Post by Hermedy on Jul 13, 2007 7:01:41 GMT -5
Dear Snicket Fans,
On this Friday the Thirteenth, it is with immense pleasure and pride that I present to you the answers to our questions. Congratulations to the ones who wrote winning questions, and thank you to everyone you participated in the brainstorming.
I hope you enjoying reading this as much as I did -- the replies from Daniel Handler made me laugh, smile, and cringe, as expected. But more importantly, they filled me with hope... I think you will agree that it is quite clear that The End was not the end at all.
Please use this thread to discuss the fascinating questionnaire you see below. If you are a 667er, keep up the excellent work. I get the sense that, like the tale of the Baudelaire orphans, the story of 667 Dark Avenue is far from over.
- Tragedy
The Insidious Inquiries
1. Captain Widdershins's personal philosophy was "He who hesitates is lost." What is your personal philosophy? - Libitina
“Never refuse a breath mint.”
2. If you could pose one question to any writer, living or deceased, who would the writer be and what question would you ask? - Sixteen
Vladimir Nabokov; “How in the world did you do it?”
3. By now, you must have noticed the striking similarities between the Baudelaires' imprisonment in the Village of Fowl Devotees and Paris Hilton's current predicament. For example, the Baudelaires and Paris Hilton are both inheritors of enormous fortunes and have ties to internationally recognized hotels. What are your feelings on Paris's dilemma, and would you suggest the use of a pitcher of water, a loaf of bread and a wooden bench? - Misery
I must confess I don’t follow Ms. Hilton’s exploits very closely, but it does strike me that she could use a nonalcoholic beverage, a square meal and a few moments of seated contemplation, which those three props could easily supply.
4. As a consolation to 667 Dark Avenue on its fifth anniversary, what previously unrevealed secret from A Series of Unfortunate Events can you now reveal, even if we might be better off not knowing? - Ben
“A rolling stone gathers moss. A stitch in time doesn’t save nine. The knowledge that you have been a fool hurts just as much, is just as hard to admit to yourself if you are young as when you are old. Every error that people make is repeated over and over again, ad infinitum, ad nauseum, as if they know what they are doing and cannot help themselves. The curtain goes up night after night on the same play, and if the audience weeps, it is because the hero always arrives at the abandoned sawmill in the nick of time, the heroine never gives in to the dictates of her heart and marries the man with the black mustache. There is not only a second chance, there are a thousand chances to speak up, to act bravely for once, to face the fact that sooner or later must be faced. If there is really no more time, it can be faced hurriedly. Otherwise, it can be examined at leisure. The result is in either case the same. Windows that have been nailed shut for years are suddenly pried open, letting air in, letting love in, and hope. Cause is revealed to be, after all, nothing but effect. And the long, slow, dreadful working out of the consequences of any given mistake is arrested the very moment you accept the idea that for you (and for your most beautiful bride, who with garlands is crowned, whose lightness and brightness doth shine in such splendor) there is an end.”
5. You are currently writing a novel about pirates; what new information can you reveal about your latest work? - Emily
I have purchased a very nice map of the San Francisco Bay which will suit my purposes perfectly.
6. Uncle Monty had a superlative collection of snakes. Which snake would you least like to ride on a plane with if it were loose? Which one would you most like to fly with? Do you think having Samuel L. Jackson on the plane would help or hinder you? – Pandora
In my admittedly limited experience, movie stars are scarcely any help in any circumstances whatsoever, whereas a long thick python would cause one’s fellow passengers to shrink back, giving one more room, which is what one always wants on a plane. As to the snake I would least like as a fellow traveller, I believe I’ve already discussed the film industry and its inhabitants sufficiently.
7. Kindly relate one incident that has caused Lemony Snicket to feel as though he must avoid the eye of a camera. - Thistledown
That incident would have to be a poster, illustrated with photographs and captioned “Have You Seen This Man?,” appearing in the public sector.
8. What question do you wish fans would ask you about A Series of Unfortunate Events, and how would you answer it? - Dear Dairy
“Might you explain the way in which the following narrative threads are intertwined?” I would answer evasively but with pleasure.
