|
Post by colette on Jul 26, 2011 1:09:27 GMT -5
Hi, I'm starting my original series.I will write down my first chapter her soon.
Rating - M ( because of violence and adult themes)
|
|
fog
Reptile Researcher
Posts: 10
|
Post by fog on Jul 26, 2011 1:19:13 GMT -5
Can't wait to hear more about this. Do you have a title in mind yet?
|
|
|
Post by colette on Jul 26, 2011 1:59:52 GMT -5
I am planning to call it Susan and Arthur
|
|
|
Post by Invisible on Jul 26, 2011 12:42:39 GMT -5
I like the choice in male name Arthur is the best boy's name ever. Of all time What, may I ask, is it about?
|
|
|
Post by colette on Jul 26, 2011 12:55:21 GMT -5
I like the choice in male name Arthur is the best boy's name ever. Of all time What, may I ask, is it about? My favorite male name is Hugo. You will find out what is it about a bit later!
|
|
|
Post by colette on Jul 26, 2011 15:11:28 GMT -5
The Beginng
It was a dull evening A young red-haired student named Peter was walking in the wood. It was rather dark in a forest but the guy tried no to be afraid. Peter was very brave. He had already climbed up on the high mountains with his friends many times and flied up on a hot-air balloon once. But the dark gloomy forest looked very sinister and gloomy, even despite his braveness. Peter was walking further and further and he suddenly found out that he lost the way back to his home. "What to do?" Peter asked himself."Where should I go? It is very dark and I am somewhere in the middle of the forest. I don't to be eat by wild animals" The adults always told Peter that this forest isn't simple forest. It was a misterious forest. Peter heard that a lot of young boys were lost in this forest. He even remembered two terrible The first event happened when he was six. His older brother named Tim went to walk in the forest with his girlfriend Kevyn. Kevyn returned from the forest alone, with out Tim. People tried to find Tim in a forest but no results. Tim was lost and Peter have never seen his older brother again. The second event happened much later, when Peter turned fourteen. Mr and Mrs Smith went to a picnic to a forest with their four kids.Three hours later Mrs Smith and her two daughters returned but Mr Smith and his three sons were lost and have never seen again. All adults in a village were talking that this wood isn't a simple wood but a misterious wood because men and boys escape there. Peter didn't use to believe them but when looked up, on the high trees which hid the sky from him, he understood that there is really something weird and unusual in this forest, although the forest seemed to be simple. Peter was very scared. "I will be lost, " he told himself." I have never see my village, my school my parents and... And Bella" Bella was a tall red-haired girl with white skin whom Petter really adored. She didn't use to return this feeling but the week before they became dating. Peter was very happy then and now, standing in the forest, he was really scared because he would probably never see her again. Suddenly Peter saw a cave among bushes of blackthorn "I will spend the night here."he said and walked into a cave." Suddenly he saw a big hole at the end of cave. A lot of light was coming through it. Peter walked towards a hole and looked through it. He has a big field with a lot of bushes of blackthorne, a lot of small houses. Many tall handsome dark-haired people were walking there with horses. They were all wearing poor clothes. "They must work in fields," Peter though."Perhaps I should spen this night in their village." The guy walked towards two people who stood near a horse-drawn vehicle. "Hi, my name is Peter,"he said."Can I spend a night in our village." "Peter?"one of two men asked. "What a strange name! My name is Armenos." "Mine is Artejeous"the second men said. "Let's go with us!" "Where?"Peter asked. "To Ikswordnaxela,our capital," Armenos said."We are going to visit our Emperor. We are going on vehicle. Do you go with us?" "Yes,"Peter said. He climbed on a vehicle with Armenos and Artejeous and fell asleep. When he woke up, he saw a lot of big beautiful buildings. But the most biggest one was a big black castle on a huge mountain, among bushes of thorn. Its high towers had scary monsters from black marble on it. "This castle belongs to our Emperor," Artejeous said. But Peter didn't listen to him. He looked at the sky. It wasn't blue like on the Earth. It was grey. "Why the sky is grey and not blue?"Peter asked. "How can the sky be blue?"Armenos asked. "It is blue where I live,"Peter replied "Where do you live?"Artejeous. "On the planet Earth, like most of human,"Peter asked. "I have never heard about such planet,"Armenos answered. "Me, neither", Artejeous said. "What is your planet?" "It is not a planet. It is a Empire of Aratamangates." Artejeous answered. Peter was shocked. He could understand how did he left the Earth. "Climb down, Peter," Armenos said. Peter with his new friends climbed down from the vehicle and walked towards the high gates. Two tall handsome man with dark eyes and hair were standing near gates. "Can we see an Emperor?"Armenos asked. Men near gates both nodded and opened the gates. Peter and his two friends walked inside a castle. They saw two people. One of them was a very tall man with black hair, which became greying, and large dark eyes. He was wearing a long black cloak. The second person was a young girl. She had long straight black hair, pink cheeks, big lips and white skin. Her eyes were very big, very deep and black. There was something unkind and cruel inside of them. She was also very tall and wore a white dress. "Airgajnetesan, the Emperor, and Aramantgatanta, his daughter!" Armenos announced.
