that would have been too easy. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Akbar saw someone advancing toward the circle. Someone wearing armor and carrying a fencing sword. Someone who could only be PJ.
"Avast!" he yelled at a surprised Haloman, brandishing his sword menacingly. "Thou art the most stupidest creature I hath ever laid mine eyes on! Thou hast the body of a serpent, but the intelligence of a dung beetle! Get thee gone, villain, before I must injure thee!"
It took Haloman a while to realize that this was an insult. Suddenly, something clicked. "Hey, did you, like, call me stupid?" Haloman asked, an uncertain look on his face.
PJ assumed a style slightly more familiar to Haloman. "Like, why would I do that, dude? You's like, my hero, man!" The sarcasm flew right over Haloman's head.
"Oh, okay. Well that's fine, I guess...just make sure you stay out of the way. I'm fightin' this 'ere guy, and I don't want nobody interferin'," he replied, still somewhat confused.
PJ winked at Akbar. In all his confusion, Haloman had removed his gun from Akbar's chest.
"But sir, why would I do that? I am here to serve you! I will never leave you! Never! I will assist you! O, venerable master, allow me to touch you feet!" PJ had once again changed his approach, but his false obsequiousness was once again lost on Haloman. He simply stood there, looking bemused. Akbar immediately seized his opportunity. He knocked the gun from Haloman's hand, then quickly grabbed it from the ground, as PJ slipped back into the crowd. Poking it in Haloman's chest, Akbar uttered four simple words: "The tables have turned."
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on Jun 12, 2005 9:01:19 GMT -5
I like PJ's behavior in this installment. Very good story.
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Post by Dante on Jun 12, 2005 9:21:13 GMT -5
Akbar and Haloman's performances were up to scratch, too.
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