Birthday Submissions - FINISHED

[ghostie]

B.: I like your story a lot, but I have to be a grammar Nazi and say that there is a run-on sentence. So it should be either:

"Oatmeal was for breakfast. Edger skipped..."

or

"Oatmeal was for breakfast; Edgar skipped..."

[Dante]

I actually inserted a semicolon in the appropriate place in the master list version; I'm committed to making slight edits to the stories if necessary, but only on grammatical grounds, not to the actual wording. I hope nobody has a problem with that.

Anyone who wants to write a story but hasn't yet, please contribute or at least reserve a letter! We aren't running out, exactly, but we are halfway there, and a lot of these stories have been written by the same people. If anyone thinks they know someone on 667 who'd be interested or interesting, it might be worth prompting them.

Master list repost. The stories we have at present are:
---
Sarah from Alaska was reconsidering her political career. It wasn't like being a sports commentator, where you could just talk about the action from a distance away. Although people did seem to like her speeches... but they laughed in the wrong places. (Dante)

You may think squirrels look harmless. But ask little Jimmy Lackpaw why he can't play the piano anymore, and he'll tell you a story which'll change your mind. Would you like to hear that story? You can't, since I'm out of words. (Dante)

Birthdays frequently feature surprises. But not all surprises are pleasant. For example, you may receive an ugly sweater instead of the new electronic device you wanted. Or you may light the candles on your cake, only to hear a strange ticking sound… (Antenora)

The old woman slammed down the phone, panting at the memory of the bright, cheery voice. Hurriedly she dialed the number to contact the police. But it was too late. A “FOR SALE” sign was already being nailed into her front lawn. (Sherry Ann)

"Attention passengers: please fasten your seat belts. We are departing the airport now." I pulled out my PDA. WELCOME. I scrolled through some files. FLIGHT CHECKLIST. I checked: Flashlight? Check. Laptop? Check. Camera? Check. Walkie-talkies? Check. LOW BATTERY. What? Oh. Oh, no.(Sherry Ann)

Little Lizzie was on the deck of her family's yacht, idly counting her pocket money and thinking of all the candy she'd buy later. Suddenly the boat lurched, and she dropped all of her coins, losing them forever in the deep ocean. (Antenora)

UNDERCOVER IN CANDY FACTORY STOP SEND HELP STRAIGHTAWAY STOP CANDIES POISONED STOP WILL DAMAGE CONSUMER STOP HAS FATAL SIDE EFFECTS STOP MANAGER COMING STOP
GOOD CANDIES ARE STOP VERY UNDERCOVER WELL COMING WORK STOP WORKING BRAIN FINE STOP PREVIOUS TELEGRAM IGNORE STOP (Sherry Ann)

I was trudging through the sand and seaweed, not suspecting any trouble, when suddenly I felt a pinch--a sharp, quick pain on my left foot. I looked down just in time to see that sinister creature scuttle away. I detest crabs. (Sophie Baudelaire)

You tap, tap, tap your foot, without a care in the world, without realizing how annoying you are. As your shoe keeps hitting the tile floor, everyone grows increasingly on edge. But you, you just keep tapping away, off in another world. (Sophie Baudelaire)

Too often a life led
like those industrial apples -
frozen for too long, in its own sarcophagus.
Juice in the flesh,
sweet in the mouth,
pink in its cheeks,
wetly fresh, firmly held,
and deep inside,
is where you taste the dead.
(thedoctororwell)

Whilst walking in disguise amongst my enemies in a shadowy street, I was oblivious to the fact that the Universe was making plans for me. Felt it in my feet, losing balance. Pain in my whole body as it hit the ground. (F.D.)

Often it has been said that people come in all stripes, meaning not the colour of a person's sweater but the colour of their heart, but a person who comes in a sweater of black and white stripes is probably a burglar. (Dante)

Color coordination is a curious thing. And no one knew this better than the city’s sixth most important financial advisor’s husband. However, in admiring his rack of solid colored neckties, a sudden thought struck him.
How does one go about arranging patterns? (Emma Squalor)

Absentmindedness, as you know, is often an unwanted trait, and can sometimes strike us at the worst of times. It happened to me, when I opened my freezer and discovered my salmon burgers soaked in the frozen contents of my parsley soda. (Emma Squalor)

I know long journeys can be tedious. That’s why I always take my iPod with me when traveling. Once, listening to loud music in the bus, I ended up embarrassing myself. Mental note: Always make sure you are only mouthing the words. (F.D.)

After thinking it through, there isn't really anything wrong in my life. No major trauma or upsets recently. My life is certainly better than the majority of the population of the world, so why do I feel this terrible melancholy, this sadness? (BSam)

Going to the hairdresser can often be an interesting experience. You can stare at your face in the mirror, read gossip magazines or watch as your hair is cut horribly. After my visit to the hairdressers, I wept for two days straight. (Brunch)

Reviews for books can be misleading. You never know what the reviewer’s been through. He could’ve written the review at gunpoint, who knows? I once was fooled into reading a horrid book about three orphans. It changed me; I’ll never forget it. (F.D.)

