Script Fragments Index (14 as of 30th June 2016)
May 31, 2016 12:36:24 GMT -5
Cafe SalMONAlla, Charlie, and 4 more like this
Post by Dante on May 31, 2016 12:36:24 GMT -5
Rather than having these scattered about between two different threads, neither of them dedicated to the subject, I thought it was about time we had a central resource for the script fragments Daniel Handler has been sending out to members of his book club as part of their membership packages. I will try to keep this updated with links to the original post in which the excerpt was photographed or transcribed, with supplements where the original images are no longer accessible, and with transcripts contained on this page.
Thanks go to Antenora, gliquey, Linda Rhaldeen, Terry Craig, anyone else who has transcribed a script excerpt used in this thread, and especially to those who have posted their script excerpts. Please bring to my attention any script excerpts I have missed so that they can be added to this post.
The following are arranged in speculative order of their original position in the episode script. (Note that some are possible to definitely determine by scene number, while others are debateable.)
Episode 1:
"Edgar and Albert" (Source)
INT. POE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT 18
The Baudelaires sit stricken and silent at a cramped table in a busy family kitchen that needs a remodel. They're flanked by the Poe offspring: EDGAR is pale and gaunt, probably a poet or at least a big fan of the Smiths, and ALBERT is a loud all-American athlete, maybe wearing a helmet.
"Eleanora" (Source)
Mrs. Poe sits down opposite her husband and pulls out a NEWSPAPER.
She unfolds it and we see it's The Daily Punctilio, with the headline BAUDELAIRE MANSION DESTROYED. The Baudelaires sit stunned.
"Blanched" (Source)
Klaus answers automatically.
"Closest living relative" (Source)
"Doorbell" (Source, Source 2)
Mr. Poe has just rung the doorbell.
The Baudelaires are looking up at the tower.
Mr. Poe rings the doorbell again.
"Hello, hello, hello" (Source 1, Source 2, Source 3)
intonations.
Finally, the door swings open.
EXT. COUNT OLAF'S HOUSE - ENTRYWAY - DAY 29
The camera moves from the grimy, eye-decorated floor to a pair of raggedy shoes to a tattoo of an eye - or is it three initials? - on a dirty ankle, up the tattered once-elegant clothing to the one-eyebrowed face of Count Olaf, staring hungrily down at the children. He's a quintessential villain, too ridiculous to be truly terrifying but also too terrifying to be truly ridiculous.
Episode 2:
"Justice" (Source)
his collection of BAUDELAIRE ESOTERICA into a suitcase.
There's a furious POUNDING on the door. Mr. Snicket quickly grabs the suitcase and hops out the window. Onto the next destination...
INT. JUSTICE STRAUSS'S HOUSE - LIBRARY - NIGHT 81
Justice Strauss, looking melancholy, is tidying up the library. She picks up her copy of Adoption Law & You. Reflects sadly on what might have been...
"Justice 2" (Source)
She shelves it. As she does, she spots The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations, still half-sticking out.
"Father" (Source 1, Source 2)
On the Baudelaires, who don't see this as a good thing.
EXT. RUINS OF BAUDELAIRE MANSION – NIGHT 83
Mr. Poe's car drives by the Baudelaires' destroyed home, and a newspaper blows in front of the camera: The Daily Punctilio: EXCITING NIGHT AT THEATER, ORPHANS RESCUED.
INT. FORTRESS CELL – NIGHT 84
CLOSE ON: the same newspaper, now being slid under the heavy door of a fortress-like prison cell. FATHER picks it up.
"Jacquelyn" (Source)
ASOUE - EP. 102 - Double Green Pages - 04/21/16
INT. TUNNEL INTERSECTION- NIGHT 85
Jacquelyn is at the tunnel intersection, speaking into a WALKIE-TALKIE.
"Dart" (Source)
Something whistles through the air to land in his neck.
He pulls it out to discover:
A FEATHERED DART.
