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Post by Linda Rhaldeen on Feb 12, 2009 18:42:38 GMT -5
Awesome.
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Post by MasterKlaus247 on Feb 12, 2009 19:10:30 GMT -5
I know, right!
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Post by Shelly on Feb 12, 2009 23:57:57 GMT -5
WOW. Beyond words.
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Post by Dear Dairy on Feb 18, 2009 0:35:15 GMT -5
Truly I am the greatest Sweeney Todd!
That was awesome. I can't wait for the finale. (Actually, I've expected to die in every episode. I'm thrilled to be doing so well!) Will we be fighting one man down, or can Zaid fight in a headless state?
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Post by Charles Vane on Feb 22, 2009 0:01:45 GMT -5
In this story peoples heads magically grow back.
I'm too cool for 667 now but this chapter was pretty good.
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Post by trish on Feb 26, 2009 9:28:07 GMT -5
At least you didn't get eaten by lions a year ago.
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Post by Hermedy on Feb 26, 2009 12:06:54 GMT -5
I'm so excited for the final match!
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Post by Shelly on Feb 27, 2009 16:22:11 GMT -5
Please update? Please?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2009 13:18:13 GMT -5
The Final Match
The Team Squad was sitting around in their locker room. Charlotte was panicking about the match as much as she panics about college, but the rest of the team assured her it would be fine. The put on their uniforms for the final time, and were ready to kick ass. In the other locker room, the Incapacitateds were still shocked they had made it this far. Zaid said a prayer for their safety in the match. Triangle Eyes had made a tasteless abortion comment earlier, so he said a prayer for the unborn babies of the world too. The teams were called out to begin the final match.
“Today’s match will take place in 667 Dark Avenue,” said Tragedy. “Neither Lemony Snicket or Daniel Handler could make it today, so there will be no referee this match. Anything goes.” Then he winked at Charlotte, Pandora and Triangle Eyes. All three vomited. “The match will begin on the count of three. One, two, THREE.”
The team squad began in the Lobby of 667 Dark Avenue. They decided to split up, and fight whoever they could find. Kyle went up the stairs first. He heard some noises when he got to the 15th floor, so he entered the door. Sprawled out on the bed was Dear Dairy, covered in nothing but rose pedals. Kyle stared at her in awe. This was truly his dream woman. She got up and put “Metallica” by Metallica on the turntable that was also in the room. The two started ballroom dancing to Enter Sandman. They twirled around the room, both dancing beautifully. Kyle dipped Dear Dairy, but just then he remembered that they were meant to be fighting. He let her drop to the floor, then slammed his elbow into her face. Then he got back up and stomped on her again and again, until she stopped moving. A single tear fell as he said goodbye to his one true love.
Charlotte was the next to climb up the stairs, but she got hungry when she reached the second floor. Luckily there was a kitchen on that floor, so she put on the “18 and sexy” apron that happened to be there and began cooking. She made a lovely dish that incorporated okra and probably squash or kumquat, whatever the hell Charlotte always talks about. While it was baking she found a box of cookies and ate them all. The smell caught Zaid’s attention, and he wandered into the kitchen. He saw Charlotte, distracted in her search for more junk food, and decided to be a useful team member for once. He picked up a butcher knife, and snuck up behind her, holding it up with an evil grin in that really cliché way they do it. Just as he was about to stab, she turned around. Embarrassed by a male seeing her pigging out, she summoned her strength and picked Zaid up. She shoved him into the giant oven next to her okra dish, and closed the door. She laughed at him stuck in the oven, and smacked her ass at him. Despite being baked alive, Zaid was so angry at this unchristian gesture that he took the knife, and smashed it through the glass, stabbing Charlotte directly in the butt. She fell to the floor, in a pile of cookies and pastries. She couldn’t think of a better way to go.
