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Post by HAL 10,000 on Aug 9, 2022 0:00:10 GMT -5
I'm sorry to inform you that this is not the kind of fanfic you should be reading. The story you are about to read is extremely unpleasant. If you wish to read a pic about an emo vampire attending a school of magic, then I'm sure My Immortal is online. However, if you like stories about clever and reasonably attractive orphans, suspicious fires, grueling journeys, shocking discoveries, and secret organizations, then stay. I have taken it upon myself to document every last detail of these events, and have managed to come across some new information. So pull up close to the fire, wrap yourself in a blanket, grab something warm to eat and drink, and listen…
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Post by Tiran O'Saurus on Aug 9, 2022 6:45:28 GMT -5
Hooray! I'm very excited to read this. Analysis: the ingredients list doesn't tell us much, those are pretty common things in ASOUE. I love the My Immortal reference.
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Post by HAL 10,000 on Sept 2, 2022 20:10:05 GMT -5
Chapter I Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire were gathered at Briny Beach, gazing across the mist-covered water and skipping stones across the surface, just as they had done ten years ago. How could it have been ten years?Ten years since they had lost their parents and home in a terrible fire, ten years since they had had their first encounter with Count Olaf. While the scene of the Baudelaires at the beach looked from a distance much the same as it would have ten years prior, much had changed since then. For one thing, they were now accompanied by Beatrice Baudelaire II, the daughter of Kit Snicket whom the siblings had raised and named after their mother. For another, they had been on the run for several years, ever since the murder of Jacques Snicket in the Village of Fowl Devotees for which Count Olaf, disguised as a "cool" detective, had framed them. Since then, they had been traveling from place and place trying both to find safety and uncover the secret of VFD. Only a few months ago, Beatrice had been separated from Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, and during this time had exchanged a series of letters with her uncle; who had recently published a compilation of the letters, as well as some letters exchanged between himself and the Baudelaire's mother. But there were still a few things that remained constant. Violet, the eldest, was still a phenomenal inventor, even if she could no longer claim the title of finest 14-year-old inventor, and while she was thinking of invention ideas she liked to have her hair tied up in a ribbon. Klaus, the middle child, could remember nearly all of the many books that he had read, and Sunny, the youngest, loved to cook, a talent she had discovered before she could speak in full sentences. But even though the Baudelaires had been reunited with Beatrice and had their names cleared following the publication of a collection of documents detailing the events spanning from the Baudelaire fire to Beatrice's birth, there was still much they wondered about. "If only we knew what became of the Quagmires and Hector," said Violet. "Or Fiona, Fernald, Widdershins, and Phil," said Klaus. "Or the people at the Hotel Denouement," said Sunny. Beatrice added, "Not to mention you, and me as well, have to figure out where we come in in all of this." Just then, as if on cue, a voice from the bushes at the beach's edge said, "Psst, come here. I want to talk to you." Although they had a strange gut feeling, the four were so desperate for both answers and company that they decided to go over and investigate, pondering over what could be awaiting them. AN: Sorry for the long-ish absence, I was housesitting. Also, I promise the next chapter will be longer. And yes, "documents" is referring to the books.
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Post by Optimism is my Phil-osophy on Sept 3, 2022 0:43:08 GMT -5
I was in need of a chapter like this that warms the heart, and manages to envision a positive future for Klaus, Sunny and Violet.
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Post by Isadora Is a Door on Sept 3, 2022 14:52:04 GMT -5
An interesting start. I had forgotten about this, and am glad it is continuing.
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Post by Tiran O'Saurus on Sept 3, 2022 19:18:42 GMT -5
Thank you for mentioning Phil. It really annoyed me how TE forgot him.
