Post by Akbar Le Grey on Dec 11, 2005 3:39:46 GMT -5
Editor : Akbar/Le Grey.
Columnists: PJ, Linda, Sixteen, Sora, A., Robert and Jemima.
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PJ’s Rant.
Well, this week, I have come slightly prepared. A conversation over MSN with Dante had given me the idea.
Cereal. Why is it only a breakfast food? Who ever decided that it should be a breakfast food, and nothing more? It’s easy to make, all you need is a bowl, a spoon, some milk and the cereal itself. Done. Easier, even, than toast, because you have to first toast it, then put butter on it, and then whatever other topping you want. And it isn’t nearly as filling.
I’m lazy. So I eat cereal for lunch, quite often, because I can’t be bothered making anything else. But when I tell people this, they just give me strange looks, and tell me I’m weird, as if it's a bad thing. Stupid people.
So, my point for today’s article, would have to be, traditions. Things that have little or no meaning, but still exist anyways, and if one does not conform to them, then you’re an outcast.
Cereal is an example. It’s supposed to only be eaten at breakfast. What’s the point of that? It’s limiting. Another example would be 'thank you'. To be honest, I hardly ever mean it. It’s so battered into me, so forced, that it has absolutely no meaning any more. I just say it because I have to. If it wasn’t part of this culture, then, perhaps then, I would mean it. But now-now it’s dead.
Another would be waiting at the table until everyone has finished eating. Now, I’m not sure about you people, but when I’m done, I usually want to leave, unless I want to talk about something. This may sound cold, but I honestly have better things to do than wait around, watching my parents eat, and obeying some stupid rule. Sure, within reason, it’s fine. If someone wants to talk to you, for instance, or if you're at a restaurant and you want to share the bill. But at a normal family dinner, is it really that important?
Ok, I’m out for the moment. Can’t think of much else. I’ll probably rant about maturity and such next week, or whatever comes along. Bleh.
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Crime Watch
When really cool members Attack
In recent weeks we have been detailing the violent acts of crazed members in this column, Crime Watch. Following the string of impersonations last week as a result of the Christmas themes (of which a Disturbing Discussion Thread was started, making this news reporter feel rather special), this week has seen an other surprising result.
Loyal members have long prepared for a great uprising of the nOObs, taking every opportunity to suppress this anti-grammar movement and protect the forum. But the events of December 6th portrayed a nightmare scene. Reason and Grammar left the forum for the 24 hour period of the theme. really cool members ran rampant, frightened guests were scared off. This reporter thought the time of reckoning, the day of apocalypse, the end of the world (read:forum) as we know it had come before noticing the theme thread. And when she did she began to fear for her safety, the sheer destruction of all spelling and grammatical rules, the carnage of sentences left lying on beaten and bruised on posts, the numbers, OH the numbers. Possibly the most horrible curse of all nOObs, numbered names, was out in full force with many caught in its web of destruction. Thankfully, this situation was averted which goes to prove our readiness in such an outbreak in the future, instilling a sense of hope for the future survival of the forum and the English language.
-A.
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Jemima’s Unadvice Column.
Dear Jemima,
On Monday I forgot to bring my coat to school, and ended up having to walk home in a blizzard of snow and coldness with no coat. What can I do to remind me to bring my coat to school and thus save myself from an early death?
-Linda the human popsicle
Dear Popsicle,
Blizzards are fun! Especially when they hold it upside down for you to show how thick the ice cream is! Oh, wait, that's not the type of blizzard you're talking about.
With snowy blizzards, they're fun too, because you get cold and then you get to drink tons of hot chocolate and have fun warming up under a blanket by the fire. But you're not really fond of the cold, I'm suspecting, so to remind yourself to bring your coat is to either wear it all day or write on your arm in really big letters to remember it.
Now with the coat thing, I'd recommend it, because you won't have to ink your skin and because you'll stay warm all day! This might go with you, because you don't like the cold (like I'm still suspecting).
With the writing ink, you could do this because it's a really big attention getter and you'd see it all day and get tired of it and wash it off after you remember to bring home your coat. The only con with this is that you'd have to write on yourself for forever in order to remember to bring it every day. Or you could just get a tattoo.
Sincerely,
Jem
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Dear Jemima,
It was recently brought to my attention that any city worth mentioning has survived a great fire of some sorts. For example: London, Seattle, Chicago. Unfortunately, my city has yet to experience such a fire. I feel left out and unwanted. Help me, please!
Sincerely,
Suomynona.
Dear something-that-sounds-a-lot-like-Finland-said-in-Finnish,
Do you really want to be charred and scarred and covered with lard to help heal your wounds from a fire? If so, I can solve this easily. Make promotional brochures to promote your town and town's name to make it known. Travel across the world to spread your city's name. Send people the brochures, and heck, even send fire one. If you really want to be burned, include your name in the brochures so fire can burn you.
Ouch! I'm not paying for your medical bills,
Jemmy
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i want to sing at some concert next year, but I'm afraid I suck and that people will laugh or something
from ?
meh, it's only half true.
Dear meh, it's only half true,
How should I know what your voice will sound like? If it's good, you won't suck and you'll do a good job.
If it's bad, people might laugh, and they might not. But if they do laugh, you'll've made it as a comedian! Congrats to that, comedians are a lot better than singers anyway!
