Post by Dante on Jan 3, 2007 9:20:21 GMT -5
AuthorTrackers: 2006
In 2006, at least one AuthorTracker was sent every month to promote The Beatrice Letters and The End.
---
January: Friday 13th
---
Lemony Snicket - AuthorTracker News from HarperCollins
---
Friday the 13th
January 2006
Dear Reader,
Less than two weeks after 2006 arrived amidst great excitement and optimism, something terrible happened at 12:01 a.m. this morning: Friday the 13th arrived.
Under normal circumstances, today's date would be unfortunate. This year, it is even more ominous, a word which here means “extremely worrisome.” That is because this terribly unlucky day occurs TWICE in 2006.
Associates at LemonySnicket.com predict that the second time, Friday, October 13, will bring The End. Of what, however--the Baudelaire orphans? Lemony Snicket himself? Thursday, October 12th?--remains unclear.
There is much to fear in the coming months--alarming puzzles, distressing notations, a series of communications from someone named Beatrice. All of us at AuthorTracker will continue to try to locate the elusive Mr. Snicket, gather information, understand the truth, and share our findings with you.
Still, we are sorry to ruin your year after only 12 days. Perhaps 2007 will be cheerier.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
February: Tuesday 21st
---
Lemony Snicket - AuthorTracker News from HarperCollins
---
February 2006
Dear Reader,
With only eight months remaining until The End, there has never been a more crucial time for you to hone your investigative skills. And while accepting advice from strange emails is something we at AuthorTracker generally don?t recommend, we will tell you that there are two new books of which you should be aware. Both are required reading for anyone who may be, has been, or never wants to be a part of the secret organization known as V.F.D.
On the surface, the new edition of The Puzzling Puzzles, which features 16 pages of never-before-seen convoluted crafts, enigmatic enigmas, perplexing pictures, terminal trivia questions, and laborious language games, may seen like fun. And yet completing this book of brainteasers will equip you with essential skills for your V.F.D. training.
In addition, the mark of any good researcher, writer, or volunteer is a small book filled with observations, revelations, and shopping lists. The Notorious Notations is a blank book with ruled pages, art by Brett Helquist, and quotations from Mr. Snicket's archives. This journal can hold all your upsetting research as you work towards solving the mysteries of A Series of Unfortunate Events.
Both of these books are sure to make your life barely bearable, unbearably bare, unbearably unbearable, or all three.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
March: Thursday 16th
---
Lemony Snicket: The End is Near
---
---
April: Saturday 1st
---
Lemony Snicket - AuthorTracker News from HarperCollins
---
April 1, 2006
Dear Reader,
All of us at HarperCollins Children’s Books would like to extend our sincere apologies for yesterday’s surprising public announcement by Lemony Snicket. We discourage our authors from disclosing the contents of a book so far in advance of its publication -- especially a book as highly anticipated as Book the Thirteenth, The End, which will not be released until October 13, 2006.
As a courtesy to dedicated fans, we thought it only fair to share Mr. Snicket’s revelations in an open forum. Below is the key information revealed by Mr. Snicket regarding the upcoming final installment of A Series of Unfortunate Events.
Mr. Snicket also revealed that The Beatrice Letters, a collection of personal letters which will be published in September, is full of funny poems and doodles of unicorns.
We hope that none of this information will lessen your interest in Mr. Snicket’s research. Just because everything turns out perfectly in The End certainly does not justify the terrible things that have befallen the Baudelaires over the course of the last twelve books.
Thank you for your support.
Happy April Fool’s Day,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
May: Monday 15th
---
Lemony Snicket: Thirteen Secrets revealed before Book the Thirteenth!
---
May 2006
Dear Reader,
We wish we weren’t obligated to share the cover of Book the Thirteenth with you the moment it arrived, under cover of night, from illustrator Brett Helquist. However, you did sign up to receive exclusive updates concerning Lemony Snicket. As a result, we have no choice.
As alarming as this cover is, the good news is that The End won’t arrive until Friday the 13th, October 2006. The bad news is that “Thirteen Shocking Secrets You’ll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket,” which volunteers everywhere are already using to prepare themselves for The End, is available for download right now.
