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Post by Optimism is my Phil-osophy on Nov 17, 2024 5:42:50 GMT -5
Unfortunately, it is not possible to determine whether the opera night happened recently before the main events described in TBB. First of all, as I have pointed out several times, the three Baudelaires have the superpower of having an incredibly good memory. Even if Klaus was very young, he would be able to remember details of that night. And secondly, the way the children report what happened does not necessarily indicate that they were eyewitnesses to the event: they may simply be repeating a story that Beatrice and Bertrand told them. After all, the poster was still in their house, and their parents may have told them about the story of that poster.
Finally, to believe that Jacques Snicket continued to work quietly at the DP from the time of the AA fire until the time of the main events described in TBB is somewhat inconsistent. Geraldine Juliene was promoted to columnist after Lemony was fired. The letter Jacques sent to Lemony recorded in LSTUA chapter 6 indicates that at the time of Lemony's firing from the DP, Jacques himself was no longer working at that journal. Any articles Jacques published were published before that. As indicated in Jacques' letter to Jerome in LSTUA chapter 7, at the time of Jerome's marriage to Esmé, Jacques was also no longer working at the DP. The stories published by Jacques did not use false names. To believe that Jacques was fired and then rehired by the DP would be somewhat contradictory.
Regarding the fire residue still being there, I can use as evidence the fact that when Beatrice Junior visited Lemony's apartment, the fire residue was still there. (TBL BB to LS#2)Since it had been decades since the fire, the plants were regrowing from the fire residue. It is not my fault that the City authorities are slow in cleaning up fire residue...
Could I have made a connection involving the death of Olaf's parents without evidence? Yes, I did. There are many ways to get different types of poison. I'm just pointing out that this is the only connection between the main story and the subplot that comes to mind. I can't think of anything better. And it's consistent with Olaf's behavior, whereas a murder plot involving Kit smiling about it and Beatrice calling it an unforgettable night is not consistent with what we know about the characters. Olaf clearly indicates in TE that he was minding his own business when the three Baudelaires came into his life, which clearly indicates that if it were the author's intention that Olaf was on a personal revenge plot against the Baudelaire family, that would be inconsistent. Olaf didn't care about the three Baudelaires until he was chosen as their guardian. And as I said before, he literally had a box containing some kind of dangerous thing capable of threatening people that wasn't the deadly fungus MM with him, at the time of the building committee: a time when he was burning down several VFD properties, a time when the journalist Geraldine Juliene was already publishing information about VFD in the newspaper (a time when Jacques was no longer in the newspaper, since Jacques was in the committee meeting and had no way to prevent what was happening in the DP newspaper). So... I think the chronological evidence speaks for itself about when the fire in the royal gardens happened and who was responsible for it. I admit that blaming Olaf for killing his parents is a speculative conclusion, but in my view more narratively coherent than the Baudelaire parents and Kit gloating over a murder.
And finally, when the opera night happened is not necessarily connected to when Olaf's parents died. Olaf (or someone else) could have killed both of them (or one of them) and the investigation promoted by Beatrice, Kit and Bertrand could have happened during the opera night.
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Post by Uncle Algernon on Nov 17, 2024 15:14:31 GMT -5
Yes, Optimism is my Phil-osophy I think the plant being what was in the box is very sensible. It's the connection to the Count(ess?)'s murder that I disagree about.
(One thing that occurred to me about the use of the Poisonous Plant is that Vincent Price's character in Dragonwyck makes use of an innocuous-looking exotic plant to murder his wife by leaving it at the foot of her bed where she will breathe in its spores in her sleep, night after night, and gradually die. I wonder if the intended means of using the Poisonous Plant is similar, and it's not an instant-acting thing but something you would give as a gift to the oblivious intended victim… I don't believe Handler has ever referenced Dragonwyck, but it would certainly be an aesthetically appropriate cultural reference point for an ASOUE plot point.)
