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Post by Christmas Chief on Jan 23, 2010 8:56:39 GMT -5
“One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one’s regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterwards you will wish you had done something different.” Table of Contents [/u] Chapter One: Bitter TeaChapter Two: Utterly AloneChapter Three: ShipwretchedChapter Four: The TrialChapter Five: Initially ConfusedChapter Six: The GardenChapter Seven: According to the AccordianChapter Eight: A Flashlight Chapter Nine: BeatriceChapter Ten: Facing EvilChapter Eleven: The Umbrella ManChapter Twelve: A Traitorous TaxiChapter Thirteen: The Final Error[/center] Chapter One: Bitter Tea Lemony sat indoors with his siblings, Kit and Jacques. Their mother was away on an investigation, gone to study aquatic life in a stream some ways away from the Snicket home, and their father was in his study, doing whatever it is fathers do in studies. The three siblings were in the library, and you could hear the quiet turning of pages matching nicely with the soft breeze and warm glow of the sun outside, and the sound of a few grass crickets, muttering unintelligibly. The library was on the ground floor, as most libraries are, and through the oval window you could see a treacherous-looking lake and a few trees. The eldest, Jacques, was busily scribbling notes into a book of sorts, while the middle child, Kit, was engrossed in a book of poetry by writers of the previous century. The youngest, Lemony, was still quite young to be reading, but was already working out the words to Dino Buzzati’s The Bears Famous Invasion of Sicily. After several minutes of this, Kit suddenly spoke. “Mother left tea,” she said. “All we have to do is warm it up. Would anyone care for some?” Jacques barely lifted his head. “Yes.” He spoke, while Lemony raised his hand. Kit left the library while the other two siblings continued their work. When Kit returned, she had three mugs carefully balanced in each hand, and gave one to Lemony and one to Jacques. Lemony took a sip and immediately puckered his face. “This is a bit... bitter. What did you put in these?” Kit shrugged. “The tea was made, I just warmed it up.” “It’s good.” Jacques said, gulping it down. “Tastes like-” “I think I’ll add some more sugar to mine,” Lemony said, and left the library. A quick glance outside told him the sky was in that peculiar state where the sun is setting at the same time the moon is rising, and Lemony took a moment to watch it complete its journey, until he knew Kit and Jacques will have turned on the library’s lamps, and his father, his. Lemony walked into the kitchen and took another gulp of the bitter tea, which had gone cold in the time Lemony had waited. He was just about to add the sugar when he felt a sudden yank on his ankles and a hand clasp over his mouth. He struggled but it was difficult in such a position, and eventually he gave up. Lemony heard yelling, the voices of his siblings, but the sound was cut off quickly. He felt himself shoved into an automobile, the windows tinted so dark he couldn’t even see the moon, and was shown a picture of him in a crib with a note scribbled across the top: “We’ve been watching you.” He didn’t ask any questions. He could have, this was the place where all of them could be answered. But he didn’t. He should have asked more questions. ------------ “Jacob,” Mrs. Snicket whispered in horror, as she looked at her worried husband and two half-full cups of tea. “What happened?” Even though she knew exactly what had happened, and wished she’d delayed her investigation just one more day to say good-bye. Then, asked a more reasonable question, but like all reasonable questions, it was not one that was easily answered. “Who took this?” ------------
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Post by Vanja on Jan 23, 2010 10:13:58 GMT -5
This is interesting, I'm curious what happens next.
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Post by Christmas Chief on Jan 23, 2010 10:25:10 GMT -5
I'm glad you think so. I wrote that particular chapter three years ago, to be exact, and rereading it now I think it's positively awful. However, it's important for the next few chapters which I (thankfully) have written in present day, and changing it now might alter the story.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Jan 23, 2010 13:20:25 GMT -5
This is fascinating, and a wonderful take on an event that all ASoUE fans have often wondered about the details of. Please continue!
