The Official Dante Awards Ceremony

[Christmas Chief]

Dante said:

April 1st, 2021, and the annual 667 awards are in full swing! Gaggles of newbies gossip in hushed voices in the halls; veteran members stalk about with a supercilious air despite having been first to cast their votes; private messages whisk back and forth, and mysterious arrangements are put into play, or are at least speculated to be so, behind the scenes. And everywhere there is a hush of bated breath, as everyone waits to see what strange and idiosyncratic twists that the host, organiser, moderator, winner of the most awards, long-time member and all-round rotten egg Dante Rubens had been plotting for his first-ever awards ceremony, and the first community event under his supervision in years. Hadn’t he promised that 667 would never be the same once he was done?

Regrettably, the celebrations are briefly interrupted by an unfortunate event. Dante Rubens has been found dead in his locked tower room, surrounded by his unread manuscripts.

Normally, a detective would be called to solve this poorly-timed mystery. However, with Dante dead there is no longer any member of 667 qualified to take on such a case. And so, with their usual unflappable good cheer, the 667ers decide to go on with the awards regardless and simply combine Dante’s awards ceremony with his funeral. In chattering black they file into the capacious hall set aside for the event, bedecked in the traditional 667 colours of funereal pinstripes and garish gold, queueing up at the buffet tables arranged for the wake. One by one they pass the closed casket, some in silence, some uttering a few words: “I wonder if there’s anything to be learned from this.” “Here’s one last theory for you; I know you would have hated it.” “I can’t believe Daniel Handler is dead!”

Suddenly, the lights dim. A toast is announced. The author reserves the right to declare that the assembled raise a glass in sincere and respectful homage to Dante and his legacy, before casting them en masse to shatter in the fireplace. Then, spotlights whirl and centre on the stage. The curtains part. Nobody is at the podium. After some moments of awkward silence, someone gets up and retrieves the typewritten sheets nailed to the lectern, and reads out the following:

Greetings, ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary nobles. It is I, your erstwhile host and current ghost, Dante Rubens, welcoming you to the reading of my last will and testament. Being of sound mind, I regret to have broken with the tradition of providing a video will for such circumstances, but the written word has always better expressed my will.

Welcome, then, all you sin-eaters! The show must go on. What a shame it would be if such a trivial event as my death were to interrupt our annual festivities. The celebrations, generalised and specific, may now begin. But first, a word of caution – for of course nobody could expect it to be so simple with my good self in charge. It would be deeply out of my perceived character not to conduct the following proceedings under the auspices of a gimmick, would it not? And so, I am pleased to announce that the awards given over the next three days will be presented under the auspices of my:

13 DEVILRIES

DEVILRY THE FIRST: One of the awards will be censored.
DEVILRY THE SECOND: One of the awards will be contradicted.
DEVILRY THE THIRD: One of the awards will be deduced.
DEVILRY THE FOURTH: One of the awards will be defrauded.
DEVILRY THE FIFTH: One of the awards will disappear.
DEVILRY THE SIXTH: One of the awards will be disowned.
DEVILRY THE SEVENTH: One of the awards will be disqualified.
DEVILRY THE EIGHTH: One of the awards will be gambled.
DEVILRY THE NINTH: One of the awards will be humbled.
DEVILRY THE TENTH: One of the awards will be inverted.
DEVILRY THE ELEVENTH: One of the awards will be mandated.
DEVILRY THE TWELFTH: One of the awards will be parodied.
DEVILRY THE THIRTEENTH: One of the awards will be vandalised.

So concludes my overextended introduction. Let the awards begin!

[MisterM]

I would have expected no less from you.

[MisterM]

Congratulations, fellow 667er!

You have been nominated for a Dante!

Please meet at the following address on the evening of April 1st 2021.

And so the edict went out, and four excited 667ers began bouncing up and down with palpable excitation. Roxy chose her flashied, in-est outfit. Dante, in his usual way, celebrated in his own quiet manner, keeping himself to himself. The Former Admin decided to censor the word 'Dante' so it read 'Doo Doo Fart'. And Jean theorised about what it could all mean,

And at the allotted time, the four of gathered together. It was an old abandoned shack in the middle of the woods, where occasionally the four of them would meet to play games. But this time was another of them there

'Hey' I said. 'So I'm here to give one of you an award.'

'Ooh!' said Roxy

'I see' said Doo Doo Fart

'Haha, Doo Doo Fart' said Former Admin

'I see what you're saying there former admin, and I think that the Doo Doo Fart is clearly a representation of Snicket's continual-' Said Jean Lucio, until I interrupted him.

'Er, anyway' I interrupted. 'I guess all that remains for me to do is skip over the part where I tell you what the award is for reasons that may seem confusing and strange, but should hopefully make sense at some point.'

'Haha' said Doo Doo Fart

'I guess I should start by talking to you' I said, pointing at the Former Admin. 'I mean, no, clearly you haven't won. You're just a mustache and some glasses, and you think that censoring random words is funny. It may be scandalous behaviour, but it's not good enough. Please leave.'