As for the poison darts, thinking on it, I think the main reason the "evidence of an already-committed murder" theory fails to convince me on a gut level is that it's specifically a box of poison darts, which doesn't sound like a rediscovered murder weapon. It sounds like they're 'fresh' darts ready to be used. You could of course gather already-used darts with investigative intentions, and put them in some kind of box, but "a box of poison darts" as a phrase sounds more like "a box of cigars", I think deliberately.
However, you have a point in reminding us that nothing proves the darts were used at the opera. Perhaps all that happened that night was Kit successfully passing them along to Beatrice & Bertrand, perhaps doing so for safekeeping after stealing them from a villain who intended to use them (but hadn't done so). That villain may even have been Olaf, for all we know, but that's not important. The point is that in this scenario, the smuggling of the darts, which was not intended as a setup for murder, could remain a glorious memory even though those selfsame dart would ultimately be used in the murder of Olaf's parent(s), at a somewhat later point.
This would actually feed into my earlier proposed scenario where Olaf mistakenly saw an evil plot from Kit, Lemony & Beatrice where there was only a series of — er — unfortunate events. My theory, recall, required that Olaf knew about Kit's part in smuggling the darts to the opera, a somewhat dicey matter given the inherent secrecy of the affair. However, if we posit that the murder happened some time after that night, then the problem vanishes: Kit might have told Olaf upfront, because they were still dating at the time! But she still wouldn't have mentioned the precise reason she was smuggling the darts… so when one of those same darts is used to murder Olaf Snr., O. wrongly assumes it's a long-premeditated plot that was already in motion at the opera. I think that hangs together quite well.
It actually doesn't even require us to believe that the Baudelaire Parents were the one to ultimately use the darts — merely that Olaf wrongly thinks Kit's smuggling was intended to facilitate the murder. Perhaps someone else did it, having obtained the darts from the Baudelaire Parents in turn, and Olaf assumes the Baudelaire Parents gave them the darts knowing full well what was to be done with them. The key point of my theory is not to use the poison-darts murder as a reason for Olaf's animus against the Baudelaires (which must have been limited, since according to my theory of why the Baudelaire Fire happened, he was at least supposedly willing to negotiate a truce with them), but to use it as the reason for his break-up with Kit.
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Post by Tiran O'Saurus on Nov 17, 2024 16:52:12 GMT -5
This all seems like complications for complications sake. The clear intent of the text is for us to believe the Baudelaire parents killed Olaf's parents at the opera. I'm fine with ignoring Handler's intentions to rectify a plot hole, but I don't think there is a plot hole here. We're meant to feel betrayed when we learn what they did, precisely because it's so completely out of our understanding of the Baudelaire parents. People are chef's salads, after all. Saying that the opera, referenced countless times in TPP and which was attended by the Baudelaires, Kit, and Lemony was just a place where evidence was transferred between detached investigators looking into the murder of Olaf's parents is just kind of underwhelming. V.F.D. must pass evidence around all the time, so why would La Forza Del Destino be emphasized so much? The arguments against the obvious takeaway are based entirely on our understanding of characters' personalities, rather than any sort of facts. I think that people in V.F.D. are going to, by definition, have a somewhat skewed sense of morality. If Olaf's parents were villains who taught him everything he knew about evil, I could well see them fondly remembering the day they finally took such people down. Earlier in this thread we discussed that TPP could well be an assassination attempt on the Sinister Duo, and I think everyone agreed the motive would certainly be there. We only have the Netflix show claiming Olaf's parents were good people, and that's not really evidence.