"Gustav" (Source)
Gustav knows this is the end for him. One last urgent code:
Then -- SPLASH! He falls face-first into the pond. The WALKIE-TALKIE clatters to the ground and we hear a staticky voice.
One lone bubble pops to the surface.
Unknown:
"Cont'd" (Source)
"Grappling hook" (Source)
Thanks go to Antenora, gliquey, Linda Rhaldeen, Terry Craig, anyone else who has transcribed a script excerpt used in this thread, and especially to those who have posted their script excerpts. Please bring to my attention any script excerpts I have missed so that they can be added to this post.
The following are arranged in speculative order of their original position in the episode script. (Note that some are possible to definitely determine by scene number, while others are debateable.)
Episode 1:
"Edgar and Albert" (Source)
with my family. That’s not so bad, is it Baudelaires? I'm sure you'll be fast friends with Edgar and Albert.
INT. POE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT 18
The Baudelaires sit stricken and silent at a cramped table in a busy family kitchen that needs a remodel. They're flanked by the Poe offspring: EDGAR is pale and gaunt, probably a poet or at least a big fan of the Smiths, and ALBERT is a loud all-American athlete, maybe wearing a helmet.
EDGAR
It's a raven.
"Eleanora" (Source)
Mrs. Poe sits down opposite her husband and pulls out a NEWSPAPER.
ELEANORA POE (CONT'D)
But, honey, look!
She unfolds it and we see it's The Daily Punctilio, with the headline BAUDELAIRE MANSION DESTROYED. The Baudelaires sit stunned.
MR. POE
Dearest, maybe not in front of the children--
(CONTINUED)
"Blanched" (Source)
ALBERT
What does blanched mean?
EDGAR
It means to go pale, with horror.
Klaus answers automatically.
KLAUS
It means boiled.
ALBERT
Nobody asked you.
MR. POE
Now, now, son.
ELEANORA POE
No, my darling Albert is right.
Nobody asked the Baudelaires.
"Closest living relative" (Source)
specific about your being raised by
the closest living relative.
the closest living relative.
KLAUS
That's not usually what "closest living relative" means.
VIOLET
If he lives so close by, why didn't
our parents ever invite him over?
our parents ever invite him over?
MR. POE
Possibly because he was very busy.
As a banker, I'm very busy myself.
That's why this guardian drop-off
will be a bit hasty. "Hasty" means
(MORE)
As a banker, I'm very busy myself.
That's why this guardian drop-off
will be a bit hasty. "Hasty" means
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
"Doorbell" (Source, Source 2)
Mr. Poe has just rung the doorbell.
MR. POE
That's strange. He said
specifically he was waiting very
eagerly to get his hands on you.
specifically he was waiting very
eagerly to get his hands on you.
The Baudelaires are looking up at the tower.
VIOLET
I think there's someone up there.
Mr. Poe rings the doorbell again.
"Hello, hello, hello" (Source 1, Source 2, Source 3)
intonations.
COUNT OLAF
Hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello, hello. Hello. Hello! Hello?
Finally, the door swings open.
EXT. COUNT OLAF'S HOUSE - ENTRYWAY - DAY 29
The camera moves from the grimy, eye-decorated floor to a pair of raggedy shoes to a tattoo of an eye - or is it three initials? - on a dirty ankle, up the tattered once-elegant clothing to the one-eyebrowed face of Count Olaf, staring hungrily down at the children. He's a quintessential villain, too ridiculous to be truly terrifying but also too terrifying to be truly ridiculous.
COUNT OLAF
Hello, hello, hello, children. I am Count Olaf, the renowned actor and your new guardian. You're
Episode 2:
"Justice" (Source)
his collection of BAUDELAIRE ESOTERICA into a suitcase.
LEMONY SNICKET
Some things in life are difficult
to understand, even after years and
years of thinking about them while
wandering alone through desolate
landscapes usually during the off-
season.
to understand, even after years and
years of thinking about them while
wandering alone through desolate
landscapes usually during the off-
season.