Consider the ominous introduction to this alarming free booklet: “There are certain individuals who think they know what Lemony Snicket’s books are about. They are under the impression they understand who he is. They believe they know what to expect....In fact, the truth is far worse than such people ever imagined.”
We’d understand completely if you never wanted to open another e-mail from us again.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
June: Wednesday 21st
---
Lemony Snicket: Have a Miserable Summer
---
June, 2006
Dear Reader,
Congratulations on making it to the end of the school year. Now that summer is here, you probably think that this is a good time to relax and have fun. Unfortunately, you are completely mistaken.
With less than four months until The End, the thirteenth and final book in A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket, there is very little time for you to complete your research. Mr. Snicket's work is filled with unanswered questions, and only the most well-read citizens will be prepared to ask them all. Responsible volunteers around the world are rushing to review the available evidence, namely:
To guide their preparations for The End, many volunteers are already using the document called 13 Shocking Secrets You'll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket. Others have enrolled in summer school, hoping to distract themselves with cafeteria food and remedial gym class rather than spend the coming months sunburnt with worry. Still others have deleted this e-mail without reading it.
Clearly, you've already made your choice. When it comes to The End, we hope it's the right one.
With all due respect,
HarperColllinsPublishers
---
July: Thursday 20th
---
Lemony Snicket: Beatrice Unveiled
---
July 2006
Dear Reader,
In less than three months, The End will be here. Will the Baudelaire children survive the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events? Will bookstores everywhere be stormed by angry mobs? Will nobility prevail? Will Beatrice, to whom Lemony Snicket has dedicated every book in A Series of Unfortunate Events, miraculously return? Will the world lie in blubbering ruins?
Alarmingly, one or more of these questions might be answered sooner than you think. On September 5, a matter of weeks before the publication of The End, Lemony Snicket will release The Beatrice Letters, an unbearably private collection of personal correspondence. Including a note passed in class, a startling telegram, a coded sonnet, and a desperate plea for assistance between Mr. Snicket and Beatrice, the trove of evidence starts long before The Bad Beginning and extends far beyond The End.
Thousands have already downloaded and sought to complete “13 Shocking Secrets You'll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket,” hoping to be ready for the final installment in A Series of Unfortunate Events. The Beatrice Letters suggests that there is at least one -- and possibly two -- more secrets you need to know.
Don't you wish we hadn't mentioned it?
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
August: Wednesday 30th
---
August 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: Vile Videos and Other Omens
---
August 2006
Dear Reader,
The End is like a terrible storm, because you can see it approaching, it showers debris everywhere, and you are likely to get hit in the face with something unpleasant. Consider what The End is already blowing your way:
The Vile Videos. “12 Books in 120 Seconds,” the first in a series of three panic-stricken videos leading up to The End, has appeared at lemonysnicket.com. Narrated by the infamous Tim Curry, it threatens to expose you to everything the Baudelaire orphans have suffered so far, in less time than it takes to brush one’s teeth.
The Beatrice Letters. You certainly shouldn’t pre-order this book, unless you want to be among the first investigators to read its shocking collection of correspondence and evidence, and to attempt to unscramble its letters to learn the truth about what happens in The End.
Mr. Snicket on Tour. For what we can only hope is the last time, Mr. Snicket will travel the country, warning innocent people not to read his latest work. In an alarming number of cases, he will appear with illustrator Mr. Brett Helquist and/or the musical group The Gothic Archies, who will soon release an entire album of music inspired by Mr. Snicket’s books.
Sadly, if the unfortunate events described in this e-mail are any indication, The End might also be the end of you.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
September: Tuesday 5th
---
September 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: Beatrice Letters Unsealed
---
Dear Reader,
Today, Lemony Snicket unsealed The Beatrice Letters, and of all the letters found inside, there is one that perfectly describes readers' experiences: the letter O, as in “O my!” “O no!” and “O, I see!”
