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Post by Dante on Mar 14, 2010 12:35:37 GMT -5
Excellent, and I rather like the title.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Mar 14, 2010 13:04:15 GMT -5
That was a very exciting chapter, and I like your addition of airships into the Snicket universe.
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Post by Christmas Chief on Mar 14, 2010 13:17:04 GMT -5
Thank you. I dedicated it to Hermes for that very reason; he mentioned how he was dissapointed there were no airships in ASOUE.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Mar 14, 2010 14:31:05 GMT -5
You're welcome, Sherry Ann. And I thought I recalled someone mentioning something about ASoUE and airships at one point.
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Post by Hermes on Mar 14, 2010 15:38:45 GMT -5
That's incredibly nice of you, Sherry Ann!
Very interesting story! And now we know why airships are not mentioned in ASOUE. (He handed over the clue to stop the attack - right?)
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Post by Christmas Chief on Mar 14, 2010 16:46:15 GMT -5
That's right. And was so traumatized by the experience he never wanted to speak, write, or otherwise refer to airships ever again. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
(Edit: 667th post!)
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Post by Christmas Chief on Apr 9, 2010 10:33:26 GMT -5
--- Chapter Four: The Trial[/u] Whispers passed between the crowd, ears straining to hear rumors that defied reality, but assured that even the most ridiculous of stories could contain a grain of truth. In this case, they weren’t entirely mistaken.
Upon a raised platform was a judge, organizing her evidence, gavel, and lunch so that they were in alphabetical order. On either side of this platform were a row of benches, two on each side, the farthest back raised slightly higher than the first. Upon these benches sat a group of people who looked like they’d rather be elsewhere, and in the center of the room, farther back, were more benches still, though these were much more prosaic than those of the jury. In front of these were two lecterns, one of which a triumphant-looking man was standing, and behind the other, a concentrated one. Standing next to this concentrated man was a very frightened-looking one, who was frantically looking around for a place to escape. It was this man who was most out of place, and it was him that the crowd was most excited about.
Lemony had finally been captured.
He stood before the judge and jury, both of which were looking back at him smugly.
“You stand here today with charges of arson and murder, with the sentence of death by execution. Do you accept these charges?”
“Yes, Your Honor.” Lemony replied, acutely aware of the crowd’s gasps and murmurs that he was capable of speech.
“And you plead?”
“Not guilty.” More gasps from the audience, the murmuring louder this time.
“Order!” The judge declared, easily locating her gavel and banging it firmly on the desk. “Does the prosecution attorney wish to call a witness?” “Yes, Your Honor.” Said the man. “I call Detective Smith to the stand.” A man in a long dark overcoat and rather conspicuous haircut came to stand upon a platform to the side of the judge. “Detective Smith,” began the attorney. “You were at the scene of the Valorous Farm Dairy after it was burnt to the ground. This is correct?” “Yes.” Detective Smith replied. “Was anything left of this dairy at the time you arrived?” “Yes.” “And what would this be?” “Paper.” “Was anything written on this paper?” “Yes.” “What might that be?” “I burnt down this dairy and can be found at the following address. Sincerely, Lemony Snicket.” “And you used that address to locate this “Lemony Snicket”?” “Yes.” “Thank you. That is all.” “Does the defense attorney wish to call a witness?” “The defense calls Thursday Caliban to the stand.” The concentrated attorney said. A man stood up and carefully made his way to the witness’s platform. “Describe your investigation. You say you got to the scene of the crime before Detective Smith?”
“Indeed,” Thursday replied. “I arrived at the Valorous Farm Dairy almost immediately after it was burnt down. The smoke was still thick, so I knew I’d come just a moment too late to witness the deaths of the dairy workers and the destruction of the-” Thursday paused briefly, having been about to say “headquarters.” “- of the dairy. I stayed until the smoke cleared, and thoroughly examined the scene for anything that might have survived. I saw no such paper Detective Smith described, nor do I suspect any paper could have survived a fire that large.” “Thank you.” The defense attorney said. Thursday left the platform and returned to his bench. The jury conversed. “The jury had reached a decision. We are going to hear one more witness before declaring the inevitable execution, the alleged criminal himself. We call Lemony Snicket to the stand!” No one moved. “Lemony Snicket!” the judge repeated. Murmuring stirred in the crowd. “Lemony Snicket!” Lemony Snicket was gone. ---
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Post by Hermes on Apr 9, 2010 15:17:29 GMT -5
I really like this. The bit about the evidence, gavel and lunch is especially nice. It was also good to see Thursday making an appearance.
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Post by Dante on Apr 9, 2010 15:35:22 GMT -5
The questioning of Detective Smith is perfect.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Apr 9, 2010 17:20:21 GMT -5
That was excellent! Your portrayal of the courtroom trial was very realistic, and I enjoyed the introduction of Thursday Caliban. And Lemony has escaped! Somehow, that doesn't surprise me (nor anyone else, I would assume). I wonder where he's gone to?