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Mally Sebald
Reptile Researcher
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Post by Mally Sebald on Nov 17, 2024 17:19:45 GMT -5
This all seems like complications for complications sake. The clear intent of the text is for us to believe the Baudelaire parents killed Olaf's parents at the opera. I'm fine with ignoring Handler's intentions to rectify a plot hole, but I don't think there is a plot hole here. We're meant to feel betrayed when we learn what they did, precisely because it's so completely out of our understanding of the Baudelaire parents. People are chef's salads, after all. Saying that the opera, referenced countless times in TPP and which was attended by the Baudelaires, Kit, and Lemony was just a place where evidence was transferred between detached investigators looking into the murder of Olaf's parents is just kind of underwhelming. V.F.D. must pass evidence around all the time, so why would La Forza Del Destino be emphasized so much? The arguments against the obvious takeaway are based entirely on our understanding of characters' personalities, rather than any sort of facts. I think that people in V.F.D. are going to, by definition, have a somewhat skewed sense of morality. If Olaf's parents were villains who taught him everything he knew about evil, I could well see them fondly remembering the day they finally took such people down. Earlier in this thread we discussed that TPP could well be an assassination attempt on the Sinister Duo, and I think everyone agreed the motive would certainly be there. We only have the Netflix show claiming Olaf's parents were good people, and that's not really evidence. I'm more inclined to believe that Olaf's parents were good, considering he belonged to the fire-fighting side and was sad about their deaths. But I also agree that there was something beside just the passing around of information at La Forza Del Destino. |
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Post by Uncle Algernon on Nov 17, 2024 17:52:04 GMT -5
Well, see earlier points about "the Fire-Fighting Side" and "the Fire-Staring Side" not having been truly organised parallel groups, particularly in the early days. They're increasingly divergent trends among the members of a singular, but fractious, overall V.F.D., and many operatives would have been neutral on, or even unaware of, the shadow conflict, with the fire-starters being more of a loose coalition of V.F.D. operatives who used the organisation for their own gain and helped one another to do so. Hence it's very possible for Mama Olaf and/or Papa Olaf to have been secretly villainous, but have still sent their son to be trained with the likes of Lemony, simply because there weren't separate protocols and training facilities for villains and gooduns, just one officially-neutral VFD infrastructure.
Regardless… Thinking on it, it does feel unsatisfying for no one to die at the opera. But then, perhaps the praiseworthy desire to avoid the Netflix Series' influence is blinding us to the validity of some of the conclusions it comes to. The point of La Forza Del Destino in TPP is that it's about an accidental death by deadly weapon, foreshadowing the death of Dewey. Given the cyclicality of it all, it is not unreasonable to suppose, as the Netflix series does, that something similar happened at the opera: that the people playing with deadly darts accidentally killed someone with them, someone other than whomever they had intended to kill with the darts. Olaf's parent(s)' death being half-accidental has legs after all.
The problem with this is that it would make the opera confrontation appear to have been a screw-up, which doesn't match the Baudelaires and Kit remembering it with apparent pride. Did they get whoever they originally wanted, with Olaf's parents as unfortunate but — to them — acceptable collateral damage? There was a whole box's worth of darts, after all…
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Post by Optimism is my Phil-osophy on Nov 18, 2024 3:54:46 GMT -5
Okay, let's continue discussing this a little further. Regarding the plant being on stage, one must take into account the nature of a plant: you could have stolen the plant 30 years ago, and simply continue to cultivate it, relocating it to different pots, etc... Olaf simply continues to have possession of the plant.
As to the speed at which trials are held in Averse, that is debatable. Consider the trial of Lemony Snicket himself. If we accept as fact that the crimes he is accused of occurred at the time of the main events described in TBB, the trial did not take place until the publication of TWW. This was years after the alleged crime had occurred. And Kit and Dewey were collecting evidence of crimes that certainly occurred many years ago, since an entire library of such evidence was being assembled. I think that, just as in the real world, trials in Averse can proceed quickly or slowly, depending on the circumstances and interests of those involved.
I'm interested in how you would explain Jacques Snicket's work at the DP in a scenario where the fire in the royal gardens happened shortly before the main events described in TBB. Did he work there from the time of the fire at AA until the time of the fire in the royal gardens in your scenario? And how do you explain Jacques' letters to Lemony Jeorome, and Jacques' behavior at the building committee meeting, described in LSTUA?
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Post by Optimism is my Phil-osophy on Nov 18, 2024 7:49:05 GMT -5
I have transcribed here the documents cited in my argument to facilitate consultation.
