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Post by idiotj on Aug 28, 2005 12:36:22 GMT -5
It knocked him down, mangled his arm and then went for his face, but Dupin blasted the sphinx off of PJ. "At least it wasn't my wand arm." Said PJ. "So I can still do SECTUMSEMPRA!" He pointed his wand at the sphinx, despite the fact it was already defeated and rather bloody.
Meanwhile, J, who was unconfident in her ability to perform other spells, was expelliarmussing a sphinx to death. "Expelliarmus!" She knocked the sphinx back. It got up and started charging at her, so she cried "Expelliarmus! Expelliarmus!", slamming it repeatedly against the wall, and then "Osuwari!", making it crash to the ground. "Victory! w00t!" Capt cried. "Why didn't you help me?" J shouted. "Er...sorry, I forgot I existed."
Tyler and Snicket sat against the side of the cave, hiding and waiting. Snicket appeared to be thinking about something. "I won't do it." Snicket muttered, standing up. "What?" Tyler asked. "I won't betray Antenora and the others. I know they'ee on the opposing side, but spying and stealing information is dirty. I won't do it. I can't." "What? Garhg! Jentha! You can't be serious!" Tyler cried. "You can--just say escuchar into the wand and tell them what the hint is when you find it." "Uh, OK." Tyler said. He didn't need Snicket's help; it wasn't anything difficult. "Bye. And good luck, I guess." Moments after Snicket left, Tyler heard the voices of Slytherclaws getting louder as they approached. "So, what was the hint?" PJ asked. Tyler got his wand ready. "A yellow flower." Dupin told him. "Escuchar." Tyler whispered into the wand. "The hint is a yellow flower. A yellow--" Quick as a flash. Luna turned around to Tyler. "Petrificus totalus!" She shouted, petrifying Tyler. Capt quickly grabbed the wand and gave it to Char.
Rellim curses into her wand after calling for Tyler several times. "It went dead." She explained to her teamates. "But I got the hint: a yellow flower." "Yellow flower? Wasn't there a field full of yellow flowers?" Soidanae said. "The grail must be in the field!" Pester exclaimed. "Right. But we need transportation." Akbar suggested.
"I befriended a giant bird." Ila tokd the Slytherclaws as they hung Tyler from a tree. PJ stood back to admire the new adornment. "Great. Can you call it?" "Sure." Ila cupped her hands around her mouth and made a very odd bird call. Soon, the giant bird that had attacked Char, Ila and J came flying into view and landed in front of the Slytherclaws. "That's the bird that attacked us!" Capt exclaimed. "It just didn't like you. It's a good girl, yes it is." Ila cooed, stroking the bird's feathers. Capt looked slightly hurt. The bird spread its wings to allow the Slytherclaws on its back, but only Char, Ila, Luna and Dupin fit. "Can we ride Capt?" PJ asked J. "Nope." She said. "Why not?!" "Daemon taboo touchy thing." She explained, not very helpfully. "Stupid useless daemon! So Dante and I have to walk?" "I'm not going with you. I have to rescue Antenora and Ennui now." Dante said. "So it's just me?" PJ asked, indignantly. "Get a stupid useless daemon. It'll keep you company." Capt replied, before zooming off. "But--but--I'm the one who told you about the field! I'm the one who figured it out! I'm the one who TOLD YOU!" PJ begged the remaining Slytherclaws. "We'll bring you back a flower." Char said as the bird flew away. PJ stared after it for a few seconds and then called for Dante. "I'm coming with you, Dante! Where are you? Dante?" There was no response. PJ looked around. Dante was already gone.
A pile of discarded twigs and other forest bric-a-brac was building up against a tree. Another twig was tossed into the pile. A minute later, an animal bone, and then a large sheet of bark. Minutes prior, a disheveled Snicket had emerged from the shrubery and explained to his peers what had happened. Quickly afterwards, he had begun making portkeys to the field, or at least trying to. After the first unsucessful portkey, Robert declared Snicket's attempts "crap" and went off into the forest to find his own means of transportation. A shedded snakeskin joned the pile as Robert came back a top a centaur, with two smaller ones following next to it. The second centaur said, "Robert told me of your amazing battle with these centaurs. We have been enemy herds for a long time, and to thank you, we will offer you help with your quest by taking you to the field. However, we can only take three more people." "I choose...Not Snicket. All the rest of you can fight over it." Robert announced. The Gryffinpuffs looked around, uncertain of what to do, until Rellim pulled out a handful of grass and offered a piece to the rest of the Huffledors. Once everyone had taken , Rellim let all but one blade of grass fall from her hand. The Huffledors compared the length of their pieces of grass: Akbar, Derik and Alice had the longest.