"How nice, not being plagued by the problems of coach seats," I think while sitting in first class. "Wait- what! Oh woe is me! With all of this leg room, I must stand up to reach the magazine in front on me!" (Bryan)

You know that feeling when it's your birthday and you expect it to be special, but it feels like just another day? I'm hoping that doesn't happen to one of my favourite authors; apparently it's his birthday now. Hopefully it's slightly special. (BSam) (last story)

He read the coded paper, delivered by a coded computer program, with confusion. “An initial way to speak to you.” He thought he understood, but with no other clues, he could go no further. Where were there enough initials for a message? (Dante) (first story)

Hastily glancing at my notes one last time, I rush off to my final exam. I sit down by the classroom door to catch my breath. I check my watch-- I’ve arrived early, right? No, wait a minute, I’m an hour late! (Antenora)

Oatmeal was for breakfast; Edgar skipped happily downstairs to find a large bowl on the table. Taking a spoon, and tasting some, Edgar felt the all too familiar sensation of cold lumps. Edgar gagged, causing himself to choke and die. RIP Edgar. (Brunch)

People who can’t elaborate on their points are quite irritating to me. It’s just, you see, it’s just so… It’s because they just can’t, like, they are just so… so… not, oh, I don’t know, they’re just not…. They’re so… just… uhm… (Bryan)

Morning's here; rubbing the sleepiness out of my eyes, I slide out of bed, get out a bowl and spoon, and pour myself a big bowl of cereal. Then I open the fridge. And frown. Oh no! I've forgotten to buy milk! (Linda Cooldeen)

After a long day at work, Henry was ready to go home and collapse. He wearily trudged the three flights of stairs to his apartment, then reached into his pocket for the keys. His fingers met an empty pocket; they were gone! (Linda Cooldeen)

Dinner is served, and it's delicious. I compliment my friend profusely on her cooking skills. "You'll never guess the secret ingredient," she says. "Peanuts! Can you believe it?" With a sinking feeling, I nod. I can feel my tongue beginning to swell. (Linda Cooldeen)

# is quite a tricky letter. When a story is a set amount of words it is hard enough to write, but when forced to begin with that specific letter in order to fit in with some code it just becomes ridiculous. (BSam)

Everyone has fears. Otis was afraid of heights and was a bit claustrophobic. I think you could see how being trapped in a tiny elevator, seven feet off the ground, surrounded by three bulky men, would be an awkward situation for him. (F.D.)

“No trust.” That’s our slogan here at Barbarous Bank. We want our customers to know we don’t trust them – or anyone else. That’s why this commercial is coming to you from the surveillance cameras hidden in your home. Nice couch, Ms. Reynolds. (Sherry Ann)

Polly wanted a cracker. Alas, Polly couldn’t have a cracker because she was watching her sodium intake in hopes of quieting the strange fluttery noises reminiscent of panting dogs her heart had been making recently. Regrettably, she knew just the one phrase. (Sherry Ann)

Deciding on a good book is like entering a new hotel. One could be amazed by the many stories, whether or not they have floors, or one could be appalled by the very first page, whether or not he asks for directions. (Sherry Ann)

One problem with ovens is that they are incredibly unpredictable. On Monday, I found that my meal had been overcooked. The next day I found that my meal hadn’t cooked at all. I wonder what I’ll find in my oven today. *BOOM!* (LSWannabe)

‘YOUR SHOELACE IS UNDONE!’ the man said, blocking my path as I walked along a crowded pavement. I looked to right and to left, but there was no escape, so with a sigh I bent down, and was trampled by the crowd. (Hermes)

Peanuts. Just peanuts. The day was nice, the sun was shining. I went to the store and asked the cashier for one thing. "Sorry, we're out of peanuts!" he replied. And that's my story about the first time I killed a man. (Bryan)
---
(Note: I've checked, and they're all forty-two words long, so they don't need amending on that count. MS Word's word count says that thedoctororwell's poem is forty-three words long, but that's because it's counting a hyphen as a word.)

Here's BSam's secret message:

"happy birthday, we hope you can manage a smile today"

And here are the remaining letters, taking into account all the stories submitted:

E NA E A M E A

Note: The last letter is BSam's (see "#" above).

Everyone, look at the remaining letters and pick one that hasn't been taken yet to begin your story, please! And apologies to anyone who had to make amendments. Remember, the text doesn't have to be a story as such - we've had poems, observations, comments.

[Linda Rhaldeen]

Here's mine, for forgetting to buy milk:
Morning's here; rubbing the sleepiness out of my eyes, I slide out of bed, get out a bowl and spoon, and pour myself a big bowl of cereal. Then I open the fridge. And frown. Oh no! I've forgotten to buy milk!

And one for missing keys:
After a long day at work, Henry was ready to go home and collapse. He wearily trudged the three flights of stairs to his apartment, then reached into his pocket for the keys. His fingers met an empty pocket; they were gone!

And eating something you are allergic to:
Dinner is served, and it's delicious. I compliment my friend profusely on her cooking skills. "You'll never guess the secret ingredient," she says. "Peanuts! Can you believe it?" With a sinking feeling, I nod. I can feel my tongue beginning to swell.

