Post by Akbar Le Grey on Jul 9, 2006 3:42:17 GMT -5
July 9th – July 16th.
Editor-in-Chief: Akbar Le Grey.
Sub-editor: Linda*.
Columnists: Une femme auteur anonyme, Jemima*, Sixteen*, Snicket, Tess, Eoghann, Sora, He.
Published by 667er Publications, ltd.
A subsidiary of the 667er Group.
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I’ve decided to give this column a new format; every week there’ll just be one or two news items about things that have happened that week.
EURO CREATES CONTROVERSIAL ANTI-BETSY THREAD, LEAVES
MENACING MISCELLANEOUS, JULY 8TH: Prominent and controversial member Euro left today, after making a rather offensive thread in which she cursed Betsy and asked to be banned.
The thread, which was originally entitled “BETSYS;'A A potato IGN magikarp AND I HOPE SHE DIES”, contained a lot of abusive language in Euro’s posts. Now, however, the abuses have, for the most part, been censored out by Dupin. The first person to arrive on the scene, Luis said: “Don't, don't, don't let's start, this is the worst part.” Euro continued to agitate to be banned after a while, since no staff members had posted in the thread. Soon, however, Betsy arrived on the scene, making an impassioned statement in defense of herself, and saying, mildly, that she herself wanted Euro to leave.
Soon after this, Dupin arrived on the scene. Filled with administerial rage, he said, disappointedly: “If Euro would like to make a polite leaving thread, then she may. I'm censoring, locking, and moving this. I expected better, Euro.” Euro retorted to Betsy, and then proceeded to ask Dupin to ban her. He could not, however, do this, as he does not have that power. Betsy, however, assured Euro that “you'll get banned. Don't worry.”
In a statement made to this correspondent on Saturday evening (GMT), Luis had this to say about Euro: “That silly Euro and her grudge against Betsy for looking at Derik's PNS.”
Exactly one hour after its conception, the thread was closed, and Euro has not been seen on 667 since. Betsy has, however, been active, and, as of Saturday night, the incident seemed not to have created too much of a stir.
Euro made a statement about 20 minutes after Luis. Her statement: “Regarding my departure, I’d just like to say that I apologize for all inconveniences and grievances caused to all people but Betsy. That and, I probably overreacted quite a bit and everyone knows I’ll most likely come back anyway. I always do.”
No further developments had taken place by the time this story was filed.
Here is a link to her (now censored) leaving thread.
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NEW BOARD CREATED
In a mass PM sent out on Saturday night (GMT), swans announced that a new board, The Depressing Diversions, has been created in the Burdensome Books Section.
According to the PM, it is to contain weekly quizzes and puzzles about the books, so as to keep member’s minds sharp on aSoUE in the run-up to ‘The End’. In her PM, the g-mod expressed her thanks to all the staff, giving Songbird and Gigi special mentions. The complete text of the PM is as follows:
Dear 667 Dark Avenue Member,
Located in the Burdensome Books section, at the top, is a new temporary section called The Depressing Diversions (http://asoue.proboards11.com/index.cgi?board=asouetrivia).
It's one of the activities the staff has put together as we rapidly reach "The End". It will be updated, hopefully, weekly with new games for each book so please check it out, and participate. Also if you have any games, quizzes or any other type of activities you'd like to add please let us know. Member contribution is always welcome!
Thank you very much to the staff especially Gigi and Songbird for their contributions.
With all due respect,
Swans
At the time this story was filed, the board seemed to be doing well, with four games on the theme of the first book, The Bad Beginning, and a welcome thread.
-Akbar Le Grey.
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COMMENTARY ON COMMENTARY ON THE NEWSPAPER
My kind editor complains about some of his columnists neglecting their articles, while Dupin points out that he's being rather too fussy about a forum newspaper. Personally, I believe that skipping one article, for reasons beyond one's control, isn't grounds for firing. That said, I suppose I've been fairly consistent in my submissions, and I will continue to be, unless something happens.
MEANWHILE, IN THE WORLD OF FICTION...
My kind editor's story is getting rather interesting. There's a vague hint of conspiracy among our more taciturn moderators, and a sudden divorce(between two who are probably polygamists, but it's still rather a shock), and Klaus19 gets mocked. Rather more interesting, this, than the actual contents of the forum at the moment. The latter seems to consist mostly of complicated in-jokes, uninteresting comments by Klaus19, and things with no discernible purpose. Just like in the olden days, I suppose. And then there's the interesting things I hope to elaborate on below, if they happen. (I'm writing this bit several days before my due date, by the way. It's my secret to having at least a few vaguely relevant sentences by publishing time.)
