TBB 'letter to the editor'

[cwm3]

I was bored, so I made a Snicket letter to the editor about the manuscript for TBB.

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To My Kind Editor,

I apologize for every O in this letter being replaced with the picture of an eye, but that is what happens when you use Count Olaf's typewriter, and I am forced to use it because it is the only way of writing something --- other than the stacks of charcoal --- in Olaf's house.

Next Thursday, go to the underground train station, walk up to ticket booth 3, and ask for a purple ticket for the 11:57 train to Westonbridge.

Instead of this, you will be handed a suitcase with a three-digit combonation lock. Enter 5-3-7 and it will open.

Inside the suitcase, you will find my delicate manuscript for the Baudelaire's stay at Olaf's house, entitled THE BAD BEGINNING. There will also be a pile of rocks, a recipe for puttenesa sauce, and an example of the Devil's Tounge knot. The suitcase will also have a false bottom, which will have, underneath, the full script for The Marvellous Marriage and one of the portraits of an eye in Olaf's house, the latter of which Mr Helquist can use for his illustrations.

Remeber, you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can finally be told to the general public.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket
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Let's see your versions!

[DetectiveDupin]

I'll do another book. Lets say....my version of The Carnivorous Carnival.


____________________________________

To my kind editor,
Sorry for the srabdhdsribbled writing of this letter, but Rarely Ridden Road is quite bdhjumpy and my typewriter keeps jolting..


Next time you go on the computor, go on V.F.D. messenger where you will talk to someone known as H. He will email you with all the horrible things I have collected from my research from the Baudelaire's stay at THE CARNIVOROUS CARNIVAL with a turban, a few papers form Madame Lulu's libresssf library, a lions tooth and a photo of Hugo, Collete and Kevin, so that Mr. Helquist can have help with his illisarations.


Remember, you are mt sgdjs my last hope that the story of The Baudelaire orphans can be told to the general public.
Lemony Snicket.

[lemonysinlaw]

Me do Vile Village.

To My Kind Editor,
I'm very sorry that this paper has been pecked, but the crows from VFD are not very kindly to a poor researcher.

Next Wednesday, travel to the airport and hand them the attached ticket. Go to gate 270, but stop at Denny's, and tell the waiter "I didn't realize it was a sad occasion." He will give you information. If Denny's is shut down, Olaf is in the building.

Sprint to gate 270, and give them the ticket attached. The plane leaves at 1:30. Olaf should be there, according to my calculations, at 1:00. You must be there by 12:30.

When you get to Wisconsin, meet up with a man named H. He works at the dairy. Ask him for L's papers. It has the manuscript of the Vile Village. He will also hand you Duncan Quagmire's remains of a notebook, Esme Squalor's motorcycle helmet, a photograph of my brother, and a photograph of Dupin's shoes. This will help Mr. Helquist with his illustrations.

Remember you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can finally be told to the general public.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

[cwm3]

I'll do 'The Hostile Hospital'.

(NOTE: This letter is written on a yellowing, slightly scrumpled piece of paper burnt around the edges.)

To My Kind (burn-mark covering the word Editor),

I am sorry for the burn-marks on (burn-mark covering 'this letter'), but some fire still rages in (burn-mark covering 'Heimlich Hospital), not least from (burn-mark covering 'Babs') typewriter, thus slightly singing this letter.

The Friday after the following Tuesday, go to (burn mark covering 'Upstairs'), Downstairs Sofa Store, and ask for a purple matress with (burn mark covering 'polka-dots'), or show this letter.

Instead, you will be handed a parcel adressed to (burn mark covering 'my dear late brother, Jacques Snicket'), which you must not open (burn mark covering 'until you get home'). If you do, then my enemies will attack you shortly afterwards.

Inside this parcel, you will discover my final manuscript for the Baudelaire's terrible times at (burn mark covering 'Heimlich Hospital'). It is entitled 'THE HOSTILE (burn mark covering 'HOSPITAL')'. There will also be an empty can of alphabet soup, a (burn mark covering 'stale cranberry') muffin, and (burn mark covering 'Hal's gla')ses. There will also be a rusty knife, which Mr Helquist will not find useful for his illustrations, but you will find it immensely useful in the search for some of my later manuscripts, because (a huge burn-mark covering about three lines).

Remeber, (burn mark covering 'you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans') can finally be told to the general (burn mark covering 'public'.).

With (burn mark covering 'all due') respect,



(burn mark covering 'Lemony Snicket')

If that was the real letter, what would you spectulate?