The startling secrets begin on the book's cover, where there is a hidden image only the most careful observers will detect. Then, the exquisite bound portfolio opens to reveal two mysterious file folders: one is stuffed with Mr. Snicket's secret correspondence, beginning with a message scrawled on a calling card bearing the moniker, “Lemony Snicket, Student of Rhetoric;” the other is reserved for different letters altogether. Shocking details of Mr. Snicket's early and later life are everywhere, along with a black and white photograph of a lock of hair tied with ribbon. The importance of root beer is clear. Even the final desperate telegram from the Nocturnal Phonographic Telegrammatic Corps appears. Letters of the alphabet demand to be punched out, rearranged, and rearranged again. And buried in one of the folders, the true investigator will find a vibrant double-sided poster by illustrator Brett Helquist that some believe holds endless clues to The End.
This may be the most intriguing book ever published. Indeed, it would be a mistake for most people to read it. Then again, people shouldn't watch the Vile Videos either.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
September: Tuesday 19th
---
September 19, 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: New Vile Video Shocks Censors
---
September 2006
Dear Reader,
We're sorry to tell you that a second Vile Video, “The Snicket Emergency,” has appeared at LemonySnicket.com. Prepared by the London Branch of the Herpetological Society, it presents a grim commentary on the worldwide suffering caused by A Series of Unfortunate Events. Some believe this video is much more upsetting than “12 Books in 120 Seconds.” Others think it contains part of a crucial secret code.
The End will be here in less than a month, and everything—from the mysterious contents of the new book The Beatrice Letters to the online Vile Videos—suggests it will be a very unhappy one. Some have already begun pre-ordering their copies of Book the Thirteenth, hoping to be among the first to put themselves out of their misery.
Meanwhile, certain secret organizations can't seem to leave bad enough alone. It seems Book the Twelfth: The Penultimate Peril has been nominated for a prestigious Quill Book Award, as the best chapter book of the year. If you vote for it before September 30, it just might win.
It is our solemn duty to send you these updates, but you are free not to read them. Oops—too late.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
October: Friday 6th
---
Lemony Snicket: Snicket Caught on Tape as The End Approaches!
---
October 2006
Dear Reader,
The End is almost here. On Friday the 13th of October, Book the Thirteenth, the last-ever installment in A Series of Unfortunate Events, will be published. Millions around the world are pulling their hair out in anticipation and worry, an expression which here means “many are going bald.”
In perhaps the worst sign yet of how terrible The End will be, the third and final Vile Video has appeared at lemonysnicket.com. Mr. Snicket—a man so elusive he has rarely been caught on tape—can be seen frontally for 60 harrowing, uninterrupted seconds. This is undoubtedly the most unsettling performance of the song “Scream and Run Away” ever witnessed.
Anyone who sees this video certainly won't want to buy The Gothic Archies album “The Tragic Treasury,” which includes “Scream and Run Away” and fourteen other songs inspired by Mr. Snicket's work. Nor will they wish to complete the startling hidden message strewn across all three videos.
On Friday the 13th, the world will know the fate of the Baudelaire orphans and Count Olaf in the books of A Series of Unfortunate Events. Are you certain you want to finish them off?
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
October: Friday 13th
---
Lemony Snicket: THE END IS HERE
---
Friday the 13th
October 2006
Dear Reader,
THE END IS HERE.
A few short hours ago, the thirteenth and final book in A Series of Unfortunate Events went on sale. At last, the harrowing story of the Baudelaire orphans is complete.
Mr. Snicket has always said, “If you like stories with happy endings, read something else.” Today, it is clear that he has not, as many hoped, been kidding.
With the arrival of every new installment in Mr. Snicket's research, there have been new questions: Who set that terrible fire? What happened to the Incredibly Deadly Viper? Who is Beatrice? Where did the Baudelaire's parents go? Did the orphans survive? If nothing is out there, then what was that noise?
Today, we have our answers.
Our sincere condolences go out to all those who have followed the Baudelaire's journey. At least the suffering is over.
Or perhaps the worst is yet to come.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
November: Thursday 16th
---
Lemony Snicket: The Worst Contest You’ve Ever Heard
---
November 2006
Dear Reader,
Many people think time heals all wounds, an expression which here means, "No matter what, you'll feel better eventually." Of course, such people have never weathered the startling collection of correspondence in The Beatrice Letters or survived The End, the thirteenth and final book in A Series of Unfortunate Events.