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Post by HAL 10,000 on Oct 30, 2022 9:55:52 GMT -5
Chapter II As the Baudelaires approached the thicket at the far edge of the beach, they thought of who could possibly be calling to them. For the last ten years they had relied solely on each other, cut off from everyone else they had ever met. Just as Violet was about to sit down at the edge of the bushes to get a closer look, a hand reached out from behind an especially thick piece of shrubbery and beckoned to the two young adults and two preteens. The four Baudelaires paused for a moment before Beatrice reached out and pushed aside some of the branches and leaves to reveal a clearing where there sat a figure wearing a green hooded robe. The figure gestured for them to sit down and, once everyone was seated in a circle, removed his hood to reveal someone whom Violet had once been good friends with but had not seen or heard from in years. “Ben,” Violet gasped. Klaus, who had also known Ben well, asked, “Where have you been this whole time? The last time we saw you was a few weeks before the fire.” Ben answered, “I’ve been a bit preoccupied for a while. A little while after the last time I saw you I was sent to Prufrock Prep. After I had been attending for a while two siblings named Duncan and Isadora Quagmire joined. They had also lost their parents, home, and brother in a terrible fire. I ended up leaving school not too long after they arrived, so I unfortunately didn’t get to know them very well. After that, I just wandered from place to place for a while before I ended up here” After taking in Ben’s story, Violet spoke up, “I don’t know where he is now, but Quigley Quagmire survived the fire. We met him in the Mortmain Mountains.” “Well then,” said Ben, “I guess we both have quite a bit to tell each other. But first let’s get out of this bush. I know a place where we can be more comfortable and also talk in private. Let me show you.” So everyone began following Ben’s lead, glad to see him again but also wondering what else he had to tell them. “By the way,” explained Sunny as they walked, “This is Beatrice II. We’ll explain more when we get to your secret place.” AN: Thanks to Tiran O’Saurus for reminding me of Ben.
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Post by Tiran O'Saurus on Oct 30, 2022 11:38:38 GMT -5
First Phil, now Ben, this story keeps remembering those characters canon forgot.
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Post by Isadora Is a Door on Oct 31, 2022 2:20:36 GMT -5
I think you mean he was wearing a robe, rather than a rope.
I'm now fully hoping that each chapter will either bring in or mention a new, long forgotten character into the story.
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Post by HAL 10,000 on Dec 19, 2022 13:17:03 GMT -5
Chapter III The Baudelaires and Ben walked for about half an hour before they reached a small hill atop which sat a grove of trees. One of the trees had small slabs of lighter-coloured wood nailed to it which led to a treehouse inside of which there appeared to be piles of blankets, pillows, boxes of crackers, and cartons of juice. Violet ascended the ladder first, and then Klaus. Sunny and Beatrice were a little more hesitant. Sunny only had vague memories of everything that she and her brother and sister had been through ten years prior, and Beatrice of course had not yet been born. While they both wanted answers just as much as Violet and Klaus did, they were a little hesitant to go up a tree, even one packed with food and blankets, with someone who they only knew through the occasional mention by Violet. Still, they figured that considering Ben had been one of Violet’s good friends before the deaths of the Baudelaire parents and that he had attempted to provide them a comfortable place to rest, eat, and ask him a few questions, the pair figured that there couldn’t be any harm in joining their siblings and their sibling’s friend. The walls of the treehouse were smooth and honey coloured. There was a radiator in one corner, a pile of pillows and blankets near the radiator, a pile of assorted food and drinks in the opposite corner, and against the far wall was a shelf filled with notebooks. Ben had already wrapped himself in a green blanket that matched his robe, and handed Violet a purple blanket, Klaus a red blanket, Sunny a yellow blanket, and Beatrice a light blue blanket. He then pulled out from behind him a bowl of cookies, crackers, pretzels, and crisps, and said, “Alright, tell me your story.” Violet told Ben about living with Count Olaf, and of Uncle Monty and Aunt Josephine, Klaus told him about their time about Lucky Smells Lumbermill, Prufrock Preparatory School, and 667 Dark Avenue, Violet talked of the Village of Fowl Devotees, Heimlich Hospital, and Caligari Carnival, and Klaus talked of the Mortmain Mountains, the Queequeg, and the Hotel Denouement. Finally, Sunny, who could remember this period a bit more clearly, told Ben about everything that had happened since then, including raising Beatrice on the island, returning to the mainland, having their names cleared, and their separation and eventual reunion with Beatrice. “Wow, that’s a lot to take in,” said Ben, picking up a cookie, “I’m also afraid the next phase of your journey is about to begin. But I’ll come along at least part of the way.” Gesturing to the notebooks on the shelf, he continued, “I’ve managed to gather some information that will no doubt be helpful, but there a still quite a few gaps to fill in. Maybe you can help me out a bit.” As they began looking through the many, many, notebooks, the siblings were a little disappointed that Ben was in some ways just as clueless as they were, but they were also glad to have someone to help them out and even a little excited about the opportunity to work with an old friend in order to piece together the massive puzzle that had been their lives for the last ten years.
