Post by Akbar Le Grey on Oct 8, 2006 4:52:18 GMT -5
October 8th – October 15th
Editor-in-Chief: Akbar Le Grey.
Sub-editor: Linda.
Columnists: Sixteen, BSam, Jemima, Spoony, Anon.
Published by 667er Publications, ltd.
A subsidiary of the 667er Group.
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“The End is near” seems to have become the catchphrase of the month across the aSoUE fanworld. Whether it’s “OMG The End is Near!!!1” or “the end is near…BEWARE”, they all carry the same message. The end really is near, nearer than we’d like to think. 5 days after the publication of this article, the final book in A Series of Unfortunate Events will come out, hit bookstores around the world, on Friday, the 13th of October. But is it just the end of the series, or of our forum, the aSoUE fanworld; an era? Only time will tell.
-Akbar Le Grey.
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The Terrifying Theories[/u][/size]
by Sixteen
This week is The End. On Friday 13th of October 2006, we'll be finished. Finished with the series, finished with speculating and, if 60023101 is as ominous as it seems, we'll be finished in a more sinister way too. I can only hope that Egmont send the book here on time and don't wait a week as has been the case in the past. I want my B13 on F13 like everyone else. But what can we be expecting?
An island. Confirmed as much as possible. Most likely one from which you may not steal fruit. And a shipwreck; that's definite as well. Other, less assured theories involve the Female Finnish Pirates. We haven't heard much about these for a while. In fact, for those who don't own a copy of TBB:RE they haven't been mentioned at all. Should we put all our reliance on them showing up now? Snicket's made mistakes before.
A brae. That's a hill, for those of you who aren't using it in everyday speech yet. We'll probably see a brae-man too. LS was mentioned as being a brae-man in TBL. Our anagram from TBL which spelled out BEATRICE SANK, can also be changed around to A SNICKET BRAE. I wonder if we'll finally glimpse the man himself. Speaking of which, the third and final Vile Video came out today. Mr Snicket - face shrouded as ever - gives us a nicely funny performance of Scream and Run Away. We find out that the triangular code is TWO CALLED BEATRICE. Not a surprise for TBL readers, unless there's something else in TE that relates to this.
Back to theories: island residents. Dystopian utopians, for want of a better mouthful. This should be very interesting. I don't know if it's going to be yet another Snickety take on social conduct and hierarchy, or if they're just going to be mad pirates. They probably guard the fruit.
And as for the fruit itself, how will that fit in? We know that a Garden of Eden (utopia anyone?) reference is likely. The border on the cover is apples. The fruit must play a big part, perhaps even bigger than root-beer floats. They'd be hard to top, though [/sarcasm]. We also have a seaweed wig, by the way. You can take your own spin on that one.
The end of The End might just be the hardest bit to judge. How can you finish an internationally-fanatical series of thirteen books in a way that pleases everyone? How can you answer all their questions? How can you give a sense of closure? My answer is that you can't. Well, I don't think I could anyway. Handler might be different. But the whole "not quite happy, not quite sad, yet not ambiguous either" is the most vague description possible. And Beatrice is the last word. A vague character for a vague ending. Nicely done, or at least I hope it will be.
You might notice that I haven't said anything about deaths yet. Well, I'm not going to. We all have our own speculations, hopes and worries about that. Or "those", as the case may be. All I'll say is one small theory I have. What if the island is a gathering of lost souls? Somewhere close to Eden if you know what I mean. The Shipwreck might be fatal, but the Bauds just don't know it yet. Yeah, I doubt that's the case but it would surely be a surprise.
So this is it for aSoUE. There's still a big question as to the future of 667, but for those of you in doubt, remember the Millennium Bug. The world didn't end when the clock struck twelve. It'll be fine at thirteen.
-Sixteen.
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The Nefarious Newbies[/u][/size]
by Linda
With The End drawing near (five days from the publication of this article), we’re beginning to see many new faces. New members are almost always arriving at 667, but most of them never post. Now, however, more and more new members are registering, and dozens are posting their theories and speculations in TBB.