FOR THE RECORD, I TOTALLY GUESSED "GILLIGAN'S" IDENTITY AHEAD OF TIME
Indeed, he's Jack T(he )Ripper, returned from exile and claiming to have improved himself. He resorted to the not uncommon tactic of making a poll about his identity, and Jacktripper was the overwhelming winner. Gilligan never seemed all that horrible, really-- he typed coherently, he spurred others to make somewhat amusing comments with thoroughly nonsensical jokes about pretending(?) to confuse Stephen Colbert and Stephen King, and he flamed the considerably-less-improved Klaus19. But then, he was gone.
COMMAS, ARE ALL-IMPORTANT!
It's a little sad to see Jack's probably-sincere attempt at apologizing shouted down for some incorrect comma placement. I don't deny that I dislike seeing comma abuse, but sometimes one must look beyond bad punctuation. He left, it seems, but I'm entirely willing to bet that he's back with a new account(apparently one called TheFonz, surely others). Or has been back repeatedly, possibly also as the thread-bumping and somewhat clueless General Lee-- whose profile really isn't as awful as people seem to think. But, many times, he apparently left before he could show his possible improvement(although just about anything would be an improvement on Jacktripper's previous behavior), because he was flamed by some long-registered and seemingly prominent members, even if seemingly newer and less-prominent ones kept their scorn to themselves and/or actually wanted to be helpful. Shame on you, prominent members!
CHIEFLY CONCERNING KLAUS19, WHICH SHOULDN'T SURPRISE ANYONE
Klaus19, by the way, is still making tasteless and unfunny jokes about rape, not to mention writing horrible poetry in ALLCAPS for people she either admires or wishes to provoke. I'm not sure if these are pathetic attempts to fit in with the general society of the forum(which does far less degenerate versions of these sorts of things), or an open admission that she's a troll. She's inspired J to return to her former [censored insult]-bashing self, which is kind of entertaining to see, and certainly agreeable. Since the MMisc moderators seem to have been less effective than usual, Dupin is helpfully terminating Klaus19's tackier threads on sight.
APPLICATIONS OF THE BANHAMMER AND SIMILAR WEAPONS
Dupin, despite his lack of a banhammer, has done well in dealing with various menaces. Besides archiving the Klaus19 threads mentioned above, he's been telling off some "prominent" members with archaic registration dates for their random cruelty. He unleashed whatever weapon is used for archiving threads and censoring their titles on something Euro made. As far as I could tell through the haze of poor typing, this is the case: For some apparent complicated reasons involving naked pictures(and no doubt bands Euro dislikes because she thinks other people might have heard of them), Euro despises Betsy, and wants banning. Herself, not Betsy. I hope she enjoyed the strike of the banhammer that probably struck her down. And while I fear mentioning this for fear of invoking a curse, Klaus19 seems to have vanished. Perhaps she was banhammered, or perhaps I just like the word "banhammer".
AND FINALLY, FICTION
At the mercy of Alice once again, I find myself paired with my fellow anonymous(if less frequent) contributor, known by the godlike name of He. This tale is poetically written, tragic, intriguing, and no doubt confusing to the many people attempting to guess at my true identity, and indeed His.(The pairing's not implausible, I like what I've seen of His work. Though I will not put forth any guesses about His identity.) Or trying to guess what Alice knows about He and myself, or what she guessed exactly, as she kindly keeps any precise knowledge secret.
- Une femme auteur anonyme.
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Interview Of The Week.[/u]
The 667er: Welcome, Derik. Thank you for joining us.
Derik: *answers with something witty and intelligent*
The 667er: When did you first join 667?
Derik: Two summers ago, or something. Wait, last summer, then the summer... before it? Yeah, that's it, because last summer I had just moved in and was strung out on Sgt. Pepper and Queen without internet, and the summer before it was when I went to the pool all the time, and once I didn't want to go because I was defending Dellygatta from being BSam *nod*
The 667er:So, one summer. *nodnod* When and why did you stop posting?
Derik: Pfft, I never did, I recently bid 77,777 dollars of money that I never actually got to see on pebbles, which I also never got to actually see either.
The 667er: But your posting has slowed quite a bit.
