Post by gothicarchiesfan on Jan 4, 2024 5:17:33 GMT -5
I know I'm not technically a new member, but I've been gone for a good long while on here.
Hope everyone had a nice time over the holidays and a hearty hello to all the new members who've joined us.
Work has been kind of insanely tough and hunting down people and archives takes lots of time. The search for sequel scripts has been especially tough as nobody seems to have them even though plenty were written and sent out.
However, as a thank you for putting up with my constant disappearances, have a few pages from a draft of Daniel Handler's screenplay for the original film. (Sadly, I still have not yet gotten permission to post the whole thing).
Hope everyone had a nice time over the holidays and a hearty hello to all the new members who've joined us.
Work has been kind of insanely tough and hunting down people and archives takes lots of time. The search for sequel scripts has been especially tough as nobody seems to have them even though plenty were written and sent out.
However, as a thank you for putting up with my constant disappearances, have a few pages from a draft of Daniel Handler's screenplay for the original film. (Sadly, I still have not yet gotten permission to post the whole thing).
MR. POE (cont'd)
Your nearest relative is an actor, and it's rare for fascinating
people such as actors to take such a keen interest in other people.
SUNNY
Ventura. [I've never heard of him.]
VIOLET
My sister means, how exactly is he related to us?
As their voices fade, the camera lingers on something in the rubble: the ORNATE METAL BOX. We cut to
EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE JUSTICE STRAUSS'S HOME - DAY
MR. POE is letting the BAUDELAIRES out the CAR in front of a lovely HOUSE on a pleasant street.
KLAUS
But why didn't our parents ever invite him over?
MR. POE coughs in reply, as a WOMAN walks up, dressed in a black judicial robe and a small white wig, and his struggling with a number of PARCELS. This is JUSTICE STRAUSS, a kind of flighty woman who ought to be of more help.
JUSTICE STRAUSS
Hello! Salutations! Shalom! How do you do? You must be the Baudelaire children! I was so sorry to hear about that terrible fire. I'm Justice Strauss, of the High Court. Forgive me for not shaking hands. My food processor broke, and so I had to run out and buy some tools, although I don't know why because I'm simply hopeless with mechanical devices, and I bought some new file cards for my legal library, although I don't know when I'll have time to update my card catalog and I just now realized that I forgot to buy a new breadknife, so I have no possible way of cutting this baguette into bite-sized pieces, and it's Wednesday, so you know what that means. I know these troubles are nothing compared to yours, of course, but--
KLAUS
We'd be happy to help you. My sister is very mechanical minded, and I'm adept at library science.
SUNNY
Kifnip! [I'd also be happy to be of assistance.]
VIOLET
My sister means that her teeth are perfect for slicing bread.
JUSTICE STRAUSS smiles and begins to walk up the steps of the house. The BAUDELAIRES follow.
JUSTICE STRAUSS
This is wonderful!
How lucky I am to have such able children in my life!
KLAUS
Do you live here too?
JUSTICE STRAUSS
What? No. Oh. No. This is my home, yours is next door.
JUSTICE STRAUSS points off-camera.
SUNNY
Myrd. [I'd rather not live there.]
The camera follows JUSTICE STRAUSS's pointing finger to THE SCARIEST HOUSE WE'VE EVER SEEN, flickering in the sudden lightning of a dark and stormy NIGHT that has suddenly fallen. The HOUSE has cracked and shaded windows and many, many drawings of EYES etched or scratched into the peeling woodwork. The camera follows some half-dead vines up the tall, rickety TOWER we were shown earlier, and then down to
EXT. COUNT OLAF'S DOORWAY NIGHT
The BAUDELAIRES are standing with MR. POE at the sinister DOOR painted with an eye, naturally - of the HOUSE. Slowly, it creaks open, and we see an oddly short figure.
COUNT OLAF
Hello, hello, hello.
He's really short, or very far away, and he seems to be floating in darkness. The BAUDELAIRES stare, reluctant to go inside. Even MR. POE seems a bit nervous.
COUNT OLAF
Come in, come in, come in.
MR. POE makes the BAUDELAIRES go ahead of him into...
INT. OLAF ENTRYWAY - NIGHT
.an entryway, lit only by a single swinging LIGHT BULB. The swings of the LIGHT BULB reveal the room in little snippets: a PAINTING of an eye, the BAUDELAIRES looking anxiously around the room, a TABLE with a BOWL OF ROTTING FRUIT, the confused face of MR. POE, another PAINTING of an eye, and odd glimpses of the tiny stiff figure of OLAF.
COUNT OLAF
Welcome, welcome, welcome. It is such a pleasure to have two orphans and a little monkey delivered to my humble home, along with a load of precious rubies.
In a swing of the lightbulb, we see SUNNY frown.
MR. POE
Count Olaf, I believe I mentioned on the phone, several times, that Sunny Baudelaire is a baby.
In a swing of the lightbulb, OLAF frowns.
COUNT OLAF
Oh.
Well, do I need to sign for them or something?
MR. POE
Er, no.
COUNT OLAF
Then allow me to say auf Wiedersehen. In German, that means
please go back to the bank.
In a swing of the LIGHT BULB, we see the BAUDELAIRES, who are staring in anxiousness. Will MR. POE really leave them?
MR. POE
(Yes, he will)
I suppose everything is in order.
He pats a BAUDELAIRE on the head, but in a swing of the LIGHT BULB he sees he was actually patting a PEDESTAL with a statue of an EYE on it. He adjusts.
COUNT OLAF
So long, Poe. Tell the truck full
of rubies to pull up in the back.
