Part V - at the Objectionable Others
“This sucks,” said Willis moodily, twiddling his thumbs in a moody manner.
“Aw, don’t say that, Willis!” replied BSam, a fellow member of the Objectionable Others’ Watch. “You’re totally winning this thumb-twiddling contest!”
Willis brought his moody eyes down to look at his moody thumbs. The competition had started out as a way to pass the time, but he feared that his superb thumb dexterity was beginning to tear apart his relationship with the other guardsmen. Moodily, Willis looked up at his new friend, staring deep into BSam’s eyes, searching for a sign of mutual moodiness.
“Why does everyone pester you, dear BSam?” Willis pondered moodily as he continued twiddling his thumbs.
BSam chuckled. “Maybe you have me confused with someone else, buddy, I’m pretty well-liked around--”
“How could someone be so cruel to a fellow guardsman, just because he’s fat?”
“
What?”
“Don’t worry, chum, I’ll protect you from all these bullies.”
BSam made an angry grunting sound and slapped Willis’s thumb-twiddling hand. “I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying, Willis,” he snarled.
Willis put a sympathetic hand on BSam’s shoulder.
He said, “It’s okay, I understand.”
“What the hell are you--”
“Just let it out.”
“If anything,
you’re bigger than I am, you--”
“I’m so, so sorry.”
Standing up abruptly, BSam’s face flushed with anger. “Hey, you!” he shouted to a random passerby. “Who is better looking, me or him?” He indicated himself and Willis, who had his eyes closed and was shaking his head slowly as if BSam was a pitiful baby seal.
“Gosh, you both look like weightlifting pornstars to me,” the stranger said, rubbing his droopy gut mournfully.
“Well that settles it,” said BSam, making a sour face.
Willis shrugged, thinking of the ceremony the next day in which everyone would be sorted into a category. He was still sure he would get the best title out of all the guardsmen, and this boosted his moodiness a bit.
“Until next time,” Willis announced, turning to a nonexistent cameraman, “Stay in school, and speculate about what lies ahead!”
“Booo!” shouted someone off in the distance.