Post by Dante on Apr 16, 2006 4:25:17 GMT -5
Editor: Akbar Le Grey.
Columnists: Linda, George, une femme auteur anonyme, Jemima, Skeleton Key, Lauren, Snicket.
Published by the 667 Publications, ltd.
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Dupin’s Rant.
Okay, well I was so close to forgetting to do the rant this week, until Linda mentioned the 667er, and it’s late Saturday night, so I haven’t got much time, so this ought to be a fast, furious, and…some other word beginning with ‘f’ that has a good effect.
Right, the first thing that I can think that’s annoying me is the 667X (the ‘X’ still hasn’t been explained) Star-Sign Quiz Show Bonanza Party-Contest has STILL yet to start. It started March 26th, so after three weeks, I still think they’re missing one star-sign, but Edwin promises it’ll start four weeks. Can Edwin finally get a competition started in four weeks? I doubt it. (Wait, they still need TWO star-signs. Somehow I doubt it’ll ever start)
Another thing that’s annoying me is that I have a writer’s block. A huge one. I’ve barely written anything except for the rant and I need to start writing stuff for an FAQ for the 667 Apprentice, which I’m looking forward to (that’s a good thing so it doesn’t belong in a rant.) Soon you’ll see me writing some weird story about gypsies and a dark cream that uprooted from Jesus’s face and the story also includes tap-dancing. Can J now write this for me? DO IT.
Right, well I’m determined to reach five paragraphs every week, so…I don’t see much of OH13 anymore? Has she died or has she just finally finally FINALLY learned to shut up? Either’s fine with me, but I think we should owe it all to SetnicK, who laid the smackdown like HELL in a thread I forget the name of. Now the fact that OH13 isn’t being a twit is annoying me, because it gives me nothing to rant about. I’ll just rant about her some more…for some…reason.
I don’t like so many people, but I’m going to stop arguing. I mean sooo many members are annoying at the moment…like growing-out-a-layered-bob annoying, you know? You have Triangle Eyes, CountOlaf, OH13 who still annoys me even though she’s dead, Edwin…do you think they all have a secret treehouse where they make evil plots? Christ, now I’m scared. So scared, that because I have to go, I’ll end the rant here.
-George Dupin.
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A while ago, Songbird posted a few chapters of a vampire-related story she wrote, and Charlotte immediately began to rail on it, picking apart the various rhetorical devices therein and flaming them(granted, some of those similes were a bit odd, though the story was good enough overall). Songbird was understandably annoyed with this gratuitous nitpicking. I will not put forth my opinion on whether this conflict essentially stems from Songbird's apparently difficulty taking criticism, or from Charlotte's apparent difficulty tolerating praise given to people who aren't like her. Surely the newbie called Mull it Over isn't helping things one bit. Songbird has given him/her/it a strike for rudeness, despite not actually being the CCreativity mod(though she probably does more toward modding that section than the actual mod usually does).
Mull reeks of gag account, really, or perhaps it's just that the recent flood of gag accounts has set off my paranoia alarms... Although s/he did admit to being an old member with a new account, in a thread devoted to confessions of one's deepest secrets. Some claim to know Mull's true identity, and whoever it is (judging from their sig text) demonstrates a tendency to either a) converse on peculiar subjects with BBooks moderator Dante, or b) find stuff about Nazi fashion shows in The Divine Comedy. That tells me very little, but I suppose this will all become clear soon enough.
All that aside, I find it noteworthy that Songbird says that truly realistic fictional characters are hard to create. I know this to be true, or rather my creator does. I'm technically a fictional character, a creation of some member of the forum. My creator wishes that her identity not be known at present; she says her name is "immaterial". (I think her parents might have been hippies.) Therefore, I am far less complex and interesting than my creator; she cannot make me as real as herself. At best, I'm a pale reflection my creator's more unpleasant aspects. Any misinformation, misunderstanding, or misanthropy in this column may be my creator's fault, or my own--that is, a fault deliberately given to me by my creator because, I guess, she thinks it's funny. I'm not entirely sure which of us is writing this column. My nonexistence also explains, incidentally, why I can't marry anyone on this forum.