9. If an apple a day keeps the doctor away then what fruit would best keep away persistent realtors? Would you suggest something heavy like a watermelon or something easy to throw like a grapefruit? - Charlotte
The durian is a fruit produced by a plant pollinated by flies. To attract its pollinators the flowers of the plant smell like rotten meat. You can imagine how dreadful the fruit smells, particularly if ripe and damp. In many countries where the durian is available it is illegal to carry it onto public transportation. I once had a piece of candied durian and it still felt like a zombie meal. I imagine having durians around the house would cause property values to plummet, and realtors would no longer be interested.
10. What new plotlines did Lemony Snicket intend to create based on clues in The Bad Beginning Rare Edition (such as the pirates, the Royal Garden fire, the OFD)? - Antenora
Don’t think of them as plotlines. Think of them as groundwork.
11. What was the darkest hour in the lives of the Baudelaire orphans? Please keep in mind that "darkest" here means "most woeful," not "lacking in light," and hour is not a literal measurement of time in this case. - Philip Jucker
I suspect their most woeful hour is yet to come.
12. After five excruciating years, the 667 Dark Avenue forum can now be described as old, large and stubborn. This is almost never a pleasant combination. Kindly write your own candid review of the message board. - Tragedy
A critic never turns in a review before the drama is over, though he may permit himself a smile as he sips brandy and leafs through the program at intermission.
13. Will information on the sugar bowl, the Great Unknown, what became of the Quagmires, the fate of the Baudelaires, or even the truth behind V.F.D. ever be disclosed, or is it left up to the readers to draw their own conclusions? Do you know all of the answers? - Dupin
If readers draw their own conclusions and speak of such conclusions out loud, then this information will indeed be disclosed; otherwise one might wait for more Snicket books, which would likely contain shrouded answers and further frustrations.
14. If there's nothing out there, then what was that noise? - LemonyFreshr1
Why don’t you step outside and see for yourself? I’ll wait here.
15. Is it rude to bring an uninvited guest to a dinner party? Should you be excused if it's your boyfriend? What if he's dumb? -J
Dumb boyfriends are inexcusable under any circumstances, and this goes triple if he’s an uninvited dinner party guest. However, one cannot counter rudeness with rudeness, so such an event must be faced with a frosty smile and something along the lines of “How charming of you to bring Mickey! I wish we’d expected him, because there’s simply no room at the table. I’m sure we can find a seat for him near the oven. Mickey, come with me. And shall I remind you which end of the fork is for food and which for your hulking grasp?”
16. The V.F.D. disguise kit is filled with a plethora of interesting items. What is your personal disguise of choice, and why? - Gigi/Cybermystery
The easiest and most effective of disguises is formality. No matter the age or occasion, formal dress makes everyone nervous. When I was a young man I had a job playing piano at private parties, which required owning a tuxedo. You wouldn’t believe the buildings I could enter, the favors I could request and the secrets entrusted to me simply because I looked the part of a reputable person.
17. Since the business card that appeared at the end of The Beatrice Letters was not torn in half, I assume Lemony Snicket did rendezvous with his niece. I realize he will not wish to give away too many details of that meeting, but I have to ask; did it go well? I worry about the two of them, and I hope that they are no longer quite so alone in the world. - Phoebonica
You are wise to worry, and I’m afraid that if I tell you the details of their crucial conversation you will stop worrying.
18. If love conquers nearly everything, can literature defeat the rest? - Alice
Oh Alice, all my hopes are pinned to such an idea.
19. You've said you had to change your plan because of the line from The Bad Beginning, "Klaus read through Count Olaf's papers and books." What would have happened differently if you had never written this line, and what were the Baudelaires going to find? - Dante
Early research indicated that the Baudelaires had stopped at Count Olaf’s home on the way to the island, and discovered there, rather than beneath the roots of the apple tree, certain materials described in The End. Further investigation, including the sentence you cited, made it clear that this was most certainly not what could have happened.
20. After all this time, is Lemony Snicket’s pen's name still Alphonse? - Dellagatta
Like me, Mr. Snicket loses pens constantly. A more accurate moniker might be Alphonse XXXVII.
____________________________________________
GRAND PRIZE WINNER: BSam will be sent a hand-written reply from Lemony Snicket.
Dearest Mr. Snicket: - You went though an awful lot in order to bring the terrible plight of the Baudelaire orphans to our attention. What can your loyal fans do to show their appreciation? Would you like a hug? - BSam
Thank you, but I distrust physical embraces from people I don’t know very well. I prefer the aesthetic and ideological embraces I’ve already received from my readers, and can only offer my gratitude, at least until my next bout of research is complete.