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Post by HAL 10,000 on Mar 23, 2023 16:56:10 GMT -5
Chapter IV The notebooks were filled with maps, some of locations the Baudelaires were fairly familiar with and some that they had never seen before, notes, and sketches of various items such as a fire, a mushroom, a typewriter, and a sugar bowl. All these items had links to the Baudelaire’s sinister past, but the one that especially stood out to Violet, Klaus, and Sunny was the sugar bowl. When the siblings were living on the Queequeg and when they were staying at the Hotel Denouement, Count Olaf and his girlfriend Esme Squalor were hunting down not only them but also an elusive sugar bowl with equally elusive contents. “Some of the information I managed to gather is in pictoral form,” said Ben, using a word that meant that some of the information that he had gathered he had drawn rather than written down, “these sketches each represent something that has played a big role in your lives for the past ten years. Also, I’ve written down some names that might be of interest to you. Some of them you might recognize, but there are others that I have no clue who they could be.” Klaus took the paper from Ben and looked over it. Many of the names were indeed familiar; including those of his and his sisters’ parents. Many others he had never heard of before. But there was one in particular that stood out, if only for the fact that it was familiar but the siblings had no clue what it actually meant. It was the letters JS. The Baudelaires personally knew three JSs: Jacques Snicket, Justice Strauss, and Jerome Squalor; and there were other JSs that they knew of, but did not know personally, such as Johann Strauss. But regardless, they had a bit of a dark history with those letters. Ten years ago, when Violet, Klaus, and Sunny were traveling through the Mortmain Mountains, they discovered a message from someone called JS calling for a gathering at the last safe place, which he turned out to be the Hotel Denouement. But now the hotel was no more, and, as far as the Baudelaires knew, there wasn’t anywhere else in the world that even came close to the safety of the Hotel Denouement, except for Uncle Monty’s house and the Baudelaire mansion, both of which were also gone, a place of refuge reduced to ash. The Baudelaires were drawn out of their thoughts by Ben saying, “You can spend the night here if you wish.” Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and Beatrice had somewhat lost track of time, but the sky outside was now orange with a rim of purplish-blue against the horizon that was growing steadily darker. On the opposite side of the sky from the sunset, the moon was beginning to reveal itself from out of the growing darkness. It did indeed seem like the siblings should be getting ready to go to bed. But somehow it didn’t seem like it was the right time to go to bed. Instead, it seemed like it was a better time to try to decipher Ben’s notes and figure out what to do next than become dormant for the next several hours. But on the flip side, sleep often helps with problem solving. Ben said, “I was anticipating that we might be spending the night in the treehouse,” as he pulled out a green sleeping bag and pointed to a pile of assorted sleeping bags that the Baudelaires hadn’t seen when they first arrived at the treehouse. Klaus replied, “Thank you,” and pulled a sleeping bag out of the pile. Once the boys had laid down their sleeping bags, Violet and Sunny both stepped forward and each took a sleeping bag out of the pile. While Violet and Sunny were unrolling their sleeping bags, Beatrice picked out the last bag and unrolled it. After all the Baudelaires crawled into their sleeping bags, they lay awake and pondered what could be awaiting them, before finally drifting off.
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Post by Isadora Is a Door on Mar 26, 2023 3:45:12 GMT -5
Good to see this continuing.
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Post by HAL 10,000 on May 21, 2023 10:12:09 GMT -5
Chapter V Beatrice woke up to bands of sunlight stretching across her face. Subconsciously, she tried to brush them off. Of course, you can’t brush light off yourself, so she just ended up being fully awake. Sneaking past the still-sleeping Baudelaires and Ben, Beatrice stood at the entrance to the treehouse and peered out into the distance.
Most of the sky was still shrouded in dark purple with a few stars scattered across the canvas, but the first glow of sun was emanating from the sky’s edge. After admiring the sunrise for a few minutes, Beatrice knelt next to Sunny and put a hand on her shoulder, whispering, “Wake up.”