Sincerely,
Jemima
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To the diligent and trustworthy unadvice columnist -
It has so happened that, midway this way of life we're all bound upon,
I woke up and found myself in a dread and dark wood,
Where the right road was suddenly lost and gone.
How do I get out of this terrible place? I can see a mountain up ahead, but I'm pretty sure I can make a building out through the trees, quite a way away. There are wild animals prowling about. I need advice, quickly, before they catch me.
Regardlessly,
*torn edge*
Dear *torn edge, let me get some tape for you,*
Catch them. Ride them to civilization. Join circus to show how you trained wild animals. Make money through the circus and make it back to your home. Take the animals with you, they might get lonely and kill people.
Sincerely,
Jemima
P.S. Thank you for calling me diligent and trustworthy. People don't give me that credit I deserve.
P.P.S. If you're lost in the wilderness, how'd you send your letter?
~~~
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send your problems to Jemima.
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And this week's Jemima's How To:[/b]
How to Decorate a Christmas Tree, In the Spirit of Christmas!
[/b] Note: Use these directions at your own risk. The 667er takes no responsibility for the results of these actions.
Step 1a: Chop down a tree with an ax or get a beaver and make it gnaw down the tree for you
Step 1b (optional): Release the beaver back into its wild habitat
Step 2: Take the tree and drag it to your house, through the door, and into the living room or wherever you want to put it
Step 3: Get a rope or Christmas tree.
Step 4: Either kill your savings and buy tons of ornaments and put them on the tree, or just put Christmas lights and tinsel on it
Step 5: If you put the ornaments on, put the lights on with them anyway
Step 6: Get boxes and wrap them in the prettiest wrapping paper you can find and put them under the tree
Step 7: Stand around the tree and sing "O Christmas Tree." How appropriate.
-Jemima.
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Member Interview of the Week
Linda: Welcome to member interview of the week. This week, BSam agreed to be interviewed. BSam, what is your real name? How did you come up with your username?
BSam: Samuel Michael Boddy, BoddySam-->BSam
Linda: Where are you from?
BSam: well, when two people love each other very much, or are at least a bit drunk, this thing happens
Linda: Tell us a bit about yourself. What are some of your interests?
BSam: i like various kinds of music and many other things, my favorite movie is Bad Boy Bubby, and i like lasangne sandwiches
Linda: How would you describe yourself, in terms of your appearance? How would you describe yourself, in ter,ms of your personality?
BSam: ugly, in both cases
Linda: How did you find out about 667?
BSam: i have no idea, it was a while ago now
Linda: Were you ever a lurker?
BSam: i may have been but not for very long, on of my earliest memories (that yule ball iu attended with mamba) was still later than other memories, such as discussing sigur ros with pennyroyal and other such thjihngs
Linda: About how much time do you spend on 667? How important is it in your life?
BSam: i used to spend at least 5 hours a day here, now i've moved out of home it is less, and now i have a job even less again, it is quite important but to a lesser extent than it was
Linda: What sections do you visit the most? What are a few of your favorite threads?
BSam: AARRGGHHH it's the invisible man/bee bee gaaaaaaaaaaaaaa/w3hatever else it was called... the opriginal yule ball, i dunno lkots of threads, the best ones were just one joke mockeries and the like, ussually MMisc, MMod, FFeedback, nCCreativity, DDiscisusion are the 0jnes i frequentthe most
Linda: Do you feel like the majority of the members know who you are? What do you feel your level of popularity is?
BSam: only trhe ones who matter do
Linda: Do you find the members of 667 to be nice people?
BSam: there are a few morons, JayK for one, and a few others, i can't remember them all tho, most of them are nice, some are very nice, Betsy, Analise, Trish, Char, KoyKoy, etc etc
Linda: Is there anything you’d like to tell the members of 667?
BSam: yes
Linda: Do you enjoy having more posts than anyone else in the forum?
BSam: yeah, it makes me feel much more superiiour than everyone else, because that is the only thing about me on the forum that is better than anyone else
Linda: Where are you from?
Linda: Thanks, BSam. Next week, we’ll hear from Skeleton Key.
If you would like to be interviewed, please contact me.
-Linda.
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The 667er Games, by Curio
667 MEMBER SCRAMBLE
Last time we - well, okay I - asked you to unscamble the names of some 667 members. Many of you did, and surprisingly well. Of course, maybe it just seems that way to me, because I'm terrible at the blasted things. But, seriously, thanks everyone for your participation. Congratulations to Dante, Snicketface, and Jemima, who got them all.
Here are the answers:
INNUE - ENNUI
DEANT - DANTE
RENNAOAT - ANTENORA
DRANAOP - PANDORA
ABMS - BSAM
UIDNP - DUPIN
KARAB - AKBAR
CANSECIKETF - SNICKETFACE
EBMRA - AMBER
OCTTEHLRA - CHARLOTTE
RAENILC - CELINRA
DANIEL HANDLER - LINDA RHALDEEN
GTEYARD - TRAGEDY
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CODED MESSAGE
Yup, a code. Again, send your results in a PM to "doom". This one might be difficult, so if some of you are having trouble, I may relent and give clues. I will say, though, it doesn't have to do with math at all.
IO ZITKT! IGV QKT NGX?
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