Best Writing
a Best Writing presentation
by Trip
once upon a time there was a group of five starving artist writers living together in a salsaty old haunted apartment in north carolina i guess (it's not really relevant that it's haunted but it's definitely haunted because it's an old building in north carolina). the writers were named willis, linda, tiago, theplague, bear, and pepper, and technically the apartment was only meant for one person but there were two sofa beds crammed in the bedroom and pepper fit in a nest they made for him in the cupboards because he was a tiny child, so it was fine.
one day, pepper burst into the apartment and spiked a folded newspaper at the floor, where tiago was sitting with his work-in-progress novel because they had no desk. "ow," said tiago, who did not deserve that.
"guys!" pepper pointed dramatically at the newspaper. "you've gotta check this out right now! there's huge news!!!!"
"we know how newspapers work, pepper," said theplague. no one was paying attention to pepper because he was a baby, even though he was the greatest writer of his generation. except that willis understood that pepper's wisdom was beyond his years. also bear wasn't paying attention to anything at all except his poem.
"is it news that is relevant to our interests?" asked willis.
"yeah! it's an announcement for a writing contest called Best Writing for unpublished authors in our city, and there's a huge prize!"
everyone was interested now. "that prize
is substantial," said tiago, who still had the newspaper folded open to the announcement in his lap (from, you might remember, when it was thrown at him with great force). "do you think we should enter?" he asked his fellow penniless saps.
"uh, yeah, that's why i brought it to all of you?" said pepper.
linda took the paper from tiago and scanned the article. "pepper, are you sure you're old enough to enter? you are basically an infant, after all."
"oh my god," said pepper, "i'm fourteen or something like that, when is this joke going to die!"
"i don't mean to be rude, it's just that your writing still could mature a lot. because you're a fetus."
"that is
it!" pepper stormed two steps over to the kitchen and removed all his worldly possessions from his cupboard: three blankets, a phone and charger, and a box of poptarts. "none of you take me seriously and i'm sick of it, you won't even give me a chance! i'm moving to melbourne to be the youngest tv and film writer in australia and you can all stay here foraging in the park for edible roots because your fanfics don't pay for groceries!"
he made it out the front door of the building before he heard a voice behind him yell out "pepper, wait!" he turned around. it was willis.
"pepper..." willis put a hand on his shoulder once he caught up and looked at him seriously. "i paid for half of those poptarts."
"i'm sorry, willis," pepper said sadly as he opened the box and offered it to him. "i forgot in my overwhelming rage."
"it's fine, no harm no foul." willis took half of the poptarts, opening one of the packets to remove a single toaster pastry, since there's an uneven number of those sleeve thingies for some reason. "and hey, listen, the world's just not ready for you yet, buddy. giraffe neck tail whatever is gonna change pop culture forever."
pepper smiled. "thanks, willis. i hope you win the contest."
willis took a bite of his poptart as he made his way back inside. by the time he returned to the apartment, tiago had already ran downstairs to put the contest entries of himself, theplague, and linda in the mail. "you could've sent my default contest entry too, asshole," said willis, throwing his half-eaten poptart and hitting tiago in the face.
"ok, actually, you know what?" tiago stood up. "pepper had the right idea. i hate living here. all you guys do is throw things at me. i'll send for my things. let me know if i win the contest." he picked up his notebook and ran out the door, slamming it behind him.
bear looked up from proofreading his poem at the noise. "hey, where's pepper?"
while linda explained the dramatic events of the past six minutes to bear, willis copied down the address from the contest announcement onto two envelopes. when bear was done going through several of the stages of grief, willis put bear's poem into one of the envelopes and his own entry into another, and set out to put them into the mailbox with the others.
"hey, willis?" said theplague. "mind if i tag along?" he didn't, so they walked down to the mailboxes together in silence. willis offered theplague a poptart.
"so, uh, kinda wild in that apartment lately, huh?" theplague laughed nervously. willis was too polite to answer verbally with a mouthful of poptart, so he just nodded. theplague glanced upwards towards the apartment and whispered "...i fear for my life every day there."
willis gasped and his poptart fell out of his mouth. "me too! i'm 80% sure i saw bear standing over my bed holding a knife last tuesday night."
theplague looked relieved at willis's also living in extreme terror. "yeah. i envy pepper and tiago, honestly." willis nodded. the two looked at each other. they looked at the door to the building. they looked at each other again. they knew what they had to do.
six weeks later, bear and linda had long since realized the last of their former roommates were gone. bear slept in pepper's old cupboard and cried himself to sleep every night. linda pushed the sofa beds together and blasted the hamilton soundtrack all day every day until bear broke her computer. somehow they weren't evicted despite having no money?
finally, it was the day that the contest results would be announced.
"what did you send in, again?" asked linda.
"a clever poem, you?"
"musical theater but it's my friends."
bear looked from his phone, where they were watching the contest's twitter page for the results, since linda's computer was broken. "is that like your thing now?"
"pretty much," said linda. according to the time, the contest results would be posted any second now. "refresh the page."
"i was already going to but now i'm going to wait."
"seriously?" linda snatched his phone and refreshed the page herself. they both held their breath as the page loaded. the winner had been posted, and it was...
"this is bullsalsa," said bear.
"yes!" linda threw bear's phone out the window in her glee. "goodbye, poverty, hello, fresh produce!"
"you broke my phone!" cried bear. he was not having a great day.
"i'll buy you a new one! as soon as i go see hamilton again--"
bear jumped out the window after his phone. he soon moved to a national forest where he spent the rest of his life happily terrifying campers while wearing a realistic bear costume.
pepper did go on to become the youngest tv and film writer in australia. he won an academy award at 19, and after he thanked willis in his acceptance speech for always believing in him, willis made contact for the first time in years. pepper made willis a writer on his top show, and they were buddies and went to concerts and stuff their whole lives.
i don't know much about tiago and theplague so pretend this is a description of them finding contentment and success.
and as for linda, well... she did indeed watch hamilton again.
and they all lived happily/ever/after.
FIN
cliffsnotes:
pepper received 0 votes for
writing corner with the fresh mince (😭😭😭)
Tiago James Squalor received 1 vote for
The Ravenous Restauranttheplague received 2 votes for
The Luckiest Kids in the World Part 2Willis (did he create a new account yet) received 2 votes for
The Dark Games: Catching DarkReba received 4 votes for
The Confessions Of Todd: To 667 He Is God!Linda Rhaldeen received 7 votes for
The Dark Avenue Picture Show, making her the winner
congrats to linda, and to the rest of the nominees! u write good