Dumbledore's death in the style of Lemony Snicket

[B.]

Something I found online today of interest. www.guardian.co.uk/books/2005/jul/14/harrypotter.jkjoannekathleenrowling1

Here is the full article:
As we all know, Harry Potter was a very unfortunate boy, leading a life that kept on getting filled with more misery and woe. And as in all the unfortunate books I have the misfortune to write, no one else in this book is very fortunate either. My advice to you is put this book down now.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione stood on the unstable - the word "unstable" here means "about to break apart" or "ancient" - floors of the shrieking shack, very anxiously.

"Harry," Hermione said, "I know we all heard Trelawney's prophecy, but no one is here."

Hermione, (as always) was right. Professor Trelawney's prophecy stated that the Dark Lord would be at the shrieking shack tonight, and that neither Harry or Voldemort would die, but someone would.

As the three stood in the middle of the glum, miserable, cold room, not a sound was to be heard.

Creak; the three tensed.

"Arrrgh" Harry screamed, for his scar had just about split open. Then the room was spinning, but he had to fight.

Just then, Dumbledore and Voldemort burst into the room, dueling fiercely.

"Harry, Ron, Hermione - get out of here NOW!"

"Hello again, Harry Potter" Voldemort hissed. "I have finally figured out why you haven't died at my hands yet. This old fool here is stopping everything. So tonight he dies!"

"You can't kill Dumbledore" Harry yelled.

"Too late, Potter - Avada Kedavra!"

"Protego" two voices chanted: "Expelliaramus" one yelled.

The three youngsters, an old man, and one victorious man, watched the effect in horror, sadness, and glee. The spells collided, and the killing curse joined with the expelliaramus and ricocheted off the protegos, and headed the other way - the way in which Dumbledore had just apparated.

"Dumbledore!"

There's really no need to go into any more troubling details, but alas, that was the end of Harry's protector, the great wizard, the beloved headmaster, and good friend.

Emma Weaver, age 11

[Christmas Chief]

I can see the crossover; the triggers "which here means," "put this book down," and "miserable" coupled with a general reluctance to share information and ironic turn of phrase. It's a good mix of scene and style. I've wondered before what his style might sound like in a more obscure or older work, blending the worlds in the fashion shown here.

[Lady Whatever]

Very amusing. I wonder if Jo Rowling and Mr. Handler ever meet each other at events, or converse together? I bet they'd get along swimmingly.

[Dante]

Dumbledore's death in the style of Lemony Snicket would just be him telling us about it long before it happens, no?

Feb 18, 2012 14:06:12 GMT -5 Lady Whatever said:

Very amusing. I wonder if Jo Rowling and Mr. Handler ever meet each other at events, or converse together? I bet they'd get along swimmingly.

I recall Handler once saying that he'd hoped to get the opportunity to meet her at a certain event so he could spirit her away from the crowds and go for drinks.