Most of the new members arrived when The Beatrice Letters was released. There are still a lot coming now, but not quite so many. We can probably expect another flood of members to appear in the next couple of weeks, after the release of The End.
There are quite a variety of new members that come from a variety of backgrounds. There are, of course, the standard 13-year-old fans that live in America, but there are also older fans, including two new 23-year-olds, and fans from places such as Singapore and Latvia. While some of the new members may have less-than-perfect grammar and spelling, many of them are surprisingly well-read and intelligent. And some of them have very good excuses. Lora, for example, is a Latvian member of 667 who has mastered Russian and Latvian and is learning English as a third language.
I talked to several new members to find their reasons for joining. It seems the majority of them found our site through Google. One of them, drearydreary, read threads for nearly a year before joining, but the others joined almost immediately after finding the site. They all enjoy 667, and expect to stay until long after The End has been released.
There are a number of changes that have occurred with the arrival of the new members, although the effects of most of the changes aren’t being felt yet. One of these is that a line has clearly been drawn between the old and new members. There are more old members than new members, and yet a glance at the threads in “The End” [the board] seems to indicate the opposite. Most old members no longer post in TBB (although there are some notable exceptions, such as the moderators), and most of the new members post exclusively in TBB. Will this have an effect on 667’s future? Only time will tell.
-Linda.
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The Intimidating Interviews[/u][/size]
Gigi
First of all, what are your feelings, now that The End is so close?
I am, of course, very excited. I am not good at waiting for things, especially when there is so much mystery and suspense involved. I am really looking forward to this final installment. But at the same time, I'm saddened too, because it IS the final installment.
Has it been difficult moderating and planning all the events for The End?
I haven't worked at the moderating for The End nearly as much as Dante and Snicketfires have. Dante especially, wrote up the spoiler rules and set the time table for them. I only step in to moderate in The End section when I know Dante isn't around.
As for event planning, I did help out with some of The Depressing Diversions, along with Songbird and Swans. I wish I had had more time to devote to those activities, but school interfered a lot. Speaking of which, I've been busy planning Unfortunate Day for my school. Every year when the new book comes out, we have a big party at school. This year we're going to have lots of games and prizes to give away.
What are your thoughts on all the new members popping up to discuss theories?
I like to see new members coming in. It's always nice to have fresh ideas and theories. The frustrating part is when new members show up simply to spam the board or post un-labelled spoilers to ruin the surprise for everyone else.
What do you think of the Vile Videos?
I love them! They were very well done, very entertaining, and even contained a hidden message for us to solve. I especially enjoyed the last one. I've been playing it all morning.
It was a bit of a disappointment not to have a full-blown site with lots of puzzles to decode like last year's namelssnovel.com, but at least Harper-Collins did something for us.
Do you think The End will tie up all loose ends, or leave a lot to be decided by the reader?
Heavens no! It won't tie up ALL the loose ends. But I do hope that at least tie up most of the loose ends. I want to learn more about the two Beatrices and their relationship to the rest of the characters. I want to find out who survived the hotel fire. And I hope that the Baudelaires finally see justice at last. (I am not holding my breath, though.)
If there are a lot of mysteries remaining, I'm sure that we will discuss them all here at 667 Dark Avenue. That's what I enjoy about this board.
Do you think the standard theories for events in that will occur in The End will hold up?
I don't know. I've never been the best at theorizing, and Lemony Snicket always seems to throw us for a curve just when we think we've got it all figured out. I'm trying to keep a blank slate in my mind as to what will happen. I plan to enjoy the book and not get disappointed that what I thought would happen didn't after all.
What do you think will happen to 667 once the initial excitement of The End has died down?
I think that all depends on a number of things. At this point in the life of 667, I think there are some people who come in mainly for the social aspect and don't really care too much about Lemony Snicket anymore. That's fine, don't get me wrong. Some people just like to hang out in Objectionable Other and not disucss Lemony Snicket.