Sunny, still only partially awake, sat up and asked, “What is it?”
Beatrice replied, “I want to help you guys find the Quagmires and solve the mysteries in Ben’s book.”
“Shouldn’t we wake up Violet and Klaus first?” Sunny asked.
“They’ll wake up on their own eventually,” chided Beatrice, “Let’s at least climb down and have a look around.”
Sunny was still hesitant, but decided that it wouldn’t hurt to at least climb down the tree and have a look around. The tree was at the edge of a massive forest and was at least twice the size of the trees that surrounded it. After walking around the tree a few times, Sunny and Beatrice sat down against its massive trunk and stared at the sky, which was becoming lighter and was mostly clear with only a few wispy clouds. If the Baudelaires hadn’t been so preoccupied with trying to figure out what had been going on in their lives, they might've enjoyed this nice weather.
Back in the treehouse, Violet and Klaus began to stir. Violet subconsciously stretched out one arm while Klaus had an arm over his face, his glasses on the floor next to his sleeping bag. As she was waking up, Violet happened to glance over at where Sunny and Beatrice had been sleeping, only to find both their sleeping bags lying empty. The eldest Baudelaire nudged her brother and said, “Sunny and Beatrice, they’re gone.”
“They must’ve gone down the tree,” said Klaus putting on his glasses, “We should probably get up too.” Sitting up, Violet said, “You go down and look for them, I’ll wake up Ben.”
But Ben was gone as well, having left a note near his sleeping bag saying: I’ve gone to gather some more information. I don’t know when I’ll meet with you again, but I hope to see you soon. Wish you luck, Ben
Violet read the note over and handed it to Klaus, who likewise read it a few times before saying, “He’ll probably find us again. For now, let’s go down and find Sunny and Beatrice.”
Leaving the note and their sleeping bags, Violet and Klaus climbed down the tree to find Sunny and Beatrice sitting against the side of the tree and staring off into the distance. “Who’s that?” asked Sunny, pointing at a figure coming over the hill. Violet and Klaus were reminded of that day on the beach when Mr Poe had come to tell them the news about their parents, since Mr Poe had also initially appeared as an ominous figure before finally revealing himself as an ordinary banker.
As this figure came closer, it too began to reveal itself to be someone just as familiar as Mr Poe. “Jerome?!” Klaus and Violet blurted out simultaneously.
The Baudelaires had once lived with Jerome Squalor and his wife Esme in the penthouse on 667 Dark Avenue. While Esme ended up betraying the Baudelaires to Count Olaf and even began dating him, Jerome had treated them quite well, even if he refused to stand up for himself.
Approaching the group, Jerome asked, “Baudelaires? Is that you?”
Violet stepped forward and said, “We are.”
Putting a hand on Violet’s shoulder, Jerome said, “Let’s go to Slush Mountain. I wanted to take you there when you lived with me, but it was out then, not that I care about what’s in and out. We can catch up over some slushies.”
Slush Mountain was located about four miles from the treehouse, and had a blue-and-white colour scheme and instead of tables it had a row of chairs going around one long table near the windows. After introducing Beatrice, the Baudelaires told of everything that had transpired for the past ten years. Jerome then said, “I’ll tell you what I know. I’m one of two survivors that I know of, although there may be others. I do know that things weren’t looking good for Justice Strauss, she had made up her mind and was to high up survive jumping even if she decided to do so.”
But the Baudelaires had no time to think about Count Olaf’s neighbour who had made their stay with him slightly better. Klaus asked, “Who’s the other survivor that you know of?”
Jerome leaned in close and whispered, “Her.”
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Post by HAL 10,000 on Aug 1, 2023 8:45:23 GMT -5
Chapter VI Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and Beatrice all knew right away who Jerome was talking about: His ex-wife Esme Squalor, or, as she often referred to herself, Esme Gigi Genevieve Squalor. While they knew that they were as likely to run into Count Olaf again as they were to run into their parents again, the Baudelaires hadn’t known whether Esme was still out there and had hoped never to find out. But if Esme was still at large, as Jerome claimed, then where was she? Had she gone somewhere far away in order to torment some other group of orphans or to join some bizarre fashion club? Or was she even closer than the Baudelaires had feared? Jerome set down his drink and said, “I haven’t seen her since, but I know she’s still on the loose because I caught a glimpse of her running into the woods behind the hotel. At first, I thought I wasn’t quite sure who it was, but then I noticed that the person appeared to be wearing that ridiculous lettuce bikini that Esme had been wearing.”