It seems we're having an influx of fairly dull gag accounts, and newcomers who might be gag accounts--they post their greetings in the wrong section, use stereotypical urban gangsta-esque dialect and/or extremely poor spelling and/or feign(?) mental retardation, and then get deleted. "Spamoftheman" was no doubt the least original fake account I've ever seen. Many suspected that Edwin was behind it, though he denied it repeatedly, and CWM made some redundant threads(then again, I think the phrase "redundant CWM thread" is rather redundant itself, judging by the general "content" of his "contributions"). Tragedy broke his usual vow of silence to confirm the popular theory, and hopefully will eventually disable the gag account. Edwin continued to deny using that account, despite all the evidence being so firmly against him. I rather hope he follows the really cool member trend I mentioned(the one involving deletion, not gangsta-speak).
On a tangential note, CWM has been known to call himself a lurker, though recently he's been making about five threads and several dozen posts a day. That, I simply do not do, and hence I feel I have the right to gloat about my superior lurking skills, or possibly skilz. And CWM decided to follow the trend set by the gangsta n00bs and leave forever(read: disappear for a few days and then show up again to announce that he'll be around less), although he seems not to know that he can delete his account himself, or that one can view the forum without logging in. He wants Tragedy to delete his account so he can't view the forum. Surely a lurker would pick up on the basic workings of the forum eventually?
And Orphaned Hope13...continues to be, well, herself. I've spotted another possible shipping for her, perhaps, but I decline to mention it because the main user of my ship ideas has been contributing to the gag account problem. (I think claiming to have a mental disability to toy with people's emotions and slip past the collective gag-account radar is a definite no-no. There are far better ways to achieve both goals, I'm sure) I'm too weary of OH to comment any more on her.
Recently, the hand of censorship has done whatever symbolic hands do to 667 and changed words referring to certain parts of the anatomy to ones denoting common household items that aren't part of most people's bodies(some people do appear to have headphones irremovably grafted to their skulls, but that's beside the point). It also changed a term commonly used to refer to the wilder parties of Roman emperors(and based on certain fictional evidence, politicians) to "daycare center". Aside from the controversy and inevitable Hitler comparisons(why can't we pick on Mussolini for a change? He has a cool name.) I find this all hilariously funny. The "daycare center" euphemism, in particular, cries out to be more widely used. I must commend Luna for thinking of those replacements. On the actual subject of the controversy, I think that fairly polite technical terms for the, ahem, organs of procreation and such things have their place in mature discussion, and total censorship isn't the best way to deal with the gratuitous immature use of them. Though it's still funny. Someone really ought to write a 667 fic set at a literal daycare center, and involving some foolish young man's attempt to put his actual headphones into someone's authentic dishwasher.
Finally(or possibly not), we have the newbie called Peter Fillmore. He appears to be either a time traveler from about 40 years in the future, someone who should be writing science fiction in his free time, a gag account, a creepy stalker, or any combination of the above. At any rate, he's asking people for their first names and approximate locations, which, while vaguely suspicious, probably isn't enough information to stalk someone with. Though, again, I admit that my suspicions may have been increased by the recent [daycare center] of gag-account madness.
And finally, truly finally, Snicket has reported the existence of another gag account from long ago. It bears the interesting name of yourbeatrice, and was apparently sending him compassionate and/or stalkeriffic PMs when he was thinking about leaving the forum (or maybe persuading him to leave, he wasn't completely clear). It also shares the birthday of Antenora, who apparently hasn't done anything toward clarifying the matter. Someone called Dovesink thinks it's Antenora with a gag account, but apparently the suspect considers this idea not worth refuting. But I'm sure it should be refuted, as a few others are trying to do. On the available evidence Antenora is quite devoted to an intelligent and enigmatic fellow staff member who's decidedly not Snicket. Neither of them, curiously, ever seem to post in MMisc, or post much at all. I rather hope they haven't broken up, as they seemed so happy together discussing neat stuff like Inferno retellings and room-escape games, sharing a pure sort of love that transcends things like snogging and [daycare centers], and driving the likes of Charlotte into a mocking rage perhaps tinged with jealousy, a rage whose more slanderous manifestations seem to have succeeded in chasing them out of MMisc. Ah, love... something I, as a sardonic one-dimensional fictional character, can probably never experience.
