Post by Akbar Le Grey on Jun 11, 2006 3:54:35 GMT -5
Editor-in-Chief: Akbar Le Grey.
Sub-editor: Linda*.
Columnists: Une femme auteur anonyme, Jemima, BSam*, Lauren*, Sixteen*, Snicket, Tess.
Published by 667er Publications, ltd.
A subsidiary of the 667er Group.
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No rants were submitted this week.
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Sixteen did not submit his article this week.
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It seems we may at last be rid of Jacktripper: he received three strikes rather quickly a while ago, and continues flaming people in the Saybox. Admittedly, those three strikes were from Snicket, but it seems they were fairly given, and he surely deserved even more. Tragedy--who, incidentally, Jack thinks is female-- apparently got a number of ban requests, and Snicket even told Jack he could use the Saybox if banned. His account, it seems, was frozen. Then a friend of his(so he called himself) protested in the Saybox that Jack had used his account to register under and therefore gotten it banned--Jack being too poor to afford his own e-mail address. This "Count Dewey" fellow seems rather suspicious, really, but more sane than Jack. And if Jack is reading this, I suggest he unfreeze his account by drenching his computer in lighter fluid and striking a match. That'll make the problem of banning seem far less troubling.
Klaus19 causes a lot of discord these days--not directly, but seemingly by her presence alone. The discord is between those who follow the usual path of flaming her and express opinions about very controversial topics like musical taste and fan girlhood while doing so, and those who appear to defend her by pointing out those people's logical fallacies. I'm not sure anyone really and truly wants to defend Klaus19--I suppose some people like to look noble and such, or merely stumble across things they want to argue against. I wonder if Klaus19 can be banned for being an object of so much contention, for encouraging people to say things that others object to. Probably not. Anyway, I personally don't care for arguments about musical taste(not like I've ever heard of Romantic Chemists or whatever band you whippersnappers are all listening to) -- I say let everyone listen to and appreciate whatever they want, and find more interesting things to argue about.
It seems Klaus19 doesn't read the newspaper (I'd like to think she can't handle the sheer intensity and verbosity of my column), but hopefully my kind editor can gently persuade her to. In the meantime, I'm having a good time expressing my opinion of her anyway.
It rather surprised me that, despite this week containing a very evil date indeed (at least if you leave out the 0 in 06), there was a decided lack of Satan-themed partying. Aside from a mention of this sort of thing last week, we didn't have any actual satanic revelry. In light of this forum's curious obsession with Hitler, you'd expect Satan to be at least as popular. There's no doubt some deep psychological reason why he isn't. Maybe he just needs a funny mustache.
And according to a quiz Dupin created, I'm apparently Dante. Even though I'm not. Honest. I'm not any of the results I got by fiddling around with the results on this quiz, nor the other 667 member quiz added later. I was rather hoping that I'd be an option on one of these myself, but it seems my place has been taken by an enigmatic fellow called Norman(or possibly by various people I don't care about).
Our site has been afflicted with "popunders"-- which sound like a sort of pastry or skin affliction, but aren't. They're in fact pop-ups--very large ones that are supposed to be less obtrusive than the normal kind because they manifest under your browser window, but aren't. My kind editor, always something of an activist, kicked off a protest about them. It was widely accepted, and many argued that getting rid of the Saybox isn't a bad idea anyway. Apparently Tragedy thought we should get rid of it, because it's gone now. Which means I can safely express a suspicion I've had about a certain occasional Saybox inhabitant, one who seemed to post there only to criticize. I suspect that "a lurker" was in fact a prominent member using that pseudonym to avoid tarnishing their reputation. I won't say who it is, though, because all of you probably already know.
In relation to some recent tentative plans of my kind editor's, I'd rather not have this newspaper switch to a daily format. I have the habit of writing down interesting things as they happen and then going back and editing these first impressions, so what you'd get from me, dear reader, would be progressively modified versions of the same paragraphs, and no doubt the same stale jokes even more frequently. But I don't think my kind editor should leave over all this--his newspaper is a good idea in itself, though he may be taking some things a bit too far.
Extra-Special Bonus Word-Count-Padding Extra Section
Being a member of this forum significant enough to merit a page on the Wiki(it's a red link, but still, it's the thought that counts), a sketch by someone who mostly draws popular members, and at least one cameo in a fanfiction, I've decided to do my part to better the forum. So I've started a "Support your Local Lurker" campaign--I suppose that making the forum more appealing to lurkers will increase its appeal to everyone else, because it's surely more exciting to be in a huge flamewar than to watch it, as long as it's on an interesting topic. If you happen to be a lurker(preferably one who, er, posts relatively often, so this can be seen), a fan of my column, or a conformist sheep who has no idea who I am but saw one of these in someone else's sig, put one of these banners in your sig:
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- Une femme auteur anonyme.
