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Post by Sapphire on Jan 7, 2005 18:55:33 GMT -5
Sunny: Ookka (What's that thing you have Violet?)! Violet: Oh, you mean this? *holds up a crow (live)* Well, when we lived in the VFD Village, I became friends with this crow. So I decided to keep him as a pet, but I knew you and Klaus wouldn't want me to, so I hid him in my pocket. His name's Trigon. Isn't he cute!? Klaus: Uhh . . . Sure? Violet: Trigon, you're so dirty, I'll give you a bath! *starts licking Trigon* Klaus and Sunny:
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 7, 2005 20:13:30 GMT -5
hahahaha. I'm running out of ideas.... Jerome: I'm joining the debate club! Esme: money is out... Get me a cardboard box this instant!
Justice Strauss: I lied. Justice IS my actual name. And it's also my title. Therefore with my title I may be called Justice Justice Strauss.
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Post by Cassandra's Ruins on Jan 9, 2005 8:34:04 GMT -5
Justice Strauss: I lied. Justice IS my actual name. And it's also my title. Therefore with my title I may be called Justice Justice Strauss. Klaus: Isn't that redundant? Justice Justice Strauss: Re-what now? Okay, that was a pathetic attempt on my part. The adults are always explaining words to people, and Justice Strauss should be the most knowledgable of them. Well, on of them. So...yeah.
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Post by Brian on Jan 9, 2005 13:58:56 GMT -5
We join our heroes at the beginning of Book thirteen, chapter thirteen as they are cornered by Count Olaf.
Olaf: Finally, after months of chasing you around the city and annexed suburbs, you three Baudelaire brats are mine!
Olaf pulls a very long knife out of his coat's inside pocket and advances towards Sunny, who is whimpering.
Olaf: I plan to start by killing the smallest and most annoying Baudelaire brat!
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Aunt Josephine (who has not been seen since The Wide Window) lands a beautiful mid-air kick to the side of Olaf's head. He falls into Lake Lachrymose and is eaten by leeches.
Aunt Josephine turns to the Baudelaires and says, "I'm terribly sorry that I couldn't find you sooner after I fell into the lake. Oh my God, you must be confused! My real name is actually Bess von Krumpledumple and I'm an undercover agent for the CIA. I was sent to investigate the VFD schism, having been given the mission to dispose of Count Olaf."
Violet was confused. "Weren't you eaten by leeches?" she asked.
"My goodness, no!" Aunt Josephine responded, "I fought off the leeches with the CIA's patented 'aquatic pepper spray' and swam fifteen miles to the other side of the lake as the hurricane calmed. You have to be very brave and physically fit fr my job. Anyways, now that my work is done, you can live with me again, where we can go skydiving, deep-sea fishing, mountain climbing, and have hot meals!"
And then Aunt Josephine dies falling off of a mountain into Lake Lachrymose and gets eaten by leeches because she forgot her pepper spray. It was an an accident in no way related to foul play. What an anti-climactic ending.
Sorry, I know it's a little long.
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Post by Sapphire on Jan 9, 2005 16:23:14 GMT -5
I know, a lot of people have done ones similar to this, but I'm running out of ideas:
Count Olaf: Baudelaires, I am your father!
Klaus: Don't you know about copyright laws?
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Post by QuagmireFan on Jan 9, 2005 16:28:36 GMT -5
No, It would be "Baudelaires,I am your either your fourth cousin three times removed or your third cousin four times removed!"
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Post by Brian on Jan 9, 2005 20:27:29 GMT -5
You gotta love Spaceballs.
You know what would be weird? If the Baudelaires meet up with Sir and that "I am your father" "blah blah copyright blah blah" thing happens, except then Sir says, "No, I mean I really am your father" and it turns out that instead of it being cigar smoke covering his face, Sir's head is on fire from the Baudelaire fire and he just never bothered to put it out.
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Post by Sapphire on Jan 10, 2005 19:20:36 GMT -5
You gotta love Spaceballs. You know what would be weird? If the Baudelaires meet up with Sir and that "I am your father" "blah blah copyright blah blah" thing happens, except then Sir says, "No, I mean I really am your father" and it turns out that instead of it being cigar smoke covering his face, Sir's head is on fire from the Baudelaire fire and he just never bothered to put it out. Lol! That is funny! Here's another that I made up: Klaus: Violet! Sunny! Look what I have! *holds up a rock* It's a rock! Isn't it wonderful! And it's grey! Oh, a grey rock! Hooray! A rock!! Ha Ha Ha Ha!! A Rock!! Ha Ha!! *runs away laughing wildly* Violet: Did Klaus get into the cookies again?
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 10, 2005 20:49:38 GMT -5
That rock reminded me of tww....
So after a fit of homesickness the baudelaires decided to go back to their destoroyed mansion for awhile and what did they find still unburnt but the things they had hated most and hidden under their beds: For Klaus the book on the franco prussian war he couldn't read. For Sunny a rock she couldn't bite. For violet her invention that she couldn't make work. Violet: GUYS! GUYS! I made it work! It's a time machine! We can go back in time and stop everything unfortunate from happening! Klaus: <Doesn't pay attention while he continues reading the difficult book> Sunny:<Insists on biting the rock and not listening to violet>
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Post by Abadbeginner224 on Jan 11, 2005 17:48:22 GMT -5
This is the best I can think of:
*Violet*-here sunny, I'm tired of inventing would you like
to bite on my new invention
*Klaus*-or bite my new book
*Sunny*- no thank you
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 11, 2005 20:08:53 GMT -5
Lemony: And so the story lied and Mr. Baudelaire and Jacques Snicket did rise up despite my comment in the slippery slope. I'm sorry, but that is how the story goes.
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Post by MagePRant on Jan 11, 2005 20:36:25 GMT -5
Lemony: I feel... happy!
Violet: (making out with Quigley on the slippery slope) Duncan: (falls out of a plothole) Violet?! I thought you loved me! Violet: O crap. Forgot about that...
Bleah. Horrible. Sorry.
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 12, 2005 20:49:24 GMT -5
Council of Elders person: Hector! Rule # 20,000 clearly states no rescuing orphan murderers from burning Hotel roofs! Hector: Shut up crow-hatted elder! I will do as I please! Elder: <GASP> That's the second time you've talked to me without a trace of skittishness! When you come to your senses and come down to be burnt at the stake boy are you in for-<Hector has flown away>
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Post by Cassandra's Ruins on Jan 12, 2005 23:23:31 GMT -5
Sorry Jaques, my brains insists of playing off of yours...
Random Crow Elder (RCE) #1: Hey, isn't Rule number 205 state that no escaping is allowed? RCE #2: No, no, you've got it all wrong. Rule number 205 says that you can't escape with help, which he clearly did not have. It's Rule number 520 that says no escaping. RCE #3: You're both wrong. Rule number 520 says you can't escape using a submarine in a tidal wave, like X did. Remember X? *collective shudder* RCE #1: So, what rule says you can't escape with no help in an airship? RCE #2: Rule number 20,001! New rule! Call a town meeting!
Okay then...I need some serious help.
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 13, 2005 20:22:26 GMT -5
Wow. I'd feel a lot better if people didn't spell Jacques, Jaques. But I suppose I still have an illusion in my name then...
Olaf: "The ice cream man! Let's go chase after him in our automobile with a flat tire and kindly ask some rich partons near us for some money to buy some pink ice cream sundaes!"
Wow that was ridiculous....
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