* * *

To make it easier for people to write the remaining short stories, I went and compiled a list of all the as-yet unused items. There are 39, and only 15 stories left, so that should give everyone plenty to choose from:

- people who tell you your shoelace is undone.
- one's fourth cousin three times removed (or third cousin four times removed)
- eye tattoos
- reptiles
- misnomers
- research assistants
- telephones
- stoves
- leeches
- splinters
- hypnotism
- fungi
- bad violinists
- gym teachers
- aqueous martinis
- pinstripe suits
- red herrings
- crows
- tacky sunglasses
- couplets
- losing a game (potential pun)
- making a mathematical error crucial to the entire problem
-a delayed flight
-Burning your tongue with a hot beverage
-The consequences of refusing to ask for directions.
-Hitting your toe on the edge of the table
-Awkward silences
-Regrets
-Your favourite TV show being cancelled.
-Forgetting to remove a bunch of tissue paper from your pocket before putting it into the washing machine, and then when you wear the pants again there'll be these annoying shredded pieces of wet tissue paper. =/ (too long?)
-Your car battery dying on you when you're the first car in front of a line waiting for the traffic lights to turn green (happened to me and my mum last week, can you believe it?)
-Stage fright
-Warm carbonated drinks
-Nagging mothers
-Slipping on a banana peel
- Being stuck in an elevator (with villains)
- Nails scratching on a black board
- bad breath
- Dentists

[BSam]

What do people think of this for an idea?

# is quite a tricky letter. When a story is a set amount of words it is hard enough to write, but when forced to begin with that specific letter in order to fit in with some code it just becomes ridiculous.

Of course, wait to see which is the final letter left before fixing this.

[csc]

Came up with this:

Everyone has fears. Otis was afraid of heights and was a bit claustrophobic. I think you could see how being trapped in a tiny elevator, seven feet off the ground, surrounded by three bulky men, would be an awkward situation for him.

This is my fourth story. I think I'm going to stop writing them now, so everyone gets a fair chance of writing, at least, two stories.

[Dante]

Kickin' stuff, the three of you (by which I mean I appreciate your storytelling skills). I like your # story, BSam, and I've slotted it in with a note that the last letter is yours; the commentary on the structure of the project and, frankly, another hint to the coded message is just what we need. By my count that leaves us with eighteen (minus one) letters left, so we're past the halfway point!

[Christmas Chief]

Three stories, the first of which was inspired by Dante's signature:

“No trust.” That’s our slogan here at Barbarous Bank. We want our customers to know we don’t trust them – or anyone else. That’s why this commercial is coming to you from the surveillance cameras hidden in your home. Nice couch, Ms. Reynolds.

Polly wanted a cracker. Alas, Polly couldn’t have a cracker because she was watching her sodium intake in hopes of quieting the strange fluttery noises reminiscent of panting dogs her heart had been making recently. Regrettably, she knew just the one phrase.

Deciding on a good book is like entering a new hotel. One could be amazed by the many stories, whether or not they have floors, or one could be appalled by the very first page, whether or not he asks for directions.

Edit: And I've written quite a few, too, so if someone who hasn't submit yet wants to use any of these letters, I'm open for trade.

[B.]

Jan 22, 2012 18:52:07 GMT -5 ghostie said:

B.: I like your story a lot, but I have to be a grammar Nazi and say that there is a run-on sentence. So it should be either:

"Oatmeal was for breakfast. Edger skipped..."

or

"Oatmeal was for breakfast; Edgar skipped..."

Sorry about that, I see Dante has changed it on the list below.

[Invisible]

The thing is about stoves is that they are incredibly unpredictable. On Monday, I found that my meal was overcooked. The next day I found that my meal hadn’t cooked at all. I wonder what I’ll find in my stove today. *BOOM!*




Rofl. I seem to have confused a stove with an oven. But oh, well. I'll see if I can do better.

[Dante]

I like your story, LSWannabe. To be clear, do you want it to be included? Or to change "stove" to "oven" at all? I think it merits a place. Sherry Ann, your latest are based on some great ideas, too. I regret that I haven't written more stories, but I've been really busy for a while, and when I'm not busy, I find myself not wanting to do much.

[Invisible]

Yeah, I think it should be changed.

[BSam]

Jan 23, 2012 11:27:42 GMT -5 Dante said:

I regret that I haven't written more stories, but I've been really busy for a while, and when I'm not busy, I find myself not wanting to do much.

Oh hush, you're doing a great job organising.

9 to go !

[Hermes]

I wasn't sure if I'd manage to submit anytbhing, but seeing that Y was still available, I thought I had to do this.

‘YOUR SHOELACE IS UNDONE!’ the man said, blocking my path as I walked along a crowded pavement. I looked to right and to left, but there was no escape, so with a sigh I bent down, and was trampled by the crowd.

[csc]

Great story, Hermes! It was rather amusing.

[allegedly bryan]

Here's one for the last P.

Peanuts. Just peanuts. The day was nice, the sun was shining. I went to the store and asked the cashier for one thing. "Sorry, we're out of peanuts!" he replied. And that's my story about the first time I killed a man.