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Post by Tiago James Squalor on Jan 23, 2010 13:58:16 GMT -5
Awesome. It offers excellent insight on Jacques, Kit, and Lemony's sibling relationship.^^
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Post by Hermes on Jan 23, 2010 14:03:30 GMT -5
This is excellent! I really look forward to seeing more. This seems to be a great time for fanfic.
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Post by Christmas Chief on Jan 23, 2010 14:37:22 GMT -5
Why is that? And thank you! The next part isn't a continuation of this particular story, but of another "fatal error" in Lemony's life, and I'm glad you've taken interest.
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Post by Dante on Jan 23, 2010 14:48:25 GMT -5
I wrote that particular chapter three years ago, to be exact... It's really interesting that you came back to this after so long. I look forward to reading more.
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Post by Christmas Chief on Jan 23, 2010 14:56:10 GMT -5
Thank you. I have a habit of starting stories when I get an inspiration, and then that inspiration will go away, and the story will sit there for weeks, months, years, taking up computer storage space...
Ah, anyway, the chapters are individual, and not in sequential order, so you can start with any of them. I just began with this one because it's better to get the... less than admirable parts out of the way before bringing in new, better material. In my opinion.
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Post by Hermes on Jan 23, 2010 15:34:47 GMT -5
I just meant that a lot of great fanfic is being written, which is Lemony-like and canon-centred, the kind I like best - we have Tiago Squalor, Lemona, Vanja, mykindeditor, and now you. (Sorry that The Good Guardian isn't making progress; I haven't fogotten it, but I'm very busy at the moment.)
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Post by Christmas Chief on Mar 11, 2010 15:36:09 GMT -5
This was my contribution; I didn't plan on putting this in here, but it seems to fit in reasonably well, and it'll work as a Chapter Two.
--- Chapter Two: Utterly Alone Lemony Snicket sat in the cold, watching the snow fall around him in icy flakes. He’d gone numb some time ago, and was now in the perfect condition for his latest disguise. Caked in white, icy, flakes, he slowly made his way to the bank where he would put his plan into action. His footprints were immediately covered in new snow, masking his tracks. He very rarely interacted with civilization like this- unless it was to buy milk from the Not-So-Supermarket. But today was essential. Nothing could fail. If it did... well, if it wasn’t snowing you could say everything would go up in smoke. He carefully made his way into the banking district. He’d worked there once as a Venus Fly Trap, forcing himself into a green suit and attaching thorns to his head to help the bank with their insect problem. Overall, it wasn’t a pleasant experience. He continued to the door of the bank, which was fully covered in white, except in this case it wasn’t snow, but a more interesting and in some cases more deadly substance- paint. He opened the door and was rewarded with warmth and a crowd of voices. No one seemed to notice the man under the thick layer of snow. “How much will it cost?” “Is there going to be much money involved?” “One thousand dollars! Can you believe it? One thousand dollars!” “That could be pretty pricey.” “Be careful, with the economical and financial difficulties of today’s society, you could end up in serious debt...” The voices surrounded Mr. Snicket, and many more. He could hear the sound of the telephone, a harsh ring, happy sounding, somehow, and very irritating. “Hello, banking service. What- a birthday? Sir, we are a professional business, not a clown service, Mr.- What is your name? You’ll have to speak to our handler! I have no time for such matters...” As a man rang up another phone. Lemony was surprised at how much they talked about money here, but kept his distance. The snow covering him was slowly melting away. He didn’t have much time. With the speed of an experienced dramatic critic, he whipped out a pair of chopsticks and began his search. It was critical he find it. He had to. He just had to. After being dismissed as a snowman by a few busy employees, he walked to the end of a long and treacherous-looking hall, that reminded him of a novel by an associate of his- The Corridors of Power . Except for the fact the book had very little to do with corridors. Nonetheless, he continued down the seemingly never-ending hall, where a silver safe with a black combination awaited. It was three digits, but that was all he knew. It seemed rather insecure to Lemony, to have a sequence of digits that required only three numerals, but he presumed it was one of those things so simple no one would guess it- a form of reasoning that had never made much sense to him. Using the chopsticks, he contemplated possible combinations, and carefully entered the numbers 0-0-0 and yanked the door. Nothing. He tried again: 1-2-3. Again, nothing. After several desperate attempts, he heard voices at the end of the hall. The snow had completely melted now, and he was drenched from head to toe. He hastily twisted the dial into a sequence he’d hoped never to come across again, wishing he’d bought latex gloves instead of Chinese utensils, as it was rather difficult to turn it with two thin kitchen implements. Heart pounding, he tried the door, and to his supreme excitement and utter dismay, it opened. And to his supreme excitement and utter dismay, the object he’d been looking for lay neatly in the dim cell of the safe, and he quickly grabbed it and stuffed it into a secret space in his hat, an object he’d wishes he’d had during his time as a Venus Fly Trap. The voices drew closer, and he hurriedly hid himself in the only space he could think of: the safe. The voices came very, very, close...