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Post by PJ on Aug 28, 2005 23:39:46 GMT -5
What about me? I could Sectumsempra someone! Take me with! And excellent work, J.
<<sigh>> I finally finished my filler piece. It's a bit long, but it had to be, for the storyline. The first part may be a bit boring, but meh, that's the way it was meant to be.
Hogwarts Filler Part
Darkness was falling as they walked down to Tyler’s office. There seemed to be a lot of activity going on inside it. They could hear scraping, thumps and hurried footsteps. J. knocked and there was a sudden silence from inside. Then the door opened the tiniest crack and they saw one of Tyler’s eyes peering through it.
“Oh…J….Derik….” he said, opening the door a mite wider. “I’m a little busy at the moment…perhaps you could come back later…?” “Professor, we have some information for you.” J. said. “We can help you defeat the monster.” “What?” Tyler seemed nervous. “I…I really am rather busy at the moment….” J. stepped forwards, and pushed the door open. “We know what it is, and where to find it.” She looked into the room, and saw that the office had been stripped. Two large trunks stood open on the floor, jam-packed with all of Tyler’s possessions. “Are you going somewhere?” Derik asked, his eyes narrowing. “Er…well…yes.” Tyler said, closing his trunks. “Urgent call….unavoidable…got to go…” “What about my towel?” Derik demanded, blocking the doorway. “It is unfortunate…but I’m afraid I can’t help her. Besides, I’m only a teacher…nothing in the job description…didn’t expect…” “You mean you’re running away?” J. asked, disbelievingly. “But…all that stuff you did in your books. You’re a hero!”
“Books can be misleading.” “But you wrote them!” Derik shouted. “My dear boy,” Tyler said. “Use your common sense. I’m a failure. You’ve seen my classes…I am quite useless with a wand. The only thing I’m good at are memory charms.” “So it’s all made up?” J. asked, astonishment showing on her face.” “No, it all happened. Tyler did them all. But he was really ugly, you know? And he couldn’t write at all. He had this weird fetish with fish, too. No one would have read about him.” “So…you’re not Tyler?” Derik asked, hand slowly edging towards his wand. “No, no, no, of course not. My name is Question Mark. You see, I tracked Tyler down, and said I was an author, and that I’d write all about his adventures. Then, when I had written the books, I wiped his memory and took over his life. It’s been quite profitable, actually.”
He locked both his trunks with a tap of his wand and turned back to the pair. “Let’s see.” He said. “I think that’s everything. Yes. Only one thing left.” He pointed his wand straight at the two. “Awfully sorry, but I’ll have to put a Memory Charm on you now. Can’t have you blabbing my secrets all over the place. I’d never sell another book…” J. and Derik pulled their wands out, simultaneously yelled “Expelliarmus!”
Tyler was blasted backwards, and fell over his trunks. His wand flew up so high it hit the ceiling with a loud smack, before Derik caught it and flung it out an open window. “What do you want me to do? I’m of no use to you at all…” “Yes, why are we taking him?” Derik asked. “He’s a coward, and he’ll probably turn on us the first chance he gets.” J. smiled wickedly. “We can use him to distract the creature.” Tyler whimpered.
After a short walk, all three now stood in Moaning Tragedy’s bathroom. “Go away!” Tragedy’s ghost (Tragedy was still alive, so no one knew where the HELL this ghost came from. It just refused to leave. Some suspect it came from some dark and distant future. Others didn’t care. They just avoided him. He was pretty whiny) yelled, sitting in a sink. “We’ve come to kill the monster!” J. announced grandly, and shoved Question Mark towards one of the sinks. “That sink doesn’t work. It never did.” Tragedy said, watching himself in one of the many cracked mirrors. “We know.” Derik said. “This sink is actually a secret passage way.” He tapped the sink with his wand. J. bent over. A tiny pig’s head was scratched into the side of it. “Say something in Oinksmouth.” Derik said, aiming his wand at Question Mark, so he wouldn’t try and escape.
