Sorry for lack of updates, I don't have Internet where I am right now unless I go to a Starbucks or something. Also, I hope no one takes any... Uh... Offense at whatever potential parts they may have in this. Just remember, I didn't write the original movie. So.
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Chapter Two
The Blood-Splattered BRYD
Part 3
Four years later, The Bryd still lay (laid? Whatever) in the hospital bed in his coma. In his room a mosquito flew around, landing on his incredibly soft skin. It began to feed on The Bryd. Thankfully though this was a magic mosquito. That or some science thing happened in The Bryd's body. Either way, The Bryd awoke, sitting up with a gasping start.
Suddenly The Bryd was hit with flashes of the last thing he remembered, playing in his head like some sort of twisted movie. "
At this moment..." Willis had said, "
this is me..." he had cocked his gun and pointed it at The Bryd, "
at my most... masochistic."
"
...I do have..." The Bryd remembered saying, "
your beard
-". And then he had been shot. The trigger had been pulled and the bullet had embedded itself into The Bryd's head.
Now The Bryd felt where it had hit him and found a metal plate instead. Remembering his last words though, he thought of something more important. Frantically, he clutched at his chin. To his distress, he only felt smooth hairless skin. Sure, it was skin equivalent to that of a god, but it was bare nonetheless.
"NOOOO!" he cried out in despair. He was distraught. He sat there, grabbing at his chin and gasping for breath. Even though he was now destroyed emotionally though, he was still incredibly smart and thought to check his palm lines to determine how long he was in his coma. He noticed that he had been unconscious for the past four years. He sat there trying to compose himself.
He was interrupted by the sound of a door opening and closing down the hallway. Unsure of what to do, he decided it would be best to pretend to still be unconscious.
In through the door walked a nurse, Brunch, and a trucker, LSWannabe.
"Well," said nurse Brunch, "price is $75 for 20 minutes, my friend. You up for it?"
After looking at The Bryd for a minute, LSWannabe confirmed with "oh yeah."
"Now here are the rules," said Brunch. "I know you're rough, but rule number one, no punching, okay? If the other nurses come in and see him with a black eye, the jigs up. Got it?"
"Yep," answered LSWannabe.
"Rule two, no biting or scratching. No marks at all, and for the same reason as rule number one. Okay?"
"Mhm," said LSWannabe.
"Those ear things you got there though," said Brunch. "Those are fine."
"Good."
"By the way," said Brunch, "he spits. It's a motor reflex thing. Still no punching though."
"Got it," said LSWannabe.
"Alright then, 20 minutes." And with that, Brunch left the room.
It was quiet. "Hey there, Mister, Mister first officer," said LSWannabe. The Bryd spat, hoping she would go away. She didn't. "Woah. That's okay, Mr. Scientist." The Bryd spat again, but despite his buff jaws, to no avail. Now he felt LSWannabe messing with his right ear, as if she were covering it with something. He now knew spitting would do no good. She had moved on and was doing the same thing to his other ear now.
"Now that I have you all to myself," said LSWannabe, " it's just you and me,
Mr. Spock!-"
The Bryd couldn't take it any longer. "I WILL NOT FALL VICTIM TO YOUR WIERD STAR TREK FETISH," yelled The Bryd, sitting up and looking LSWannabe in the eyes. He punched her in her face, breaking her nose and spraying himself with a surprising amount of blood.
"AUGH!" she shouted as she fell backwards onto the floor. The Bryd grabbed a pillow from behind him, fell off of the bed on top of her, and covered her face with it. She struggled, but he held the pillow until she was unconscious. Or dead. Whichever. He didn't really care. Everything was now quiet.
Finally The Bryd pulled the IV out of his arm and tried to get up. Unfortunately, four years of inactivity made his legs unresponsive. Toned, but unresponsive. He couldn't stay there long though, because he heard Brunch whistling as she walked back up the hallway. The 20 minutes must have been up even though it seemed like that wasn't possibly enough action to fill 20 minutes. The whistling was getting closer and closer though. He reached into LSWannabe's pocket and found a Star Trek pocket knife because plot device. Also, he found a mirror (it's a magic pocket whatever) and was finally able to see what LSWannabe had done to him. All she did was give him large, rubber, Spock-esque ears. He realized he probably shouldn't have killed her just for that.