There's a furious POUNDING on the door. Mr. Snicket quickly grabs the suitcase and hops out the window. Onto the next destination...
INT. JUSTICE STRAUSS'S HOUSE - LIBRARY - NIGHT 81
Justice Strauss, looking melancholy, is tidying up the library. She picks up her copy of Adoption Law & You. Reflects sadly on what might have been...
LEMONY SNICKET (V.O.)
"Justice 2" (Source)
LEMONY SNICKET (V.O.)
The Baudelaires did not understand
why they were now off toward an
unknown relative, instead of living
with Justice Strauss.
why they were now off toward an
unknown relative, instead of living
with Justice Strauss.
She shelves it. As she does, she spots The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations, still half-sticking out.
LEMONY SNICKET (V.O.)
But as with so many unfortunate
events in life, just because you
don't understand it doesn't mean it
isn't so.
events in life, just because you
don't understand it doesn't mean it
isn't so.
(CONTINUED)
"Father" (Source 1, Source 2)
On the Baudelaires, who don't see this as a good thing.
LEMONY SNICKET (V. O.)
It seemed to the children that they
were moving in an aberrant-- a
word which here means "very, very
wrong, and causing much grief"
-- direction.
were moving in an aberrant-- a
word which here means "very, very
wrong, and causing much grief"
-- direction.
EXT. RUINS OF BAUDELAIRE MANSION – NIGHT 83
Mr. Poe's car drives by the Baudelaires' destroyed home, and a newspaper blows in front of the camera: The Daily Punctilio: EXCITING NIGHT AT THEATER, ORPHANS RESCUED.
INT. FORTRESS CELL – NIGHT 84
CLOSE ON: the same newspaper, now being slid under the heavy door of a fortress-like prison cell. FATHER picks it up.
"Jacquelyn" (Source)
ASOUE - EP. 102 - Double Green Pages - 04/21/16
INT. TUNNEL INTERSECTION- NIGHT 85
Jacquelyn is at the tunnel intersection, speaking into a WALKIE-TALKIE.
JACQUELYN
Gustav, have the Baudelaires
arrived at Dr. Montgomery's? Repeat: Have the Baudelaires
arrived at Dr. Montgomery's?
EXT. EDGE OF A POND – NIGHT 86
GUSTAV is standing by the side of a pond with a WALKIE-TALKIE at his ear.
arrived at Dr. Montgomery's? Repeat: Have the Baudelaires
arrived at Dr. Montgomery's?
EXT. EDGE OF A POND – NIGHT 86
GUSTAV is standing by the side of a pond with a WALKIE-TALKIE at his ear.
"Dart" (Source)
Not yet. But I am literally
standing at the edge of a pond.
standing at the edge of a pond.
Something whistles through the air to land in his neck.
GUSTAV (CONT'D)
Ow!
He pulls it out to discover:
A FEATHERED DART.
JACQUELYN (O.S.)
I have a lead on our missing
parents. They're alive, but
they've been taken to--
parents. They're alive, but
they've been taken to--
ALT: I have a lead on Olaf. Tell
Dr. Montgomery to beware of
strangers dressed as--
Dr. Montgomery to beware of
strangers dressed as--
"Gustav" (Source)
Gustav knows this is the end for him. One last urgent code:
GUSTAV
The world is quiet here.
Then -- SPLASH! He falls face-first into the pond. The WALKIE-TALKIE clatters to the ground and we hear a staticky voice.
JACQUELYN (O. S.)
Hello? Hello?
One lone bubble pops to the surface.
END OF EPISODE
Unknown:
"Cont'd" (Source)
(CONT'D)
"Grappling hook" (Source)
MOTHER (CONT'D)
Grappling hook.
FATHER
Where'd you learn that one?
MOTHER
(proudly)
As if you don't know.
It's been over a month...