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Interview Of The Week.[/u]
Linda did not submit her column this week.
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Dear Jemima,
I want to dye a streak of my hair purple for a day or two, but my parents won't let me. They say it's too extreme. But I'm a good citizen! How can I force--I mean--persuade them to let me?
Signed,
A little wolf in the woods, which may or may not be Zavi.
Dear little wolf (aww, you sound so cute),
Well, my parents are kinda strict like that too. They don't want me to go all punk and everything, so they kinda make me stay away from spike collars, hair dye, etc. The usual stuff.
One little streak in your hair, I see why you want to do that. It'll look funky and F-U-N! Try explaining to your parents about exactly why you want it in your hair. Otherwise, if you think it wouldn't work out, "explain" to them why you want it-- *cough* lie. Tell them it's for... the circus. Yeah, tell them you're trying out for the circus! Clowns always have wacky hair dye in. Of course, they're always wacky, but whatever. Or tell them you're in some special skit at school and that your character is a punk know-it-all stylist for a group of hair buddies that have to go skydiving in the Grand Canyon while eating sugar-coated lampshades. They'll see how important it is for you to portray your character as well as you can, and then they'll let you dye the streak. Easy.
Just do that, and then you'll have your hair the way you like it. Bah-dah-bing, bah-dah-boom!
Jemima
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YOU BETTER SEND JEMMY SOME PROBLEMS OR SHE'S GONNA GET REAL MAD AND RELEASE HER EVELL KITTIES ON YOU.
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This week on Jemima's How To!:
How to Get My Cat to Purr!
Step 1: Start petting him lightly
Step 2: Gradually make your way, while petting him, to the top of his head
Step 3: Start scratching him by the ears
Step 4: Talk softly to him nicely. Compliments on his beautiful fur make him happy. Actually, you can insult him as much as you want, or insult some other person you hate, or talk taboo to him, or recite all the facts of the periodic table of elements to him, or tell him a juicy secret of yours, or talk about your day. Cats can't really tell what you're saying, so you can do any of the above without getting blackmailed or hurt or insulted back. So, say anything you want to him, but you should talk about an interesting topic to keep yourself awake and not fall asleep on him, which is a bad idea since he will walk away and/or on you.
Step 5: Rub him under his chin
Step 6: Scratch him by the tail
Step 7: Once you have gotten him to purr, it's nice to put your ears on his belly and hear his purring amplified. Purring is soothing and good for you.
Step 8: Feed him.[/color]
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First off, let me say that the infamous saybox appears to be GONE. FINALLY. Those popunders were the final straw for many people. It appears Tragedy has finally come to his senses.
Now, off to the point of this week’s article. Something needs to be done about Robert. I mean, I <3 you and all, but you’re getting out of hand. You’re acting like a hypocrite, you know that? First, you go and pwn some really cool member, then, when someone pwns you, you act like they’re all insignificant and unworthy of your time. I ask my readers, doesn’t that seem hypocritical to you? I mean, I know your girlfriend dumped you and all, last I heard, but that is not an excuse for being so inexcusably rude to everyone. And if you flame me for this article, well, you’re just fueling my fire.
You were okay, in my book, for awhile, only pwning those who truly needed it, being civil to everyone else. You’ve just gone downhill. It’s totally ridiculous, how you’re acting. Get a hold of yourself! I mean, come on, be reasonable. Take another look at how you treated Descartes in that thread of yours (which was TOTALLY pointless, by the way. If anyone else had made that thread, you would have pwned them. And don’t even try to deny it). Don’t you think that’s a bit over-the-top?
Now, as we all know (if we’ve read the thread in question), Betsy has tried to calm you down, as have others. You haven’t listened, have you? I can only hope that the truth thrown into your face in a public form will shock you to your senses.
Over and out,
-Tess
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Yeah, I decided to change the name of my section. I am more than a tech-guy. So, now, there will be an alteration to all of the editions of Snicket’s Tech Help. Instead, a new section will be added, and if anybody has any suggestions, you can PM them to me.
Snicket’s Tech Help
Dear Snicket handyman,
I'm currently setting up an MSN IM account. So I made the account, but when I try downloading Instant Messenger, the run box has the only option of downloading it onto a disk. My sister already put IMing on our computer, so I thought I wouldn't have to download it again. Maybe this is the problem. Do I need to put it on again, or is the computer somehow telling me that I can't again?
Help entirely appreciated.