|
|
|
Post by colette on Jul 27, 2011 11:54:32 GMT -5
Comment it, please!
|
|
|
Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Jul 27, 2011 14:55:32 GMT -5
An excellent beginning! The mystery of men and boys getting lost in the woods without a trace is very intriguing, if not unnerving. I wonder if this is at all connected to the village? I'm particularly interested in hearing more about Aramantgatanta's character. Something tells me her role is going to become quite important at some point. Oh, and try not to worry if comments don't start rolling in right away. Often people are just busy with work or school, and life in general. But it doesn't mean they aren't reading and enjoying your work. Just be patient, and I'm sure you'll receive more feedback soon. In the meantime, you should be very proud of your efforts and what you've done.
|
|
|
Post by colette on Jul 28, 2011 13:14:15 GMT -5
The History of Empire of Aratamangantes
Once, thousand years ago, there was wizard named Arthatemen. He was very unkind and he made a lot of bad things. A lot of people visited people if they wanted to destroy their rival or somebody's house. He always had a lot of customers. One day Arthatemen felt tired from customers. "I will never live under blue sky," he swore. He decided to create a new world, a world of wizards and magician without blue sky(he remembered his promise). He hit the wall of the cave, where he lived, with his magic sceptre and the new world started its exstinesce. It was a huge world with grey sky, instead of blue. Arthatemen also created a race of people(using his magic). All people were much taller and more handsome that people from the world, they all had dark eyes and hair. Also they all had paranormal skills. They could do things which usual people couldn't do. Arthatemen gave a name for this race-" aratamangantes"( after this mother Aratamanganta).
He also created thirteen kingdoms which all were united in one state-Empire of Aratamgantes. It had a capital- Ikswordnaxela, where a head of state-the Emperor-would live. All heads of small kingdoms-the kings-are just vassals of Emperor. Arthatemen made some rules before his death: 1. The Emperor and only the Emperor must wear black cloak. 2. The Emperor and kings must know black and white magic. Simple people must know only white one or they are going to die by boiling. 3. Aratamangantes mustn't marry or date with creatures of other races. If they do it, they will be immuremented. What to kids: a)if it is boy, it will be keelhauled. b) if it is a girl, it can live but it will lose all its paranormal skills and get a lostblood status of blood. 100% aratamangantes have got a status of blood "simple aratamangantes
*** Arthatemen died and his elder son became the Emeperor, then his son's son, then his grandson's son. Thirty one or thirty two times a day the Sun set in the west and all women were pregnant for period of nine days. But thousand years after the founding of Empire(the only state in that misterious world) a sad thing happened. A simple red-haired student and Aramantgatanta, a daughter of the fourtieth Emperor, became lovers. Nine days later she born a daughter. Aramantgatanta was immuremented. But some days later her father suddenly died, too. He bequeathed this throne to his niece, a Princess of Ingurgantian Kingdom. But the niece died soon, too. She had two sons, Arathamantei and Arathamashoo. She bequeathed her throne to the elder one, Arathamantei. He became an Emperor and Arathamashoo became a king of Ingurgatian Kingdom and vassal of his brother. Arathamantei moved to Ikswordnaxela, to a castle, which was founded by his famous ancestor Arthatemen thousand years before. He became a guardian of his little cousin, Aramantgatanta's daughter, who got a simple name Susan. Beside arathamangates, there was also a race of vampires, horrible creatures who sucked the blood of other creatures. Arathamanthei made them the slaves of aratamangates. They had to do hard work and the laziest were murdered by Arathamantei.