Derik: True. There didn't seem to be many threads worth posting in any longer, and I'm far too lazy to put any effort into making new ones.
The 667er: What are some of your interests and hobbies?
Derik: Films, music, theatre? Rather general... at the moment I'm in love with The Wallflowers, Dresden Dolls, Editors, and the Chicago OST for music, and I'll always be a Beatles fanboy. Some of my favourite movies as of late would be Dear Wendy, Chicago, surprisingly, the Blues Brothers, Amadeus, Life of Brian, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I'm also interested in wearing purple ribbons tied around my neck.
The 667er: What is your favorite book?
Derik: 1984. It's just a classic, and I grew up on it, although I didn't understand a word until I was ten or so. Also Last Chance to See by Adams, Catch 22, Diary by Chuck Palahniuk. I also like to read Grisham to pass the time when nothing better is at hand.
The 667er: What is your favorite book in ASOUE?
Derik: I really enjoyed Grim Grotto, because it was put out at a time when I was just an avid reader of aSoUE, avid poster at 667, and it was just the orgasmic climax of the whole phenomenon for me, the last great ball in my eyes, the driving around for hours with my mother to find the books, and just ugh, I don't know how much sense I'm making, if any. I also liked Miserable Mill, because it was my first, and it was just so unlike anything I'd ever read before.
The 667er: How did you get the position of Global Moderator?
Derik: I asked. Quite easy, really. Dante and I had been talking about the general disorganization of things, such as the calendar, and all that, and swans hadn't been on in quite some time, and I approached Tragedy with the suggestion of cleaning it up a bit, or enlisting new help, and he said I didn't need to beat around a thousand bushes and just needed to ask for the job if I wanted it. I'd also done a few days of temporary watching over with temp g-mod powers while Tragedy was out, so I had some experience, I spo'se.
The 667er: Who are some of your best friends and e-spouses on 667?
Derik: Gee, can I even remember all of my spouses? Yes, but not after touristing all day in Canada. I don't know, I really like loads of people from 667, I respect others. I don't see anyone as being my "best friend" or best little group of friends any longer, I just read 667 for something to do, I really only talk to people on MSN now.
The 667er: What are your fondest and most vivid memories of 667?
Derik: I vividly remember every event that's happened to me after the age of three or so, so everything in that department. I'm quite fond of many of my memories, the ones that seem to be sticking out would be of Dante, Cassandra's Ruins, PJ and A., and many other people who I remember fondly, but I just realized there would be no way for me to conjure up the effort required to record them here because I'm very tired. *falls over*
The 667er: Poor dear. What is the story behind Colin?
Derik: Ah, Colin Colin Colin. Well, then, you did ask. It pretty much originated from the Thingagon night, where I was at my grandparent's, which used to be the only way I could stay up all night on the computer because I had my separate room downstairs. Anyway, everyone was slipping into lewd acts of debauchery, and for no reason at all I decided I would begin loving a towel. I changed my name on 667 to ‘I love Hawt Towel!’, as hawt was the preferred "hot" spelling in those days, and changed my avatar and such, and used paint to "censor" out parts of a towel, which I'm sure was very humourous at 2 AM. Anyway, I eventually fell asleep, and when I awoke all this had happened, and I eventually changed it back, but I also adopted the towel as my sexuality symbol, much like Char had her bagels. After quite some time, Alice finished her Thingagon fic, where I ran away with a towel which she coined Colin, or perhaps someone else had and I didn't catch it, but I do know that I did not come up with the name, which I'd like to clear up here. And I eventually picked a nice looking towel, and decided that that would be my "hawt Colin towel". I have a picture of us snogging from years ago somewhere, I can dig it up if you'd like. Anyway, then one day these fellows were painting out house and I couldn't get on the computer, so I was taking pictures of things, and I took some of my towel, and then found I could take pictures of it "flying". I found another towel, and was struck with a creative urge, and I suppose the rest is remembered history.
Derik: asoue.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=writing&action=display&n=1&thread=23631 History recorded there. *pimppimppimp*
The 667er: Thanks for that.
The 667er: What events have you organized or participated in on 667?
Derik: Hell, organized? None that I can recall. I have participated in the 667 Factor 2, I believe? Perhaps it was 3... And I was in Big Brother 1/2 which was abandoned, and I won Big Brother 2. I think? Yeah, it was Cel and I.
The 667er: Do you think you’ll ever post regularly again on 667?