While you may never recover from what happened to Beatrice, Count Olaf, Kit Snicket, and the Baudelaire orphans, you might try distracting yourself from your grief with a pleasant diversion, such as bobbing for eggs, knuckle painting, or entering a contest by completing your own Beatrice Letter. The winning Letters will be read and recorded live by Lemony Snicket himself, possibly while weeping.
Of course, hearing Lemony Snicket read what you’ve done to one of his Beatrice Letters could make you feel even worse. It probably would have been best if you never encountered The End, The Beatrice Letters, or this contest at all.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
December: Wednesday 20th
---
December 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: A Disturbing Holiday Note
---
December 2006
Dear Reader,
Many things can disturb your holidays, including a man in a suspicious disguise who sneaks down your chimney, a fire that lasts eight days, and books by Lemony Snicket. Only a person’s worst enemy would put colorful wrapping paper around a book in A Series of Unfortunate Events and give it to them.
In fact, putting The End under someone else’s tree is likely to be the end of a friendship. Using The Beatrice Letters, a secret-riddled interactive collection of Mr. Snicket’s private correspondence, as a stocking stuffer will result in a stocking that is stretched into an unseemly shape. And UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should anyone give The Complete Wreck, a boxed set that contains all thirteen books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, as a present—unless they are a terrible villain bent on ruining not only the season, but the entire new year.
It is our duty to tell you about the work of Lemony Snicket, but you are free to buy more pleasant gifts for your friends and associates. We hope next year is a better one.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
In 2006, at least one AuthorTracker was sent every month to promote The Beatrice Letters and The End.
---
January: Friday 13th
---
Lemony Snicket - AuthorTracker News from HarperCollins
---
Friday the 13th
January 2006
Dear Reader,
Less than two weeks after 2006 arrived amidst great excitement and optimism, something terrible happened at 12:01 a.m. this morning: Friday the 13th arrived.
Under normal circumstances, today's date would be unfortunate. This year, it is even more ominous, a word which here means “extremely worrisome.” That is because this terribly unlucky day occurs TWICE in 2006.
Associates at LemonySnicket.com predict that the second time, Friday, October 13, will bring The End. Of what, however--the Baudelaire orphans? Lemony Snicket himself? Thursday, October 12th?--remains unclear.
There is much to fear in the coming months--alarming puzzles, distressing notations, a series of communications from someone named Beatrice. All of us at AuthorTracker will continue to try to locate the elusive Mr. Snicket, gather information, understand the truth, and share our findings with you.
Still, we are sorry to ruin your year after only 12 days. Perhaps 2007 will be cheerier.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
February: Tuesday 21st
---
Lemony Snicket - AuthorTracker News from HarperCollins
---
February 2006
Dear Reader,
With only eight months remaining until The End, there has never been a more crucial time for you to hone your investigative skills. And while accepting advice from strange emails is something we at AuthorTracker generally don?t recommend, we will tell you that there are two new books of which you should be aware. Both are required reading for anyone who may be, has been, or never wants to be a part of the secret organization known as V.F.D.
On the surface, the new edition of The Puzzling Puzzles, which features 16 pages of never-before-seen convoluted crafts, enigmatic enigmas, perplexing pictures, terminal trivia questions, and laborious language games, may seen like fun. And yet completing this book of brainteasers will equip you with essential skills for your V.F.D. training.
In addition, the mark of any good researcher, writer, or volunteer is a small book filled with observations, revelations, and shopping lists. The Notorious Notations is a blank book with ruled pages, art by Brett Helquist, and quotations from Mr. Snicket's archives. This journal can hold all your upsetting research as you work towards solving the mysteries of A Series of Unfortunate Events.
Both of these books are sure to make your life barely bearable, unbearably bare, unbearably unbearable, or all three.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
March: Thursday 16th
---
Lemony Snicket: The End is Near
---
---
April: Saturday 1st
---
Lemony Snicket - AuthorTracker News from HarperCollins
---
April 1, 2006
Dear Reader,
All of us at HarperCollins Children’s Books would like to extend our sincere apologies for yesterday’s surprising public announcement by Lemony Snicket. We discourage our authors from disclosing the contents of a book so far in advance of its publication -- especially a book as highly anticipated as Book the Thirteenth, The End, which will not be released until October 13, 2006.