Violet shuddered at the memory of Esme’s lettuce bikini, a small thin garment that barely left anything to the imagination. She had hoped to eventually forget about that bikini, but some things are branded so deeply into the mind that you can never forget them no matter how hard you try.
But now was not the time to dwell on a hideous article of clothing made from leaves. So Klaus, sensing what Violet was thinking, put a hand on hers before turning to Jerome and saying, “Do you know where she went?”
Jerome shook his head, saying, “I haven’t heard from her since. I’ve heard rumours that she’s in prison, or that she’s hiding in the woods, or that she went somewhere across the sea. But I don’t know what to believe. I will tell you though that I finalized our divorce, so we’ve gone from not together but technically married to having absolutely nothing to do with each other.”
As it turned out, Jerome was right about the first two places where Esme might be. After escaping from the Hotel Denouement, Esme hid out in the woods for the next few years until she was captured and taken to prison as the truth began to come out about the Baudelaires’ innocence. As they and Jerome were eating, she was sitting in a barren cell with only a bed of straw in one corner, a tin of water, and a box of dry crackers, as well as three of the most irritating roommates imaginable. To her right were Mr Remora and Mrs Bass, two former teachers at Prufrock Prep until Mrs Bass had been arrested for bank robbery with Mr Remora as her accomplice. To the left of Esme was Geraldine Julienne, a reporter for the now-defunct and highly unreliable newspaper The Daily Punctilio. In addition to publishing false murder accusations about Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, or as she called them, Veronica, Clyde, and Susie, Geraldine Julienne was completely obsessed with the woman who had once been the city’s sixth most important financial advisor and was constantly trying to ask her questions about her involvement with Count Olaf, whom she still insisted on calling Count Omar. Mr Remora and Mrs Bass, meanwhile, were currently discussing what they would be having for lunch.
“When exactly did you and Count Omar first meet?” Julienne demanded.
“Just leave me alone,” Esme sulked, not bothering to say that her former boyfriend’s name was Olaf not Omar, “Answering stupid questions is so out!”
Mrs Bass looked up from the crack on the floor that she was currently measuring and said, “I’m going to have nine milligrams of macaroni salad, some carrots cut into decimeters, an orange weighing exactly a kilogram, and ten milligrams of vanilla ice cream.”
Mr Remora added, “And I’ll have a frozen banana, a banana split, some banana pudding, and twelve banana fritters.”
Putting her face in her hands and shaking her head, Esme took a deep breath and whispered, “This is just a bump in the road, I’ll figure a way out of here and I’ll find those little brats and watch their world burn.”
Back at Slush Mountain, Jerome and the Baudelaires were finishing up their meal and clearing the table when Jerome said, “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you four come with me and I’ll let you crash at my place.”
The four Baudelaires were rather liked the prospect of spending the night in someone’s home rather than in whatever shelter they could find. Even Beatrice, who had never met Jerome, and Sunny, who had met him but had very little memory of doing so, agreed that it would be in their best interest to stay with him.
As Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and Beatrice followed Jerome to the penthouse that they had once shared with him, they wondered if they were going to start reliving all the horror that they had experienced all those years ago.
“I’m not sure if Jerome will be of much help in deciphering Ben’s notes,” said Beatrice, “But I brought along one of Ben’s notebooks, he has so many that I’m sure he won’t miss one.”
“If only the Quagmires were here,” mused Klaus, “Maybe they could help us figure out Ben’s notes.”
Violet answered, “Today we’ll see what we can figure out while we’re with Jerome; tomorrow, we’ll go out and see if we can find them.”
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Post by HAL 10,000 on Oct 22, 2023 0:30:09 GMT -5
Chapter VII
It’s often said that a lot can happen in a day, and this had certainly been the case for Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and Beatrice. Within the last few days, they had been reunited with Ben and Jerome and had been roped into another journey that, although they didn’t know it at the time, would be filled with horror beyond even all that they had been through ten years ago.
