Post by Cafe SalMONAlla on Oct 15, 2013 7:53:38 GMT -5
A Condensed History of Irrigation
By Lemona Snicket
13/7/1990
Word count: 20,000
One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is
Dear Citizens of 667,
I am taking a great risk in hiding a letter to you inside one of my old essays, but I feel sure that even the most melancholy and internet-addicted person will by now have closed this tab and devoted their browsing time to something else. If you are reading this, I can assume that your eyes are used enough to the white on black, and you are someone I can trust.
Several months ago in a café in Ophelia, I made a terrible mistake involving a piece of lemon tart, mistaking what was supposed to be a D in icing sugar for a P, and completely misunderstanding the message I had been set to receive. Indeed, when the waiter returned, I threw my absinthe mousse at him, assuming that he intended to set me on fire. Not only was I kicked out of the café, but my misunderstanding of the message led to my capture by the eighth most notorious villain in the country.
Now that I am imprisoned, this villain has put me into a situation that would, for someone of lesser brain, be a complete setback in life. However, though I am not able to reveal the full terrible details of this hostage predicament, I can tell you that I am now being forced to attend two bookstores in the United States on consecutive days in early November, and that if I do not make arrangements to fly over there, events even more terrible than average will rain down on me.
However, my brain, one that has got me out of more than nine difficult situations in the past, has formed a way to get out of this problematic agreement. I have reliable information that my second-cousin, Mr. Lemony Snicket, will be able to meet me - along with a fairly large group of other people for camouflage – at these two bookstores, and I am certain that he, being a veteran of hostage situations, will be able to help me.
I now have two appointments at bookstores in the U.S., in order to reach out to my dear second-cousin under the pretence of publicity for his latest memoir, and it will be possible for me to smuggle three questions from the citizens of 667 without the knowledge of the man holding me captive. However, more than three would doubtless be discovered. Before October 27, please PM me questions to be passed on to Mr Snicket, and I will select the three most wrong, and endeavour to smuggle back answers to the forum – along with a report of the event - so that you can burn them before they are discovered.
With all due respect,
Lemona Snicket
By Lemona Snicket
13/7/1990
Word count: 20,000
One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is known as irrigation begins with One of the oldest and most uninteresting aspects of what is
Dear Citizens of 667,
I am taking a great risk in hiding a letter to you inside one of my old essays, but I feel sure that even the most melancholy and internet-addicted person will by now have closed this tab and devoted their browsing time to something else. If you are reading this, I can assume that your eyes are used enough to the white on black, and you are someone I can trust.
Several months ago in a café in Ophelia, I made a terrible mistake involving a piece of lemon tart, mistaking what was supposed to be a D in icing sugar for a P, and completely misunderstanding the message I had been set to receive. Indeed, when the waiter returned, I threw my absinthe mousse at him, assuming that he intended to set me on fire. Not only was I kicked out of the café, but my misunderstanding of the message led to my capture by the eighth most notorious villain in the country.
Now that I am imprisoned, this villain has put me into a situation that would, for someone of lesser brain, be a complete setback in life. However, though I am not able to reveal the full terrible details of this hostage predicament, I can tell you that I am now being forced to attend two bookstores in the United States on consecutive days in early November, and that if I do not make arrangements to fly over there, events even more terrible than average will rain down on me.
However, my brain, one that has got me out of more than nine difficult situations in the past, has formed a way to get out of this problematic agreement. I have reliable information that my second-cousin, Mr. Lemony Snicket, will be able to meet me - along with a fairly large group of other people for camouflage – at these two bookstores, and I am certain that he, being a veteran of hostage situations, will be able to help me.
I now have two appointments at bookstores in the U.S., in order to reach out to my dear second-cousin under the pretence of publicity for his latest memoir, and it will be possible for me to smuggle three questions from the citizens of 667 without the knowledge of the man holding me captive. However, more than three would doubtless be discovered. Before October 27, please PM me questions to be passed on to Mr Snicket, and I will select the three most wrong, and endeavour to smuggle back answers to the forum – along with a report of the event - so that you can burn them before they are discovered.
With all due respect,
Lemona Snicket
