Dante said:
Last Words of Dante RubensAnd so, as the third and final day of our festivities draws to a close, the time has come to reflect on our triumphs and our disappointments. Went the day well? Or was it a disaster? I have no idea; as you would expect with a will, these words were written in advance. I hope you weren’t expecting me to spring out of my coffin like a jack-in-the-box, for none of this is any of my business anymore. But as I possess the will to plot these events months ahead of time, and arrange proceedings to be conducted like clockwork, I possess also the ambition that my final contribution to 667 should be a successful one – devilries, deceptions, and all.
And what harmless devilries they were, in the end! The awards come but once a year, after all, and it would be inconsistent with your interpretation of my character for me not to be a stickler for the rules. For the record, let us raise once the curtain and reveal my:
13 DECEPTIONSDECEPTION THE FIRST: The presenter for “Most Notorious” was forbidden from naming the award. It was
censored.
DECEPTION THE SECOND: 667 Dark Avenue received zero votes for “Most Compassionate” despite its members being so voted. It was
contradicted.
DECEPTION THE THIRD: The presenter for “Best Writing” was given the results in the form of a puzzle. It had to be
deduced.
DECEPTION THE FOURTH: One of the nominees for “Best Pairing” is the sockpuppet of another. It was
defrauded.
DECEPTION THE FIFTH: “Ghastliest Gamer” can never be awarded again. It will
disappear.
DECEPTION THE SIXTH: I can no longer contribute to my winning “Best Thread”. It has been
disowned.
DECEPTION THE SEVENTH: The winner of “Best New Member” can never again win that award. That person has been
disqualified.
DECEPTION THE EIGHTH: The presenter for “Best Profile Decoration” was given the opportunity to alter the result if they succeeded at a game. It has been
gambled.
DECEPTION THE NINTH: The presenter of the “Linda Rhaldeen Award for Most Valued Poster” refused to use their true identity. That person has been
humbled.
DECEPTION THE TENTH: The presenter of “Best Organiser” was instructed to present it as “Worst Disorganiser”. It has been
inverted.
DECEPTION THE ELEVENTH: The winner of the “Dante Award for Best Volunteer” was selected in advance. Their victory was
mandated.
DECEPTION THE TWELFTH: The presenter of “Most Amusing” was instructed to deliver the result in the form of a joke. It has been
parodied.
DECEPTION THE THIRTEENTH: The presenter of “Best Artist” was given results which had been modified. They had been
vandalised.
You will forgive my little joke. I hope you enjoyed playing one final game with me.
And with that said, I hope you won’t begrudge me one last rambling screed, before the end. Many of you know me, or think you do; and what I should like for you to have incorporated into your construction of my character is that I value the truth. I even tell it, most of the time. But what I rarely told the truth about was myself. Now, after so many years, the time has come to untie my silence knot, and be open.
Many years ago, I was lonely and full of theories. Perhaps some of you can relate. And it so happened that I discovered a place where such people were fostered and encouraged. 667 Dark Avenue! Ah, those were great and golden days, that golden age which lies beyond the ultimate schism dividing past and present forever; their loss is a wound in me, a phantom limb. Such a wealth of people to discuss with, reflect with, contend with, bond with, tell stories with; I met the person I love here, and I will always be grateful. The theories were all wrong, of course, but it was hard not for them to be, grappling with that formless and protean elephant which slipped and changed in our blind hands. It didn’t matter. I was home.
And yet those memories are poisoned by years of unearned hostility, and if you have ever wondered that I appear remote and severe, you should recall that people are what they are made. I learnt early never to regard 667 as a true refuge, though I would have cherished one when labouring under potentially mortal diseases and dark states of mind. In early drafts I reserved harsher words for this place which has wronged me; but it would be unfair to burden you with them, when most of those responsible are now, like myself, no longer with us. Let it only be remembered: I loved being here. I hated being here.
You see, just because you don’t leave home, doesn’t mean home won’t leave you. The world twists on its way, and we twist with it, bent within the spiral of time; a whirlpool drawing inwards and downwards. There is no hope of returning to the world which lies behind us. But there is always a new world to be reached, one that lies beyond hope; a shape the future may take, which change alone can shape us for, whether that change is to grow or shrink, meet or part, step forward into the limelight or bow out into the shadows.
I, too, now take my last bow as Dante Rubens, to immerse myself like the Baudelaires in the Great Unknown from whence I came. But I descend into the underworld knowing I succeeded in that which I set out to do. During my stay at 667 Dark Avenue, I have been at one time or another at the forefront of everything. I rose swiftly to a position of power, and held an even keel. I researched, I theorised, I archived, organised, wrote, drew, conspired, staged, and conversed. Love me, hate me, experience complete indifference to me – I
was 667! And it’s for that reason that I am hereby presenting to myself the hidden fourteenth 667 award, the
Award for Lifetime Service. Bad luck Hermedy, maybe next year!
And that is all! Thus draws to a close the epilogue, the fourteenth 667 Dark Avenue Awards. I hope everyone’s had fun, and be sure to come back next year for the Sherry Annuals!
Last regards,
Dante Rubens
a.k.a.
FFWF
a.k.a.
Dr. Burns