|
|
|
Post by colette on Aug 6, 2011 14:40:27 GMT -5
The Main Part Starts 1 On that day a vampire named Rapanula, a slave from a rich house, was hung near the palace of Emperor. His head was a loop, scraped with garlic, under a shunning sun and he was dying. He looked around himself. He saw three or four other vampires hanging in the gallows like him behind him. He didn't know them but he knew that they are slaves from other houses. He saw a lot of beautiful rich manors at the left and he remembered that he used to live and work in one of this manors. He used to need to take rubbish from it, to clean floors there, to wash his owners' legs and he didn't receive any money for it. He looked at the right and saw the blue sea and few ships very, very far away. He knew Arathamantei the Emperor (former Prince of Ingurgatian Kingdom) keelhauled all half-arathamangatian guys. Rapanula thought about his own kids, whom he left before the war, where aratamangantes won and vampires lost. He always asked a woman, which owned him, to let him to take some of her money and send them for his wife and kids. What is going to be with them after his death? Why does Rapanula need to die? It was so hard for him to breath. He understood that his time is almost over. Rapanula looked in front of himself and saw a large castle. Tears ran from his eyes. He saw a window in high tower and saw a tall man in long black clothing who was standing near the window and looking at the execution.
|
|
|
Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Aug 16, 2011 9:39:35 GMT -5
Great chapters! You're very good at storytelling and developing believable characters. Arthatemen reminds me a bit of Voldemort, in the Harry Potter series. And vampires, eh? Nice. It'll be interesting to see how they'll affect the story.
|
|
|
Post by colette on Sept 10, 2011 15:31:36 GMT -5
Chapter Second Arthur Heldgren have never heard about Empire or Arathamantei. He have never see any weird creatures. He was a simple fifteen-year-old boy of simple height for his age, with simple white blond hair and simple blue eyes. He lived in an orphanage with his younger maternal half-sister Abigail Heldgren who was only three years old. But they weren't orphans. They just had no loving relatives.
Arthur's father died when he was ten years old. Few months later his mother married another man and two more years later she bore Abigail. Arthur loved Abigail but his stepfather ( Abigail's dad) didn't. He as an unkind, always drunk, dreadful man. Once in winter Arthur returned from school an hour later than usually. Stepfather saw him and yelled cruelly, " Where were you, stupid little brat? You were late in an hour!" "Stepfather, don't be angry, please", Arthur said with tears. But Stepfather took a long stick and hit Arthur's back.Arthur cried. Mother heard him. She ran quickly to see what's the matter but stepfather took an ax, ran towards her and hit her head with an ax. Red blood ran from mother's blond head. She cried as loud and as desperate as it possible. She fall on the floor and yelled, "Call the ambulance! Quickly! I am dying!" The ambulance arrived but a cruel man injured his wife too seriously to safe her life. Arthur's and Abigail's mom died with a terrible and painful death. On the mother's funeral Arthur was crying. Several times he was looking into his stepfather's cruel deep eyes where was no shame and no conscience at all and he felt even more terrible. The next day a cruel man sent both Arthur and Abigail to an orphanage. Arthur was shocked and very, very, very angry. He could understand why stepfather didn't care about him, he wasn't his son, Arthur was a son of another man whom stepfather have never seen. But Abigail... How could a stepfather send his own little kid, his biological daughter to a such unfriendly and gloomy place like an orphanage. He is not a human, he is a monster! Few months Arthur and Abigail spend in the orphanage were just terrible. Eomantic and shy Arthur couldn't get with his schoolmates. Arthur loved reading and was really interested in Bible, mythology, history and fairytailes. His schoolmates only liked to play football and drinking wine. They often mocked Arthur.
