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Post by PJ on Dec 24, 2005 1:22:06 GMT -5
Entry Seven - Final Entry
“Aaaah…life..” Swans moaned, her eyes sweeping past all of them. “And all of you in one spot. Delicious.” Swans added, and hurled a ball of darkness at the group, which exploded, scattering them all. She laughed evilly. She was tall, and her skin was rather pale, but otherwise, death didn’t seem to have affected her much. Swans. Perhaps the most powerful Haxx0r, Intelecteer, Code-user to ever have lived. Stuff of legends, she was. Crazy powerful. It had taken the combined might of the entire Intelecteer Organization to finally defeat her forces of evil. Even then, surrounded, outnumbered and alone, she had still managed to escape and start building up another army. That is, until Derik, her apprentice, killed her in her sleep and took place.
PJ stood, and lit his own lightsaber up. “Swans.” He said, grinning maliciously. He saluted her with his lightsaber. “How nice of you to make it.”
“You?” She stared incredulously at PJ. “You are the one who brought me back?” PJ nodded, gloating in his triumph. “I am the last Haxx0r, and I alone have brought you back.” “The last…? I think not.” She pointed over to another ship that had landed just then, unnoticed until Swans had pointed it out. “Wha?” PJ said, and took a step back. The hatch opened, and a young woman stepped out, a green lightsaber at her side.
Akbar, who had just recovered from the blast - he didn’t know who Swans was, and, as such, was relatively by her return – shouted, amazed* upon seeing Snicketface: “You! You’re dead!”
*Amazed that the author had allowed such a cheap and lame plot twist, that is.
“No, I’m not. Orangey’s dead. I was the Haxx0r spy all along. I was the one who put the bomb in Celinra’s plane, and I was the one who tried to push Orangey Twixet off the Falls. But she reacted too quickly, and attacked me. When J. came, Orangey realised that I was denouncing her as the spy, and decided to tackle me over the edge, effectively killing both of us. Very noble of her. That is, if I hadn’t had a little back-up plan involving a rubber boat and a jetpack. I hid my Code power, which made my death seem real.”* *Heh, it was surprisingly simple to explain all of this in just a paragraph. Ridiculously simple.
“Well, I will do all in my power to stop all of you.” Akbar said, his one lightsaber seeming rather weak against all three of his opponents’. “So…you’re on my side?” PJ asked Snicketface, a puzzled look on his face. “Yes.” She replied. “So…why didn’t you contact me?” “I’ll explain later.” Snicketface quickly said, patching up the plot hole with an ambiguous statement.
“Attack!” Someone yelled, and it began*.
*The others had just been quietly formulating a plan in the background, whilst Snicketface, PJ and Akbar had been talking.
Snicketface leapt at Akbar; Dante leapt at PJ; everyone else leapt at Swans*.
*Except for Antenora and Amber…they were still rather dizzy from the ritual, and Antenora had been hit in the head by a random large rock at some point beforehand. And so begins another perfectly balanced and arranged fight.
Swans sent another Code explosion outwards, throwing all her opponents away, save one. BSam, who had managed to dodge it, swept his blade at her head. She ducked with inhuman speed – she was, after all, no longer human – and with the back of her hand she slapped him so hard he flew halfway across the graveyard, and gave him one hell of a concussion, one to rival the biggest hangover he had ever had*.
*You must have heard about that. It was all over the news.
Suddenly, from nowhere, Amber attacked, with Antenora’s lightsaber. Swans twirled and met her blade, and was startled by her unnatural strength. Amber swung again, and sparks flew as Swans countered once more. The two titans struggled to gain ground upon each other, but it was impossible. Swans leapt back, and, using the Code, she ripped an entire tombstone from the earth, and sent it hurling towards Ennui. Amber might be just as strong as she, but she had weaknesses that Swans did not.
Amber screamed, and used the Code to stop the deadly projectile, dropping her lightsaber in the process. The gravestone slowed down, and then stopped, landing with a thud on the grass just before the wounded Ennui. Then Swans shoved her lightsaber deep into Amber’s chest. Celinra leapt at her, enraged, but Swans swiftly withdrew her blade, and impaled Celinra as she came down upon the Undead Haxx0r. Grabbing Antenora’s fallen lightsaber, she turned hurled it straight at Captiosus, who was struck down by the lightsaber, instantly killing J. in the process. Walter, who was intrinsically linked to his mistress, faltered, flickering on an off, slowly twitching on the floor. Three Intelecteers were dead, and the fight had only just begun.
Dante attacked, PJ parried. PJ parried, Dante attacked. Dante attacked, Dave swooped, Dante cursed and leapt aside. PJ laughed. Despite PJ’s recent boost in power, he was still having trouble killing Dante, even with his enchanted lightsaber spoon at his side. No, he would have to pull something from his bag of tricks.