On this Friday the Thirteenth, it is with immense pleasure and pride that I present to you the answers to our questions. Congratulations to the ones who wrote winning questions, and thank you to everyone you participated in the brainstorming.
I hope you enjoying reading this as much as I did -- the replies from Daniel Handler made me laugh, smile, and cringe, as expected. But more importantly, they filled me with hope... I think you will agree that it is quite clear that The End was not the end at all.
Please use this thread to discuss the fascinating questionnaire you see below. If you are a 667er, keep up the excellent work. I get the sense that, like the tale of the Baudelaire orphans, the story of 667 Dark Avenue is far from over.
- Tragedy
The Insidious Inquiries
1. Captain Widdershins's personal philosophy was "He who hesitates is lost." What is your personal philosophy? - Libitina
“Never refuse a breath mint.”
2. If you could pose one question to any writer, living or deceased, who would the writer be and what question would you ask? - Sixteen
Vladimir Nabokov; “How in the world did you do it?”
3. By now, you must have noticed the striking similarities between the Baudelaires' imprisonment in the Village of Fowl Devotees and Paris Hilton's current predicament. For example, the Baudelaires and Paris Hilton are both inheritors of enormous fortunes and have ties to internationally recognized hotels. What are your feelings on Paris's dilemma, and would you suggest the use of a pitcher of water, a loaf of bread and a wooden bench? - Misery
I must confess I don’t follow Ms. Hilton’s exploits very closely, but it does strike me that she could use a nonalcoholic beverage, a square meal and a few moments of seated contemplation, which those three props could easily supply.
4. As a consolation to 667 Dark Avenue on its fifth anniversary, what previously unrevealed secret from A Series of Unfortunate Events can you now reveal, even if we might be better off not knowing? - Ben
“A rolling stone gathers moss. A stitch in time doesn’t save nine. The knowledge that you have been a fool hurts just as much, is just as hard to admit to yourself if you are young as when you are old. Every error that people make is repeated over and over again, ad infinitum, ad nauseum, as if they know what they are doing and cannot help themselves. The curtain goes up night after night on the same play, and if the audience weeps, it is because the hero always arrives at the abandoned sawmill in the nick of time, the heroine never gives in to the dictates of her heart and marries the man with the black mustache. There is not only a second chance, there are a thousand chances to speak up, to act bravely for once, to face the fact that sooner or later must be faced. If there is really no more time, it can be faced hurriedly. Otherwise, it can be examined at leisure. The result is in either case the same. Windows that have been nailed shut for years are suddenly pried open, letting air in, letting love in, and hope. Cause is revealed to be, after all, nothing but effect. And the long, slow, dreadful working out of the consequences of any given mistake is arrested the very moment you accept the idea that for you (and for your most beautiful bride, who with garlands is crowned, whose lightness and brightness doth shine in such splendor) there is an end.”
5. You are currently writing a novel about pirates; what new information can you reveal about your latest work? - Emily
I have purchased a very nice map of the San Francisco Bay which will suit my purposes perfectly.
6. Uncle Monty had a superlative collection of snakes. Which snake would you least like to ride on a plane with if it were loose? Which one would you most like to fly with? Do you think having Samuel L. Jackson on the plane would help or hinder you? – Pandora
In my admittedly limited experience, movie stars are scarcely any help in any circumstances whatsoever, whereas a long thick python would cause one’s fellow passengers to shrink back, giving one more room, which is what one always wants on a plane. As to the snake I would least like as a fellow traveller, I believe I’ve already discussed the film industry and its inhabitants sufficiently.
7. Kindly relate one incident that has caused Lemony Snicket to feel as though he must avoid the eye of a camera. - Thistledown
That incident would have to be a poster, illustrated with photographs and captioned “Have You Seen This Man?,” appearing in the public sector.
8. What question do you wish fans would ask you about A Series of Unfortunate Events, and how would you answer it? - Dear Dairy
“Might you explain the way in which the following narrative threads are intertwined?” I would answer evasively but with pleasure.
9. If an apple a day keeps the doctor away then what fruit would best keep away persistent realtors? Would you suggest something heavy like a watermelon or something easy to throw like a grapefruit? - Charlotte
The durian is a fruit produced by a plant pollinated by flies. To attract its pollinators the flowers of the plant smell like rotten meat. You can imagine how dreadful the fruit smells, particularly if ripe and damp. In many countries where the durian is available it is illegal to carry it onto public transportation. I once had a piece of candied durian and it still felt like a zombie meal. I imagine having durians around the house would cause property values to plummet, and realtors would no longer be interested.