As the four Baudelaires followed Jerome back to the place that had been a mixed bag during their last stay. At that time, Jerome had been cohabitating with a woman who could stand toe-to-toe with Count Olaf in terms of sheer depravity. Not only had Esme been a traitor who tried to hand them over to Count Olaf while Jerome was intimidated into inaction. In addition to her affair with Count Olaf, Esme always made sure that everything in her household was in, and, at the time, tools, non-fashion-related books, and biteable bronze cubes were out. Finally, the Baudelaires had to climb sixty-six flights of stairs to get up to and down from the penthouse. But on the flip side, it had been nice to be back in the city where they had grown up after a long absence, and the penthouse was one of the more comfortable homes they had lived in, especially when compared to the likes of a cave in the mountains, the unfinished half of Heimlich Hospital, the orphan shack at Prufrock Prep, the dorm at Lucky Smells Lumbermill, or the bedroom at Count Olaf’s house.
When the Baudelaires made the turn onto Dark Avenue, which when they had first arrived years ago had indeed been quite dark, but now it shone with the light of the afternoon. Beatrice nudged Violet in the ribs and whispered, “Do you think he’ll be more helpful than he was last time you stayed with him?”
Violet shrugged and said, “I don’t know. Esme doesn’t have him under her thumb anymore though, so he should be a least a little more help.”
As the group approached 667 Dark Avenue for the first time in ten years, and in Beatrice’s case for the first time ever, they thought back to all the horrors they experienced all those years ago. They had encountered multiple fires, hurricanes, leeches, hypnosis, unnecessary surgery, the threat of being burned at the stake, and being thrown down an elevator shaft, to name but a few. Now it seemed that the Baudelaires were on the verge of a new adventure that could take them into even darker places than the previous one had. Hopefully, what lay ahead of them would be a little easier than what lay behind, but they had a feeling that things were about to get much darker rather than lighter.
There was, however, one thing that was easier now than it had been ten years ago. That was climbing the stairs to the penthouse at the very top of the apartment complex. The first time they had climbed those stairs, the Baudelaires were completely worn out by the time they reached the top, but this time they managed to reach the top of the stairs feeling only slightly tired, and a bit proud that climbing had gotten easier over the years, even if it was one of the few things that had.
“Sorry I wasn’t of much help before,” said Jerome, opening the door, “But Esme was a bit strong-willed and I didn’t want to cause any drama.”
There are many words that mean different things in different contexts, and strong-willed is one of them. If you’re talking about a dog, it might mean that he keeps running off whenever you try to take him for a walk. If you’re talking about a 3-year-old, it might mean that she can’t sleep unless Mr. Moose is next to Thomas the tank engine. But if you’re talking about Esme Squalor, it might mean that she will slit your throat with the bottom of her shoe unless you tell her the whereabouts of a certain sugar bowl. But the Baudelaires felt like it was a bit pointless to try explaining this, they were just glad to have a place to stay, if only for the night.
The Squalor penthouse was mostly as the Baudelaires remembered it. It still had so many rooms that there couldn’t possibly be much use for all of them, and the window provided a view of the entire city, as well as some of the area beyond. After a few minutes of gazing out the window, the four Baudelaires went over to one of the massive velvet couches and plopped down, watching the ceiling lights and thought about all that had happened that day. It was only late afternoon, they couldn’t be sure exactly what time, but it couldn’t be any later than 4:30. But just that day, the Baudelaires had gone from living in a treehouse in the woods with only one friend to returning to the city they had grown up in and staying with someone they had stayed with once before and thought they would never see again. Not only that, but they had learned that someone else they thought they’d never see again, but unlike Jerome, they had hoped never to see again.
Beatrice asked, “What do you think we should do?”
Violet sighed and said, “I don’t know, but I think we’ll figure something out. For now, let’s try to make ourselves comfortable.”
The Baudelaires were pulled out of their thoughts by Jerome asking, “How’d you like to learn to play chess? It’ll help take your mind off everything you must’ve been through and it’d be a good chance for us to reconnect.”
“That might be nice actually,” said Klaus, “It’s been a while since we’ve played a game that we didn’t come up with ourselves or since we’ve spent very much time with anyone besides each other.”
Even as a new string of misfortune was brewing, the Baudelaires took a moment to relax and enjoy themselves.
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