I want to see your versions for letters for TBB, TRR, TWW, TMM, TAA, TEE, TVV, THH, TCC, TSS, and TGG!

[DetectiveDupin]

I'll do......TSS

To My kind editor,
Sorry for the wetness of this ------ but this letter has been blown into the Str--ck-------am byt the four draughts of the val----------------staying in now.

Next time you are anywhere unremote, go to The Last Chance General Store which you will re-------------------ital. Now it has been closed down, and you should find in the ---ns toilets that there are some papers behind the mirror of the B-----------'s terrible time staying where -----------------------------------------now named THE SLIPPERY SLOPE.

With the-------------pt should also be a pickle in a jar, a Snow S------------sk, a page of the survivors ---------------book, and fork assisted shoe, and the ruins of the tent in which S-------------------------------------------------Fraught
Keep all these things safe, and Im sorry if all the letter is blury, but I dont have the time or the safety------------another one.
Remember, you are my --------------------- stories of the Baude---------ans can be told to the General public.
With all---------pect,
L--o-y Snic--t

[esmesqualor3]

I'll do "TAA"

(This letter is ripped because the crabs in the orphans shack have been tearing the paper)

To my kind Editor,

I am sorry that this letter is ripped in some places, but the crabs in the orphans shack can't stop tearing at my peice of paper.

Next Tuesday call Stanley taxis (533577) and ask for a taxi from your home to Prufrock Preparatory school. The man on the phone will ask you when you want your taxi. You must reply by saying "The World Is Quiet Here" and then you must go to the taxi service building and the man who spoke to you on the phone will give you a parcel. DO NOT open this parcel in a public area. When you are alone open the parcel and you will find a map of a school entitled "Prufrock Peparatory school" , a bow from a voilin which I belive was Vice Principle Neros' , a class photo to help Mr. Helquist with his drawings and a sample of a fungus that dripped from the orphans shack.

Remember, you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can finally be told to the genral public.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

[cwm3]

What happened to the manuscript?

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To My Kind Editor,

I am sorry for the terrible rips in this letter. I am afraid that, in order to escape my enemies, I am forced to hide underneath one of the most deadly machines in Lucky Smells Lumbermill. Thankfully, they are missing my typewriter.

Go to Orion Observatory at the next weekend, and roughly shake Telescope 13-N. Unless my enemies have suceeded in carrying out their vicious plot, a thick wad of papers should slide off. This will hopefully be the first seven chapters of my manuscript about the truly dire experiences the Baudelaire orphans at this very place, entitled THE MISERABLE MILL. There will also be, hidden inside the text, instructions on discovering the other six chapters. The other six chapters' hiding place will also have the chapter on hypnotism in Dr. Orwell's book, some sticks of chewing gum, and...

I fear that they have sensed me. As gumbreak draws closer, they will check the machines. I must take my leave.

Remeber, you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaires can finally be told to the general public.


With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket
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[Tyler]

Very cool. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Editor,

I am sorry to say that a new series of books will be coming to a bookstore near you soon. They are entitled 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' . The title of the series pretty much explains it.

Next Friday, go to the grocery store nearest you. Go buy a galleon can of P. Sauce. Open the can after you buy it.

Inside is a copy of the first book in the aweful series, entitled THE BAD BEGINNING, along with a broken cage, a rock almost thrown at an associate of mine, torn drapes slept in by a baby, and a skimpy drawing of a tower, which I believe will help Mr. Helquist with his illistrations.

This will help tell the tale of the Baudelaire Orphans. Hopefully.

With All Due Respect,
Lemony Snicket

[DetectiveDupin]

To my kind editor,

Out here at Lack Lacrymose, where an accosiate of mine is hiding, it is not safe and so you might this letter slimy with grease after being hidden in the fat fryer of The Anxious Clown.

Not the next Monday, but the Monday after, go the the Caligari Carnival. There, you should see three freaks. I am led to believe that these three and the carnival itself will appear in later research. Go to the lady freak and tell her she looks fat in her outfit. Expect her to slap you. I have carefully hidden the first Chapter of THE WIDE WINDWO in her sleeve that should come out when she slaps you.

With the chapter it should say how to get the rest of the book. When you get the rest of it you should find a cheer-up cheeseburger, or at least what there is of it, the sign from Curdled Cave, the shopping list that proved nothing, and Captian Shams bussiness card. Also there should be a picture of the sail boats next to the lake, that should help Mr. Helquist with his work.

Remember, you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can be told to the general public.

