Chapter 1
"2"
Part 3
"Do you have a towel?" The Bryd asked.
"...Sure," said Linda.
She then threw the towel at him from across the room. The Bryd only just had time to duck as he spotted the glint of metal from a knife concealed in the towel.
"WHAT WAS THAT?"
"Accident?"
"Oh okay. So... that coffee?"
"Right," said Linda. "Arsenic? I mean sugar?"
"Sure."
"So," she said. "I guess it's too late. To 'pologize?"
"Too late," he confirmed.
Linda then threw a bomb that was left in the sink at The Bryd, but he defused it immediately because he’s really good at most things.
“My bad,” said Linda. “But listen. I need to know if you’re about to try anything else around my little girl.”
“Dont worry,” said The Bryd. “I’m not going to kill you in front of your child, okay? Also don’t use so much sugar in the coffee, save some for next time.”
“Well that’s being more rational than Willis led me to belive you were capable of.”
“LOLPUNZ,” said The Bryd. “But seriously imma still slit your throat. It’s mercy, compassion, and forgiveness I lack.”
“Look,” said Linda, pulling the pin on a grenade and throwing it at The Bryd, who caught it and threw it out the window. “Sorry about what what I did. I screwed you over bad. I wish that I could take back what I did, but I can’t. I have a daughter now, and you have every right to want to get even-”
“Stop right there. To get even-
completely even- I would have to kill you... then go get Very Funky Disco, kill her, log into your neopets account and starve your pets, then wait for your boss to get here and tell him the poor state of the family history center is beacuse of you. Then you’ll be fired and humiliated and also a corpse. That would be about even.”
“Look I know I don’t deserve your mercy. All I can tell you is that I’m a different person now. I have a daughter,” said Linda, pulling out a picture of VFD.
“I don’t care.”
“Be that as it may, I have a
daughter now.” Linda reminded him, forcing the picture a little bit of the way down The Bryd’s throat.
“Just because I have no wish to murder you in front of your daughter,” The Bryd returned, “doesn’t mean that parading her picture around in front of me will inspire sympathy.”
“But I have a-”
“Nothing you have done will change the fact that we have unfinished business,” The Bryd said.
“But I... when do we finish this then?” Linda asked.
“When do you want to die?”
“August 12th, 2076.”
“Where?”
“Shady Oakes retirement home.”
“An old age off?”
“No, a knife fight.”
“An old person knife fight, agreed.”
“Good,” said Linda. “Now I need to fix VFD’s cereal.” She walked away, pulling her arm out of The Bryd’s mouth. The Bryd watched as she walked to the History Center’s pantry and pulled out a box of “Don’t Trust This magee, There’s a Gun In Here” brand cereal.
“By the way-” The Bryd began before he was cut off by Linda turing around and shooting at him through the box.
The Bryd never expected such a surprising attack to be pulled by Linda. On instinct, he ducked and threw the glass shard he still had in his pocket at her, hitting her between the eyes.
“IN THE FAAAACE,” The Bryd cheered for himself. Upon turning around, he noticed VFD staring at him from the break room doorway.
“Ahem,” he cleared his throat. “It was not my intention to do this in front of you. Wait a few years though. If you still feel sour... come find me.” The Bryd began to walk away.
“I find it offensive for you to say that,” Very Funky Disco said.
“...What?”
“Just because you want revenge doesn’t mean everyone has to. Also I like Heavy Metal, can’t you accept it?”
The Bryd punched her in the face and left.
-----------
Outside of the Family History Center, The Bryd pulled out his Death List 5. He crossed out number two, Linda Rhaldeen, who was right under a crossed out number one, F.D.
亚洲的家伙，在这部分在电影讲述这里的东西深刻。因此，发生的事情。这里是我的购物清单：黄油，牛奶，鸡蛋，生菜，杜松子酒。嘿，我刚认识你。这是疯了。但这里是我的电话号码，所以叫我也许。The Bryd got into his van emblazoned “Schlong Mobile” and drove away.