LSTUA pages 96 - 98
O Brother,
I hope that this package reaches you safely, and that you are safe when it reaches you, and that I will be safe in making sure this package will reach you in safety, in a safe manner, and in a safe.
Your review of Funcoot's play has changed everything. O is more dastardly than we ever could have imagined, and it will no longer be possible for you to communicate with us through The Daily Punctilio. (Jean's note: There is a clear indication that Jacques is not working at the DP at this time.) The organization has informed me that they will arrange for you to be fired, if possible. If it is not possible you will probably be fired anyway.
Inside the enclosed safe are the documents and required materials for Disguise Training, Phases One and Two. Under normal circumstances, new volunteers like ourselves would not receive disguise training until our years of apprenticeship were finished, but we have not been under normal circumstances for quite some time. For instance, currently I am under sixty feet of water, rather than under normal circumstances. Brother, you must run. You must run as you never have run before, at least as far as I know.
Once you have familiarized yourself with these materials, disguise yourself as you see fit and travel via ferry to the town of Lake Lachrymose. There is a theme restaurant located on the main street called the Anxious Clown. The food is dreadful, but I’m afraid you’ll have to eat there until you find a waiter who says to you the following sentence: “I didn’t realize this was a sad occasion.” That will indicate that he is one of us. You will reply, “The world is quiet here,” and he will give you a letter containing instructions for leaving the country. Follow these instructions, and make sure you are not followed as you are following them.
We are all in terrible danger and thus must not communicate for a very long time. You must not write to D. You must not telephone K. You must not communicate with B at all, not even by telegram or carrier pigeon. I will try to communicate with B myself so that she does not believe all of the terrible things printed in The Daily Punctilio, but you must not risk her life along with your own.
I do not know when I will see you again. Someday, perhaps, the world will indeed be quiet once more, but until the fires have been extinguished we must go our separate ways and risk our separate lives. I feel, Lemony, as if we are drifting away from one another, as if one of us is on the ground and the other is in some wondrous device, floating away into the sky, like that self-sustaining hot-air mobile home H is always talking about building. I hope you are able to return home someday, Brother.
With all due respect,
[Signature]
Jacques
P.S. The combination to the safe is a three-digit number, identical to the address of our headquarters on Dark Avenue.
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Page 119, 120
Geraldine Julienne, reporter,
The Daily Punctilio
Dear Esmé,
My goodness!!! It was such a thrill to get a letter from an important person like yourself. Just think, not only are you the city's sixth most important financial advisor, but you're also a very famous actress, and you're writing to an unimportant reporter such as myself!!
As you know, the editor-in-chief of The Daily Punctilio just fired our dramatic critic (Jean's note: Lemony had recently been fired) whose name escapes me (I've never been good with names but I still think I'm a pretty good reporter!!), so I'm confident you'll never get another bad review for your performances on the stage, whether you're acting in one of Al Funcoot's plays or something else.
Someday, I hope to uncover a major story—maybe a murder—but in the meantime, as you know, I just write a boring old column called "Secret Organizations You Should Know About." Sometimes, in order to make the column
more exciting, I write rumors or things I make up, instead of facts. At your request, I'll tell you what was true in my column about 667 Dark Avenue, and what wasn't.
1. It is true that the penthouse to 667 Dark Avenue has recently been sold, to a Mr. Jerome Squalor.
2. It is true that Mr. Jerome Squalor is not married.
3. At your request, I did a little research about where you could find him. Every morning he has breakfast down the street at the Veritable French Diner, a very "in" restaurant. You should be able to find him there between seven thirty and eight thirty A.M., if you wanted to "accidentally" bump into him.
Good luck, Esmé! I'm so flattered that a talented and famous actress took the time to write me! If you ever need me to do anything—anything at all—please write again and I'll do it at once!
Your loyal fan,
Geraldine Julienne
P.S. You are the greatest!!!