As a courtesy to dedicated fans, we thought it only fair to share Mr. Snicket’s revelations in an open forum. Below is the key information revealed by Mr. Snicket regarding the upcoming final installment of A Series of Unfortunate Events.
- Yes, the Baudelaire siblings’ difficult journey comes to a triumphant end.
- Yes, their parents are very happy with their new home.
- Yes, Klaus Baudelaire does skip a grade and win a spelling bee.
- Yes, Count Olaf gives each of the children a pony.
- Yes, Beatrice is actually the hook-handed man.
- Yes, they all live happily ever after, a phrase which here means “plus eternity times infinity!!”
Mr. Snicket also revealed that The Beatrice Letters, a collection of personal letters which will be published in September, is full of funny poems and doodles of unicorns.
We hope that none of this information will lessen your interest in Mr. Snicket’s research. Just because everything turns out perfectly in The End certainly does not justify the terrible things that have befallen the Baudelaires over the course of the last twelve books.
Thank you for your support.
Happy April Fool’s Day,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
May: Monday 15th
---
Lemony Snicket: Thirteen Secrets revealed before Book the Thirteenth!
---
May 2006
Dear Reader,
We wish we weren’t obligated to share the cover of Book the Thirteenth with you the moment it arrived, under cover of night, from illustrator Brett Helquist. However, you did sign up to receive exclusive updates concerning Lemony Snicket. As a result, we have no choice.
As alarming as this cover is, the good news is that The End won’t arrive until Friday the 13th, October 2006. The bad news is that “Thirteen Shocking Secrets You’ll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket,” which volunteers everywhere are already using to prepare themselves for The End, is available for download right now.
Consider the ominous introduction to this alarming free booklet: “There are certain individuals who think they know what Lemony Snicket’s books are about. They are under the impression they understand who he is. They believe they know what to expect....In fact, the truth is far worse than such people ever imagined.”
We’d understand completely if you never wanted to open another e-mail from us again.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
June: Wednesday 21st
---
Lemony Snicket: Have a Miserable Summer
---
June, 2006
Dear Reader,
Congratulations on making it to the end of the school year. Now that summer is here, you probably think that this is a good time to relax and have fun. Unfortunately, you are completely mistaken.
With less than four months until The End, the thirteenth and final book in A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket, there is very little time for you to complete your research. Mr. Snicket's work is filled with unanswered questions, and only the most well-read citizens will be prepared to ask them all. Responsible volunteers around the world are rushing to review the available evidence, namely:
- The first twelve books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, which include sentences like, “The middle Baudelaire looked at his mother's coat, which had a secret pocket on the inside.”
- Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography, which contains such confounding secrets as the lyrics to a folk ballad called “The Little Snicket Lad,” whose chorus is: “When we grab you by the ankles, / Where our mark is to be made, /You'll so-on be do-ing no-ble work, /Although you won't be paid.”
- An earth-shattering book containing private papers which we are forbidden to tell you about, but which is coming in September and includes such sentiments as, “The only other student I know in this class is O., who is nothing but an annoyance. As I write this, he is filling his notebook with anagrams of obscene words.”
To guide their preparations for The End, many volunteers are already using the document called 13 Shocking Secrets You'll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket. Others have enrolled in summer school, hoping to distract themselves with cafeteria food and remedial gym class rather than spend the coming months sunburnt with worry. Still others have deleted this e-mail without reading it.
Clearly, you've already made your choice. When it comes to The End, we hope it's the right one.
With all due respect,
HarperColllinsPublishers
---
July: Thursday 20th
---
Lemony Snicket: Beatrice Unveiled
---
July 2006
Dear Reader,
In less than three months, The End will be here. Will the Baudelaire children survive the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events? Will bookstores everywhere be stormed by angry mobs? Will nobility prevail? Will Beatrice, to whom Lemony Snicket has dedicated every book in A Series of Unfortunate Events, miraculously return? Will the world lie in blubbering ruins?