*** Arthur and Abigail were walking along the forest. They tried to find boys from their orphanage who played forest somewhere very near. But they couldn't find the way. Suddenly they saw a cave. " Let's go inside," Arthur suggested. He liked to thing that beautiful nymphs from his beloved Greek mythology still live in caves and grottos. "No, Arthur, it is so dark," Abigail whispered. But Arthur didn't want to listen to his younger sister. He pulled her tiny hand and walked inside of the cave. Suddenly they saw a light at the end of cave. "Look, how beautiful," Abigail said. "Let's see what is it", Arthur suggested. Few seconds later they found themselves on a big field under a gray sky. They didn't know where they were but you probably understood that it was The Great Empire of Arathamangantes.
Chapter Three Arathamantei, the fourty-second Emperor of Arathamangantes, former Prince of Ingurgantian Kingdom, was standing near the window and looking at execution. He saw the death and there was a creepy smile on his pale, pale almost white face. He loved looking at dying people. Arathamantei remembered the moment when his dad was dying. A lot of people suspected that he was poisoned but nobody could proof it. But there was no doubt that Arathamentei wasn't sad because of his dad's death. Arathamentei enjoyed looking at his dying stepfather. He thought it was beautiful and slow death. But looking at burning vampires was even more pleasant and exciting for Arathamantei. He hated vampires. He wanted them to be slaves of arathamangantes. "Are you looking at execution again?", Arathamantei heard a voice behind him. This voice was sweeter than the sweetest honey for him. Arathamentei looked at the person which asked that questing. It was Susan, a daughter of Aramagantanta and young red-haired human who visited the Empire once.Susan grew up and looked very beautiful. "You like to look at the death, at blood, " Susan whispered. "You're monster. You're so cruel. Arathamntei gave a creepy but sweet smile to Susan. Susan was standing in front of him, tall and stately. She was wearing a long lucent tunic and Arathamantei could see her white well-shaped flexible body through it. Susan had long dark hair, falling down to her wrist, and beautifully-shaped large brown eyes which resembled the eyes of young deer. But her lips were probably the most attractive and the most enticing of all her features. Susan had very big full light pink lips. Whenever Arathamntei saw her gorgeous lips, he always wanted to kiss them. But he didn't want to put Susan in uncomfortable situation. So he lowered his gorgeous head and kissed Susan's long white neck. Susan sighed. She didn't tell anything but her face told that Arathamantei's kisses are unpleasant to her. But Arathamntei had no time to kiss Susan anymore because Arathajent arrived and announced, " The Emperor, a young boy is near your gates!" "Susan, go to your room!" Arathamntei said.
|
|
|
Post by Dante on Sept 15, 2011 7:03:51 GMT -5
Hey colette, I just wanted to say: Keep it up! I'm really fascinated by the strange world you're weaving here, this sinister gothic setting.
|
|
|
Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Sept 15, 2011 19:05:20 GMT -5
Oh, that was a very disturbing and tragic story of Arthur's and Abigail's mother. I liked the line about them not being orphans simply because they have no living relatives. They have each other, and therefore not completely alone in the world. Arthur feeling different from his peers due to his love of books is very sweet, and certainly something many people can relate to. I liked the mention of his desire to venture into the forest in the hope of coming across some wood nymphs. He's such an imaginative child! It was nice to see Arathamangantes express some redeeming qualities, with his feelings for Susan and wanting to protect her. It makes me wonder if he's capable of making a complete turnaround.
|
|
|
Post by colette on Sept 16, 2011 10:37:37 GMT -5
Oh, that was a very disturbing and tragic story of Arthur's and Abigail's mother. I liked the line about them not being orphans simply because they have no living relatives. They have each other, and therefore not completely alone in the world. Arthur feeling different from his peers due to his love of books is very sweet, and certainly something many eople can relate to. I liked the mention of his desire to venture into the forest in the hope of coming across some wood nymphs. He's such an imaginative child! I love Arthur! You mean Arathamantei. His name is Arathamantei.
|
|