The Bryd managed to pull himself across the room using his incredibly muscular arms just as Nurse Brunch reached the door.
"Times up, have a good time?" she asked. With no answer, she knocked again before stating "Coming in, ready or not."
She opened the door to see LSWannabe on the ground, her face covered with a blood-soaked pillow, and an empty hospital bed. "Woah..."
The Bryd was hiding right next to the doorway on the floor. Taking advantage of Brunch's shock, he stabbed her in the back of her foot with the Trekkie pocket knife. She fell down with a shout and he dragged her head into the doorway's frame.
"WHERE'S WILLIS?" The Bryd demanded, slamming Brunch's head with the door. "WHERE'S WILLIS?" he yelled again. She didn't answer. He slammed the door again.
"Please stop hitting me!" she pleaded.
"WHERE'S WILLIS?!" The Bryd yelled, louder and door-smashier then before.
"I don't know who that is!" Brunch exclaimed.
"BULLsalsa." He slammed her head again. Then he caught sight of her name tag, labeled "Brunch," and was hit with an onslaught of comatose memories.
"Well you're just as attractive as they said you were," she had said, looking over him as he was unconscious in the hospital bed. It was true, and we all know that The Bryd was a basically a demigod, but the things Brunch had said were still disturbing.
"A John Doe, huh? We don't know anything about you, do we? ...Well I'm from Huntsville, Texas," she had said, laughing at her cleverness.
"My names Brunch, and I'm here to munch
. Heheheheheheheh." (It's the best I could do with any of the 667er's names, okay?)
"Your name's
Brunch," The Bryd now said, disgusted, "
right? And you're here to
munch,
right?"
"I-" Brunch got out before The Bryd heaved the door on her head again. It exploded.
"YOU'RE HERE TO
MUNCH,
RIGHT?" Brunch's head chunks didn't answer him, so he slammed the door again.
"RIGHT? ANSWER YOU COWARD!" The Bryd shouted at the pulpy pile before him. He gave the door one last heave. "Find me when your ready to talk." The cowardly pieces of head and face stayed quiet.
After digging through Brunch's pockets in the hope of finding more magic pant accessories, a disappointed The Bryd pulled out a pair of sunglasses and a set of keys. He put the sunglasses on because they looked cool and examined the keys. On the ring was a keychain with the words "Schlong Mobile" on it in wavy pink letters.
"Gross," The Bryd said.
Rolling through the parking garage, The Bryd looked significantly better. He had found a slightly less blood stained hospital gown in the supply closet as well as a vacant wheelchair. Just kidding it wasn't vacant but he beat up and stole it from the crippled orphan it belonged to. He had taken the sunglasses off because he looked too cool and he didn't want to draw attention as he rolled away from the crying legless child.
Rolling past a line of cars, he eventually found one that might have been the Schlong Mobile. When the beige minivan didn't unlock, he tried the huge yellow van with giant spoilers labeled "Schlong Mobile." When that didn't work he tried the slightly smaller yellow
truck with giant spoilers labeled "Schlong Mobile." This time it unlocked.
The Bryd hauled himself into the backseat of the truck. He grabbed onto the back of the driver's seat and pulled as hard as he could. Then, using the passenger's seat, he managed to sit himself up. He reached over and pulled the door closed. Then he sat there, staring at his legs.
The Bryd told himself, "wiggle your big toe." Nothing happened. He folded his hands in his lap and repeated himself. "Wiggle your big toe." Still nothing. He tried again. "Wiggle your big toe." Nothing.
As The Bryd lay (laid? potato it) in the back of Brunch's truck trying to will his limbs out of entropy, he was able to see the faces of those who had done this to him.
All of them, the three men and one woman, were members of Willis' brainchild, the Deadly 667 Assassination Squad. The Bryd now believed that this opportunity for revenge that was handed to him was something he needed to take advantage of and act upon.
At a time when The Bryd knew the least about his enemies, the first name on his list, F.D. (or Pen if you will), code name Incredibly Deadly Viper, was the easiest to find. Then again, when one becomes the ruler of the Tokyo underworld, they don't exactly keep it a secret, do they?
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