Alarmingly, one or more of these questions might be answered sooner than you think. On September 5, a matter of weeks before the publication of The End, Lemony Snicket will release The Beatrice Letters, an unbearably private collection of personal correspondence. Including a note passed in class, a startling telegram, a coded sonnet, and a desperate plea for assistance between Mr. Snicket and Beatrice, the trove of evidence starts long before The Bad Beginning and extends far beyond The End.
Thousands have already downloaded and sought to complete “13 Shocking Secrets You'll Wish You Never Knew About Lemony Snicket,” hoping to be ready for the final installment in A Series of Unfortunate Events. The Beatrice Letters suggests that there is at least one -- and possibly two -- more secrets you need to know.
Don't you wish we hadn't mentioned it?
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
August: Wednesday 30th
---
August 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: Vile Videos and Other Omens
---
August 2006
Dear Reader,
The End is like a terrible storm, because you can see it approaching, it showers debris everywhere, and you are likely to get hit in the face with something unpleasant. Consider what The End is already blowing your way:
The Vile Videos. “12 Books in 120 Seconds,” the first in a series of three panic-stricken videos leading up to The End, has appeared at lemonysnicket.com. Narrated by the infamous Tim Curry, it threatens to expose you to everything the Baudelaire orphans have suffered so far, in less time than it takes to brush one’s teeth.
The Beatrice Letters. You certainly shouldn’t pre-order this book, unless you want to be among the first investigators to read its shocking collection of correspondence and evidence, and to attempt to unscramble its letters to learn the truth about what happens in The End.
Mr. Snicket on Tour. For what we can only hope is the last time, Mr. Snicket will travel the country, warning innocent people not to read his latest work. In an alarming number of cases, he will appear with illustrator Mr. Brett Helquist and/or the musical group The Gothic Archies, who will soon release an entire album of music inspired by Mr. Snicket’s books.
Sadly, if the unfortunate events described in this e-mail are any indication, The End might also be the end of you.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
September: Tuesday 5th
---
September 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: Beatrice Letters Unsealed
---
Dear Reader,
Today, Lemony Snicket unsealed The Beatrice Letters, and of all the letters found inside, there is one that perfectly describes readers' experiences: the letter O, as in “O my!” “O no!” and “O, I see!”
The startling secrets begin on the book's cover, where there is a hidden image only the most careful observers will detect. Then, the exquisite bound portfolio opens to reveal two mysterious file folders: one is stuffed with Mr. Snicket's secret correspondence, beginning with a message scrawled on a calling card bearing the moniker, “Lemony Snicket, Student of Rhetoric;” the other is reserved for different letters altogether. Shocking details of Mr. Snicket's early and later life are everywhere, along with a black and white photograph of a lock of hair tied with ribbon. The importance of root beer is clear. Even the final desperate telegram from the Nocturnal Phonographic Telegrammatic Corps appears. Letters of the alphabet demand to be punched out, rearranged, and rearranged again. And buried in one of the folders, the true investigator will find a vibrant double-sided poster by illustrator Brett Helquist that some believe holds endless clues to The End.
This may be the most intriguing book ever published. Indeed, it would be a mistake for most people to read it. Then again, people shouldn't watch the Vile Videos either.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
September: Tuesday 19th
---
September 19, 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: New Vile Video Shocks Censors
---
September 2006
Dear Reader,
We're sorry to tell you that a second Vile Video, “The Snicket Emergency,” has appeared at LemonySnicket.com. Prepared by the London Branch of the Herpetological Society, it presents a grim commentary on the worldwide suffering caused by A Series of Unfortunate Events. Some believe this video is much more upsetting than “12 Books in 120 Seconds.” Others think it contains part of a crucial secret code.
The End will be here in less than a month, and everything—from the mysterious contents of the new book The Beatrice Letters to the online Vile Videos—suggests it will be a very unhappy one. Some have already begun pre-ordering their copies of Book the Thirteenth, hoping to be among the first to put themselves out of their misery.
Meanwhile, certain secret organizations can't seem to leave bad enough alone. It seems Book the Twelfth: The Penultimate Peril has been nominated for a prestigious Quill Book Award, as the best chapter book of the year. If you vote for it before September 30, it just might win.