- Une femme auteur anonyme.
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Interview Of The Week.[/u]
Linda: For this week’s interview, Dupin is here. He was actually interviewed once before, for the 667er Edition XII, but he’s back again. Welcome to this week's interview, Dupin
Dupin: Hey! I'm happy it's finally my turn for an interview.
Linda: What do you mean finally? I interviewed you last December. Anyway, I'm glad to interview you again.
Dupin: I know, but they're being done differently now, and PJ said he would do one with me, but then everything changed...D:
Linda: Anyways...You’re one of the most hard-working members of 667, organizing everything from WSW to Big Brother, writing stories, and doing moderator duties. How do you do it all?
Dupin: [flattered] I have no social life. D:
Dupin: [canned audience laughter] The actual reason is that I really enjoy doing things for 667, it's not a burden or whatever. Also, when Big Brother's on the telly, it puts me into a 667BB mood.
Linda: True, true. It’s really a lot of work though. I realized that when I co-hosted the awards show, and I don’t think people realize that.
Dupin: Well I suppose; it is a lot of work, especially with 667 Big Brother, so it's a nice weight off your shoulders when it's over. Although I always get ideas for new projects, so I have to make a mental note for them, and now, as soon as 667BB is over, a couple of them have come into my head to actually establish.
Linda: So what sorts of things are you planning for the future?
Dupin: Well, if you've ever heard of the program' 8 Out Of 10 Cats', I'm currently working on bringing it to 667. It was actually Akbar's idea, which I'm moving forward, but he'll still play a big role in it. It's like a discussion/quiz show, and we should get the ball rolling in a matter of weeks, although I'm also taking part in the 667 Apprentice, which may be quite time consuming.
Linda: Ooh, I haven't heard of that before, but it certainly sounds interesting.
Dupin: Thank you. You may have heard of plans for '667 Deal Or No Deal', but it hasn't been confirmed whether or not this will be based on MSN, or another IM, or whether we can bring it to 667. So...yeah. And no doubt 667 Big Brother 4 will happen, although it'll be late this year, or early 2007 when it comes.
Linda: Those sound wonderful. Now, I know you spend a lot of time organizing things, but it can’t take up all your time, can it? What sorts of things do you do outside of 667?
Dupin: Well, it's currently the Easter Holidays, so I've just spent a lot of time hanging out, going into town with friends, normal things like that. My room has also just been redecorated, so I could bore you with facts about that...or we could move on to the next question XD
Linda: Ok, as exciting as your room sounds, we'll move onto the next question.
Dupin: Sure thing.
Linda: I know there's some things that have really been annoying lately, such as the gag accounts. Could we get your opinion on that?
Dupin: On the gag accounts? Burn them. Especially 'spamoftheman'. It's one thing to MAKE the account, but to deny its you, even when its been confirmed by the admin, it's just ridiculous.
Dupin: Sure, maybe I'm biased because I didn't like Edwin in the first place, but it was such a poor gag account...I should also add that Edwin told me he's actually an old member whose come back; don't doubt he's lying, but maybe any readers might be interested.
Linda: ell, perhaps. It was a pretty annoying gag account. Anyways, moving on. What do you think would help to improve 667? It's been really annoying lately, but it seems like we should be able to restore it to its former quality without too much effort. You have a lot of good ideas; can you think of anything we could do?
Dupin: I really can't; some members just need to gain a few brain cells, to be honest. Or just think before they post; that works too.
Linda: Well, what sorts of things do you enjoy most about 667? What is it that really makes it stand out? You've been here since 2003, so surely there must be something keeping you here.