Kiitos,
Jemmy
Answer: When you click “Save to Disk” the computer actually saves the program to your hard-disk. This is what you want it to do (Usually). It will function normally.
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This one is from PJ:
Also, why can't I re-name any of my desktop icons "con"? Whenever I do, it just changes back to the normal name as soon as I'm done.
I'm just curious, is all.
I use Windows XP, by the way, if that's any help.
Answer: I have no idea. Really, I don’t. I guess it is because Microsoft wants to actually “Help You”. And not confuse you.
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Okay, so my laptop that I use has a USB drive in it and whenever I stick mine or anyone else's USB in my laptop I can't open the files on it, or save anything. Is there a way to fix this problem?
Thanks for your time,
Samreen.
Answer: You need to check and see if any software came with the USB stick. If not, then go to “My Computer” and extract the files there.
Tech How-To
Okay, so this section will not always be in my column each week. Instead, this will pop up every now and then.
I was going to explain how to make your own Widget for Mac OSX a few months ago, but I found a great article in MacWorld on how to make one. If enough of you make a widget based on the technique described, I might hold a contest for Widget-making.
This is the link.
Hack of the Week
This has recently become my favorite hack. It is a hack for a Dance Dance Revolution Whack-a-Mole.
Software of the Week
Believe it or not, I didn’t download or buy any new software this week. If anybody has any downloadable software (I prefer it to be free) please PM me with the subject of “Free Software!”
Apple News
Okay, recently, there was an image posted on the Engadget Tech Blog that Microsoft was creating a Microsoft iPod Killer. However, this story was followed up the next day on the Unnoficial Apple Blog that a Pc Magazine columnist had contacted Microsoft and asked about the “iPod Killer”. It turns out that Microsoft is not planning an iPod killer (Yeah, right). The images posted on Engadget were really of a Gigabeat-S.
Also, it turns out that Apple is not planning to build a support center in India. If you listen closely, you can hear all the Mac-heads giving a sigh of relief.
In other news, I spotted another mispelling of “iPod” on the O’Reilly Factor. Instead of “iPod”, it was spelled “I-Pod”.
Gems
NOTICE: These clips require Windows Media Player or Flash Player. Both are free downloads.
It’s getting hard for me to find any good gems, but, in searching for something for my next section in this column, I found yhis guy.
This guy is parodying David Copperfield. By the way, you can see some of David Copperfield’s performances here: video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5658793192000195581&q=david
and here: video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5533279109509094786&q=david
AND THIS IS THE COOLEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!
This guy built a Mac mini into his car. But, it wasn’t just an ordinary car, it was a Delorean!!!11
I have seen a lot of people build Mac minis into their cars, but this one is the cleanest I’ve seen.
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Magic
Yeah, this is the new section. I decided to add this after a suggestion was made by Jemima after she found out that I was a magician. If anybody here wants to be one, this section will help you a lot. Every week, a new lesson will be included, along with a short bio of the Magician of the week (Which is chosen by me).
So, you want to be a Magician?
Well, if you do, you might want to take it slow. If you want to be one, I suggest going to your local public library and picking up a few books on the subject. You will find a lot of books there (most of them will be picture books, but read them anyway). By reading these, you will start to understand how magicians create new effects (that’s right, don’t call them tricks, in our modern world, they are effects). So, pick these up and practice some of the effects in them. Then, after you do that, go back to your library and try to find larger, adult books on Magic. You most likely won’t be able to find any, but search for books on Houdini and Robert Houdin, and you will most likely find some great effects in those books.
Before reading how to do any of these effects, however, you must swear to the Magician’s Code (Yes, the Magician’s Code is real, and if you want to be an accomplished performer, you must swear to it). You must promise to practice, practice, practice. And you must promise to never reveal the secret behind the effects. If you reveal the secret, the magic won’t entertain people, and if you reveal the secret, they won’t think of you as “Great”. Instead, they will think that you are just an ordinary person who likes to fool people with little riddles and tricks. So, swear by the codes. If you want to reveal the secret, be happy to, that is, if it is your own effect and you are selling it.
However, DON’T START PERFORMING THESE EFFECTS YET. Next week, I will introduce you to how you perform these effects.
Magician of the Week: Robert Houdin
I promised Jemima that it would be Criss Angel, but Robert Houdin’s story needs to be told first.
Robert Houdin was a French magician, scientist, and writer. He was born in Blois on December 6th, 1805. Today, he is considered the pioneer in Magic. In his early childhood, he developed a great interest in magic and juggling. In 1845, he started to exhibit his skill.