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Pages 122 a 124
Dear Jerome,
I was alarmed to receive your wedding invitation and am writing you to say that under no circumstances should you marry that woman, at the Vineyard of Fragrant Drapes—I mean Grapes, of course—or anywhere else.
The reason you should not marry Esmé is the same reason I begged you to buy the penthouse apartment at 667 Dark Avenue and never, ever sell it, and the same reason people should never get tattoos. I cannot fully explain this reason for two reasons. The first reason I cannot explain this reason is that I made a solemn vow I would never tell anyone this reason. And the second reason I cannot explain this reason is that if you learned of this reason—or even the two reasons why I cannot explain this reason—that would be the reason that you would suddenly find yourself in danger. Even though I want to give you a reasonable explanation, so I will tell you everything I can.
I am not really a detective, my friend. I am a member of an organization that requires its members to pretend to be various occupations, including detective, ship captain, dramatic critic, duchess, waiter, and many others. For years this organization has behaved in ways that were as noble as they were secret, but recently this organization has experienced a schism, a word which here means “a member suddenly behaving in a greedy and violent manner and thus dividing the organization into two arguing groups.” The member I am speaking of—I will just call him O, though currently he prefers S—has recently done a great deal of vicious, unfair, and impolite acts that I shudder to describe.
Perhaps you are wondering why you have not read about these vicious, unfair, and impolite acts in the newspaper, but I have reason to believe that O has somehow found a way to change the articles in The Daily Punctilio to avoid capture. (Jean's note: At the time of Esmé's marriage, Jacques was evidently no longer at DP according to his words here.) For instance, a recent article described a deadly accident at Lucky Smells Lumbermill, solved by a detective who spilled coffee on his jacket. But I, acting as a volunteer, arrived at the lumbermill before any detectives did, and I saw at once that the death was no accident.
A couplet I recently found, in the village where I am hiding, says it best.
Someone at the newspaper changed the story once again,
It was not coffee, but black ink, that made the jacket’s stain.
Please, Jerome, do not marry this woman.
With all due respect,
Jacques Snicket
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LSTUA pag 33-46
What follows is the transcript of the meeting of the Building Committee of [REDACTED]. In attendance were J, L, M, R, R, M, L, K, D, S, and I. Note: the names of the attendees are given by the first initial of their first name, except for I, which is a pronoun. Some people in attendance had the same first initial, which makes this transcript somewhat hard to follow, but no matter: The Code of V.F.D. dictates that these minutes are not to be read by anyone who did not attend the meeting.
*(sound of gavel banging)*
M: I hereby call this meeting to order. Is the secretary ready to transcribe the minutes?
J: I am.
M: We will begin with roll call. Will the Vice Chancellor please read the committee list to see if anyone is missing?
R: I will. Please answer when I call your name. J?
J: Yes.
R: J?
J: Yes.
R: M?
M: Yes.
R: M?
M: Yes.
R: K?
K: Yes.
R: K?
K: I already said “Yes.”
R: Sorry, I couldn’t hear you. D?
D: Yes.
M: D, are you here representing L, or are you here as an independent agent?
L: I am here, so there is no reason for D to represent me.
R: Sorry, I didn’t see you. L?
L: Yes.
R: L? Oh, I just spoke to you, L. Sorry. S?
S: Yes.
R: R?
R: And R, that’s me. Everyone is accounted for, M.
M: Very good. Let us begin by reciting the pledge.
J, L, M, R, R, M, L, K, D, S, J: The world is quiet here.
M: Very good. Now, before we get to the matter at hand, I have a few announcements. Tonight at seven P.M. we will meet in the lobby of the building two doors down from this one to proceed to the seven-thirty P.M. showing of *Werewolves in the Rain*, directed by Dr. Sebald, in order to receive his coded message. Tomorrow morning at nine A.M. sharp will be the monthly examination for neophytes R, L, K, B, J, E, and G, so our mapmaking session will be moved from the examination hall to the sculpture garden—
R: —which is much prettier anyway.
M: Well, yes. Which brings us to the urgent matter at hand.
L: What’s the matter with your hand?
