Post by bandit on May 28, 2013 15:05:04 GMT -5
I don't even know if anyone else here besides MisterM is a fan of Game of Thrones, but no matter. Presenting...
Dante, Lord of Burdensome Books, looked out across the grassy hillside mournfully. This was not something he wanted to do, because he rarely ever gave rulebreakers anything more than a soft warning, and in more extreme circumstances he might consider locking their thread (in a metaphorical sense; this was a fantasy world full of kingdoms and mythical creatures, not an internet forum, so of course a “locking a thread” would mean putting a person in prison). Never in the intellectual mind of Lord Dante would the thought of banning someone (remember, metaphor: “banning” means “executing”, you’ll get the hang of it) appear, but this was his duty to the 667 Kingdoms, and it needed to be done.
“I don’t like this one bit,” said Hermes, the eldest son of Dante, as he watched the former Brother of the Objectionable Others’ Watch place his head down on a rock. The Objectionable Others’ Watch was an ancient group of sworn members who devoted their lives to protect 667 Dark Avenue’s civilized lands from whatever evil lurked in the murkiness of the Objectionable Others. Or at least, you were supposed to devote your life; the poor fool kneeling in the dirt at that moment had clearly slept through a large portion of his oath.
“Eyes forward, Hermes,” said Dante sternly as he raised his sword above the neck of the Brother, ready to swing. “If you watch the entire execution, I’ll find some wolf babes on the way home and give them to you and your siblings as a gift, to be fair.” Hermes nodded in agreement. He was very fond of wolves, because they were mentioned on page one hundred and something of The Slippery Slope, probably.
“Now,” Dante continued. “On behalf of the 667 Kingdoms, in the continent of Dark Avenue, on the world that shall never be mentioned by name, I hereby sentence this watchman to death, because he deserted his fellow members of the Objectionable Others’ Watch and ran away from his duty... like a sissy.”
*ssssshhhhwwwwooppppp*
*thud*
“Ewww!” squealed Dante’s daughter, Sherry Ann, because she was a girl. Dante straightened up gruffly and put away his sword, saying, “That wasn’t too gory, to be fair. Now come along, I’ll go get you those pups.”
Upon arriving back at the castle of the Burdensome Books with baby wolves in tow, Dante and his family prepared to brush their teeth and take a trip to Snoozeville, but they were surprised to find the honorable King Tragedy waiting for them. Before they could do the proper amount of bowing and hand-kissing, because this was the ruler of 667 Dark Avenue for Pete’s sake, Tragedy swooped Dante aside.
“Dante, old buddy, old pal!” Tragedy bellowed once they were out of earshot, patting his buddy pal on the back. “Listen, I’ve got bad news. My previous ‘Hand of the King’ -- don’t worry, you wouldn’t know him, his name’s Bryan or something -- er, he died.”
“Gasp!” said Dante politely. “But who will replace him to advise you about how to rule the 667 Kingdoms?”
“*points at*” said Tragedy.
Dante gasped again, this time for real. “Me?” he exclaimed.
“*points at*” said Tragedy again. It was beginning to get annoying.
“Okay, okay! I’ll do it!” shouted Dante, throwing up his hands in defeat. He was never very good at avoiding peer pressure.
King Tragedy smiled. “Good,” he said. “You and your family will be leaving with me tomorrow morning. I want you all situated in Ravaged Resources, the capital city of Dark Avenue, as soon as possible.”
A Game of Dark Avenues
Part I - in the 667 Kingdoms
Part I - in the 667 Kingdoms
Dante, Lord of Burdensome Books, looked out across the grassy hillside mournfully. This was not something he wanted to do, because he rarely ever gave rulebreakers anything more than a soft warning, and in more extreme circumstances he might consider locking their thread (in a metaphorical sense; this was a fantasy world full of kingdoms and mythical creatures, not an internet forum, so of course a “locking a thread” would mean putting a person in prison). Never in the intellectual mind of Lord Dante would the thought of banning someone (remember, metaphor: “banning” means “executing”, you’ll get the hang of it) appear, but this was his duty to the 667 Kingdoms, and it needed to be done.
“I don’t like this one bit,” said Hermes, the eldest son of Dante, as he watched the former Brother of the Objectionable Others’ Watch place his head down on a rock. The Objectionable Others’ Watch was an ancient group of sworn members who devoted their lives to protect 667 Dark Avenue’s civilized lands from whatever evil lurked in the murkiness of the Objectionable Others. Or at least, you were supposed to devote your life; the poor fool kneeling in the dirt at that moment had clearly slept through a large portion of his oath.
“Eyes forward, Hermes,” said Dante sternly as he raised his sword above the neck of the Brother, ready to swing. “If you watch the entire execution, I’ll find some wolf babes on the way home and give them to you and your siblings as a gift, to be fair.” Hermes nodded in agreement. He was very fond of wolves, because they were mentioned on page one hundred and something of The Slippery Slope, probably.
“Now,” Dante continued. “On behalf of the 667 Kingdoms, in the continent of Dark Avenue, on the world that shall never be mentioned by name, I hereby sentence this watchman to death, because he deserted his fellow members of the Objectionable Others’ Watch and ran away from his duty... like a sissy.”
*ssssshhhhwwwwooppppp*
*thud*
“Ewww!” squealed Dante’s daughter, Sherry Ann, because she was a girl. Dante straightened up gruffly and put away his sword, saying, “That wasn’t too gory, to be fair. Now come along, I’ll go get you those pups.”
Upon arriving back at the castle of the Burdensome Books with baby wolves in tow, Dante and his family prepared to brush their teeth and take a trip to Snoozeville, but they were surprised to find the honorable King Tragedy waiting for them. Before they could do the proper amount of bowing and hand-kissing, because this was the ruler of 667 Dark Avenue for Pete’s sake, Tragedy swooped Dante aside.
“Dante, old buddy, old pal!” Tragedy bellowed once they were out of earshot, patting his buddy pal on the back. “Listen, I’ve got bad news. My previous ‘Hand of the King’ -- don’t worry, you wouldn’t know him, his name’s Bryan or something -- er, he died.”
“Gasp!” said Dante politely. “But who will replace him to advise you about how to rule the 667 Kingdoms?”
“*points at*” said Tragedy.
Dante gasped again, this time for real. “Me?” he exclaimed.
“*points at*” said Tragedy again. It was beginning to get annoying.
“Okay, okay! I’ll do it!” shouted Dante, throwing up his hands in defeat. He was never very good at avoiding peer pressure.
King Tragedy smiled. “Good,” he said. “You and your family will be leaving with me tomorrow morning. I want you all situated in Ravaged Resources, the capital city of Dark Avenue, as soon as possible.”