It is our solemn duty to send you these updates, but you are free not to read them. Oops—too late.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
October: Friday 6th
---
Lemony Snicket: Snicket Caught on Tape as The End Approaches!
---
October 2006
Dear Reader,
The End is almost here. On Friday the 13th of October, Book the Thirteenth, the last-ever installment in A Series of Unfortunate Events, will be published. Millions around the world are pulling their hair out in anticipation and worry, an expression which here means “many are going bald.”
In perhaps the worst sign yet of how terrible The End will be, the third and final Vile Video has appeared at lemonysnicket.com. Mr. Snicket—a man so elusive he has rarely been caught on tape—can be seen frontally for 60 harrowing, uninterrupted seconds. This is undoubtedly the most unsettling performance of the song “Scream and Run Away” ever witnessed.
Anyone who sees this video certainly won't want to buy The Gothic Archies album “The Tragic Treasury,” which includes “Scream and Run Away” and fourteen other songs inspired by Mr. Snicket's work. Nor will they wish to complete the startling hidden message strewn across all three videos.
On Friday the 13th, the world will know the fate of the Baudelaire orphans and Count Olaf in the books of A Series of Unfortunate Events. Are you certain you want to finish them off?
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
October: Friday 13th
---
Lemony Snicket: THE END IS HERE
---
Friday the 13th
October 2006
Dear Reader,
THE END IS HERE.
A few short hours ago, the thirteenth and final book in A Series of Unfortunate Events went on sale. At last, the harrowing story of the Baudelaire orphans is complete.
Mr. Snicket has always said, “If you like stories with happy endings, read something else.” Today, it is clear that he has not, as many hoped, been kidding.
With the arrival of every new installment in Mr. Snicket's research, there have been new questions: Who set that terrible fire? What happened to the Incredibly Deadly Viper? Who is Beatrice? Where did the Baudelaire's parents go? Did the orphans survive? If nothing is out there, then what was that noise?
Today, we have our answers.
Our sincere condolences go out to all those who have followed the Baudelaire's journey. At least the suffering is over.
Or perhaps the worst is yet to come.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
November: Thursday 16th
---
Lemony Snicket: The Worst Contest You’ve Ever Heard
---
November 2006
Dear Reader,
Many people think time heals all wounds, an expression which here means, "No matter what, you'll feel better eventually." Of course, such people have never weathered the startling collection of correspondence in The Beatrice Letters or survived The End, the thirteenth and final book in A Series of Unfortunate Events.
While you may never recover from what happened to Beatrice, Count Olaf, Kit Snicket, and the Baudelaire orphans, you might try distracting yourself from your grief with a pleasant diversion, such as bobbing for eggs, knuckle painting, or entering a contest by completing your own Beatrice Letter. The winning Letters will be read and recorded live by Lemony Snicket himself, possibly while weeping.
Of course, hearing Lemony Snicket read what you’ve done to one of his Beatrice Letters could make you feel even worse. It probably would have been best if you never encountered The End, The Beatrice Letters, or this contest at all.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
---
December: Wednesday 20th
---
December 2006 -- Lemony Snicket: A Disturbing Holiday Note
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December 2006
Dear Reader,
Many things can disturb your holidays, including a man in a suspicious disguise who sneaks down your chimney, a fire that lasts eight days, and books by Lemony Snicket. Only a person’s worst enemy would put colorful wrapping paper around a book in A Series of Unfortunate Events and give it to them.
In fact, putting The End under someone else’s tree is likely to be the end of a friendship. Using The Beatrice Letters, a secret-riddled interactive collection of Mr. Snicket’s private correspondence, as a stocking stuffer will result in a stocking that is stretched into an unseemly shape. And UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should anyone give The Complete Wreck, a boxed set that contains all thirteen books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, as a present—unless they are a terrible villain bent on ruining not only the season, but the entire new year.
It is our duty to tell you about the work of Lemony Snicket, but you are free to buy more pleasant gifts for your friends and associates. We hope next year is a better one.
With all due respect,
HarperCollins Publishers
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