Dupin: The members mostly; there are a lot of great people here, amongst all the n00bs and idiots. I don't really get bored of 667 too; there's always something new each day for me to read or post.
Linda: What do you like most about your moderator duties? What's it like being the youngest moderator?
Dupin: People seem to think there's an aura of mystery around the Moderators section. I'll get everyone excited and say it's true. It's a land of fairies and unicorns. Each moderator gets their own private flower bed, custom made. It's all very jolly.
Linda: Ooh. Just watch, now there'll be hundreds of people trying to hack into the moderator section.
Dupin: Yeah. No one will ever guess the password though. I'm serious. Don't bother.
Linda: Well, we'll see. It's about time to draw this interview to a close. Is there anything you'd like to say? Any random facts or bits of wisdom you'd like to share? Your favorite color, perhaps?
Dupin: Black.
Dupin: As for wisdom, I'm not sure if I have any, but I was asking around whether I should be a forum Shrink, and everyone said 'yes', so maybe a new Doctor Dupin project is on its way. And everyone watch out for the next installments of 'Missing' and 'The Timewasters Letters' (the latter will be the end of the month)
Dupin: D: I never want this interview to end.
Linda: Well, thanks for your time, Dupin. Sadly, the interview must end. Goodbye, and have fun in the magical moderator section.
-Linda.
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Jemima's Unadvice Column.
Dear Jemima,
What do I do if I feel my friends are keeping something from me that's none of my business but I want to know anyway?
Sincerely,
-Nosy
Dear Rosy Nosy,
Quit bugging them. It might be something good for you like a surprise party, or something that you don't need to know, like where babies come from or where the Holy Grail is. They'll probably tell you in time; if not, then forget about it. It's gonna be something stupid anyway, I bet.
Sincerely,
Jemima
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Okay, I have a problem. Work-related.
As you probably know, I am a teacher. I teach computers at an elementary school. The computers we have are hopelessly out of date (Pentium II, 2G hard drive space, Windows 95) and dying fast. I am trying to raise $5000 to replace all 15 computers. Any ideas for fundraising?
Dear Miscellaneous teacher (hint hint),
First of all, I feel terribly bad about your school. No one should have to have a computer that old! Stupid states that never gives schools money. Throw them out immediately (or throw them at the school administrator).
Have that good ole car wash fundraiser, sell chocolate bunnies,
And put up a sign telling what you're raising for. You could also rant on it about why you need the computers.
Sincerely (and happy sellings),
JemIma!
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I saw your thread for problems and was wondering: do you want a serious problem, or one that i just made up, thats plain stupid?
Dear person, who did not tell me who you are but I know anyway but I don't think you want yourself revealed,
I'd rather get random, fun, stupid problems. It makes my head work harder to solve it funnier. Random, fun, stupid problems call for random, fun, stupid answers.
Sincerely,
Jemima
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PLEASE PLEASE PWRETTY PLEASE send your problems to Jemima!
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This week on Jemima's How To! (and to celebrate Easter):
How To Make Easter Eggs!
Step 1: Ask a chicken for some eggs, or ask another bird like an ostrich for eggs. Variety makes things cuter.
Step 2: Boil them in water for a really, really long time, until they are hard-boiled. Why do they even call them hard-boiled? Water isn't hard. Maybe it's like the Hard Rock Cafe, making the water really rock-on hard. Or
Never mind. I forgot what I was doing.
Step 3: Dry them off when the eggs are done getting hard-boiled.
Step 4: Write all over them with some kind of waxy material, if you ran out of crayons use ear wax. Though it won't taste good when you try to eat the egg.
Step 5: Soak the egg in dye. Don't use bleach, that is white dye and it doesn't make things pretty.
Step 6: Use the egg for:
decoration
An easter egg hunt
Eating
Step 7: Egg houses when the eggs are done for the hunt and decoration
Step 8: Again, run after you egg the house and the residents wake up!
-Jemima.