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Post by Celinra on Aug 30, 2005 11:30:17 GMT -5
Great filler, PJ! I enjoyed it a lot.
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Post by Ennui on Aug 30, 2005 12:25:02 GMT -5
Me too. I'll be sure to write something here tomorrow...not temporising...honest...
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Post by Ennui on Aug 31, 2005 8:54:47 GMT -5
SAM DRINKHORN (Filler)
The ancient and absurdly powerful Professor Tragedy strolled coolly down the idyllic country lane, his pupil Dante beside him. Dante was exhibiting signs of paranoia.
"Professor," he said, "does the fact that I'm the future saviour of the wizarding world entitle me to flame that wood on the off chance Death Eaters are hiding in it without being expelled by some absurd rule?"
"Well..." began the venerable wizard.
"That's all I wanted to hear," Dante said confidently, immolating the Forest of Dean with a casual flick of his wand. Tragedy watched the rabbits fleeing for cover with some anxiety. Ever since Dante had been sorted into Slytherin this sort of thing had become part of the daily rhythm.
The two of them had now travelled through enough twee scenery and reached the edge of a Prescottian housing scheme.
"This, Dante," Tragedy explained, "is the charming suburb of Boring Boredom."
"I see," said Dante, not listening and sniping at a passing magpie with a casual Cruciatus Curse. Tragedy shuddered.
"We are here to find a new member of staff, Dante."
"Oh, right." Then Dante saw the houses and gasped. "What? You're recruiting from here? From what I know of your methods, Professor, you pick your teachers exclusively from Transylvania, Stonehenge, Faerie, Usgard, the Lunar Valley of Lost Things, Narnia, Loch Ness, and Azkaban. A teacher lives here?"
"Enough of the satire, boy. I don't understand most of what you say but I'm powerful enough to spread your flesh exactly creamed over the Great Lakes. Yes, a teacher lives here, a former teacher, Professor Drinkhorn. We need to persuade him to come back, sadly."
There were obviously Dementors about, but Dante didn't care, as he and the Dementors got on pretty well nowadays. Indeed, he'd persuaded them to regularly harass his enemy swans. So he merely hummed a suitably depressing tune as they approached the ugliest, tweest, naffest house of all.
"This is such an anticlimax," Dante complained. "Surely a decent teacher would hide from the Death Eaters by making his house look mangled and turning himself into an armchair? Whoever your chum is, Professor, he's asking for it."
"Shut up."
Tragedy rang the doorbell. There was no answer. The knocker fared likewise. So he atomised the door. But the situation was no better. The Headmaster found himself barricaded by a solid wall of empty beer containers. A few attempts to disperse them magically only made more roll to the front.
"Sobrietus!" Tragedy yelled. "Teetotalus!" Still there was no movent. "Abstinencius! Alcoholics Anonymous!"
The last was apparently a statement, not a spell. There was an answering grunt of "Stella Artois!" and the beer bottles and cans parted. A vast, unkempt figure with a wand stumpled forwards, reeking of the liquid he adored above all else.
"whot your not my partner from alkies anon checking on mi drunkknes" he remarked. "yu lied. yor Tragedy."
"Desperate times call for desperate measures, Sam. Like rehiring the man who turned Hufflepuff Tower into a Firewhisky bottle and then drank it," Tragedy replied.
"not comin" insisted the large inebriated one, flailing his wand. "Heinek..."
"Sobrietus!" cried Tragedy again, which halted the behemoth, causing his spell to fail.
"wy did you come?" he asked piteously. "no poynt. not comin. not sinse yoo banned the in-skool pub in hagrid's hut."
"I am merely coming to talk to you, even though I haven't bothered contacting you for years," Tragedy said lamely. "I thought we could discuss..."
"Drinking," Dante broke in. "Did you know that Death Eaters are in fact misnamed? They're really called Death Drinkers. They're secretly a maniacal temperance group dedicated to wiping out all alcohol."
"reely?"
"Oh yes."
There was a pause. Eventually Sam made his decision.
"in taht casse, im in. to protecct jiutsice, freidomm, kurrage," he paused, "and happi ower."
"Excellent," said Tragedy. "I knew you'd think so. Well, let's have a drink then. For auld lang syne."
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Post by Dante on Aug 31, 2005 8:57:47 GMT -5
That's hilarious. Brilliant. I love me, and what Sam did to Hufflepuff tower.
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Post by idiotj on Aug 31, 2005 10:54:55 GMT -5
Brilliant. Brilliant.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures, Sam. Like rehiring the man who turned Hufflepuff Tower into a Firewhisky bottle and then drank it," Tragedy replied.
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Post by PJ on Aug 31, 2005 18:13:46 GMT -5
Loved it. Hufflepuff tower, Dante setting Dementors on Swans, it was all great.
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Post by BSam on Sept 1, 2005 21:20:52 GMT -5
I'm confused, wasn't the Sam character already a teacher at the school? Or is this story taking place in a seperate time-line, or something?
But very good, anyway, as were all other stories in this thread.
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Post by PJ on Sept 2, 2005 2:01:24 GMT -5
I'm confused, wasn't the Sam character already a teacher at the school? Or is this story taking place in a seperate time-line, or something? But very good, anyway, as were all other stories in this thread. It was a filler part, uncanon, if you will. The original story was to be written by J., Dupin, Akbar and I; some people chose to write extra "filler" parts in the Harry Potter universe, though not necessarily OUR universe. If that makes sense.