Then there are people who still mainly come here to talk about Lemony Snicket, the books and all the theories. They hang out in Burdensome Books (and hopefully Malignant Merchandise sometimes) and discuss Lemony Snicket without visiting OO. And that's fine too.
If Daniel Handler doesn't publish another word (God forbid), 667 could still survive without all of the Lemony Snicket discussion. But I think there will still be plenty of room to discuss Daniel Handler's brilliant work in the future, whatever that may be. I think that 667 will still be around a few years from now. Who knows what the future really holds? Let's just enjoy it while we can.
-Interview conducted by Linda.
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SnicketFires
First of all, what are your feelings, now that The End is so close?
I'm anxious that it's going to be a disappointment, or that I'm going to be spoiled ahead of time. (Note: If it's not HarperCollins, it belongs in the Spoiler thread.). However, it will be nice to see the ending that Handler has in store.
Has it been difficult moderating and planning all the events for The End?
It's been a challenge, but it's been mostly running smoothly.
What are your thoughts on all the new members popping up to discuss theories?
It's always good to have new members and new theories, and I hope that some members will stay and add to the rest of the forum as well.
What do you think of the Vile Videos?
They were very creative. I especially liked the final video. I prefer this method of advertising for The End, as opposed to something like another Nameless Novel competition.
Do you think The End will tie up all loose ends, or leave a lot to be decided by the reader?
I hope that some things will have to be cleared up by the reader, although it would be nice if we'd just get some straight answers, for once.
Do you think the standard theories for events in that will occur in The End will hold up?
Yes.
What do you think will happen to 667 once the initial excitement of The End has died down?
I hope that 667 won't fall into ruin, although I can't imagine that happening. There will always be something to talk about.
-Interview conducted by Sixteen.
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The Convoluted Conclusion[/u][/size]
by Akbar Le Grey
When all is said and done, once all the theories build up, grow, reach their pinnacles and crescendos, only time can tell us what will actually happen after The End. So, really, we can write all the prophetic, in-depth articles and reports we want; in the end, it’s all in His hands. And no, we don’t mean The Guy Upstairs. We mean Daniel Handler, the elusive Snicket.
As for 667’s survival after TE, that too can only be ascertained with the marching of time. With so many new members joining, there does seem to be a rebirth of sorts in 667’s very heart: BBooks. For, as much as we all may claim MM to be the true centre of 667, BBooks is the place it all began. And that is where it will all end.
-With writing and reporting by Linda, Sixteen & Akbar Le Grey.
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Article.[/u]
Aaaah, goddamnit. I was feeling rather spiritual, and was halfway through finishing a nice text about how music is unique in that it causes people to dance, to want to move, and that it’s a much better medium to make people feel happy than, say a book, which is much better at making people feel bad – when a profound feeling of inadequacy came over me. Oh god! Here it comes again! Flee, little piece of text, lest you get deleted by an unsatisfied master!
So now I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to write. Music really is brilliant, though. Great invention.
Humans are such stupid creatures. We’re afraid of so many things. It’s not your parents or some government that oppresses you the most, it’s yourself.
Example! So I’m on the train, right? There’s this nice looking girl sitting just a few meters away. My friend urges me to go talk to her. But my cowardice - call it shyness, if you want - prevented me.
Why didn’t I go and talk to her? She was attractive. A guy can always use more friends. And single ones can always use a girlfriend. Logically seen, any contact would have been mutually beneficial. Well, mostly. Worst case scenario: She tells me to go away, and I do. And I feel good, cos I managed to summon up the courage to talk to her. If I don’t talk to her, I’m disappointed in my self, and I also wonder what might have been. And, you know, I miss out on having a new (girl)friend.
So why don’t I speak up? I’m afraid. Logic disappears, and I’m crippled by cowardice and indecision. You may say “Ok, PJ, you missed out on the opportunity. Happens to everyone.”