Pandora climbed the stairs, and made it all the way up to the 52nd floor before noticing Gigi, flexing in front of the mirror. Pandora was filled with rage at the sight of Gigi. A year ago, Pandora had been cheated out of the VFDoor crown, with the help of the now reformed Sixteen. Pandora charged at Gigi, did a flying kick and knocked her against the wall. Pandora was incredibly skilled in the famous Mexican art of cock fighting, which was a form of martial arts. It’s strange that she never used it in the tournament until now, but hey, they’re in the finals. She completely dominated Gigi, who was on the floor bleeding. Pandora was about to do her finishing move, when Sixteen popped out of the wardrobe and held Pandora down. Gigi got up, picked up a statue of Beethoven’s bust, and slammed it down on Pandora’s head. She gave Sixteen his payment, then climbed up the stairs to the Penthouse, awaiting her master, Triangle Eyes.
Willis jogged to the top of the stairs athletically because he is super athletic. He’s also really handsome and smart and funny. Settle down ladies, he’s out of your league. He got to the top to see bloody Gigi and Triangle Eyes, both looking at him. He was afraid of a 2 versus 1 match, so he immediately punched out Gigi. Then, he and Triangle Eyes stared each other down. Their rivalry dated back to when Triangle Eyes created the gag account robotadada and tried to blame Willis for it all. Willis had never forgiven this betrayal. The two circled around the room, gazing angrily at each other. Then they charged for the middle. Willis punched her, the force pushing her wheelchair against the back wall and slamming her head against it. He picked up a giant red herring statue, and was about to throw it at her. Before he could, Triangle Eyes said “Pity about what I had to do to Kyle, isn’t it.” Willis looked at her, unaware of what she was talking about. “Yeah, I had to push him down the elevator shaft. Looks like he won’t be getting up anytime soon.” A single tear fell from Willis’ eye as a montage of moments of Kyle and him entered his mind. The two of them riding a tandem bike, the two of them sharing a plate of spaghetti, the two of them taking a bubble bath. While Willis was lost in thought, Triangle Eyes wheeled past him and tripped him. The red herring crushed him. Triangle Eyes did a victory dance, except she had no feet. “He believe my bluff,” she sang really unpopularly.
Just then, Kyle reached the top of the stairs. He didn’t get up as fast as Willis because he’s not as athletic and also he probably stopped on the way to buy some booze or something. He saw his beloved Willis crushed to death, and a hulk-like rage came over him. He grabbed Triangle Eyes by the wheelchair, wheeled her over to the open elevator shaft, and pushed her down. As she fell, she screamed “Here’s a story about something boring that happened to me at school,” and continued to tell the story. She hit the bottom before she could tell the punchline, which almost definitely wasn’t funny anyways. Tragedy came out of the bathroom in the penthouse naked, and said “The Team Squad are the winners.” Suddenly, all of Kyle’s teammates were unharmed and they were also in the top of the penthouse. They had a dance party with lots of drinks. All the cool members were invited and they all came, and all the uncool members stayed home. They all danced their cares away.
Acknowledgements- Thanks to Tragedy, who was with me every step of the way in this story. Thanks to Pandora, my number 1 fan and my tvbff. You kept this story going with your support Thanks to Kyle and Charlotte, my teammates. You probably don’t read this but you still rock. Thanks to Rellim, my awesome sister. You’re the coolest. Thanks to Fancy, my bff. You rock the party. Thanks to Sixteen. I know you wouldn't really betray us again, that was just a plotpoint. Thanks to Shelly, the ultimate fanfic queen. You are an inspiration to all of us Thanks to anybody who read and/or commented on this story. Each of your comments made my day.
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Post by Hermedy on Mar 8, 2009 13:48:45 GMT -5
I don't even know what to say. This was an EPIC 667fic and I'm sad that it's over. I loved reading every episode, and the finale was amazing.
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Post by Sixteen on Mar 8, 2009 13:59:41 GMT -5
I'm torn between being sad that this is over and delighted at how fantastic it's been.
Great work, bro.
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Post by Hermedy on Mar 8, 2009 14:02:10 GMT -5
I still can't get over how good that was.
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Post by MasterKlaus247 on Mar 8, 2009 14:22:13 GMT -5
Well doesn't that suck.........
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Post by samreen on Mar 8, 2009 15:04:14 GMT -5
That was probably the best thing I've ever read.
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Post by Triangle Eyes on Mar 8, 2009 15:53:36 GMT -5
That was awesome. But how were the Incapacitateds defeated if Zaid was still alive?
I wish I had that extreme, off-road wheelchair that Rellim saw in Paraguay or somewhere. Then I might have survived the fall.
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