Post by ElizabethElfleda on Mar 2, 2004 19:03:30 GMT -5
This is a super long post, but I couldn't figure out how to make sense without it being so long.
The way I see it is, if somethings going to happen, you've got to make ot happen, you can't leave it up to "fate" or whatever you'd like to call it, and I feel proud because everything I've achieved I've achieved by myself, not with the help of so called "god". No offence meant to those of you who are believers, but that's my oppinion.
Took the words right outta my mouth. Following this, Celinra, I admire the way you hold to what you belive. I may not agree with you but it's always good to see some one who stands up for something.
Now for my take on the matter. I have a deep and abiding hatred for Christianity. Not the people. The organized religion. I'm not proud of this. It took me a long time to realize I felt this way, a longer while to realize I was aiming my hatred at the wrong thing and even longer still to see I was wrong, period. I sometimes feel I'm over this and then some innocent passer-by will ask me if I've been saved and it takes all I have not to go rabid.
I was raised in a extremely religious home. I was not taught from birth that if someone did not attend my church, they were bad and I wasn't to associate with them. We celebrated no holidays, my mother would point out that they were all pagan based and therefore unsuitable for our family. I was not permitted to cut my hair, wear anything but skirts and dress, wear jewlery, makeup or listen to the radio. No tv's were allowed in our house. I was home schooled because my mother feared I would be adversely influnced by my peers. I had no friends other than those in my church. One day I was told that if a woman was ever raped or molested, it was her fault, no matter what. She did something to tempt the man. Woman was made for man, and that was it.
All I heard for 17 years was how good God was in his infinite mercy to love a scumbag like me. How I was going to hell, to burn forever if I didn't surrender my every whim and desire to His capable hands. I was told the people in my church would love me no matter what, they were my family and that's what they were there for, to support me.
When I was 17 I finally woke up and realized I was living in the middle of a lie. I left. My mother refused any contact with me. My brother wouldn't speak to me. I wasn't allowed in their home. Almost every adult with children in that church refused to let me speak to their children, unless under supervision. Since up until that point I had no other life and knew nothing else, my world crumbled. My grandmother, the only family member I trusted, didn't go to this church and I moved in with her. Six months later, she died. I started taking drugs, drinking heavily, I shaved my head as a sign to myself that I was going to start again, from scratch this time. To say I had a warped sense of things would be an understatement. It was like letting a goldfish loose in a tank of sharks.
Through all this I was a ball of seething hatred, for myself, my family, god, everything. I finally met a wonderful caring family who took me in and treated me like one of their own. This family didn't go to church. This family didn't talk about god, they didn't even say "I love you" to each other. They didn't have to. It shone out through everything they did. Slowly I came to peace with my past. I began devouring any and all materials I could find dealing with religion, no matter what kind. I read books on Satanisim, Islam, Catholicisim, Wicca, Buddah. Nothing fit. Nothing was right.
I'm still searching. I still have to breathe slowly when someone tries to "witness" to me. I have a cynical view on everything religious. I do belive in a God. A Supreme Being. I see no reason not to. There is a something that made the chaos of an empty void suddenly come to life. I have learned that religion is, for some, the best thing that could ever happen to them. It means hope where some people have nothing. I just know what a terrible experience I had with religion and never want to impose on someone else the same way. Live and let live.
embah said:
I believe more in reality and less in faith.The way I see it is, if somethings going to happen, you've got to make ot happen, you can't leave it up to "fate" or whatever you'd like to call it, and I feel proud because everything I've achieved I've achieved by myself, not with the help of so called "god". No offence meant to those of you who are believers, but that's my oppinion.
Took the words right outta my mouth. Following this, Celinra, I admire the way you hold to what you belive. I may not agree with you but it's always good to see some one who stands up for something.
Now for my take on the matter. I have a deep and abiding hatred for Christianity. Not the people. The organized religion. I'm not proud of this. It took me a long time to realize I felt this way, a longer while to realize I was aiming my hatred at the wrong thing and even longer still to see I was wrong, period. I sometimes feel I'm over this and then some innocent passer-by will ask me if I've been saved and it takes all I have not to go rabid.
I was raised in a extremely religious home. I was not taught from birth that if someone did not attend my church, they were bad and I wasn't to associate with them. We celebrated no holidays, my mother would point out that they were all pagan based and therefore unsuitable for our family. I was not permitted to cut my hair, wear anything but skirts and dress, wear jewlery, makeup or listen to the radio. No tv's were allowed in our house. I was home schooled because my mother feared I would be adversely influnced by my peers. I had no friends other than those in my church. One day I was told that if a woman was ever raped or molested, it was her fault, no matter what. She did something to tempt the man. Woman was made for man, and that was it.
All I heard for 17 years was how good God was in his infinite mercy to love a scumbag like me. How I was going to hell, to burn forever if I didn't surrender my every whim and desire to His capable hands. I was told the people in my church would love me no matter what, they were my family and that's what they were there for, to support me.
When I was 17 I finally woke up and realized I was living in the middle of a lie. I left. My mother refused any contact with me. My brother wouldn't speak to me. I wasn't allowed in their home. Almost every adult with children in that church refused to let me speak to their children, unless under supervision. Since up until that point I had no other life and knew nothing else, my world crumbled. My grandmother, the only family member I trusted, didn't go to this church and I moved in with her. Six months later, she died. I started taking drugs, drinking heavily, I shaved my head as a sign to myself that I was going to start again, from scratch this time. To say I had a warped sense of things would be an understatement. It was like letting a goldfish loose in a tank of sharks.
Through all this I was a ball of seething hatred, for myself, my family, god, everything. I finally met a wonderful caring family who took me in and treated me like one of their own. This family didn't go to church. This family didn't talk about god, they didn't even say "I love you" to each other. They didn't have to. It shone out through everything they did. Slowly I came to peace with my past. I began devouring any and all materials I could find dealing with religion, no matter what kind. I read books on Satanisim, Islam, Catholicisim, Wicca, Buddah. Nothing fit. Nothing was right.
I'm still searching. I still have to breathe slowly when someone tries to "witness" to me. I have a cynical view on everything religious. I do belive in a God. A Supreme Being. I see no reason not to. There is a something that made the chaos of an empty void suddenly come to life. I have learned that religion is, for some, the best thing that could ever happen to them. It means hope where some people have nothing. I just know what a terrible experience I had with religion and never want to impose on someone else the same way. Live and let live.