Derik: Bring back the old threads, people, atmosphere, and my youthful naive-ness? Whatever the word is, bring all that back and chure. But otherwise, most likely not.
The 667er:That's a shame. Well, thank you for your time.
Derik:
asoue.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=jock&action=display&n=1&thread=13718&page=1#1152409157 I mean really, what the hell kind of thread is thi- oh, we're done now *stops ranting*
Derik: *bows gracefully*
The 667er: Thank you, Derik. Please join us next week when we interview Gigi.
-Libitina.
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Until You Fall
You never know how high you are until you fall.
It’s true, though, isn’t it? You climb and climb almost without realising it, and you’re so busy looking up at your goal that you forget to look down and see how far you’ve come, how many people are standing below looking up at you, angrily, resentfully, warily, fearfully… You almost don’t notice that you’re treading on people either, and sometimes you’re not actually treading on them but that’s what it feels like to them, and when they start feeling like that, they’re ready to fall, too.
I can’t say I wasn’t warned, though. From the beginning, I was told not to go too high, that I couldn’t take it, nobody could, that I shouldn’t even try… They told me I was getting ahead of myself, needed to get over myself. But that’s not why I climbed. I climbed to make Father happy. To show Him I could, too, that we could all be high. I wasn’t proud; I wanted to make him proud.
So I climbed and climbed and some people joined me and others turned too much against me and others just ignored the whole thing and others just stood around and muttered that no good would come of it, and the infuriating thing is that they were the ones who were right, the most annoying ones. So smug in their quiet righteousness. But nobody ever saw it that way, they’re too biased. Heard all the wrong stories, aren’t prepared to even listen to the right one. Oh, so very noble now, aren’t you?
The reason you’re blinded by ambition is that it is literally blinding, it’s so bright up there, and the light only gets brighter and while everyone else stops to look downwards and realises that they’ve gone too far, I was just going up and up and up to see how bright it got, to be bright myself so that I could take the brightness to everyone, so that everywhere could be bright. Oh, it may sound proud, but I encouraged others to do it, and I thought they’d had the idea before, I even asked around to see if there was something I didn’t know, but they just repeated the same old warnings I’d heard since I was young. I didn’t think there was any real truth in it – how would they know, none of them had ever been high, only He had. He was high. So I climbed.
And I made it, you know. Grabbed at the top and pulled myself up, and it was ever so high, dizzyingly high, I couldn’t even tell how high it was but the brightness there – it wasn’t a good thing, it was stinging, it was painful. I guess that’s why He keeps apart; so He doesn’t hurt others. But I still wanted His approval; I wanted Him to congratulate me still. I wanted Him to tell me I could go down, before I fell, because I was wobbling on my perch and it was so near the edge –
And He pushed me. I’m not sure even now why He did it. I’m not even sure if I resent Him for it. The fact is, I would have fallen anyway, but that push – a push made of pure light. It was too painful. They say pride comes before a fall, but there’s something in-between, a moment between standing and falling, something that happens to make you topple off, and you can never forget it, the pain’s so bad. It never stopped burning me.
I fell so far and so fast. I saw the faces of everyone who I’d known, and some leapt off to join me, and others leapt off to attack me, and others leaned out to see and fell too, but those muttering ones, I just glimpsed their knowing glances and it disgusted me. If that’s what it’s like to be right, I’d rather be wrong. Wrong and falling and burning, with clouds vanishing around me and then the world right there ahead of me, and it looked liked I’d hit the land hard enough to kill even me, even one of us, but even the land didn’t want to be near me. It ran away, tore itself apart because it hated me so much… Or did it fear me? Or was it both?
And then I stopped, but I hadn’t stopped falling, I was still falling, but I’d reached the point where if I’d fallen any further I’d be going back up, and I could never climb back up again, I realised that. I tried, but it was too strong, the centre of the Earth just kept me there shut up and it still does, and I can’t move out either way, I can’t go upwards. The only way left is farther down. You can’t imagine how depressing it is. It’s like you want to cry and cry forever, and I do. So many tears. Maybe that’s part of it, maybe it’s because my sadness and my punishment can never end that a part of my curse is to never be all cried out, to always have my moods, my anger and desire and begging, yes begging, to always have those moods tainted by sadness.
And it’s lonely, too. A few had fallen too, but they were all so small… I just wanted more friends here as well. People to understand how bad I feel, what it’s like to fall. Is that really too much to ask? Is it?
-He