M: No, that’s not what M meant, L. “At hand” is a phrase which here means “the matter we gathered to discuss.” As you get older, these expressions will be easier to understand.
J: Please pass the brandy. (Jean's note: this is Jacques)
M: Please continue, M.
M: Thank you. I’m afraid that we’re going to have to move our headquarters once more.
R: No!
D: It can’t be! Not already!
M: I’m afraid it may already be too late,
D: Our spies at *The Daily Punctilio* tell us that G may be publishing our address in her “Secret Organizations You Should Know About” column. (Jean's note: G is Geraldine Julienne.)
J: But no one should know about *our* organization! (Jean's note: The fact that the spies at the DP are referred to in this way indicates that none of those present worked at the DP anymore, neither Lemony nor Jacques.)
M: That’s precisely M’s point. We must switch locations one more time.
R: This is becoming absurd.
R: I agree. I’m nine years old, but I’m concerned that this kind of disruption will seriously affect our younger members.
R: R’s right. We are entering people’s homes—
J: We get permission first.
L: Let her finish.
R: I will finish. We are entering people’s homes, taking young children who show exceptional observational and/or notetaking skills, and isolating them, for long periods at least, from people they know. We assign them to strangers and scatter them across the globe, performing errands that are perplexing to them, until we know they can be trusted, and until we know that no one is searching for them any longer. Then, finally, we bring them to headquarters so they can learn the skills they need before they are introduced back into society, in order to make sure the world remains, as we say, quiet.
K: And extinguished.
R: But if we further disrupt the training process, we risk confusing our neophytes even more. Tomorrow morning, for instance, are our monthly examinations. If these young people are up all night, helping us move all of the novels, sleeping bags, decanters, cameras, files, disguise kits, maps, coffee grinders, blueprints, codebooks, fishing rods, notebooks, false menus, briefcases, corkscrews, bird guides, office supplies, goldfish bowls, false maps, garden hoses, magnifying glasses, musical instruments, nets, electrical cords, jewelry, toolboxes, spectroscopes, projectors, pet food, heavy winter coats, playing cards, curtains, caviar spoons, lockpicks, ropes, folding tables and ottomans, dictionaries and atlases, cages, chopsticks, bicycles, grappling hooks, sailing equipment, tin cans, storage tanks, false address books, false blueprints, telegraph devices, smoke canisters, building facades, false coffee grinders, disguise kits—
J: You already said “disguise kits.”
R: If they stay up all night bringing all of this material to a new headquarters—assuming we can find one—how do you think they will perform on the exams? As we know from S’s report on Prufrock Preparatory School, if young people do not get enough sleep, their work is likely to suffer. Someone might, for example, forget crucial information regarding the exact location of the automobiles we use to store necessary files and convey messages, or they could forget the Sebald Code and think there were eight uncoded words between each coded word, instead of ten. The sugar bowl secret could slip their minds entirely. This could lead to grave misunderstandings during coded communication, and we can’t afford that.
M: Neither can we afford to be discovered. If our location is revealed in *The Daily Punctilio*, the building will likely be destroyed by the end of the week.
J: But how did that terrible reporter discover our location? We stopped inscribing the insignia on the outside of our buildings a very long time ago, and we haven’t used green wood as construction material for quite some time.
M: There’s no time to find out how we were found out.
J: On the contrary, M. It is almost too late to find out how the reporter found us out. It is time that we said here in an official meeting what we’ve been saying quietly to one another for quite some time: an enemy has infiltrated our ranks.
K: Infiltrated?
J: “Infiltrated” is a word which here means “snuck in without our noticing.”
K: I *know* what the word means. When I said “infiltrated?” I meant “Do you really think so? That can’t be so.”
R: K is right.
R: No, J is.
R: K.
R: J.
R: K.
R: J.
R: K!
R: J!
M: Enough! We can discuss this at another time.