And it’s not like I didn’t have enough chances to speak up. We were waiting for the same train at the same platform. We got off at the same stop. We walked home on the same way for about ten minutes. Heck, there was even an awkward pause at a set of traffic lights when all I managed was a quick smile to indicate that no, I was not, in fact, stalking her. It was only at the other side of the street, when our paths finally split, not 100 meters from my house, that I overcame my inhibition enough to yell “Cya!” behind me. It’s like God was trying to get us to hook up. But I screwed it up.
So what am I trying to say with this lengthy and probably uninteresting story? Basically, humanity sucks. People build restrictions around themselves to an extreme extent. In the end, we’re only slaves to ourselves. We’re all victims. Seriously, it’s amazing how much trouble people go to because of illogical and irrational inhibitions. It’s usually just us trying to look good, and making ourselves unhappy in the process. It’s depressing.
So next time you’re using public transport, do strike up a conversation with some random. Just talk. If you can manage more than two and a half sentences, I envy and admire you greatly.
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Dear Jemima,
The other day, a local elementary school had a problem. The problem was this: two sixth-grade boys tried repeatedly to get into the school after hours, even though the nice young janitor had told them that she was not authorized to let them in. This janitor, when she saw that the boys were not going to give up, informed the head janitor, who knew the names of the boys and then proceeded to call some parents. As the boys were being picked up by angry parents, however, they took it upon themselves to yell at the nice young janitor for "tattling" and smear their grimy hands all over the windows she had just washed. Is there any way to stop these annoying boys from ever doing something like this again?
[Jemima seriously hates it when people don't sign their letters]
Dear person that I wish would have signed their name,
I hate nosy little troublemakers like them. But they can be funny... but not in the sense of that. That actually makes me very mad, Person. Well, there are a couple ways to keep those stupid middle-schoolers from doing it again:
-Boymousetrap the school and the campus
-Put up BEWARE OF JANITORS signs
-Let guard animals roam around the yards
-Boobytrap the ground with hidden pits around the windows
-Put slimy goo on the ground when they come again, and then they'll slip everywhere if they try to make trouble
I prefer the boymousetraps because 1) They're very effective due to their quick catching method and 2) They’re really smart, so that'll teach them a lesson quickly.
You can buy boymousetraps here: www.howtokillsixthgradeboys.com.
Happy trappings,
Jemima
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Do you care about helpless animals that need help? Like the whales, the otters, and the tigers? You can help by sending in your problems to Jemima. Please, save the poor animals. Help us help the otters. Send in your problems today.
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This week on Jemima's How To!:
How To
Step 1: Pick a good phrase or word you would like to permanently put on the side of a building.
Step 2: Get paint. Really good paint that never comes off.
Step 3: Go out during the nighttime (or if you are very rebellious and want to get caught, do it during the day).
Step 4: Bring your paints with you and pick a base color.
Step 5: Smear and spray and paint, paint, paint! Paint it on in a certain shape, or just over an area of the building.
Step 6: Pick another color and paint a word on it.
Step 7: Personalize your word with more pretty colors!
Step 8: Flowers and hearts make the word look feminine, and X’s and sports symbols make the word look masculine. If you put the national emblem on the wall, you make it look patriotic. Pick more things like that and you'll make it look extra spiffy!
Step 9: If you could, you should have brought a hairdryer to dry your artwork. If you didn't, oh well. The Drip Effect works well on buildings. It adds pizzazz to it all.
Step 10: If you chose to draw during the day and someone called the cops on you, then RUN FOREST, RUN!
Step 11: If they catch you, merely state that you were expressing your rights on the wall, and that art should not be censored.
Step 12: If you're still in hot water, you should get out of the tub and dry yourself off and go to bed.
Step 13: No, really, just break the handcuffs off and start running away.
Step 14: If you get thrown in jail, break out like the Baudelaires did in The Vile Village.
-Jemima.
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