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Post by fordxprefect on Nov 6, 2007 11:36:57 GMT -5
Esme: *reading Anna Karenina* This. . .is. . .SUCH A GOOD BOOK!!! *starts sobbing and wiping glasses*
Klaus: *picks up book* How could any book ever be good? Books don't help people at all. Fashion is, like, EVERYTHING, girlfriend. *throws book in fireplace*
Esme: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You tainted a precious BOOK! Now you must pay for your addiction to fashion! *pulls out machine gun*
Klaus: I thought all you goody-goody volunteers were against violence!
Esme: Not anymore, punk. *shoots Klaus*
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Nov 13, 2007 0:14:17 GMT -5
And so Count Olaf and his troupe came upon Mulctuary Money Management. "Halt! Hello! Hallo!" Olaf cried. A banker looked down at them. "'Allo, who is zis?" the banker asked. Olaf replied, "It is Count Olaf, and these are the Very Fine Dramatists. Who's bank is this?" "This is the bank of our president Arthur Poe," the banker said. "Go and tell your president that we have been charged by the great Daniel Handler himself with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night he can join us in our quest for the Baudelaire Fortune." The banker on the roof replied, " Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen... Uh, he's already got one, you see?" Olaf said, "What?" Flacutono answered, "He says they've already got one!" "Are you sure?" boomed Olaf. "Yes, it's very nice-ah." The banker said that in a French accent. "Well, can we come up and have a look?" Olaf asked. The banker shook his head. "Of course not! You are acting types-a!" Olaf looked incredulous, "Well, what are you then?" he asked. "I'm French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly count!" The banker sneered. "What are you doing in The City?" Olaf implored. The banker huffed, "Mind your own business!" Count Olaf started, "If you do not show us the Fortune, we shall burn down your bank by arson!" The banker scoffed. "You don't frighten us, acting pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Olaf-count, you and all your silly acting kaniggets. Thppppt!" "What a strange banker," Fernald commented. "Now look here, my good man!" yelled Olaf. "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." Fernald inquired, "Is there someone else up there we could talk to?" The banker shook his head again, "No, now go away before I taunt you a second time-a!"
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Post by melon head. on Nov 21, 2007 0:51:47 GMT -5
Klaus: Aren't Cheer-up Cheeseburgers the greatest? Violet: Oh yes! And the Surprising Chicken Salad is incredible! Sunny: Hockola! (I love this restaurant!)
Lemony Snicket: I volunteer to teach children how to skip. Loney M. Setnick: I volunteer to keep the world quiet.
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Post by violet on Dec 6, 2007 18:24:18 GMT -5
Klaus:*watching TV all day and sees a book on the floor*uhh...*points to book* ...what's that? ------------------- Geraldine Jueline:*looks at artince in the Daily Punctilo*that's not true!Why are you making up lies?I mean,you're so gulible with some stuff! Duncan:Journalist stands up to another Journalist!Wait untill the readers of the Daily Punctilo see that!
Violet:P-R-U-F-R-O-C-K!What does that spell?!Prufrock!Yay prufrock preptory school!*cheers* omg,I just invented a new cheer!And I actually liked inventing mechanical-based inventions when I should have invented cheers!Go Profrock!Go S.O.R.E!Go Daily Punctilo!Go big comma-thing!
Carmelita:it's a question mark,not a comma.
Violet:Go cakesniffers!Go orbit white!Go pink!Go Juicy Fruit!Go Opal and Ebony ring! ------------------
Klaus in book 3:you're going to send us off to Peru! Me:wrong script! Klaus:oh,ok.You're planning on marrying Violet to get our fortune! Me:wrong script again! ----------------------- Violet:but I can't marry him,and I can't let him kill Sunny! Klaus:He wants to marry you?!Yeah!Olaf will be my brother-in-law! Violet:.....O.....K.....
-------- Violet,Klaus,and Sunny:*looking at catalog,wondering where Olaf would hide the Quagmires,when they suddenly see a mysterious item called V.F.D* Violet:the Quagmires must be hidden in there! Klaus:he hid them in V.F.D.! Violet:no,he hid them in Lot #32:Giant Burrito!
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Dec 6, 2007 18:59:24 GMT -5
Count Olaf and his troupe were at a diner, when the bald man suddenly took the spoon out of his soop, and out with it, a damp piece of paper. “What is this?” Flacutono asked. Fernald answered, “It's a season ticket. What did you think?” Flacutono looked down at his soup bowl. “Oh, I like a lot of seasoning in my soup,” he said.