J: I’m sorry, M, but we should discuss this now. Since I have joined the organization, we have been forced to flee from a total of seven headquarters. I first met all of you—except for L, of course—at 1485 Columbia Road, which we had to abandon almost immediately in favor of that brick building with the scraggly hedges. Two months later we spotted someone taking photographs while one of our agents, and two total strangers, were walking outside, so we had to move everything over to that building with the two round towers, in a neighborhood so foggy that all of our sunflowers died and we had to discontinue that particular experiment. Then M woke us up in the middle of the afternoon in order to abandon the foggy building for new headquarters hidden in the Versailles Post Office, only to flee to a rival post office a year later. From then on we decided to go underground, beginning with the network of tunnels we had to dig beneath that lamppost, but our spies at *The Daily Punctilio* advised us to dig a new headquarters (Jean's note: This time, Jacques himself, Lemony's brother, talks about the spies in the DP, indicating that he is unable to obtain first-hand information, as they no longer work there.), underneath the “abandoned shack” in the northwest region of the Finite Forest. Who knows how much information and equipment we have lost, packing and unpacking so many times? Who knows what precious time is gone forever? There is only one explanation for why our secret location has been discovered, over and over again: a member of V.F.D.—perhaps even someone in this very room—has betrayed us.
E: (laughs)
O: Indeed, ladies and gentlemen, perhaps someone in this very room has betrayed you!
M: O!
K: And E! We didn’t see you there behind the puppet theater.
M: E and O, neither of you are welcome at this meeting.
O: Actually, I prefer to be called T.
M: We’re not going to call you anything at all. Please leave at once.
E: We’re not going anywhere, you fools.
O: Take a look at this!
*(gasps from quite a few
people)*
L: Egad!
M: Put that back in its box immediately! (Jean's note: A box containing something potentially dangerous if left unboxed and capable of forcing others to do whatever you demand: Given the timeline, this leads me to believe that this is a poisonous plant stolen from the royal gardens. It's toxic enough to cause fear but poisonous enough to be transported in a box and displayed. It can't be the deadly MM fungus. But the description fits a poisonous plant.)
O: Not until I issue the following demands:
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LS TO BB #3
LEMONY SNICKET
Seriah's Anniversary
At last, I have a moment to write you, as Eleanora Poe is away from the offices and so isn't looking over my shoulder. When I told the headmaster I was interested in rhetoric and thought I might enjoy volunteering at a newspaper, it never occurred to me that I'd be an assistant obituary spell-checker—and now that I find myself staring at this misspelled headline, I wish I'd followed you into the theatrical profession instead.
Madame Poe told me never to reveal any information I found before it was published in The Daily Punctilio, but I cannot help but share the obituary that lay waiting for me on my desk this morning, underneath the paperweight of the Lachrymose Leech that I gave me as a graduation gift.
"Duchess of Winnipeg Is Deaf," it says. Just one letter can change everything.
Poor R.! I cannot imagine how sad she is to lose her mother. She's an orphan now—and the new Duchess of Winnipeg, with all of the privileges and dangers of such a position. This also means that J. will be transferred to the Financial Times, which means that G., that foolish girl, will become the new fashion editor, which means that I will probably be given the position of dramatic critic. (Jean's note: At that time, before the wedding day Lemony would have, Jacques worked at the DP, along with Lemony.)
Clearly, there are difficult times for all of us in the months ahead. I know that at a time like this we should be thinking of our organization, and what we can do to protect our volunteers, but I can only think of you. We will have to be more careful during our evenings together. We should stay away from open windows, even if we are outdoors, and check carefully under the bed, even if no one is sleeping in it. You should avoid suspicious foods in restaurants, particularly if they are the specialty of the house, and I should only sit on certain benches in the park when I read the sonnets you send me.
When you take your bows after Friday's performance, I will be sitting in the front row, but do not acknowledge me. As you take your bow, drop one of your hatpins off the stage. That will be your signal to me that it is safe to meet at the usual place for our midnight root beer floats. I'm sure the performance will go well, but I hope you will never have to wear that butterfly costume again.
I miss you. See you in a few days.
Lemony Snicket
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