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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 5, 2005 21:27:39 GMT -5
Olaf: PROHIBITION OR BUST!
Violet: Mr. Poe, I've invented a cough medicine for you! Mr. Poe: <GASP> It's COUNT OLAF IN DISGUISE! Police: <arrest the right person and put him in a high security prison which they will dutifully guard without making stupid mistakes>
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Post by Cassandra's Ruins on Jan 5, 2005 21:35:26 GMT -5
Olaf: PROHIBITION OR BUST! When I read that, it was so funny I couldn't laugh! (Rather annoything syndrome, happens every so often to me) That's just great! Hmm...running out of ideas...more later.... EDIT: Nevermind, thought of one. As pathetic as it may be. At a meeting of VFD.... L: We've decided that we're going to hire a librarian. K: Hire one? We already have one! We've had quite a few! L: Well, too bad. I'm taking control of VFD, and I don't like any of the librarians. K: You suggested half of them! [Various other members]:Yeah! Hear hear! &tc. L: Fine. Be that way. *goes off to pout* Actually, that could be a plausible conversation between me and my friends. Gotta fly now.
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 5, 2005 21:50:15 GMT -5
What I said was funny? (new concept)
Esme: Perhaps I should leave my boyfriend for my husband....
Lulu: <letter> To my kind friends who I betrayed, I hope the rest of this letter is not destoroyed by the acid in the belly of this beast and by the teeth, but (rest is destroyed)
ARGH, that last one was awful...
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Post by Cassandra's Ruins on Jan 6, 2005 19:27:19 GMT -5
At the editor's office: "To my kind editor,
I have been doing research and found an invention called the telephone. Expect a call soon.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket"
A few minutes later, the phone rings (No, there's no Sebald code). Lemony Snicket's voice: "Yes, hello. I've been doing some more research, and I have just found something called the internet. And e-mail. Expect one soon."
Two minutes later, a ping is heard coming from the computer. The editor opens it up.
"To my kind editor,
I still have been dilligently researching, a phrase which here means 'reading about new technology.' There's something called instant messaging. Expect one soon."
An instant message pops up from Lemony_snicket_for_real_42. (I just made that up).
"To my kind editor,
if you're looking for the next manuscript, you won't find it. I don't have one, the series is finished. Sorry I couldn't get you sooner."
Wow, that was me being very random.
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 6, 2005 20:12:45 GMT -5
Lemony: To my kind editor, For this thirteenth and last book in the series I have at last found a way to send you a letter that is not ripped to shreds, frozen, blotted on with water, or otherwise inconvenienced. I simply etch the message on a refrigerator send to you in a large box. No fire, long fingernails, ocean, or vicious --------------------- in which I was once hiding could possibly interrupt the message I need to send you. <insert rest of editor letter on refrigerator here>
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Post by Sapphire on Jan 6, 2005 20:55:39 GMT -5
Okay, I thought of one, although it's not that funny.
Violet: Klaus! Sunny! Come look! Klaus: What is it? Violet: *sitting at computer* *points to screen* Look, I found this website called 667 Dark Avenue. And it's all about us! And there's this thread called "Things ASOUE characters would never say" and they're talking about us! Klaus and Sunny: Oooooo! *begins reading*
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 6, 2005 20:59:29 GMT -5
I could keep going off of that but that would be stealing.
Klaus: I HATE OLAF! Violet invent me some sort of knife! Violet: There there Klaus. Why should I invent a knife when I could invent violent video games for you? Sunny: Play!
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Post by Who wants to know? on Jan 6, 2005 21:00:52 GMT -5
lol! heres mine, now that all the sugar i have in my sytem is mostly out . . . (two cans of coke, and a bag of marshmellows baby!!!)
Count Olaf: Kids, I hate to tell you this, but I am your real/Biological father. Y'all are my love children.
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 6, 2005 21:03:18 GMT -5
Olaf: Here children have a present. <hands baudelaires a sugarbowl filled with candy> Bauds: Where's the real sugarbowl? Lemony: <steals sugarbowl from Olaf> Right here. Olaf: WHAT?!?! I've been stolen from?! <nervous breakdown> Esme: Didn't I TELL YOU HOW TO AVOID SUGARBOWL THEFT? <smacks Olaf>
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Post by Sapphire on Jan 6, 2005 21:14:47 GMT -5
Here's a really random one:
Violet: I'm gonna go out with my vaccum! Klaus: Why? Violet: Because he doesn't tell stupid jokes like Quigley! Quigley: Hey, Violet! Wanna get married? Violet: Okay, after my date we can!
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 6, 2005 21:28:44 GMT -5
That might actually be something she'd do. hehehe. Klaus: Violet, please invent a laser eye surgery device. I'm getting tired of these glasses. Violet: Sure! Then you can look just like you looked in that movie all about us because the filmmakers and such people were too stupid to give you glasses! Sunny: EYE!/AYE!
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Post by ChaChingVirdigo on Jan 6, 2005 21:29:47 GMT -5
Violet: I LOVE COUNT OLAF! OMG!
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Post by Sapphire on Jan 6, 2005 21:33:18 GMT -5
Another random one:
Violet: *singing* Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea . . . Klaus: Who wants tofu waffles?! Violet: Ooooo! Gimmie! Klaus: *gives Violet waffles* Violet: Yummy!
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Post by Cassandra's Ruins on Jan 6, 2005 21:53:20 GMT -5
Okay, I thought of one, although it's not that funny. Violet: Klaus! Sunny! Come look! Klaus: What is it? Violet: *sitting at computer* *points to screen* Look, I found this website called 667 Dark Avenue. And it's all about us! And there's this thread called "Things ASOUE characters would never say" and they're talking about us! Klaus and Sunny: Oooooo! *begins reading* Sorry, I must play off it. Still reading this thread... Klaus: I would so say that! I mean, come on! Violet: Yeah, and this one? Of course I'd say that! Sunny: Ack-cha! (Yes, see that? I'd say that!)
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Post by Jacques the Environmentalist on Jan 6, 2005 22:02:44 GMT -5
Sunny: compy! Klaus: Sunny's right violet you've invented the perfect computer! It's got it all, 1 mb hardrive, and an incredible intel junkium processor that works at a whole 2 megahurtz! Violet: <curtsies>
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