However, magic aside, he is most famous for a duel he participated in in 1856. The Arabs of Algeria were said to be excited to rebel against French colonialists by false miracles performed by their religious leaders. The French sent Houdin to Algeria to perform magic that was far more impressive than what their religious leaders had done.
While in Algeria, an Arab challenged him to a duel. They set a place, time, and date for the duel to take place. The day the duel was to be held, it was decided that the Arab would have the first shot. The bullet was signed, and fired. To everyone’s amazement, Houdin had caught the bullet between his teeth. After that, the Arabs considered him a God.
He later performed in front of Kings and large audiences. He could make things disappear and later reproduce them in strange places. He is also very famous for his cannon-manipulation (he could pull cannons out of hats and even out of mid-air).
Houdin continued to perform. He wrote his memoirs, “The Memoirs of Robert Houdin”, and later died in 1871.
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Closing Notes and Contact Information
I hope you all liked this new edition. Please send me your comments and suggestions by PM with the subject of “Comments and Suggestions”. If you have a tech question, please submit those to be via PM with the subject of “Tech Help”. If any of you have any free software recommendations, PM me with the subject of “Free Software!”. And if any of you have any gems you would like me to feature, PM me with the subject “Gems”.
-Snicket
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Hi, everyone.
As you all know, I seriously considered leaving yesterday. What you don’t know, however, is why. A lot of people attributed it to the ‘Should I…’ thread, and people’s responses. Well, yes, that was part of it, but that just supported the real reason. The real reason was that I received a PM from swans saying “I have gotten a lot of complaints about you, and your group since I've come back. I ignored them at first but they keep piling up.. no one has really been able to pinpoint what is going on other than unfair competition, it appears.” If so many people are complaining then should I really stay? I mean, okay, everyone who posted in my farewell thread seemed to be okay with me, and I <3 them for that. But I’m sure at least 10-15 people have complained, or swans wouldn’t intervene like this.
Let me explain my motives for everything before I’m judged, okay?
The 667er: It’s a magazine. Big deal. It has columns, it has ads; it’s basically an unofficial forum newsletter. Okay, so maybe we’ve published some rather…controversial stuff at times, but what happened to the freedom of the press? I honestly think The 667er has never done anything wrong. If you have a bone to pick with me, do so, but don’t insult my magazine.
667er Publications: I started this because I felt that a lot of excellent stories and authors were being neglected since people don’t go into FFiction that much. So, I offered advertising in The 667er, which at least 50 people read. The only con was that you had to put our banner in the story. Okay, what’s so wrong about that? I mean, we do deserve some recognition, and it’s a ridiculously small price to pay. I never said I owned the stories, I just published them. So there, all you moody little teenagers out there. Basically, a lot of the people who’ve had a problem with this are people who are just generally pugnacious and volatile and like picking fights (read:twistedbrain).
667er Animations: It’s just like any other art request thread, only with a lot more artists, and thus more variety. I don’t feel there’s anything else to explain about this.
667er Group: It’s not to rule the world, take over 667, or whatever my constantly worrying and sensationalist enemies say it’s for. It’s for one thing, and that alone: efficiency. That’s it. So get all the melodrama, the accusations, the evil thoughts, everything out of your head. Say it with me now: Akbar is NOT trying to take over the forum. Honestly, I don’t know why people think that. It’s all just to help 667, not ‘take it over’ or whatever.
Now, on to other things. Why have two harmless threads(this and this) been archived? As far as I can see, discussion was continuing, no swearing or anything of the sort occurred. Or is this is just the new tactic of 667’s regime? Suppression of threads? Hiding of information, or support of members the regime doesn’t like? I expected better. I don’t blame you, Tragedy, but I’m not sure who to blame, seeing as no notice was made in the thread itself. I thought that was a rule, some sort of mod ethic, hmm? At least give a reason, true or false, for your vagaries, oh great g-mods or mods. It’ll make you seem just a tad more respectable. As far as I can see, the only people who could’ve done this are swans, Snicket and Trish. DDs can’t lock and archive threads. I honestly don’t think any of them would do it. Still, I wonder why these threads have been suppressed. Surely they wouldn’t be doing it for personal reasons. Oh no, I’m sure they have a perfectly good reason for doing this, and I’m sure they’ll post it as soon as this editorial is posted.
To conclude, I’d just like to say that I’m back, for better or for worse. My publishing house continues, my magazine continues, 667er Animations is going to be up and running by tomorrow, and the group stays. I know I’m not trying to take over 667 or the world, or any such thing, and the 667ers who are important to me know it as well. As for the rest, I couldn’t care less. Akbar’s back.
Deal with it, mageemonkeys.
Peace out,
Akbar Le Grey.
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