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Post by Phoenix 4242424242424242424242 on Sept 2, 2005 3:12:16 GMT -5
Loving them ;D great stuff PJ
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Post by idiotj on Sept 2, 2005 14:15:01 GMT -5
The centaurs ran swiftly and the Huffledors held on tightly, at great risk of falling off. Alice rode the largest centaur behind Robert, while Derik and Akbar rode alongside on the smaller centaurs. Akbar happened to look up and see two large, unidentified flying objects overheard, heading in the same direction. The centaurs slowed and the huffledors, dizzy and disoriented, noticed that they were at the field. "Hurry! Let's go!" Robert shouted, staggering unsteadily off the horse. Derik fell on his back and just lay there. Akbar, stumbling, ran ahead. Alice managed to with grace, poise and barely managing not to vomit. The two birds landed a couple of yeards in front of the centaurs. "You three, look for the grail. We'll handle the enemy.": The largest centaur told them, loading his bow and taking aim. The arrow narrowly missed Char, who squeaked in surprise, but hit Ila in the back. The Slytherclaws turned around. J and Dupin started hexing the centaurs while Char and Dupin ran after Akbar, Robert and Alice. Char struck dwon Akbar and Luna struck Robert, but an arrow and a hex from Alice hit Char's leg at the same time. J and Dupin had already knocked out the smallest centaur and the second smallest was weakened, but the largest was still holding strong. Capt and the giant bird were both attacking it. Luna and Alice were dueling each other. Dupin dealt the second smallest centaur a final blow, allowing he, J and Capt to look for the grail while the bird was still fighting the largest centaur. Suddenly all the other Huffledors appeared (except Snicket, who wasn't old enough to apparate and insisted on making a portkey). The Slytherclaws were outnumbered.
The path Dante was travelling on was getting cold and misty. Dante pulled his cloak around his neck, but this did little to help. He thought he heard someone shout, but it could have been the wind, he thought. Soon after he heard another shout which sounded like Ennui. He ran ahead, trying to follow the sound he had heard, and at last found himself in front of a few dementors, Ennui and Antenora. "Dante!" Antenora exclaimed, turning around. Ennui kept summoning patronuses. They started out almost corporeal but later settled as indistinct light. One dementors retreated. "Expecto patronum!" Dante panted. Nothing happened. "On two." Antenora commanded. "one...two...Expecto patronum!" Antenora's dragon patronus came out quite strong, but Dante's did not come out at all. He tried again, conjuring a silver wolf, which joined the dragon and Ennui's clouded leopard.
Though Char's leg recovered enough for her to assist J in battling Rellim and Pester, the Slytherclaws were still struggling. Akbar, Robert and Derik had recovered and were able to look for the grail while Soidanae, one of the oldest and most skilled Gryffinpuff, kept Dupin occupied. Three silver animals ran onto the field. A dragon swooped into Soidanae on its way to attack Robert, Derik and Akbar. Derik ducked, but the dragon knocked Robert and Akbar down and then disappeared. The wolf leapt on Akbar. The clouded leopard snuck up behind Soidanae and but his leg. Dupin took this oppurtunity to attack, but the startled Soidanae fired a stray spell. Both struck each other at the same time. Akbar threw the wolf off and it disappeared. Akbar scrambled up and urged Derik to look for the grail. They started to run, but their path was blocked by Ennui and Dante.
Oi, have to go. But I have the rest written.
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on Sept 2, 2005 14:31:53 GMT -5
Very cool and exciting, J. *waits for rest of it to be posted*
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Post by Dante on Sept 2, 2005 15:09:42 GMT -5
This is indeed very cool, J., and I eagerly await the outcome of this battle. The small asides really amuse me.
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Post by idiotj on Sept 2, 2005 15:50:57 GMT -5
Robert joined Derik and Akbar. Antenora saw that Dante and Ennui were outnumbered. She quickly hexed Rellim and Pester between the eyes, blinding them and allowing some time to talk to J and Char. "Dante and Ennui are outnumbered. I have to help them." "No, you don't." Char argued. "I'll go with you." J volunteered. "Feh. I guess I'll go, too." Char said.
Rellim and Pester blindlu stumbled around, calling for Alice. When they found her, Alice unblinded them. "J, Char and Antenora are fighting with Dante and Antenora against Derik, Akbar and Rob." Rellim panted. "We have to help them or htey'll surely lose." Soon the teams were united and fighting. Ila had even recovered from her debilitating fear enough to battle. Snicket had finally managed to make a portkey as well. Hexes were flying. No one would or could look for the grail while the other team was still standing. Everyone's mind was set on destroying the enemy. The battle was so fierce that it shook the ground, eroding away the dirt and flowers. Various stray hexes unearthed something shiny and hold. More dirt was chipped awway and the object was slowly inched out of the hole. "The Grail!" Soidanae shouted. They all ran for the grail, hexing one another along the way. A lavender light hit the grail; the caster was unknown. Nothing happened at first, but then the grail suddenly exploded. A piece of metal grazed Char's face and lodged itself into Ila's eye as everyone else hit the ground. The pieces of the grail then burst into flames, one near Snicket's foot, and another on his back. "The Tournament is over! And the winner is...NO ONE!" Aries announced.
Epilogue coming soon.
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on Sept 2, 2005 18:55:47 GMT -5
Cool chapter. But too bad no one actually got the Grail.
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Post by Celinra on Sept 2, 2005 20:51:47 GMT -5
Hmm... Interesting.
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