J. made a few strange grunting noises. She stood, and waited. A moment later, there was a grinding noise, and the sink shifted aside, and a large slimy hole was revealed. “You first.” J. said, prodding Question Mark in the back. “What good would it do?” He asked, pleading. J. just grinned and Derik shoved him down. He crawled into it, shuddering slightly. “I’ll go.” J. said, and jumped in, wand held ready, in case the monster was waiting for her. She hoped that, if it was, Question Mark would distract it long enough for her to zap it.
The tunnel was small, and short. After about a meter, she stood. Derik came crawling out after her. “Wow.” He said. They were standing in an elevator. A soft blue light lit it up from a lamp above them, and some lyric-less elevator music emanated from a pair of speakers. “I was, you know, expecting something less….posh.” Derik finally said, after a moment of stunned silence. “You know, like a dark stairway or a filthy pipe, or something.” J. nodded, looking at the console. There were only two options, the top button marked “Ground Floor” and the bottom one marked “Evil lair of creepy monster”. The writing was so small that J. had to crouch down to read it. “That’s us.” She said, pushing the button. The doors they had crawled through slowly shut, and the elevator descended into the bowels of the earth. “Nice décor.” Derik said, admiring a polished wooden panel. After an age, there was a small ping and the doors opened. Derik and J. exited the lift, their wands still pointed at Question Mark. They seemed to be in a dark, slimy cavern. “Lumos.” J. muttered, and her wand lit up the area. “You go first.” She said, pointing her wand at Question Mark, who was blinded by the light. He whimpered and set off. “Remember,” Derik said, “any sign of movement, close your eyes straight away…”
“J., there’s something up there…” Derik said, nervously, grabbing her shoulder. They froze, and stared at the small white thing on the floor ahead of them. “It looks like some sort of bone…” They went closer, and Question Mark sagged with relief. It wasn’t the monster, only a monstrous dirty grey tusk. Derik shuddered, but J. put it in her pocket. Question Mark suddenly tripped, and fell to the floor. He whimpered again, almost crying this time. Derik approached him. “Get up,” Derik said, prodding him with his wand. Question Mark stood, then leapt at Derik, knocking him to the ground. J. raised her wand, but couldn’t use a spell for fear of hitting Derik. The two struggled on the ground until QM grabbed Derik’s wand, kicking him away.
“The adventure ends here!” He said, aiming Derik wand at Harry. Derik moaned, for it had snapped during their brief struggle. “I shall take that tusk back up to the school, tell them I was too late to save the towel, and that you two tragically lost your minds at the sight of its mangled body. Say goodbye to your memories!” He raised Derik’s wand high over his head and yelled, “Obliviate!”
The wand exploded with the force of a small bomb. J. flung her arms up over her head and ran, shielding herself from the rocks that fell from the ceiling. She stumbled through the dust, until everything settled. Then she tentatively wandered back. “Derik!” She shouted. She came to a wall of big rocks and groaned. “I’m here.” Came Derik’s voice from behind the rockfall. “This idiot’s not, though. My wand must have backfired.” There was silence for a few moments. “What now? We can’t get through. It’ll take ages…” He was right. It WOULD take ages. They were wasting time. Colin had already been in the Chamber of Secrets for hours. With a sigh, J. called out to her friend. “I’ll go on ahead, and find Colin. You try and move these rocks. If I’m not back in….say two hours, go back and warn the teachers, or something.”
After about five minutes of walking, the tunnel widened out into a large hall. J. squinted, but it was too dark to see the end of it. Large pig faces had been carved into the side of the wall, and they glared down at her. She shuddered, and continued onwards. After a moment of walking, she had crossed about half the gigantic hall, and the other end was visible by her wand-light. She squinted, when suddenly, the torches on the walls all burst into flames with a roar, illuminating the hall. At the other end of the hall, a giant statue of a short, fat and balding man stood, staring silently at the opposite wall. At the base of the statue, J. saw a small blue thing. “Colin!” J. shouted, sprinting towards him, forgetting the deadly Tuskar that was lurking around her somewhere entirely.