'Loser' said Former Admin, as he stomped sullenly out of the room.

'That's better,' said Dante. 'I can use my real name again.'

'Actually sadly Dante, you should probably leave as well' I said, pointing at him. 'You're a mysterious chap, and you have are infamous for your dedication to Snicket and your secrecy about yourself, but it's not good enough. Please leave.'

'Sigh' said Dante, as he stomped sullenly out of the room.

I was about to start talking again, when suddenly a huge roar came from outside, we rushed outside as the bombinating began to echo around the valley, and the bombinating beast began to - actually wait, that's a different story, not this one. Sorry, I got confused for a minute there.

'Look' said Jean excitedly, pointing at a rock. 'Look at this rock!'

'What about it?' I asked

'This rock is clearly what Daniel Handler was intending. Beatrice must have been at the masked ball, because this rock is unreliable narrator, and Vice Principal Nero was the aunt of Fiona because -'

'It's a rock, Jean.' I said. 'Please calm down. Look, I know you like to make theories and stuff, but as renowned as you are, it's not good enough. Please Leave.'

'That's okay' said Jean, as he stomped sullenly into the woods.

'So it's just me and you' I said to roxy.

'Thats okay, you're in right now.' said Roxy

'Is that a chat up line?'

'What??? No!! Its means your fashionable, glamorous, just like Esme. Shes the best character in all of living memory, shes so wonderful and vivacious and textured and -'

'Roxy, you won, it's fine. I get it.' I told her. 'Your love for Esme is legendary, and yeah, it is actually good enough! Congratulations.'

'Thanks!' said Roxy 'But, um....what have I won exactly.'

'I don't have time for that.' I said hastily, dashing away from her. 'I need to go talk to Jean about this rock!'

---

The 667er crowd claps and cheers in appreciation

Aw shucks, well, i do my best.

667er audience: But why didn't you say the name of the award?

Well, Theres always bound to be some devilry involved, I suppose

667er audience; Oh but our dear Mister M, we want more. What happened to the cast of this tale afterwards?

Oh er.....well, I guess Former Admin censored himself out of existence. Dante turned to a life of crime and is currently hiding out in Mexico. And Roxy added to her trophy collection by winning a beauty pageant in Minnesota.

667er: And Jean?

Um, he got eaten by a bear. Its what he would have wanted.

~Fin~

[B.]

Apr 1, 2021 7:52:37 GMT -5 Christmas Chief said:

Dante said:

April 1st, 2021, and the annual 667 awards are in full swing! Gaggles of newbies gossip in hushed voices in the halls; veteran members stalk about with a supercilious air despite having been first to cast their votes; private messages whisk back and forth, and mysterious arrangements are put into play, or are at least speculated to be so, behind the scenes. And everywhere there is a hush of bated breath, as everyone waits to see what strange and idiosyncratic twists that the host, organiser, moderator, winner of the most awards, long-time member and all-round rotten egg Dante Rubens had been plotting for his first-ever awards ceremony, and the first community event under his supervision in years. Hadn’t he promised that 667 would never be the same once he was done?

Regrettably, the celebrations are briefly interrupted by an unfortunate event. Dante Rubens has been found dead in his locked tower room, surrounded by his unread manuscripts.

Normally, a detective would be called to solve this poorly-timed mystery. However, with Dante dead there is no longer any member of 667 qualified to take on such a case. And so, with their usual unflappable good cheer, the 667ers decide to go on with the awards regardless and simply combine Dante’s awards ceremony with his funeral. In chattering black they file into the capacious hall set aside for the event, bedecked in the traditional 667 colours of funereal pinstripes and garish gold, queueing up at the buffet tables arranged for the wake. One by one they pass the closed casket, some in silence, some uttering a few words: “I wonder if there’s anything to be learned from this.” “Here’s one last theory for you; I know you would have hated it.” “I can’t believe Daniel Handler is dead!”

Suddenly, the lights dim. A toast is announced. The author reserves the right to declare that the assembled raise a glass in sincere and respectful homage to Dante and his legacy, before casting them en masse to shatter in the fireplace. Then, spotlights whirl and centre on the stage. The curtains part. Nobody is at the podium. After some moments of awkward silence, someone gets up and retrieves the typewritten sheets nailed to the lectern, and reads out the following:

Greetings, ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary nobles. It is I, your erstwhile host and current ghost, Dante Rubens, welcoming you to the reading of my last will and testament. Being of sound mind, I regret to have broken with the tradition of providing a video will for such circumstances, but the written word has always better expressed my will.

