Post by Akbar Le Grey on Apr 30, 2006 4:28:18 GMT -5
Editor: Akbar Le Grey.
Sub-editor: Linda.
Columnists: PJ, une femme auteur anonyme, Jemima, George Dupin, Lauren, Snicket.
Published by the 667er Publications, ltd.
A subsidiary of the 667er Group.
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Drunk causes unrest in posh area of 667
Late last night, the neighbors of the Le Grey family were alarmed by loud noises and screams coming from the Le Grey home. They promptly called the police.
What was revealed was described as “one of the most chilling cases of family conflict” by one of the police officers on the scene. Linda Le Grey, daughter of media tycoon Akbar Le Grey, was the source of the unrest.
“She came home late, completely drunk, like she usually does, but this time it was different.” Reports younger twin PJ.
“We were all still awake, you see, we were going to have an intervention to stop her from drinking so much alcohol. When we told her that we wanted her to go to a rehab centre, she started yelling and cursing, and throwing objects at us. My mother in law, Alice, couldn’t bear it and ran out of the room sobbing, whilst my father and I tried to stop her. But she was crazed. She started beating us up, and didn’t stop until a cadre of police officers burst into the house and shot her with tranquilizers.”
Linda Le Grey is facing several consecutive life sentences for her abominable behavior, and it has been rumored that 667 will be introducing capital punishment specially for her. Linda is currently residing in Pengrove Penitentiary Prison, which holds more murderers and rapists than any other prison combined. She has already been paid a visit by Child Services, who have ensured that should Linda ever get a child, or adopt one, it will promptly be confiscated and given to a foster-family on a different continent.
Police are currently investigating rumors that Linda has been part of an illegal drug ring, which has been supplying ecstasy to kindergartners.
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Dupin’s Rant.
I’m back for the rant again. Sorry for missing it last week; I stayed over at someone’s house Saturday night as a spur of the moment thing, and I didn’t have time to write the rant. Hopefully that occurrence should be one that…doesn’t occur often.
What is it with stupid members making threads that have NO point at all? It’s like ‘omg I saw a funny picture on the internet! Lets make a thread about it!’ NOBODY CARES about any of their crap. Especially Triangle Eyes; STOP MAKING THREADS. Miss Triangle Eyes also needs to wash her mouth out with soap; in the past week I’ve seen her post “forbidden” words on a number of occasions.
I feel so irritable at the moment; the same old members annoy me with everything they do. It’s not even what they do, it’s the fact it’s THEM doing it. I realized this week that that is the thoughts of most 667ers. If J or Pandora made a thread like Triangle Eyes or Klaus19 have done, no one would mind, everyone would like it and join in. But because its these new, n00by members, it annoys people.
What also annoys me is when newer members TRY to act like they’ve been here for ages, that they’re “down with the crew”, that they’re friends with everyone. Not naming names, but it’s something that happens so much on 667, and it really annoys me, because the likeliness is that people don’t like them, or even know who they are.
Something I AM enjoying at the moment is the 667 Apprentice, but will we ever get to see the opposing teams efforts in the first task, where we had to make an FAQ? I was curious to see what The Flaming Fedoras (SF, Deanna, SetnicK, Libby, and Amanda) had come up with, and what their opinions were to mine.
I want to get a webcam. I have an old one but it doesn’t work. It’d be really cool to have one again, so I’ll try to get one soon. This in a weird way leads me onto my next point; we should get the ole 667 Podcast idea up and running again. I know LargeMaleOrFemale or whatever he was called tried making one a while ago, but he spoke in a monotone voice, and it was pretty boring. Not to mention that it was all about ASOUE, which is different from have a 667 Cast. Maybe Akbar could get this idea running, since it would almost be like the 667er in the form of a radio show.
HINT HINT FOR AKBAR
Well, this rant is now running to an end. Hope you enjoy my…ranting. Yes.
-George Dupin.
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I should note that this column may contain less actual forum news than usual, depending on how much happens and how much I can observe it. I may attempt to fill the resulting void with generalities, silly and semi-relevant. Or I may just write down whatever comes to mind and hope it has something to do with things happening on 667.
I must thank Antenora for drawing me. Her image was reasonably accurate, or at least accurate by default since my author never actually described me. (Perhaps it was based somewhat on Alice's fairly-accurate description of me in her earlier story, which surely helped me gain a bit of reality--and Alice says the picture looked like her own mental image of me.) I suppose, as a fictional character that does nothing but observe and clatter away at a keyboard and hint at a colorful past, I don't really need a physical appearance. Though I do appreciate gaining one.
Everything I need to know about history, I learned from 667!
-George W Bush is not only evil, he's dead.
-Franklin Pierce is not only dead, he's evil.
-Hitler is not only evil and dead, but specified in his will that his image be displayed 50 times on the same page to millions of people, repeatedly, using some futuristic worldwide communications method unknown in his time.
-King Henry VIII was a jerk.
