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Post by Rellim on Apr 15, 2013 10:51:01 GMT -5
This story is fantastic. I didn't realize that Sherry Ann rapping and the lottery incident were real things.
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Post by B. on May 29, 2013 15:10:15 GMT -5
Can there be another chapter sometime?
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Post by Sixteen on May 29, 2013 16:54:07 GMT -5
Yes please.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2013 18:12:37 GMT -5
Flashback – It was Sherry Ann’s first day on the job after graduating from detective school. Her eyes filled with excitement and anticipation, as she had dreams of solving all the mysteries of the world. She met with the chief. “Sherry Ann, it’s time for you to meet your new partner. This is S. Antenora Tigerson. She will be your partner.” “What does the S. stand for,” asked Sherry Ann curiously. “Shut the ickle up,” said S. Antenora Tigerson. The two of them began solving crimes as a mismatched pairing that always got the job done. After a particularly tough case, S. Antenora Tigerson took out a water bottle. “Hey kid, you ever drink water,” she asked. Sherry Ann shook her head vigorously. “Here, just have one sip.” Sherry Ann was hesitant. She had never drank before, and drinking while on the job is certainly frowned upon. However, her word of the day had been venturous and so she decided to be venturous and try some. “Oh dear,” she said after the first sip. She waited a minute before taking another sip. Present Day – Sherry Ann drank from her water bottle. “Now, let’s take a look at the next file. I shall select it randomly.” She picked out BSam’s file, and read it out loud. “As well all know, in the 2014 Darkies, Willis edged out BSam by one vote to win funniest member, ending BSam’s long streak of winning the award,” said Sherry Ann. “But BSam didn’t win every year. What about the year that he tied with Bryan,” said Tragedy. Bryan made a silly face, and everybody laughed. “And also he tied with Trikip once.” Trikip the butler poked his head through the doorway, gave a big smile, and then ducked back into the kitchen. “Despite those two ties, BSam had always had at least a share of the victory, until Willis’s miracle win,” continued Sherry Ann. “Now BSam, what do you have to say for yourself.” BSam cleared his throat and began. “Yes, I was mad that Willis beat me that day. It was a low point. I took to drinking. But then, I started reflecting. I had let being funniest member define me, but I realized I had so much more to offer. So I took up quilt making. Through the quilt making class, I befriended some scuba divers who were also interested in quilts, and together we would go on scuba diving trips. On one of the trips, I saw a duck. Inspired, I took it home and cooked it. Now I have the world’s greatest duck recipe.” He looked over at Willis. “And it’s because of you. I wish I had properly thanked you for it before.” BSam reached into the bag he was carrying and pulled out a quilt that said “Thank you for being my friend.” It was the most beautiful quilt any of them had ever seen. He laid it over Willis’ body. Everybody had a tear in their eye after such a touching moment. Sherry Ann knew that business still had to be done though, and also despite BSam’s moving testimonial, she couldn’t officially remove him from the suspect list. So she pulled out the next file. Rellim’s file. Rellim looked at the file with disgust. “How dare you accuse me of murdering my brother for our parent's inheritance! We are close, and have already discussed that if when our parents pass, we would split it between the two of us.” Everybody bowed their head in a moment of silence to remember Hannah, the third Miller, who had died tragically during a game of assassins years earlier. “I refuse to sit here and have my name and my loyalty to my family sullied. This will be settled right now.” Rellim picked up the phone and called her friend Linda Rhaldeen, who came right over. Linda had been invited to the party, but she was busy working at the World’s largest and most comprehensive family history center, so she hadn’t been able to attend. Luckily, there was a family history emergency at the party, so she made it after all! “Linda, I know we don’t have to explain what a family history center is because it’s a thing that everybody already understands, but I’m going to anyways. It’s a place where you have DNA of everybody and you can figure out whether or not they are related.” Everybody nodded because that’s exactly what a family history center is. “Could you please do a test on the fingerprints on the bullet to show that it isn’t mine?” Linda happily obliged. She took out her portable fingerprint database, and tested the bullet. “Well Rellim, the fingerprints on this bullet aren’t yours.” Rellim cheered, then had an idea. “Hey Linda, since you’re here, why don’t you just take everybody’s fingerprints, and then we can find out who the killer is.” “Killer?!” said Linda with surprise. Then she noticed Willis’ dead body, and hadn’t realized that this whole thing had been because of his tragic death. She took a moment to compose herself, then said “Yes, I’ll find out who killed him. It’s a good thing I’m here, because as you all know, I’m the only one left in the world that can do fingerprint tests like this after that accident at the fingerprint convention. I’m so glad that tomorrow is the day that I start training other people how to do it, because it’s been a real pain having to do literally all the fingerprint work in the world. Okay, well here I go to solve this mystery.” Suddenly, the lights turned off, and another gunshot went off. As they lights went back on, they saw that Linda had been shot. The bullet wound spelled out “It was me, the same person who killed Willis.” They did it with one bullet because they used cursive. “Do Mormons celebrate funerals,” asked Pandora.
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Post by Sixteen on May 29, 2013 18:33:08 GMT -5
You da best. And so is this story.
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Post by B. on May 29, 2013 18:53:52 GMT -5
“Do Mormons celebrate funerals,” asked Pandora. Best line!
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Post by Charles Vane on May 29, 2013 23:45:31 GMT -5
a quilt that says thank you for being my friend made by sam is literally the cutest thing in the world.
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Post by Charles Vane on May 29, 2013 23:45:59 GMT -5
ALSO DID HANNAH REALLY DIE IN ASSASSINS I WAS ROOTING FOR HER
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Post by Charles Vane on May 29, 2013 23:46:33 GMT -5
also we know i didnt kill linda because i loved her too much. miss you girl.
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Post by Charlie on May 30, 2013 5:06:07 GMT -5
This is the best.
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Post by Hermes on May 30, 2013 10:20:33 GMT -5
Oh, wow. Well, it gets more and more exciting. Many interesting clues here. It is rather suspicious that Sherry Ann has everyone's reason to kill Willis listed, but not their reason to kill Bryan, reason to kill Hermes, etc..
And Sherry Ann really does rap - that's not just the product of Sixteen's imagination? There's clearly a lot I don't know about my home-slice.
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Post by Charlie on May 31, 2013 3:29:33 GMT -5
Sometimes Hermes I love you more than normal. And not in a creepy Hermes/Lemona encroaching way. Just like, y'know.
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Post by Rellim on May 31, 2013 9:02:37 GMT -5
hahahahah cursive.
This is a wonderful story. I hope the next installment isn't too far away.
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Post by Hermes on May 31, 2013 11:59:13 GMT -5
Sometimes Hermes I love you more than normal. And not in a creepy Hermes/Lemona encroaching way. Just like, y'know. Thanks, I guess. But also - what?
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Post by Kit's tits kick ticks on May 31, 2013 13:48:41 GMT -5
S. Antenora Tigerson is awesome ;D I love the part where Sherry Ann tries water.
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