Welcome, then, all you sin-eaters! The show must go on. What a shame it would be if such a trivial event as my death were to interrupt our annual festivities. The celebrations, generalised and specific, may now begin. But first, a word of caution – for of course nobody could expect it to be so simple with my good self in charge. It would be deeply out of my perceived character not to conduct the following proceedings under the auspices of a gimmick, would it not? And so, I am pleased to announce that the awards given over the next three days will be presented under the auspices of my:

13 DEVILRIES

DEVILRY THE FIRST: One of the awards will be censored.
DEVILRY THE SECOND: One of the awards will be contradicted.
DEVILRY THE THIRD: One of the awards will be deduced.
DEVILRY THE FOURTH: One of the awards will be defrauded.
DEVILRY THE FIFTH: One of the awards will disappear.
DEVILRY THE SIXTH: One of the awards will be disowned.
DEVILRY THE SEVENTH: One of the awards will be disqualified.
DEVILRY THE EIGHTH: One of the awards will be gambled.
DEVILRY THE NINTH: One of the awards will be humbled.
DEVILRY THE TENTH: One of the awards will be inverted.
DEVILRY THE ELEVENTH: One of the awards will be mandated.
DEVILRY THE TWELFTH: One of the awards will be parodied.
DEVILRY THE THIRTEENTH: One of the awards will be vandalised.

So concludes my overextended introduction. Let the awards begin!

Great impersonation of Dante Christmas Chief

[B.]

I love 667 and I love everyone in this thread.

[Optimism is my Phil-osophy]

So, since we have to continue the show, in honor of our late friend, I volunteer to start speaking about the Best Profile Decoration award.

After all, he and I have formed a beautiful rivalry partnership in the last year ... I feel like a part of the pair has died and only half have survived.

Let me take the notes I made for this...

Why is it so important to reward someone as the best profile decorator? I didn't quite understand the answer to this question and as soon as I got here I was very casual about my profile. But as time went on, I realized that my profile indicated my identity. Each of us wants to convey a personal message within a forum (if not, we would not be in a forum). Thus, the profile should reflect as much as possible our personality (or personality that we want to express). This is like handing a card to someone we just met. But, more importantly, when we have several well decorated profiles, the forum as a whole becomes more beautiful and interesting. A visitor can really be amazed by the variety of profiles, and really try to imagine how each one is according to what he observes.


(I wonder if Dante would approve of that introduction ...)


Now, let's talk about the contestants and this year's winner.

Anka, tricky , bear and bee did not receive votes. This does not mean that their profiles are not well decorated. I can say that I like them all, and I would be happy if any one of them wins. I won a vote ... Thanks to those who voted for me, because even I did not vote for me. Marlowe , mustache glasses and Skelly Craig drew with me.

MisterM won only two votes. (It is a pity).

We all knew that Christmas Chief would be one of the finalists. But she didn’t win the grand prize. She was tied with Esmé's meme is meh in second place. Each of them won 3 votes.

And then let's talk about our winner. If you are an attentive person, you will already know who I am talking about. But let's pretend we don't know yet and let's talk about the reasons that led him to win.

The winner had his profile decorated by several members of Dark Avenue.

What does that mean?

Well, the phrase that he exposes in his profile was written by our dear founder Hermedy . His profile photo and one of the images he exhibits were provided by our dear administrator Christmas Chief . In addition, he has a banner created by me. So, each of us put a lot of affection in each of these decorations, and the winner decorated his profile the way my mom decorates her room: with gifts from other people.

How can I not appreciate that?

Yes, I'm talking about @jacobm one of last year's winners who repeated this feat this year, by winning the Best Profile Decoration award again!

Congratulations!

And since I've actually delivered a lot of artwork to you lately, I created a banner for you myself. You can make a T-shirt with the banner if you wish ... I made sure I didn't use any suspicious colors on the banner. On the contrary, only black ink.

I can say that if it depends on it, you should win again next year, because I put my heart in it again.

[Christmas Chief]

Congratulations, R.! Here's your banner:



(Reading your speech now, Jean!)

[Christmas Chief]

Congratulations, @jacobm! And well done on your speech, Optimism is my Phil-osophy. I didn't even realize that willis had decorated his profile with gifts from others, but that is an astute observation and very fitting for him! What is the picture in the banner?

[B.]

And who is the user you tagged, because it isn't Willis's current account

[B.]

Also FYI that's a actually Dante in the 667 banner everyone

[R.]

Wait a sec.... Daniel Handler is not as thin as that... *has existential crisis*.

[MisterM]

Apr 1, 2021 10:08:26 GMT -5 B. said:

And who is the user you tagged, because it isn't Willis's current account

This isn't the first time that this happened. (Conga rats Willis)

Apr 1, 2021 10:09:00 GMT -5 B. said:

Also FYI that's a actually Dante in the 667 banner everyone

Way to ruin the subtlety of the thing.

[R.]

Can you please help attaching my banner?

[MisterM]

wait let me get my bobby pin

Edit : Oh darn turns out i'm not an 8 year old girl

[Christmas Chief]

Apr 1, 2021 10:13:36 GMT -5 R. said:

Can you please help attaching my banner?

Go to Profile ==> Edit Profile and paste this into your signature:
[img]https://i.ibb.co/1qxTTcS/Most-Notorious.png[/img]