“Get a custodian down here. The floor is soaked.”...and then left. Lemony let out a breath of relief, and went to open the safe door- to find himself locked in it. He panicked, thinking of himself trapped in here, with only an extremely important bowl that was of no use in this box with him. Utterly alone. And as he wallowed in his predicament, it dawned on him that the numbers that trapped him in here were dreadfully ironic: 6-6-7.
---
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Mar 11, 2010 16:49:43 GMT -5
I really enjoyed reading this when you posted it as a contribution to Daniel Handler's birthday present, and I agree that it works very well as chapter two. I also like the extensive leap in time demonstrated here.
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Post by Hermes on Mar 12, 2010 11:24:39 GMT -5
This is great! There are so many little things in it that I like, such as the idea of L working as a Venus fly-trap. And it does indeed seem to be a fatal error (though presumably L got out sooner or later, or else we wouldn't have the books).
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Post by Christmas Chief on Mar 13, 2010 6:55:08 GMT -5
I was actually going to have him break out using some kind of explosive. But I figured that'd probably be a little graphic for a birthday gift.
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Post by Christmas Chief on Mar 14, 2010 7:27:30 GMT -5
Dedicated to Hermes. --- Chapter Three: Shipwretched [/u] Lemony took a deep breath before taking the next step forward. And then the next. And then the next. After several hesitant paces, he arrived to face one of his most dreaded enemies. The airship. Lemony had never been on an airship before; he preferred to be on a place that could be easily escaped, or one that is less likely to plummet to earth. Entirely unaware of his surroundings, he stepped up and into one of his biggest fears. Inside of the airship were a few unsteady seats, and a tiny narrow room. And the next seconds were a blur. Lemony heard a voice over some type of speaker, and everyone buckled their seatbelts to prepare for their ride. There was a sudden jerk as he was lifted into the air. Slowly, he felt himself rising, and slowly he began to relax. An hour passed, and then another, and Lemony was fully content with his predicament. Enjoying it, even. That is, until the attack. Suddenly, missiles flew from all directions, people shouted, instructors voices could be heard over loud speakers that no one had realized were there. The ship shook violently, and lost some altitude, while officials tried and cool the crowd down. Lemony recognized the irony of the situation; he’d assured himself the clouds couldn’t catch on fire, and now it appeared they were. He heard someone scream that they were under attack, and someone else shouted their plan to fight back. But through his panic and the panic of others, he knew what they- the others in the airship- were after. Quickly, Lemony ran to where the ammunition was kept, and came back with a harpoon gun. He looked out an opening, and sure enough, another airship was firing their own weapons of destruction back at them. He tied a string around a note and the harpoon and fired. Just as he’d planned, Lemony hit the airship right next to one of the people in it, who yanked the piece of paper off it. Shortly after, the enemy airship vanished. “...coming for landing” he heard an official say. But he barely heard the official, already wondering if his decision to give his enemy the last crucial key to finding the sugar bowl was a good decision, or if he’d been on land whether or not he’d be able to escape. He knew the answers to both those questions, and didn’t like either of the answers. No for question one, and Yes for question two. He wished they could somehow be reversed. Either way, one thing was for certain. He was never, ever, riding in an airship again. ---
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