10. What new plotlines did Lemony Snicket intend to create based on clues in The Bad Beginning Rare Edition (such as the pirates, the Royal Garden fire, the OFD)? - Antenora
Don’t think of them as plotlines. Think of them as groundwork.
11. What was the darkest hour in the lives of the Baudelaire orphans? Please keep in mind that "darkest" here means "most woeful," not "lacking in light," and hour is not a literal measurement of time in this case. - Philip Jucker
I suspect their most woeful hour is yet to come.
12. After five excruciating years, the 667 Dark Avenue forum can now be described as old, large and stubborn. This is almost never a pleasant combination. Kindly write your own candid review of the message board. - Tragedy
A critic never turns in a review before the drama is over, though he may permit himself a smile as he sips brandy and leafs through the program at intermission.
13. Will information on the sugar bowl, the Great Unknown, what became of the Quagmires, the fate of the Baudelaires, or even the truth behind V.F.D. ever be disclosed, or is it left up to the readers to draw their own conclusions? Do you know all of the answers? - Dupin
If readers draw their own conclusions and speak of such conclusions out loud, then this information will indeed be disclosed; otherwise one might wait for more Snicket books, which would likely contain shrouded answers and further frustrations.
14. If there's nothing out there, then what was that noise? - LemonyFreshr1
Why don’t you step outside and see for yourself? I’ll wait here.
15. Is it rude to bring an uninvited guest to a dinner party? Should you be excused if it's your boyfriend? What if he's dumb? -J
Dumb boyfriends are inexcusable under any circumstances, and this goes triple if he’s an uninvited dinner party guest. However, one cannot counter rudeness with rudeness, so such an event must be faced with a frosty smile and something along the lines of “How charming of you to bring Mickey! I wish we’d expected him, because there’s simply no room at the table. I’m sure we can find a seat for him near the oven. Mickey, come with me. And shall I remind you which end of the fork is for food and which for your hulking grasp?”
16. The V.F.D. disguise kit is filled with a plethora of interesting items. What is your personal disguise of choice, and why? - Gigi/Cybermystery
The easiest and most effective of disguises is formality. No matter the age or occasion, formal dress makes everyone nervous. When I was a young man I had a job playing piano at private parties, which required owning a tuxedo. You wouldn’t believe the buildings I could enter, the favors I could request and the secrets entrusted to me simply because I looked the part of a reputable person.
17. Since the business card that appeared at the end of The Beatrice Letters was not torn in half, I assume Lemony Snicket did rendezvous with his niece. I realize he will not wish to give away too many details of that meeting, but I have to ask; did it go well? I worry about the two of them, and I hope that they are no longer quite so alone in the world. - Phoebonica
You are wise to worry, and I’m afraid that if I tell you the details of their crucial conversation you will stop worrying.
18. If love conquers nearly everything, can literature defeat the rest? - Alice
Oh Alice, all my hopes are pinned to such an idea.
19. You've said you had to change your plan because of the line from The Bad Beginning, "Klaus read through Count Olaf's papers and books." What would have happened differently if you had never written this line, and what were the Baudelaires going to find? - Dante
Early research indicated that the Baudelaires had stopped at Count Olaf’s home on the way to the island, and discovered there, rather than beneath the roots of the apple tree, certain materials described in The End. Further investigation, including the sentence you cited, made it clear that this was most certainly not what could have happened.
20. After all this time, is Lemony Snicket’s pen's name still Alphonse? - Dellagatta
Like me, Mr. Snicket loses pens constantly. A more accurate moniker might be Alphonse XXXVII.
____________________________________________
GRAND PRIZE WINNER: BSam will be sent a hand-written reply from Lemony Snicket.
Dearest Mr. Snicket: - You went though an awful lot in order to bring the terrible plight of the Baudelaire orphans to our attention. What can your loyal fans do to show their appreciation? Would you like a hug? - BSam
Thank you, but I distrust physical embraces from people I don’t know very well. I prefer the aesthetic and ideological embraces I’ve already received from my readers, and can only offer my gratitude, at least until my next bout of research is complete.