With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket.

[lemonysinlaw]

To My Kind Editor,

I apologize for the ridiculous stationery, but ocean decorating is in at the moment, and though I do not care what is in and out, 667 Dark Avenue does, and that is where I was recently researching.

You must take the attached library card and go to the nearest library. You must hand the librarian the library card, but only if she or he has curly hair. Otherwise, come back the next day. The librarian will say, "Well, young lady, have you been good to your mother?" You must respond, though you are not a lady, as far as I know, "The question is, has she been good to me?" The curly-haired librarian will hand you the manuscript entitled THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR and the In Auction Catalogue, a molded parsley soda, Gunther's monocle, and a photograph of the Fish District, which should help Mr. Helquist with his illustrations.

Remember, you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can be told to the general public.

With all due respect,


Lemony Snicket

(500th POST)

[esmesqualor3]

TMM


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I am writing to you from Eye-shaped building in which Count Olaf (posing as Shirley) worked as a receptionist and Dr. Orwell were.
Next Monday, go to your local bus stop at 2:30 pm, and get the bus to Paltrivylle. When you see the bus driver, say, "The World is Quiet Here.", and he will give you a parcel which holds; my description of what happened to the Baudelaires while staying in The Lucky Smells Lumbermill entitled "The Miserable Mill", abook about Paltryvlle, a name tag saying "Shirley" and a pair of broken glasses. A map of Paltrivylle, that will help Mr. Helquist with his drawings.
Remember you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can finally be told to the general public.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket.

[ice]

TRR. Should be interesting.

To my kind editor,

I apologize for the rather "snakey" smell of this paper, a phrase which here means "this paper has been near snakes and other reptiles recently, and those creatures have a distinct smell, which has rubbed off on this sheet of paper."

To recieve the manuscript for THE REPTILE ROOM, which I have entitled this part of the Baudelaire's lives, go to the subway station nearest your office building before noon. Purchase a ticket for the 6:20 PM train to the Damocles Dock station. When you approach the platform, the automatic ticket reader will redirect you to the Financial District of the city. Take the train, but leave one stop before the Financial District. As you leave the station, stop at the cash machine nearest to the stairwell on the right-hand side. Proceed to withdraw 80 dollars in fives. Instead of your cash, the machine will deposit the manuscript. Unless my enemies have succeded, a ticket booth worker will then call you over and ask if you need assistance. Say, "I need to know if the world is quiet." The attendant will then give to you a package containing the cloth used to cover the Incredibly Deadly Viper's cage, a copy of Dr. Montgomery's shopping list, and a portion of Dr. Lucafont's fake hand. To help Mr. Helquist with his illustrations, there will also be a series of photographs of the exterior and interior of his house.

Remember, you are my only hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can be told to the general public.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

[jayK]

TCC

To my kind editor,

I do appoligise for the vorius speling mistakes in thes, but i csn't delp iy when i only dave onr arm frer, anywres the next book will be entitgel the carnivorous Carnival, I am cerrently in Heimlich Hospitsl's second un byuilt hslf, I have bean tyed up, by a gang of evil people includeng the aleve person who has neither sezx, I fortunatelu still hase my typewritter. Next Wedsesdat go to the bread store (bavery) and asj fot breas anf better, The oener will say Deck the halls with bells of holly, u say I do indiid, he will give you the hole manuscript for the book extited The Carnivoros Carneval.
You are the only hope I have to get the tales of The Baudelaires through to the general public,
Weth Ass Duew Redect

[SnicketFires]

TEE

To my kind editor.

Currently I am hiding in the working elevator shaft in 667 dark avenue. I am writing this letter quickly, for i do not know when the elevator will come down the part of the shaft that i am sitiuated in.

Last Wednesday, go to Veblen hall, and ask the person with brown hair about the last time they saw their spouse. If all goes according to my plan, they will say a date, or time, and you must reply with the sentance"I didn't realize this was a sad occasion". The person will give you a strange look and throw you out of the hall. Travel across the street, but do not use a crosswalk. Go into the hat shop and look under the shell-shaped hat rack. There you should find the complete manuscript of "THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR" along with Very Fancy Doorknobs, an icecube made of salmon and a necktie used in the ersatz rope.

Remember, you are my last hope that the tale of the Baudelaire orphans can be told to the general public.

With all due respect,

Monty Kensicle Lemony Snicket

[jayK]

I don't think Snicket would have used the Monty kensickle bit, but your's was good, I'll rewrite mine soon, It's probably hard to read