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Post by Christmas Chief on Apr 11, 2010 14:05:33 GMT -5
Thank you, everyone!
--- Chapter Five: Initially Confused[/u] M: Only a few of us could attend today, as you’ve likely noticed, so L, J, J, S, A, N, K, T, and L, we’ll have to file out notices to the others.
S: N said she was coming; I hope nothing awful happened to her.
J: Nothing could happen to N.
A: Actually, quite a number of things have happened to her—
M: Alright, we need to get on with business. Now, J, did you bring the photographs?
J: Indeed, they’re right here.
M: ...Just as I’ve thought. L, do you wish to fill us in on these details?
L: I was framed. Somehow, our enemies got a hold of where I was staying and used it to write a rather conspicuous note containing the address and ‘confession.’
K: I’m sorry, but I’m new at this: could you tell me what was on the note?
L: [reads note]
J: [laughter] I burnt down this dairy and can be found at the following address? That’s the best they could do? Good thing no one found it.
M: This is no time for laughter! I hope you realize someone did find it. There’s a photograph right there.
J: [laughter stops] That isn’t good. Wait, is that a... a courtroom?
M: It is. We’re lucky T was there to vouch for L. Or, more precisely, create a distraction so he could escape.
T: It wasn’t much.
S: How did they find you?
T: Me?
S: No, L.
M: That’s the question. Our enemies could be in this room at this very minute.
N: No, I checked. We’re all clear.
M: That’s not the point—
A: What I think M means is that our enemies could follow us individually, get information, and possibly frame us for crimes we did not commit.
J: Why would they do such a thing?
J: Because they’re our enemies.
S: Speaking of enemies, I believe we have one with us right now.
N: I’ve told you. I checked.
S: I meant one in this room. Among our ranks. L, you’ve been awfully quiet.
L: I- I’m just taking notes.
J: Would you care to share these notes with us?
L: You wouldn’t be able to read my handwriting.
L: L, I think it would put everyone at ease if you would be so kind as to show us your “notes.” Frankly, after escaping a courtroom, I’m in no mood to let an enemy infiltrate our ranks.
M: L, hand me them.
L: [hands over notes]
M: [reads notes] I think I’d like to speak to you, L.
[L and M leave room]
J: What do you think was written on those?
J: Traitor nonsense, likely.
A: We may have more than one enemy with us.
J: This is becoming terribly perplexing.
A: I have an uneasy feeling about M.
N: M’s been with us for years.
J: Or has she?
J: I’m so confused.
N: Good.
J: Or is it?
J: Stop that!
S: Questioning things? We can’t be sure of anyone anymore.
[M returns]
A: Where’s L?
M: Elsewhere. Now, I believe we were discussing J’s photographs?
N: M, what’s that in your hand?
M: “Matter at hand” does not refer does not refer to a literal hand, it is an expression that means—
A: Matches. Why do you have matches, M?
S: And why are you putting all our evidence into the huge folder?
J: Why do you constantly ask us to call you M when everyone knows you’re D?
T: M is D?!
J: Who is D?
A: M.
S: N?
J: No, M. As in “Melon.”
M: Enough of that! What’s gotten into you all? I confiscated these matches from L, I ask you to call me M because I don’t like the name D, and I’ve worked for V.F.D. for nineteen and five eighths of a year!
J: [Mutters] But who’s counting?
S: Then what’s this in your briefcase?
M: Why are you in my briefcase?
N: You sound nervous, M.
T: A harpoon gun!
M: It’s for defense!
A: A bowl!
T: Not a bowl. That’s the bowl! The sugar bowl!
L: You never told us about this, M.
M: I—
A: You lied.
S: You stole.
T: You cheated.
J: You murdered.
L: You committed arson.
J: You’ve committed treason.
K: You’ve betrayed us.
N: You’re no better than our enemies.
M: You don’t understand!
L: I think we understand perfectly. Good bye, M... ---
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Post by Dante on Apr 11, 2010 14:09:07 GMT -5
My initial positive impression proved to be correct.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Apr 11, 2010 15:22:21 GMT -5
That was incredible, and I absolutely loved the way you wrote it. Also, your use of initials was a great way to make everything that much more mysterious. My favorite part. ;D
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Post by Hermes on Apr 12, 2010 10:04:14 GMT -5
This is wonderful - I think it's my favourite chapter so far. I'm trying to work out who everyone is - but tell me, do you know who they all are, or are some of them random letters? (That's the kind of question we'd like to ask Handler, but can't.)
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Post by Christmas Chief on Apr 12, 2010 15:21:47 GMT -5
Some of them, like T and L (Thursday and Lemony), are real people, but the others are pretty arbitrary. With the repeated letters (J, J, L, L...) I know the distinctions. The first draft has a "2" next to them.
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