PJ hung back for a moment – just out of reach of Dante’s red blade – when suddenly another, identical, lightsaber appeared in his right hand. He grinned maliciously, and swung his new blade at Dante, who parried, only to find the lightsaber passing right through his own. An illusion! Too late. PJ’s blade sliced into Dante’s leg, singing his leg hairs, and, more importantly, cutting quite deeply. Dante yelled and leapt backwards, leaning on his other foot for support. The battle continued, as battles usually do.
Now, you may think it cheesy, but friendship, love, etcetera, really does have some power. Perhaps not as “powerful” as actual things, like a lightsaber, or a really, really big gun, but it does have something. You see, friendship creates bonds. Pandora, Celinra, and J. were great friends. So, when both Celinra and J. were mercilessly cut down, Pandora, as you might imagine, wasn’t very happy at all. She was so unhappy, in fact, that she charged right at Swans, and gave it her best. Truly, she had never fought so well as she did then, all because she wanted to avenge her friends.
Now, love is a lot more powerful than friendship. So, when Amber was killed by Swans, Ennui went through what Pandora was going through, only a lot more intense. In other words, he leapt at Swans, howling in rage, his fallen comrade’s lightsabers in hand, slashing and hitting as hard as he could, with absolutely no concern for his own wellbeing. Swans, powerful as she was, was still able to fend off the two crazed Intelecteers, barely, but one must say that she was getting worried. Pandora and Ennui were fighting better than she, or anyone else, for that matter, had expected of them. They, from lack of any more eloquent words, pwned.
Akbar and Snicketface were fighting. Rather generically, it must be said, but Snicketface was still an apprentice, and Akbar didn’t quite like killing females. The idiot. So they battled back and forth, swinging their sabers around, occasionally blasting each other with lightning, and, as usual*, neither gained ground. Oh, sure, Snicketface had been cut a bit. She was bleeding badly. But Akbar always contrived to not kill her, pacif - and femin - ist as he was, just as Snicketface did her absolute best to kill him, exploiting his idiotic chivalry*. She even tried to kick him in the crotch, once, but Akbar deftly leapt back, paling slightly. He was a lot less gracious after that.
*What kind of a story would it be if the fight was totally one-sided?
*As luck would have it, Akbar survives this particular encounter. Honestly…J. kicked ass a whole lot more than Akbar did, but she got killed off first or second. I forget. That seem right to you?
So BSam joined the fray. Now, even if you are a psychotic-semi-omnipotent-returned-from-the-dead Haxx0r called Swans, you can’t fight BSam, and two crazed Intelecteers with revenge on their minds and expect to win. Swans, she wasn’t stupid. So she went on the defensive, blocking the mass of attacks all coming her way*. PJ or Snicketface would win their respective bouts, she decided, and would come to her aid. Or she would-high tail it out of here in one of the spaceships. She had already killed three of them. All nine was a bit too much to hope for. Still, she was losing. She hoped for some sort of help.
*She was hurt. Badly cut up. Ennui was freaking crazed.
Now, Emperor PJ, despite his cunning and awesome Haxx0r tricks, was still in a bit of a pickle. Swans was losing, he saw that, and Snicketface and Akbar showed no sign of finishing their fight quickly. Something had to be done. So he leapt far back, and pulled his secret weapon. The pen.
Dante, the enemy out of his lightsaber’s reach, sent a blast of white lightning right at PJ. The idiot didn’t move one bit, just held up a little biro in front of him. To Dante’s immense surprise* the lightning bolt was absorbed by the tiny pen. The Intelecteer, infuriated, sent a more powerful blast. It, too, was sucked up by the pen. Wtf?*
*The reader, of course, is hardly surprised at all.
*He didn’t actually think wtf. But it was the general feeling in his brain.
Antenora, conveniently recovered, also sent her own blast at PJ. The pen sucked it all up. Akbar, finally, even managed to beat Snicketface on the head with his lightsaber (the hilt, of course) so that he was free to blast the Emperor with his own lightning as well.
So, a rather strange picture. Swans, back from the dead, is battling a drunk, and two murderous psychos, and losing badly, whilst Dante, Antenora and Akbar are piling all they have into a tiny biro. Something, of course, had to give.
Surprisingly, it was the pen. The energy…did something. The pen started to vibrate, and bend and bubble. It grew and shrank in PJ’s hand, but he held it desperately. It was the only thing between himself and three very nasty Intelecteers.