MR. POE
Rubies?
In a swing of the LIGHT BULB, MR. POE is out the DOOR. Alone
with the BAUDELAIRES, OLAF laughs his maniacal cackle again.
COUNT OLAF
Well, orphans, don’t you want to
say “how do you do?” to your new
guardian?
VIOLET slowly reaches her hand up to steady the BULB.
VIOLET
(simply)
How do you do?
At last we see what’s been happening. COUNT OLAF is a tall,
scraggly figure, dressed in the suit with mysterious stains
on it, and shoes with no socks. He has a TATTOO of an EYE on
his left ankle. His eyes are shiny and he is smiling a
wicked and yellow grin. It’s a little anticlimactic,
actually. I mean, he doesn’t look nice, but he’s hardly the
scariest thing you’ve ever seen. And covering his right hand
is an elaborate PUPPET of himself: the oddly short figure we
kept looking at. This, needless to say, doesn’t make for a
fearsome atmosphere, either, although it is a little weird.
The BAUDELAIRES blink at him. COUNT OLAF is clearly
disappointed. They’re supposed to be cowering in fear, not
greeting him politely. Nevertheless, he soldiers on, and
giving the children a wicked smile, begins a SONG.
KLAUS
We'd be happy to help you. My sister is very mechanical minded, and I'm adept at library science.
SUNNY
Kifnip! [I'd also be happy to be of assistance.]
VIOLET
My sister means that her teeth are perfect for slicing bread.
JUSTICE STRAUSS smiles and begins to walk up the steps of the house. The BAUDELAIRES follow.
JUSTICE STRAUSS
This is wonderful!
How lucky I am to have such able children in my life!
KLAUS
Do you live here too?
JUSTICE STRAUSS
What? No. Oh. No. This is my home, yours is next door.
JUSTICE STRAUSS points off-camera.
SUNNY
Myrd. [I'd rather not live there.]
The camera follows JUSTICE STRAUSS's pointing finger to THE SCARIEST HOUSE WE'VE EVER SEEN, flickering in the sudden lightning of a dark and stormy NIGHT that has suddenly fallen. The HOUSE has cracked and shaded windows and many, many drawings of EYES etched or scratched into the peeling woodwork. The camera follows some half-dead vines up the tall, rickety TOWER we were shown earlier, and then down to
EXT. COUNT OLAF'S DOORWAY NIGHT
The BAUDELAIRES are standing with MR. POE at the sinister DOOR painted with an eye, naturally - of the HOUSE. Slowly, it creaks open, and we see an oddly short figure.
COUNT OLAF
Hello, hello, hello.
He's really short, or very far away, and he seems to be floating in darkness. The BAUDELAIRES stare, reluctant to go inside. Even MR. POE seems a bit nervous.
COUNT OLAF
Come in, come in, come in.
MR. POE makes the BAUDELAIRES go ahead of him into...
INT. OLAF ENTRYWAY - NIGHT
.an entryway, lit only by a single swinging LIGHT BULB. The swings of the LIGHT BULB reveal the room in little snippets: a PAINTING of an eye, the BAUDELAIRES looking anxiously around the room, a TABLE with a BOWL OF ROTTING FRUIT, the confused face of MR. POE, another PAINTING of an eye, and odd glimpses of the tiny stiff figure of OLAF.
COUNT OLAF
Welcome, welcome, welcome. It is such a pleasure to have two orphans and a little monkey delivered to my humble home, along with a load of precious rubies.
In a swing of the lightbulb, we see SUNNY frown.
MR. POE
Count Olaf, I believe I mentioned on the phone, several times, that Sunny Baudelaire is a baby.
In a swing of the lightbulb, OLAF frowns.
COUNT OLAF
Oh.
Well, do I need to sign for them or something?
MR. POE
Er, no.
COUNT OLAF
Then allow me to say auf Wiedersehen. In German, that means
please go back to the bank.
In a swing of the LIGHT BULB, we see the BAUDELAIRES, who are staring in anxiousness. Will MR. POE really leave them?
MR. POE
(Yes, he will)
I suppose everything is in order.
He pats a BAUDELAIRE on the head, but in a swing of the LIGHT BULB he sees he was actually patting a PEDESTAL with a statue of an EYE on it. He adjusts.
COUNT OLAF
So long, Poe. Tell the truck full
of rubies to pull up in the back.
MR. POE
Rubies?
In a swing of the LIGHT BULB, MR. POE is out the DOOR. Alone
with the BAUDELAIRES, OLAF laughs his maniacal cackle again.
COUNT OLAF
Well, orphans, don’t you want to
say “how do you do?” to your new
guardian?
VIOLET slowly reaches her hand up to steady the BULB.
VIOLET
(simply)
How do you do?
At last we see what’s been happening. COUNT OLAF is a tall,
scraggly figure, dressed in the suit with mysterious stains
on it, and shoes with no socks. He has a TATTOO of an EYE on
his left ankle. His eyes are shiny and he is smiling a
wicked and yellow grin. It’s a little anticlimactic,
actually. I mean, he doesn’t look nice, but he’s hardly the
scariest thing you’ve ever seen. And covering his right hand
is an elaborate PUPPET of himself: the oddly short figure we
kept looking at. This, needless to say, doesn’t make for a
fearsome atmosphere, either, although it is a little weird.
The BAUDELAIRES blink at him. COUNT OLAF is clearly
disappointed. They’re supposed to be cowering in fear, not
greeting him politely. Nevertheless, he soldiers on, and
giving the children a wicked smile, begins a SONG.