The blue colour of Colin Towel’s skin was unusually pale, as if it had been bleached. “Colin?” J. asked, touching the little towel. He felt cold, and slightly damp. He hadn’t been Petrified, so then he must be…. “He won’t wake.” Said a loud voice. J. jumped and spun around on her knees. A short, blonde boy was leaning against the nearest pillar, watching. He was strangely blurred around the edges, as though J. was looking at him through a misted window. But there was no mistaking him. “Gip?” Gip nodded, not taking his eyes of J.’s face. “What do you mean, he won’t wake.” J. asked, desperately. “He’s still alive, but only just.” Gip said, smiling oddly. “Are you a ghost?” J. asked uncertainly. “A memory,” said Gip quietly. “Preserved in a diary for fifty years.” He pointed towards the floor near the statue’s giant toes. Lying open there was the little black diary Harry had found in Moaning Tragedy’s bathroom.
“It doesn’t matter. You’ve got to help me, Gip. There’s a Tuskar…and Colin needs some help…” Gip didn’t move. He just kept smiling oddly. Something was wrong. J. reached for her wand, but found it missing. Gip was holding it! “Give me my wand back.” Gip shook his head. “You don’t need it.” “What happened to Colin?” J. asked, suspiciously. “My diary. He’s been writing in it for months. He poured all of his secrets into me, and I was able to possess him.” “But Colin can’t even write!” J. said angrily. “None of this makes any sense!” “Well, it all gets cleared up in book six.” Gip said matter-of-factly. “Oh.” “So I’ve been controlling Colin, and made him open the Chamber of Secrets! She set the Serpent of Gruntor on four Mudbloods, and the Squib’s cat.” “Gruntor? Who the hell is he?” “Didn’t you ever wonder where the Tuskar came from? Or who built this place?” J. shrugged. “I guess it wasn’t really important to the plot up until this moment.” She suggested.
“Well, when Hogwarts was founded, the great Gruntor wished to join as well. He is the long-lost fifth founder of Hogwarts! But the others never really let him into their club, you see. So he was cast out of Hogwarts, when it was named after him!” “Hogwarts?” “Yes. He suffered terrible acne. And, as you can see, he looks like a pig.” Gip said, pointing at the statue. “But none of that matters now. What matters is you. I’ve always wanted to meet you, ever since Colin told me about you.”
“Why me?” J. asked, eyeing her wand. “Well, I wanted to talk to you about your fascinating history. How is it that a baby with no extraordinary magical talent managed to defeat the greatest wizard of all time? How did you escape with nothing but a scar, while Lord Viandemort’s powers were destroyed?” “Why do you care about how I escaped? Pig was after your time….”
Gip smiled, and lifted J.’s wand into the air. He wrote the letters “GIP” in shining red letters in the air. Then he waved his wand and the letters turned around, so that the word “PIG” could be read. J. gasped. “I am Pig! The Dark Lord Viandemort! I am the last descendant of Gruntor, and can speak Oinksmouth!” Pig said, grandly. “But back to business. How did you survive my future? HOW?” “Well, Pig, you have some explaining to do yourself. How is it that a schoolgirl who can’t speak Oinksmouth got into the Chamber of Secrets? I just made a few grunting noises, and your doorway opened wide up.” Pig stared at her, a frown on his face. “What? You…you can’t speak Oinksmouth?” “Nope. And I suspect you can’t, either.” Pig shook his head sadly. “No, I was just trying to be cool…” “Are you even descended from Gruntor?” Pig shook his head. “So. You want to know how I beat Viandemort last time?” Pig nodded, unsure of what to say. “Well, when you raised your wand to use the killing curse on me, you forgot one thing.” Pig leaned closer. “You were holding your wand the wrong way around!”