I feel I owe an apology to Songbird, who seemed a bit offended with my column last week. I did not mean to insult her with my comments about post-grabbing n00bs who rack up dozens of posts daily in Ghastly Games. If I meant to insult anyone, it was the post-grabbing n00bs who rack up dozens of posts daily in Ghastly Games. The frequent posters of a forum do not necessarily represent the nature of the moderator of that forum. And I was vaguely wondering if Tragedy would disable post counts on some sections, as I mentioned that--or rather, I meant to suggest that some people would apparently like for that to happen. At any rate, post-grabbers are annoying on general principle; I understand that they're mostly frowned upon, and they make it harder for lurkers to find really interesting discussions, by drowning out really fascinating flames and debates in a torrent of "I agree" and "Hmm, interesting". (On the matter of insults, I'm vaguely disappointed that I've apparently failed to offend the people I actually mean to offend in these columns. I'd like to think that such people can't make enough sense of my convoluted writing to know that I'm being really rather nasty to them.)
Essay Questions:
1. Is the recent "I am a fictional character someone created" theme of these columns an indication of the author's cowardly attempts to distance herself from her own hateful words, or the author's slow descent into madness?
2. What false assumptions has the Subjective Flaneur made about you? What false assumptions have you made about the Subjective Flaneur? Why might this be?
3. Does the Subjective Flaneur deserve a good larruping?
4. Do you actually know what "larruping" means? Be honest.
5. Is the Subjective Flaneur an awful person who deserves swift death and eternal damnation? Be merciful.
Recently, Triangle Eyes has been even more immature and annoying than usual. She seems to like posting what Luis calls "gynecological chain letters"(about as unpleasant as it sounds), and finding instances of molestation in paintings based on Greek mythology. I humbly suggest that she clean out her clearly somewhat dirty mind--a jet of superheated water shot into her ear should do her a lot of good. Her threads are worth reading, I suppose, for the rather clever flames and insult graphics hurled against her, though Triangle Eyes herself seems incapable of creating a remotely original rebuttal to said flames. In short, she falls firmly into the category of people whom I actually intend to, and have intended to in the past, offend. Though she seems to ignore most of the copious amounts of flaming she is subjected to, I might as well try. Perhaps my words will provoke her to start an independent newspaper for the purpose of yelling at me, as she did once when Akbar criticized some story of hers.
Aside from arguments with Triangle Eyes, not all that much has been happening. Klaus19 has shown a persistent inability to post threads in the right section--even those she makes in the catchall category of MMisc seem out of place, perhaps better suited to a heart-bedecked diary or a grimy bathroom wall. Meanwhile, she ignores-- reverses, even-- all pleas to improve her grammar and spelling, as her karma plummets like someone(herself, ideally) thrown from a tall building. She seems just as flame-immune as Triangle Eyes, but I shall darn well try flaming her. People have questioned, as I have, the forum's apparent Hitler obsession. Consensus seems to be that there's a certain edgy coolness to liking Hitler, and that he's a convenient figure to project one's generalized hatred of the world onto, but one cannot ignore the fact that he has a rather nice mustache.
- Une femme auteur anonyme.
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Interview Of The Week.[/u]
Linda: Welcome to this week's interview, Lauren.
Lauren: Thanks for having me here.
Linda: No problem. Now, I understand your real name is Lauren, right? Is there a special reason for having your username as your real name? Did you originally have a different username?
Lauren: Yes it's Lauren. I never had a different username on 667 and I guess it was inspired by my lack of creativity to think up a new name which hasn’t already been given to me.
Linda: Well, there are quite a few 667ers that go by their real names, so it's not that unusual. How did you stumble across 667?
Lauren: I think it was through the official Lemony Snicket site...
Linda: I hope you don't mind me asking this, but I remember as a very new member seeing a few of your posts, and then you seemed to vanish for a few months. Did you actually leave, or was I just being blind?
Lauren: No, I don't think I ever left? I just didn't post as often as I do now when I was a newcomer. I might have been out for a month or so studying for exams but that doesn't sound like me...
Linda; Sorry about that sidetrack. Now, what types of interests do you have outside of 667? What do you like to do?
Lauren: I have interests outside of 667? [Waits for laughter; realizing it’s not coming she changes her position] Nah, I have other interests. I like drawing and rollerblading and at school my favourite subjects are Chemistry and Japanese.
Linda: Japanese? That's really cool. Now, if you had to describe yourself to someone who didn’t know you, how would you do it?
Lauren:If I had to...I would open up my mouth or perhaps flex my fingers and tell them about myself in as inaccurately a way as possible because telling strangers personal details can prove to be a possible future hazard otherwise avoidable. By the way I’m a very gorgeous and intelligent woman, you know, Linda.
Linda: Well of course you are, Lauren. Let's see...do you feel you’re a pretty well-known member at 667? And how important is 667 in your life?
Lauren: I think generally most people on 667 would know who lauren is if they spelt it un-capitalised so as not to mistake it with any other Laurens I have heard about that have come before me. And 667 is sadly very important in my life, if it wasn't there I would have a lot of spare time which I could spend otherwise studying for future exams or helping out more around the household... To which case I am thankful.
Linda: Your cartoon is now one of the most popular attractions of the 667er. What gave you the idea to start making a weekly cartoon?
Lauren: It is? Why thank you Linda. I guess I just wanted to bring something different to the 667er. I mean almost all newspapers and magazines have a cartoonist working for them and I noticed that was missing from the 667er. So I guess I thought if no one else was going to do it I myself would take on the duty and plague the good people of 667DA with my horrendous art.
Linda: It looks like we’re just about out of time. Now, is there anything else you’d like to say to the members of 667 before I turn you loose?
Lauren: Um yeah...Nudism is a right, not an offence.
Linda: Um, ok. Thanks again, Lauren!
Lauren: Thank you Linda.
-Linda.
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