Boom. The pen exploded. Well, not really. It stayed intact. But it kinda…just exploded. Lightning shot out in every direction, destroying the graveyard, blowing up tombstones, being generally destructive. Antenora, Dante and Akbar dived for cover, their tirade of lightning ending, and PJ simply stood there, afraid to move from underneath the pen.
The other fight, too, stopped, as the participants gazed in surprise at the strange pen. It seemed to be reflecting the lightning that it had absorbed back out. Only much stronger…and weirder. Blue and green and red lightning sprayed in all directions, making huge craters and making strange banging noises. Strange lights blasted outwards, so that a veritable firework lit up the small sky of the Haxx0r Graveyard. Everything swirled around…bubbled…smoke…bending…light going all wonky...flashes…and then it all stopped.
There was a stunned silence. Nobody moved. Then, slowly, it seemed, Swans’ blade glided through the air, and pierced Ennui’s chest with a swish. The Intelecteer groaned quietly, and Swans’ eyes lit up in triumph. She held the blade fast, then it was completely through Ennui.
But Ennui, his revenge not to be denied, grabbed the hilt of the Haxx0r lightsaber, and pulled it out of himself with supernatural strength. He seemed to have found some kind of untapped pool of energy, with which he now ripped the sword from Swans’ hands, and, shoved it right into her own chest. Her red eyes widened with amazement and surprise, and she stumbled backwards. “For Amber.” Ennui breathed, and then his hands left the blade, and he brought them up, sending Code-lightning at the impaled Swans, just as she sent her own right back at Ennui. Their heart, their very lives seemed to be pushed into this lightning, so that it was unnaturally strong and concentrated, for when it met, there was an enormous bang, and an explosion, which threw everyone to the floor. And the two were gone. Just gone.
Epilogue
Haxx0r, now, they don’t make friends. Or fall in love. Hence, with Swans’ death, PJ felt nothing but cowardice. Time to run, he decided. Everyone was still staring at the place Ennui and Swans had previously vacated. He turned…and ran right into Dante. Crap.
“He’s trying to escape!” Dante yelled, and everyone turned back to face him. Pandora Antenora, Akbar, BSam and Dante. That was all that remained of the once proud and enormous organisation Intelecteers. PJ couldn’t fight them all. He would have to settle for using one of his Haxx0r tricks.
PJ split. Into two. Two PJs. Those two split, as well. And so did those. Eight PJs. “Hahaha,” he laughed, “Which one is the real me, and which is the illusion?” One of the PJ’s said. They all stared at the one who had spoken. “Oh, right.” PJ said, and found five lightsabers at his neck. All was not lost, however. He was staring outside the glass atmosphere dome. The others did, too. A ship. PJ’s ship. Approaching them. At high speed.
PJ grinned. It was going to ram the atmosphere. And break through. “To the ships!” Akbar shouted loudly, and sprinted for theirs. The other Intelecteers followed, running as fast as they could, some bending to pick up their dead. They would have a proper burial…leaving them with the fallen Haxx0r was nothing short of an insult. Soon, the inside of the dome would be a vacuum. Which wasn’t what Darth PJ, or any of the Intelecteers wanted to be in. PJ gulped. He hoped Snicketface* knew what she was doing.
*Oh, right. For all the stupid people out there, it was Snicketface who snuck away and was currently flying towards the atmosphere of the graveyard as fast as she could. Just so you know.
Smash. The Intelecteers were safely in their ships. PJ was not. He used all the Code he had to keep himself rooted to the floor of the graveyard, and to keep as much air around him as possible. It was very, very hard.
Bam! A yellow net hit him hard, wrapping tightly around him, but providing him with a constant flow of air. PJ sighed. He was hauled into the cargo bay, where he cut himself out of the net with his lightsaber. “Well done.” He said to Snicketface, who was waiting for him, a smug smile on her face.
“Well, today, I consider a success. Swans may be dead, but so are J., Ennui and Celinra. Oh, right, and Amber. And I found myself an apprentice, at last. So, tell me, exactly how did you become a Haxx0r?” He said, and Snicketface smiled. “It’s a long story.” “Well then,” PJ said. “I guess this is the
END
“So the Dark Side won that particular round.” The old man said, nodding wisely. “Tell us more!” Some over-eager kid shouted. “Quiet, I’m reflecting upon the story!” The old man urged, and continued. “But that pen…that pen still remained in PJ’s pocket, buzzing and flickering with unnatural energy. It plays a pivotal role in the next, final Episode. The third Episode is the final conclusion to the battle of good and evil in the Internet. But I’ll only tell you about that one tomorrow.” The children looked disappointed, and started to leave. But the old man stared into the distance, contemplating the past. He remembered the story well…very well.
PJ's Musings: Cool. But Entry 6 was cooler. Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. See you next Episode!
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