“What?” “You stupid dumbass, you killed yourself! I was laughing for DAYS.” “This can’t be true. You’re lying! What about your scar!” “Felt-tip.” J. said, smudging the lightning bolt on her forehead. “It was pretty funny, tricking all those people. Me and my friends have quite a laugh every time some idiot asks me for an autograph.” “You mock me! I’ll kill you, like I should have done…should do…uh…whatever!” “Speak to me, Gruntor, greatest of the Hogwarts Five.” J. wheeled around, and looked up at the statue. Gruntor’s giant mouth was opening, and something dark was moving within. “Oh-oh.” She said. She closed her eyes, and backed away. Something landed with a loud thump on the floor. “Kill her!” Pig shouted at the Tuskar. It grunted loudly, and charged at her. J. heard a sudden screech, and felt a flutter of wings. “Capt?” She asked, reaching out blindly. Captiosus, who had been up to that point sleeping as a mouse in her pocket, was gone. She heard the squeal of a pig, and opened one eye for a moment. Captiosus, in hawk form, was attacking the Tuskar! It was as big as a car, a large, brownish-reddish swine with enormous tusks.
Capt swooped again, and the Tuskar squealed, and blood splattered the floor. It suddenly turned, and looked straight at J., before she could close her eyes. But it was blind. Capt had poked its eyes out! The pig squealed in agony, as its master shouted to it “No! Leave the bird! Leave it! The girl is behind you! Smell him, and kill him!” The Tuskar turned, blindly swaying its enormous head, sniffing the air with its round nose. J. backed away, looking for a weapon to use. Surprisingly, she found one. On the stone wall a glass case hung. “In event of Tuskar attack, break glass.” It said. “No!” Pig shouted, when he realized what she was doing. J. smashed the glass case with her elbow, and grabbed the silver sword within. She turned and found the Tuskar was charging straight at her. She stabbed forwards blindly with the sword, and felt it pierce something. The sword had gone straight into its brain, though its open mouth. J.’s arm suddenly was stinging. She looked down, and saw a large tusk embedded in it. She groaned, and the Tuskar slumped downwards, pulling the tusk out of her arm. She screamed and fell over backwards, cradling her wounded arm. Captiosus landed beside her, giving her warmth. The tusk seemed to be poisoned, because everything was going blurry, and she was losing consciousness.
The Tuskar blood ran down the blade, black and thick, and mingled with her own. “And so ends the famous Harry Potter,” said Pig’s distant voice. “Alone in the Chamber of Secrets, forsaken by his friends, defeated at last by the Pork Lord he so unwisely challenged.” He laughed evilly. But everything was slowly coming back to focus. J. stood up, dizzily at first, but she stood. “I’m not dead yet.” She announced, before falling over again. She saw her arm, which had, strangely, healed. “Tuskar blood!” Pig said quietly, “Of course…healing powers…I forgot….” He turned to J. and shrugged. “Oh well, I’ll just kill you with your own wand, then.” He said, and raised his wand arm. J. fumbled in her robes, and grabbed the Tuskar tusk she had found before, and stabbed the diary which was conveniently lying next to her, despite the fact that it had been halfway across the hall a few moments ago.
Pig screamed, and ink started to leak from the diary. Pig staggered backwards, screaming and writhing, before fading away. He was gone. J. stood, and staggered over to check on Colin. He shivered slightly, and J. picked him up, and slung him over her shoulder. “I’ll bring you back to Derik, don’t worry.” She said soothingly, as she staggered back down the hall, towards the entrance elevator down the passageway.
After a few minutes’ progress up the dark tunnel, J. ran into Derik. “You’ve got Colin!” He shouted, and the towel leapt over to him, hugging his face tightly. J. smiled, and the room started to go dim. “I think this story is coming to an end…” Derik said, looking around. “Yep, good thing, too. Now PJ won’t have to explain how a little baby managed to fake killing Lord Viandemort, and all those other plot holes.” Derik smiled. “Good riddance. I mean, Tuskar Blood? COME ON!” He said. J. nodded. "At least that was better than PJ's original idea! That one included a magical fungus with healing properties." "Pfff, that's just weird. What'll be come up with next? Flying Potatoes?" He said, before the room went black, and the story ended.
THE END
Epilogue: They had just reached the elevator (Question Mark will be left out, for "plot reasons") when a swarm of flying potatoes came flying out at them. "Take that, Derik!" Boomed the voice of the author from nowhere, before he posted his lame Hogwarts story.
THE Real END
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