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Olaf: Hey, it's a thingy! A fiendish thingy! (points at blip in the sonar screen of the Carmelita)
Hugo: We're all going to die, aren't we?
Olaf:…aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Abandon ship!!! Put out that fire!!!! Watch where you're going!!! Help me up!!!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!!!! (opens porthole, gets sucked out of the submarine, gets currented* into the Gorgonian Grotto and suffers a horrible fate)
*yes, currented, a new word I invented
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Post by gather44 on Dec 12, 2007 3:57:07 GMT -5
Kluas:I like Pie Sunny: I like Cheese Olaf: I like coconuts Violet: I hate all of you! *Pushes butoon* *The three fall into a trap door*
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Dec 15, 2007 12:32:10 GMT -5
Olaf: Hahahahaha! I destroyed V.F.D. once and for all! Hahaha—Ow! *gets hit by lightning* No!!! My hair is all sticking up and ruined! Now I'll never be most handsome! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
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Post by unwelcomeguest on Dec 19, 2007 15:06:42 GMT -5
*at the local AA (Arsonists Anonymous) meeting...*
Olaf: Uhhh, hi, my name is Olaf, and umm... I made my girlfriend walk through a long dark tunnel to burn down this house and kill the parents of these kids so I could steal their fortune...
Esme: *slaps him* I knew I shouldn't have come to this meeting...
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Dec 19, 2007 22:08:53 GMT -5
Count Olaf: *sees Sweeney Todd trailer* Okay…why does this Sweeney Todd person ominously resemble me? Theatre troupe: *awkward silence* Count Olaf: Come on, throw me a bone here! Theatre troupe: *obviously scared of something, run noisily off into the first car they see, start the car, rather cantankerously, and roughly speed out of the area* Count Olaf: Hello? Anybody? *does not notice ominous and foreboding shadow of figure creeping behind him* Hello? Hello?!
Reason for Editing: Never forget, never forgive…
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Post by Elle on Feb 4, 2008 20:35:18 GMT -5
Klaus (to Violet): That's a stupid idea.
Violet (to Klaus; pre-TBB): Imagine how much better our lives would be if our parents suddenly perished in a tragic fire that destroyed our home and all of our possesions... Man, that'd be great...
Olaf (singing): Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock!
Kit: Screw the stupid baby, give me that apple.
Klaus: What does this word mean?
Violet (to her siblings): I have a confession to make... I was the one who killed Uncle Monty.
Kit: I can't die now! I have so much to live for!
Lemony: I was the one who started the Baudelaire's house on fire.
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Feb 19, 2008 20:36:50 GMT -5
Olaf: I will save you, orphans! *rushes Baudelaires away from flaming building*
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Post by violet on Feb 21, 2008 13:43:42 GMT -5
Olaf: I will save you, orphans! *rushes Baudelaires away from flaming building* Classic. -------- Violet and Klaus:*read poem* (in TGG) Violet:so we have to go to Briny Beach.... Klaus:BEACH TRIP! -------- Count Olaf:Esme, hold on, I'm knitting a sweater for Klaus! ------- Quigley/Duncan (when taken by the Great Unknown):Kelly Clarkson!(like how they shouted Violet's name....) -------- Violet, Klaus and Sunny:*stop walking in THH and see the Last Chance General Store* Violet:YES!A STORE!*runs in and buys tiles and mango-flavored candy ------- Mr. Bauelaire:*ties his hair up with a ribbon*
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Feb 23, 2008 11:29:54 GMT -5
Fernald: I am Fernald Widdershins, and I am an arsonist.
Villagers of V.F.D.: No more rules!
Fernald: Now, let me tell you of the time I saved Anwhistle Aquatics from a massive fire…
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Post by Philosophy on Feb 28, 2008 9:44:46 GMT -5
Violet: *standing over Kit in labor* I can help you. I helped make a delivery two or three times Klaus: This isn't a dog! this is a real human thing!! Violet: It's called a baby and I helped deliver those too.
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Post by Jacques Snicket on Mar 9, 2008 13:04:42 GMT -5
Olaf: *Repents for all past misdeeds and turns himself in to police.*
Lemony Snicket: Now let me inform you of the full, complete story of me, my siblings, and V.F.D. It all began one night when…
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