Post by urban-letter-opener on Apr 9, 2022 8:37:54 GMT -5
And now, from last year's Dante Musical Memorial Awards, and that text adventure thingy, please welcome urban-letter-opener!
YOU GUYS! It's time to hand out the BEST PAIRING AWARD, given to the couple (of chumps!! LOL) who really wowed all of us this past year with their undying love for one another, their entertaining rivalry, or their gestation, depending on who you're thinking about at the moment.
NOW LISTEN UP! With the assistance of 667's Favorite Stalker (whose name rhymes with Semblance) I have dug up some of the HOTTEST GOSSIP 667 has seen since... uh... The HOTTEST GOSSIP 667 has EVER seen!!!!!
Let's magee the pot (Victorian English for spill the tea) as I announce the final results...
Terry Craig and Zortegus — I heard that these two are getting their own REALITY TELEVISION SERIES on the BRAVO TELEVISION NETWORK! Look out, Kardashians!! Also, Zortegus plans to slap Chris Rock ACROSS THE FACE at the next Oscars — all in the name of his darling TERRY CRAIG! They're slaying so hard they don't even need this award. Which is a GOOD THING because they got ZERO VOTES!
Roxy and GlitteryMisery — These two, according to my SUPER SECRET SOURCE (hi Semby!) have been WORKING IN A FLOWER SHOP TOGETHER! Glittery is tending to a MYSTERIOUS PLANT that feeds on BLOOD, and she really wishes that Roxy would stop seeing that ABUSIVE DENTIST! I've got a bad feeling about where this is going... so did everyone else, I guess, because they got ZERO VOTES!
Zortegus and Cupid — Um. If my suspicions are correct, whoever nominated these two is really into... um, stuff. Even the NASTY MOFO who nominated THE SAME PERSON must have had a CHANGE OF HEART, because this pairing got ZERO VOTES! (In other news, it is one of the most popular tags on Archive of Our Own right now.)
Mister M and Zortegus — These two haven't been speaking to each other since the SETTLEMENT. Poor guys. I'm super glad for M, though; he deserved custody of THAT DARLING SHEEP MILLY wayyyyyy more than Z did. Don't tell anyone, but I think that M is ANGLING TO GET A PART IN TERRY CRAIG AND ZORTEGUS'S BRAVO SERIES!!! The whole affair was so unsavory that everyone COLLECTIVELY AND WORDLESSLY decided to give this pairing ZERO VOTES!
Hermedy and Bee — Bee is currently writing Hermedy'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY, if I've heard correctly. She's written over NINE HUNDRED PAGES — and they're only a third of the way through!! What Hermedy isn't telling Bee about are the PASSPORTS that need to be hidden every 200 pages, or the family that's been hiding in his ROOT CELLAR since 2009. As many OF our esteemed members are already involved in ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES (hey Semblance!!) they probably don't want to DIRTY THEIR HANDS by voting for this pairing. That's right, they got ZERO VOTES!
Bear and yosoy — Remember that "Invitation to the New Age" thread?? Turns out it was a CRYPTO THING. Bear, our RESIDENT CRYPTOCURRENCY EXPERT, recognized the signs immediately and is now INCREDIBLY WEALTHY thanks to YOSOYCOIN!! Bear's next move is to PRODUCE NFTS of HIS CLASSIC WORKS OF LITERATURE! "Lemony Snicket's Valentine Surprise" will have a STARTING PRICE of 49812579312598132758923175912379513957157 Yosoycoins. Unfortunately, this pairing got ZERO VOTES because NFTS STINKY!
Jean Lucio and Violent Bun Fortuna Hermedy and Twiggy Sherry Ann Semblance and Bee Hermedy and Hermes Zortegus and Semblance — A little Semblance told me that everyone in these pairings has JOINED A CULT! They've got their own FORUMS at 776 Light Avenue, and their LEADER is NONE OTHER THAN SHERRY ANN'S AS-OF-YET UNBORN CHILD!!!!! They spend their days talking about NUDITY and POP-TARTS, and they're planning to ascend to the MOTHERSHIP as soon as this speech is OVER! Because these folks are all GRADE A NARCISSISTS, they all voted for their own pairing... which means that they each got ONE VOTE. I for one welcome our MINI SHERRY ANN OVERLORDS!
Roxy and Semblance — These two enjoyed "Dinner at Hungry's" so much that they've started MEETING in YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK to LARP. Footage taken by an UNSUSPECTING HIKER shows Roxy throwing her arms into the air and shouting "LIGHTNING!" while Semblance IS FLAPPING HIS ARMS like some kind of bird. The duo has been banned from Yellowstone for disturbing the BEARS. They're planning on HAUNTING the GRAND CANYON next. For being so wholesome, these two received THREE VOTES!
Mister M and Anka — You guys... Semblance tried his best, but he couldn't dig up anything on these guys. They're just so... normal!! Uh, what to say, what to say... They got married? That's pretty neat? Anyways. Through some freak accident the least outrageous pairing has won Best Pairing this year! All of Semblance's hard work has been wasted!!!!! Oh well. I give up my post as editor of the 667 Murmurer!
M, Anka — have this banner. You've earned it Conga rats!
Post by Mr. Esox Lucius on Apr 9, 2022 9:55:52 GMT -5
Congratulations to the Anka couple! You are beautiful, you are smart and you love each other! (And I didn't vote for myself. These papers today are full of lies! After all, Sheryann's baby asked us to vote for Mister M and Anka.)
hats off to urbanletteropener for the diverting presentation. hats off to TC for the banner cartoon (post your schizzi more often, maestro!! and hats off to Manka. you'll have to drag a little junior into this vale of tears in order to win a 3rd time.
Hi all! I would first like to thank B for asking me to present the ‘Best Staff’ award for the Darkies this year. This will be my second awards here at 667 and although I’m still way too introverted for my own good, i frequently read up on new posts and discussions and feel so grateful to have found this little corner of the net!
I have to express my complete admiration for the staff here at 667, the Darkies celebrating its 20th anniversary is proof enough of the dedication and passion you all have for the site. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a community like this in all the fandoms I’ve been in and as a newcomer I can see how special it must be that you found each other over the years and fostered such special friendships (and relationships too for some^^) This is truly a community to be proud of.
Congratulations! Thank you for your contribution to 667 this year B, although i haven’t been a member for long I can see how much of a positive impact you have on 667 and i think everyone would agree it would not be the same without you!